TNA Impact CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 6/2: Complete "virtual-time" coverage of Impact Wrestling on Spike TV - Angle & Morgan vs. Jarrett & Steiner
Jun 2, 2011 - 10:02:38 PM
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TNA Impact Wrestling Results
June 2, 2011
Taped 5/30 in Orlando, Fla.
Aired on Spike TV
Report by James Caldwell, PWTorch assistant editor
[Q1] This week's TNA Impact Wrestling show opened with a parking lot shot of Eric Bischoff walking out of a vehicle. A random man walked up to him and handed him a notice. He's been served by The Network.
Backstage, ODB was fighting with Velvet Sky. ODB knocked over TNA photographer Lee South, who was identified by Mike Tenay. Velvet made a comeback and crashed her through some props. How many TNA Fantasy Game points is this worth? ODB then tore down Velvet verball, calling her all sorts of names. The fight went through the backstage area to the Impact Zone. Two minutes later, security showed up trying to separate them, but ODB easily discarded security. The fight continued on and spilled to ringside. Apparently TNA only has two security members on-staff. They made it into the ring where ODB tried to choke the life out of Velvet. ODB eventually left and Miss Tessmacher rescued Velvet.
Announcers: Tenay and Taz were shown on-camera to plug more Knockouts actions tonight with Angelina Love vs. Tessmacher. Also, a confrontation between Bully Ray and A.J. Styles later on. In the main event, Jarrett & Steiner vs. Morgan & Angle.
Suddenly, Sting's music hit and out came Mr. Anderson dressed in Sting gear. Anderson stood on-stage and told Tenay & Taz he has something special lined up tonight. He slowly said he's facing one of Sting's most storied competitors tonight. Anderson told the audience to stay tuned. Anderson did some turns and did Sting's howl before Sting's music hit again.
Backstage: Bischoff was on the phone telling someone he was just served with papers. Brian Kendrick interrupted and thanked him for the opportunity last week, but he wants another opportunity tonight. Bischoff asked the "X Division guys" why they're gluttons for punishment. Bischoff noted Kazarian has a re-match with Abyss at Slammiversary. He then decided on something for tonight: Kendrick and Kazarian beat the crap out of each other, then Abyss picks up Kazarian's scraps at the PPV.
[Q2] Backstage: Bischoff was on the phone with Hulk Hogan talking to him about the con. Bischoff's conversation was interrupted by his own music.
Suddenly, Bischoff was in the ring. That's a quick edit. Bischoff called out Beer Money to the ring and out they came. Robert Roode's arm was still in a sling. James Storm led him into the ring and Roode took a mic. Bischoff said they're both running out of time here. He reminded them they have 30 days to defend the Tag Titles, so what's the deal? Bischoff noted British Invasion has the Tag Title shot at Slammiversary and told Roode to hand over the tag belts. Roode called him a real s.o.b. and noted Bischoff send his goons to the ring to destroy his shoulder so he could take away the belts. Roode said he'll be at the PPV - hurt or not.
Suddenly, the Machineguns's music hit to bring out Alex Shelley. Taz noted Shelley is running solo since "Sabin isn't around here." Shelley said he heard all that talk and noted Chris Sabin is out of TNA for the rest of the year after tearing his knee. Shelley said it made him think about their Best-of-Five series with Beer Money last year. He said one of the things he learned was respect. Shelley said he respects them, just like these people do. Bischoff asked him to get to the point and Shelley suggested he fill in for Roode at Slammiversary. Bischoff said Shelley thinks he can just insert himself into a title match. Bischoff and Shelley had a screaming match about this, then Shelley noted The Network told him he could do it. Bischoff backed down and Shelley suggested they make Gun Money a reality. Bischoff sarcastically congratulated Shelley for having balls, but said he just made his s--- list. Bischoff left the ring as Beer Money and Shelley had a good laugh.
Up Next: Crimson faces Matt Hardy.
Impact Zone: Christy Hemme was in the ring to introduce Cold Blooded for the first match of the night. Tenay said Hardy is motivated to end Crimson's (fake) unbeaten streak. Crimson was out next and they went through a video package on Crimson's recent victories. Tenay noted Crimson as Samoa Joe at Slammiversary.
