{"id":109550,"date":"2020-12-11T17:43:54","date_gmt":"2020-12-11T23:43:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/?p=109550"},"modified":"2020-12-11T17:43:54","modified_gmt":"2020-12-11T23:43:54","slug":"12-9-total-bellas-review-the-one-where-mom-plans-for-a-baby-shower-during-a-pandemic-nikki-swims-naked-in-her-outdoor-pool-and-artem-thinks-its-bad-idea-brie-wants-bryan-to-talk-to-artem-about-hi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2020\/12\/11\/12-9-total-bellas-review-the-one-where-mom-plans-for-a-baby-shower-during-a-pandemic-nikki-swims-naked-in-her-outdoor-pool-and-artem-thinks-its-bad-idea-brie-wants-bryan-to-talk-to-artem-about-hi\/","title":{"rendered":"12\/9 TOTAL BELLAS REVIEW: The one where Mom plans for a baby shower during a pandemic, Nikki swims naked in her outdoor pool and Artem thinks it&#8217;s bad idea, Brie wants Bryan to talk to Artem about his sex life"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"pwtor-3067254232\" class=\"pwtor-before-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><hr \/><b>SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)... <\/b>\r\n\r\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/widget.spreaker.com\/player?show_id=3076978&theme=light&playlist=false&playlist-continuous=false&autoplay=false&live-autoplay=false&chapters-image=true&episode_image_position=right&hide-logo=false&hide-likes=false&hide-comments=false&hide-sharing=false&hide-download=true\" width=\"100%\" height=\"140px\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe>\r\n<hr \/><\/div><h3>TOTAL BELLAS<br \/>\nDECEMBER 9, 2020<br \/>\nAIRED ON E!<\/h3>\n<p>The show opens with a recap of a family splintered by divorce that isn&#8217;t going to have a big happy family get together for a baby shower. Apparently the twins are horny. This is not quality television and there is no reason for this show to exist. The open plays. I guess they&#8217;re stencil-painting on their pregnant bellies. Evidently the Mom is planning the baby shower&#8230; in COVID-19 times. The twins are desperate to have the father who abandoned them at the baby shower instead of the family that they regularly interact with. Mmmkay. Then two quasi rich D-level celebrities casually bemoan having a global pandemic put a damper on their social lives and party plans.<\/p>\n<p>Nikki swims naked in her outdoor pool. Artem thinks this is a bad idea. I wish this show would die. Unless you have a fetish for pregnant chicks, none of this is meaningful. Nikki wants to f&#8212; Artem, Artem doesn&#8217;t want to f&#8212; her because she&#8217;s so pregnant. I guess I&#8217;m on team Artem on this one, if I&#8217;m being forced to care. The twins and the Mom then argue about who&#8217;s going to be invited to the baby shower DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Commercial.<\/p>\n<p>After the break the twins continue to argue with their mom about the guests for the baby shower. They suggest she go see a therapist. Oh, dear lord. There&#8217;s a global pandemic and Nikki hasn&#8217;t gotten to have a giant party with gifts that she has the actual income to buy and a professional photographer. Boo-hoo. And yet she&#8217;s still filming herself in her underwear and putting it on the internet.<\/p>\n<p>Moving on, Brie and Artem hatch a plan to make sure Nikki stops wandering around outside naked. Oh, and they want Bryan to convince Artem to f&#8212; very pregnant Nikki. God, why is this a show?<\/p>\n<p>Brie and Artem unleash this &#8220;the neighbor&#8217;s saw you naked&#8221; thing. And then after all the rigamarole of convincing her to not wander around outside naked, they tell her they made it up. Again, I don&#8217;t care if Artem doesn&#8217;t want to stick his penis in her vagina, this isn&#8217;t worthwhile TV. The Mom comes over. They&#8217;re planning the baby shower. So, they sent the Mom to their therapist who Stockholm syndromed the Mom into doing what the twins want. Okay, whatever. God dammit, we&#8217;re back on this &#8220;Nikki and Artem not f&#8212;ing&#8221; thing. Evidently Nikki doesn&#8217;t care about Artem&#8217;s feelings unless they acquiesce to her wants.<\/p>\n<p>Brie and Bryan talk via Facetime. Brie explains that Artem isn&#8217;t f&#8212;ing Nikki and then explains that Nikki masturbates. This isn&#8217;t a real problem that anyone needs to know about. Brie wants Bryan to talk to Artem. &#8220;Hey man, how&#8217;s your dick?&#8221; is what Bryan wants to know if he&#8217;s supposed to ask. Bryan and Artem have a talk. Bryan tries to talk Artem into it. Artem doesn&#8217;t really seem like he wants to do this.<\/p>\n<p>We move directly onto the baby shower at a venue during a pandemic where no one is wearing face masks! Oh, wait, THE STAFF is wearing face masks. Creepy Brother&#8217;s wife Lauren shows up. They have an awkward exchange. More claptrap about the therapist since they invited a couple family members to make the Mom happy. Creepy Brother wants to Facetime on the giant ThunderZoom screen that appears to be present. Commercial.<\/p>\n<p>The brother is gracious and well behaved. Other people Facetime, including Nattie&#8230; who somehow did not mention her dead father, which is a small miracle. Artem shows up with a flower bouquet and a Gucci diaper bag. Moving on, Nikki is in bed and Artem comes into the room &#8211; fully clothed &#8211; with a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of chocolate. I guess they&#8217;re going to eat them blind-folded. This doesn&#8217;t really go anywhere and then Artem walks into the bathroom.<\/p><div id=\"pwtor-2022234665\" class=\"pwtor-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280 __336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p>Teasers for next week is footage of one of them giving birth, but, they also teased that last week. Sadly, there&#8217;s no potential for an alien clown invasion or anything remotely interesting.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><strong>RECOMMENDED:<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2020\/12\/11\/12-2-total-bellas-review-the-one-where-bryan-and-artem-pretend-theyre-high-on-a-man-date-slumber-party-plus-flossing-wills-and-pandemic-party-planning\/\">12\/2 TOTAL BELLAS REVIEW: The one where Bryan and Artem pretend they\u2019re high on a man-date slumber party, plus flossing, wills, and pandemic party-planning<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"pwtor-end-article-groups pwtor-entity-placement\" id=\"pwtor-4282324172\"><div id=\"pwtor-622274984\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\nTHANK YOU FOR VISITING<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>TOTAL BELLAS DECEMBER 9, 2020 AIRED ON E! The show opens with a recap of a family splintered by divorce that isn&#8217;t going to have a big happy family get together for a baby shower. <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2020\/12\/11\/12-9-total-bellas-review-the-one-where-mom-plans-for-a-baby-shower-during-a-pandemic-nikki-swims-naked-in-her-outdoor-pool-and-artem-thinks-its-bad-idea-brie-wants-bryan-to-talk-to-artem-about-hi\/\" title=\"12\/9 TOTAL BELLAS REVIEW: The one where Mom plans for a baby shower during a pandemic, Nikki swims naked in her outdoor pool and Artem thinks it&#8217;s bad idea, Brie wants Bryan to talk to Artem about his sex life\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":108003,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,3972,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-109550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tvshowsandevents","category-total-bellas","category-tv_wwetvreports"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/post\/2020\/11\/Screen-Shot-2020-11-13-at-1.52.25-AM.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109550","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=109550"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109550\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":109551,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109550\/revisions\/109551"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/108003"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=109550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=109550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=109550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}