MITCHELL'S TAKE MITCHELL: Mojo Mitchell's Super Smackdown Stream of Mathews, Miz, Maddox, Mistico, Mysterio, and Marella
Dec 19, 2012 - 12:44:49 PM
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By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch columnist
Mojo Mitchell Smackdown was first published for VIP members Tuesday night immediately following Super Smackdown. Find out to go VIP to access more Bruce Mitchell content, including the VIP-exclusive Mitchell Library spanning 20+ years of columns by clicking here - PWTorch.com/GoVIP.
Mojo Mitchell's Super Smackdown Stream of Mathews, Miz, Maddox, Mistico, Mysterio, and Marella
After Miz tells a joke about Lindsay Lohan that someone in Creative heard on Jay Leno, A.J. Lee, Dolph Ziggler, and Big E. Langston (in his holiday unitard) are all out to 'splain themselves. Langston doesn't like anyone calling his friend, A.J., crazy.
A.J. tells why she turned on John Cena. He wouldn't do her. Neither would Daniel Bryan nor Kane nor C.M. Punk. Ziggler clearly hasn't either. It's making her crazy.
Oh no he didn't. Miz called Ziggler "the sixth member of One Direction." Langston has seen enough of the lack of the chemistry here and lays out the Miz.
"Show off," A.J. declares, but it just keeps going on, day after day after day for a week straight.
Teddy Long wants Booker T to give Brad Maddox a chance at a contract because, and get this, "he has a large social media following," as opposed to, you know, kicking ass. Booker thinks Maddox looks like Eric Bischoff, I mean, creepy.
Whatever Happened to Mistico faces Damien Sandow with Cody Rhodes. Where is Rey Mysterio? Don't tell me he's taking time off again. No one at the announce table seems very worried about him. Josh Mathews, Michael Cole, and JBL laconically discuss Rhodes's new mustache. Actually JBL just yells out the names of guys with mustaches.
Art Linkletter didn't have a mustache.
The Shield comes down and throws Rey Mysterio's mask in the ring. Cole feels it's obvious they attacked Mysterio. The crowd is mad while the announcers act like it's okay. Cole mildly calls them "a bunch of thugs." JBL strenuously objects because if you called them that to their face they'd beat you up. Sin Cara must have called The Shield something because...
Santino Marella faces Tensai in a sorta–Slammy Award re-match from last night. Mathews, Josh, and Cole are starting to sound like a Torch Roundtable. Well, not like Pat.
A video recaps airs the big, 20-years-in-the-making, final battle between Ric Flair and Philadelphia's own ECW when Flair made Paul E. tap over and over again to the Figure Four leg-lock.
Kofi Kingston, Kane, and Daniel Bryan entertain backstage.
Wade Barrett & The Prime Time Players face Kofi Kingston & Team Hell No. Kane pins a Prime Time Player.
A commercial airs, then Josh Mathews notes tonight's show is commercial free.
John Cena & Sheamus entertain backstage.
Cena is too embarrassed to tell Sheamus that he never did A.J.
Gotta love Paul Heyman's slight limp as he follows big-limping C.M. Punk to the ring. Punk isn't happy he lost Slammy Superstar of the Year to John Cena. He looks tired and he's only halfway through this Bataan Death March, I mean, WWE Week on the USA Network.
Keep Wooing, Pittsburgh.
The long promo is medium well and it gets the medium heat that medium main-eventers get these days. Ryback comes down to circle Punk and Heyman.
Ryback has his sights set on Punk for the first Raw of the new year, when he "becomes WWE champion." Great, another failure for the Next Big Thing. It's not "calling your shot" if he's doesn't win the WWE Title.
Speaking of which, Ryback has a bad Even Steven match with Antonio Cesaro, after winning a half-assed count-out victory over the guy last night on Raw. At least he pins him clean with the Shell Shock this time.
Kaitlyn tells A.J. it's hard to be a friend. A.J. cries, then they fight.
Eve Torres defends the Divas Title against Kaitlyn, who looks a little torn and frayed. The announce team completely falls apart here.
I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for whatever part I've played in making Torch audio less than pleasant for the VIP Members listening.
Eve cheats to win.
A.J. tells on Kaitlyn to Dolph Ziggler. Big Show interrupts to warn Ziggler against cashing in the Money in the Bank.
Brad Maddox faces Brodus Clay. Wow, Booker T really stuck it to him in his contract try-out match. The match is so bad that The Shield attacks Clay afterward, in the name of justice.
Dolph Ziggler (with Big E. Langston & A.J. Lee) & The Big Show face John Cena & Sheamus.
Santa Clause hosts Monday Night Raw on Christmas Eve, worrying children around the world. I'm worried the old fella will be too exhausted from working a three-hour Raw to deliver their toys.
Typical main event action ends when Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment on Ziggler so A.J. sends Big E. Langston in for the cheapie DQ.
Pittsburgh fans file out of the arena as soon as the live Smackdown goes off the air, after the announcement of a three-hour Raw taping to follow, forcing the USA Network to run the old Bill Murray movie "Scrooged" Monday night and freeing Santa to save Christmas.
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