1 -- MATT HARDY vs. CRIMSON
Crimson quickly knocked Hardy to the outside and Hardy grabbed his jaw while catching his breath. Back in the ring, Hardy took a beating as the announcers continued to talk up Crimson. Crimson landed a suplex and Hardy rolled to the outside again.
[Q3] Crimson tried to drag Hardy back into the ring, but Hardy countered with a neckbreaker across the top rope. Hardy went to work on Crimson before climbing up top, where Crimson cut him off. Hardy knocked him to the mat, though, and went for a guillotine leg drop. Moments later, Crimson made a comeback and executed a double-arm DDT for a nearfall. The action came to a standstill with Crimson blown up, then Hardy started doing his airplane dance in the ring looking for Twist of Hate. Crimson avoided it, though, and landed the sky-high bomb for the pin and the win.
Post-match: Samoa Joe hit the ring and Crimson easily discarded him with a spear. Joe then rolled out of the ring and did his yelling & screaming deal.
WINNER: Crimson at 6:03. Pretty decent match, but Crimson lost his way near the end of the match. He's getting there, but he's not quite there. Cue up Matt Hardy patting himself on the back on Twitter. (*1/2)
Backstage: AnderSting was looking for Eric Young, who was sporting a bunch of belts around his waist. Anderson told Young his "epic battle" with Gunner last week reminded him of something: 1989, Center Stage, Sting vs. Great Muta. Anderson told Young he would like to re-create history. Young was leery, having seen what Anderson did to Disco last week. Anderson convinced him they're just trying to make wrestling matter again. Young took the bait and said they're good. Anderson told him it's going to be epic. Anderson walked off and Young gave a wink to the camera.
Backstage: Winter ranted & raved to zombie Angelina Love about what she went through last week. Winter told Angelina she must take out Tessmacher tonight. Angelina quieted her and said they need to go back to being royalty when nothing stood between them. She said she does this in her honor tonight.
Backstage: Bischoff was still looking over the papers from The Network. He addressed Bully Ray, the Jarretts, Gunner, Abyss, and a quickly-cleaned-up Hardy that he never envisioned this ending like this. He said The Network doesn't know how to run a wrestling promotion. Bischoff acted like he was giving a farewell speech, but Jeff told him it's not over. Bischoff walked off. Hardy just wanted some insight. "What about you? What about us?" Karen retorted.
[Q4] [Commercial Break]
Impact Zone: Hemme introduced a Knockouts match up next. Out first was Tessmacher to face Angelina as Tenay talked about the "gravity of the situation" facing Bischoff tonight.
2 -- MISS TESSMACHER vs. ANGELINA LOVE (w/Winter)
Angelina methodically worked over Tessmacher, maintaining a zombie-like pace. Tessmacher tried a comeback, but Angelina cut her off and landed a neckbreaker-like finisher for the decisive pinfall win. Afterward, Winter instructed Angelina to break her. After Angelina sufficiently choked out Tessmacher, Winter called her off and they stood tall to conclude the segment.
WINNER: Angelina at 3:32. Effective focus on Angelina leading to the Knockouts Title match at Slammiversary, although they were missing the actual champ, Mickie James, from the segment.
Backstage: Mr. Anderson was shown walking toward the ring entrance. He has "Great Muta" up next.
[Q5 -- second hour] Impact Zone: At the top of the second hour, they returned from break with Mr. Anderson coming out to Sting's theme music. No Christy Hemme ring intro. Anderson slowly made his way to the ring and shouted in Hemme's face before doing Sting's signature poses. Anderson whispered in Hemme's ear that his opponent was the "not so great Muta." Out came Young dressed as Muta and attempting to do his mannerisms.
3 -- MR. ANDERSON vs. TV champion ERIC YOUNG a/k/a Not So Great Muta -- non-title match
Young stood off to the side of the ring as Anderson mockingly did Sting's Stinger Splashes. Young figured out Anderson wasn't really paying tribute, but mocking Sting. Meanwhile, Tenay prematurely celebrated Bischoff's TNA exit. Young tried to exit the match, but Anderson cut him off and continued to mock Sting while working over Young. Young then made a comeback, including a crucifix pin for a nearfall. Young followed with a top-rope moonsault, then Gunner showed up on the ring apron to distract Young. In the confusion, Young spewed Anderson with the mist. He then rolled up Anderson for the win.
Post-match: Gunner jumped Young to continue their feud. Anderson then joined in the beat-down on Young. Sting's music hit and out came the real Sting looking for a piece of action. Anderson ran out of the ring, then Sting clotheslined Gunner to the outside. Sting returned to the ring to check on Young while Anderson paced around ringside. Tenay plugged Sting vs. Anderson at Slammiversary in ten days.
WINNER: Young at 3:58. The bizarre build-up to Sting-Anderson continues.
Impact Zone: Christy Hemme randomly announced a #1 contender match to the X Division Title. Out came Brian Kendrick. So, Kazarian doesn't have the title shot, per Bischoff earlier in the show? In any event, Kazarian came out to face Kendrick.
4 -- BRIAN KENDRICK vs. KAZARIAN -- #1 contender match to X Division Title
Basic back-and-forth early on. Tenay plugged a confrontation between Bully Ray and A.J. Styles up next, plus Hulk Hogan arriving at the building later in the show. Tenay then plugged the new TNA fantasy game.
[Q6] Kazarian worked over Kendrick for a while after Kendrick missed with a suicide dive on the floor. Meanwhile, Taz dropped this classic TNA line: "Abyss and the X Division is like an oxymoron." How is it an oxymoron when the X Division isn't even defined? Something can't contradict itself when it has no definition. Kaz and Kendrick began countering each other, then Kaz nailed a Shining Wizard that took Kendrick to the floor. Back in the ring, Kendrick tried a quick roll-up, but Kaz escaped. More pin counters, then Kendrick found himself on the floor.
Suddenly, the bell sounded at 8:00. Everyone was confused on this. Ref Hebner declared this match a draw. Apparently it's the Russo Rule if a match goes beyond eight minutes, they have to end it or else the audience will tune out in droves. Hebner then got on the headsets and relayed information from Bischoff that he's adding five minutes to the match.
The match re-started and Abyss came storming to the ring with possession of the X Title. Kendrick hopped on Abyss's back, but Abyss flung him away. Abyss KO'ed Kaz, then dropped Kendrick with the Shock Treatment. Hebner told him to get out, but Abyss went to work on Kaz, dropping him with the Black Hole Slam. Abyss then talked to the ringside camera about his latest Art of War philosophy. He declared the war over; the X Division is dead.
WINNER: ??? at 10:30 when they cut away from Abyss. Good TV match with some nice athleticism and counters before the non-finish.
Up next: Styles and Ray come face-to-face.
[Q7] Impact Zone: Back on the show, A.J. Styles came out sans neckbrace. Tenay said he was under the impression Ray would be calling out Styles here. Tenay and Taz recapped the Styles-Ray feud dating back to March, then Styles got in one line before Ray's music hit. Ray stood on-stage and questioned Styles claiming this is his "house." Ray said it sure looks like it - a building filled up with inbred rednecks. Ray went back to last week's show when Styles pinned Dreamer. He said Dreamer is a terrible tag partner. "That's true," Taz said under his breath.
Ray then did his promo about hating everything Styles stands for as a pro wrestler. Ray said he sees pure fear in Styles's eyes. He said he gets it because he puts the fear of God in everybody. Ray said if God were a bully, He'd be him. Styles looked on with amusement before noting Ray changed his name because he's so insecure about his penis size. Ray tried yelling at some women on the front row and claimed to have nothing wrong with his penis size. Styles noted he is A.J. Styles and he's the crazy redneck who looks for a fight with the bully. He said bullies are like balloons: pop a bully one time and he goes away forever.
Styles said he wants to do this for real at Slammiversary. One man up. One man down. He challenged Ray to a Last Man Standing match, which drew a crazy look from Ray. Ray asked Styles if he's out of his mind. Styles shot back to Ray that he doesn't know what he's getting himself into. Styles's music hit and they came face-to-face, then Ray backed away a bit to conclude the segment. So many things wrong and so many things right with that segment.
Impact Zone: As Jeff Jarrett's music hit, JB introduced tonight's main event. Out first were Scott Steiner and the Jarretts as TNA went to a replay of last week's match between Jarrett used outside interference to defeat Matt Morgan. Tenay encouraged everyone to get on the horn and tell someone it's Bischoff's last night on Impact. Since Tenay has no credibility as an announcer, no one's buying it. Kurt Angle's music then hit to bring out Angle, followed by Matt Morgan. Tenay plugged the Angle-Jarrett and Morgan-Steiner matches coming up at Slammiversary as the heels paced around ringside. Ref Hebner went through the same routine as last week trying to get Karen ten feet away from ringside. Hebner decided this week that Karen had to take it all the way to the back.
5 -- KURT ANGLE & MATT MORGAN vs. JEFF JARRETT (w/Karen Jarrett) & SCOTT STEINER
Angle got his hands on Jarrett early on and went through a methodical wrestling sequence trying to wear down his most-hated rival. Morgan then tagged in and Jarrett wanted a tag, but Steiner wanted nothing to do with Morgan. Angle and Morgan then began working over Jarrett as they cut to a split-screen of Bischoff showing the just-now-arriving Hogan the paperwork he received at the top of the show. Hogan told him not to worry about. Suddenly, Taz said Hogan and Bischoff haven't even lasted a year, saying they came in to TNA in October 2010. What? There was January 4, 2010, a failed Monday Night Wars, a retreat back to Thursdays, etc. Tenay then plugged next week's just-signed main event of Sting & Eric Young vs. Anderson & Gunner.
As for the match, Jarrett tried to leave to run away from Angle, but Angle gave chase. Karen then interjected herself into the proceedings. Everyone disappeared behind a pillar on-stage and the announcers acted like something happened. They cut to Kurt staring down at the ground. Karen was apparently at the bottom of the steps, injured from a fall. Jeff was screaming and crying for help. Suddenly, back in the ring, Hebner made a slow three count for Steiner pinning Morgan. Back off-stage, Angle cut a promo on Jeff for being an idiot involving Karen in this. Jeff cried for help as paramedics showed up. Angle told Jeff it was his fault. Jeff said Angle pushed her down the stairs and told security to get Angle out of here. Angle continued to cuss out Jarrett before they cut to break.
WINNER: Steiner & Jarrett at 6:30.
[Commercial Break. The Rock was advertised for Spike's "Guys Choice" award show.]
During the break: Karen was loaded into an ambulance as Jeff kept freaking out. Karen was selling like she was hit by a cannon. Back in the Impact Zone, the announcers talked silently before TNA cut to a replay of Karen's injury. They showed Jeff smashing Kurt from behind, which caused Kurt to knock Karen down the steps. Immortal's music then interrupted three minutes before the top of the hour.
Impact Zone: Hogan and Bischoff walked out on-stage. Taz clarified his earlier comment that Bischoff & Hogan have run TNA for less than a year, dating back to Bound for Glory. In the ring, Bischoff said if this is the last time he gets to be on national TV, he has something to say. Hogan was looking on like Bischoff is over-reacting to this. Bischoff cut a promo on Mick Foley, saying he's known him for 19 years. He said Foley can cut a good promo, but he sucks in the ring. Bischoff said Foley built an entire career by chasing people around with a stupid sock on his hand. He said he can't figure out how Foley convinced The Network he knows something about the wrestling business. Bischoff told Hogan to go ahead and make it official.
Hogan told Bischoff to snap out of it. He said Bischoff is his partner and they have made history together. They cut to Brooke Hogan looking on wide-eyed and excited. Hogan said this piece of paper means nothing to him.
[Q9 -- over-run] Hogan opened up the document and skipped over the legal jargon. He got to the point that effective immediately, The Network has exercised the option of terminating said position. Bischoff began leaving the ring, then Hogan chuckled to himself. He said they have exercised the option to terminate - ha ha ha - "Mick Foley, you're fired!" he said intot he camera. Hogan handed over the papers to Bischoff, who had a good laugh. Hogan's music played and TNA jump-cut around before closing with a random one-liner from Bischoff: "This is the happiest day of my life." End show.
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