{"id":137750,"date":"2022-04-14T12:50:15","date_gmt":"2022-04-14T17:50:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/?p=137750"},"modified":"2022-04-14T17:52:56","modified_gmt":"2022-04-14T22:52:56","slug":"4-11-aew-elevation-report-bryants-famous-asides-henry-and-wight-quips-on-commentary-top-flight-sakura-kazarian-diamante-factory-gunn-club-soho","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2022\/04\/14\/4-11-aew-elevation-report-bryants-famous-asides-henry-and-wight-quips-on-commentary-top-flight-sakura-kazarian-diamante-factory-gunn-club-soho\/","title":{"rendered":"4\/11 AEW ELEVATION REPORT: Bryant&#8217;s famous asides, Henry and Wight quips on commentary, Top Flight, Sakura, Kazarian, Diamante, Factory, Gunn Club, Soho"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"pwtor-909060084\" class=\"pwtor-before-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><hr \/><b>SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)... <\/b>\r\n\r\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/widget.spreaker.com\/player?show_id=3076978&theme=light&playlist=false&playlist-continuous=false&autoplay=false&live-autoplay=false&chapters-image=true&episode_image_position=right&hide-logo=false&hide-likes=false&hide-comments=false&hide-sharing=false&hide-download=true\" width=\"100%\" height=\"140px\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe>\r\n<hr \/><\/div><h3>AEW DARK ELEVATION REPORT<br \/>\nAPRIL 11, 2022<br \/>\nTAPED 4\/6 IN BOSTON, MASS.<br \/>\nAIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM<br \/>\nREPORT BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR<\/h3>\n<p><em>Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Paul Wight, and Mark Henry<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts<\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>&#8211; Thank you guys for reading this every week; I really do mean it. It is truly humbling that y\u2019all are showing up to read my absurdly long, ridiculously whimsical pro wrestling reports. So, again, thank you for spending so much time with me, and thank you for visiting PWTorch.com. If you want to follow me on Twitter, you can @IamDavidBryant. (Despite what you\u2019re thinking, I promise there is zero Serpentico fanfiction involved, for now.)<\/p>\n<p>-Tonight\u2019s AEW Dark Elevation taping emanated from the Agganis Arena in Boston, the city where Triple H went to train, Kofi Kingston went to college, and southern hospitality went to freeze to death.<\/p>\n<p><strong>(1) FRANKIE KAZARIAN vs. TEDDY GOODZ<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Dark Elevation opened with Tony Schiavone greeting the viewers and introducing my favorite sit-down comics, Paul Wight and Mark Henry. Then, Frankie Kazarian came out and posed on stage as columns of gleaming flames erupted around him. Kazarian wore a shirt that said, \u201cI\u2019m a Killer Kowalski Guy\u201d because everyone in marketing agreed that sounded better than \u201cI\u2019m a Suicide Guy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe really was trained by Killer Kowalski,\u201d Wight affirmed. (And he really was Suicide in TNA.)<\/p>\n<p>Kazarian pumped fists with an audience member and fired up the already fiery crowd by beating his open palm on the ring steps like he was trying to scare off a family of nesting raccoons. Teddy Goodz, Kazarian\u2019s opponent for the night, awaited his arrival in the ring. Roberts announced Goodz, and Goodz raised his arm and posed with an air of optimism I\u2019m always surprised to see in people who did not get a ring entrance.<\/p><div id=\"pwtor-1893793021\" class=\"pwtor-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280 __336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p>Kazarian and Goodz went straight into a collar and elbow tie-up before Goodz shifted Kazarian into a side headlock. Kazarian shoved Goodz away but kept hold of Goodz\u2019s arm and pulled him into a side headlock of his own. Goodz used both arms to push Kazarian into the ropes, and Kazarian bounced back with a shoulder tackle. The moment Goodz hit the mat, Kazarian jumped down to the canvas. The referee went to count Kazarian\u2019s cover, but instead of going for a cover, Kazarian opted for a ground-based side headlock.<\/p>\n<p>Goodz rolled Kazarian\u2019s side headlock over and scored a one-count. Kazarian quickly rolled off his back and kept hold of the vice-like side headlock he\u2019d applied to Goodz. Goodz rolled his way out of the side headlock, ran into the ropes, bounced off the ropes, and Kazarian caught him with an arm-drag. Kazarian then held Goodz in a kneeling abdominal stretch while applying an armbar.<\/p>\n<p>Goodz managed to get to his feet, but Kazarian kept hold of his arm and held him in a wristlock. Goodz tried to counter the wristlock, but when he could not do so, he used the edge of his foot to pry at Kazarian\u2019s fingers.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d Henry asked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNice invocation,\u201d Wight said.<\/p>\n<p>Goodz managed to escape, but Kazarian immediately whipped Goodz into the ring ropes. Kazarian tried to catch Goodz in another arm-drag, but Goods refused to allow it and went for a clothesline. Kazarian ducked Goodz\u2019s clothesline, captured Goodz in a waistlock, ran Goodz toward the ring ropes, and tried for an O\u2019Connor Roll. However, Goodz countered Kazarian\u2019s pinning attempt by holding onto the ring ropes.<\/p>\n<p>Kazarian released Goodz, rebounded off the upstage ring ropes, and floored Goodz with a running lariat. Goodz hobbled to his feet, and Kazarian clotheslined him over the top rope and to the floor. The crowd applauded Kazarian\u2019s offensive, and he walked around the ring, looking out at them.<\/p>\n<p>Goodz pulled himself up to his knees using the ledge of the apron, and Kazarian reached over the top rope, seized Goodz\u2019s head, and pulled him upright onto the apron proper. Goodz forced Kazarian to break his hold by grabbing Kazarian\u2019s head and stunning him neck-first across the top rope. The force of the move caused Kazarian to fall to the mat and Goodz to fall to the floor. Goodz slid back into the ring just as Kazarian got back to his feet, and Goodz floored Kazarian with a huge rolling elbow strike. Goodz plunged a two-handed axe-handle into Kazarian\u2019s doubled-over spine.<\/p><div id=\"pwtor-2152827875\" class=\"pwtor-content-1 pwtor-entity-placement\"><!-- Tag ID: pwtorchcom_test_300x600 -->\r\n<div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280 __300x600\" id=\"pwtorchcom_test_300x600\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x600\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x600\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p>Kazarian hobbled into the downstage left corner, and Goodz mud-stomped his chest, forearmed his head, and mud-stomped his chest some more. Goodz grabbed Kazarian\u2019s ankles and tried to rip him out of the corner into an inverted flapjack slam, but Kazarian, who is 50 percent cat, defied gravity by landing on his feet! Kazarian hit Goodz with two chops to the chest, Irish whipped Goodz into the ring, and caught Goodz with a hard elbow, dropping him to the mat.<\/p>\n<p>Goodz popped back up and executed a jumping lariat kick onto Kazarian. Kazarian stumbled but caught hold of Goodz and managed to eke out a bodyslam. Kazarian held up his arm for the crowd, and the crowd reacted gleefully. Kazarian then ran into the stage right ring ropes and executed a springboard leg drop onto Goodz.<\/p>\n<p>Goodz crawled into the upstage left corner, and Kazarian followed him. However, as Kazarian approached, Goodz grabbed his trunks and pulled him face-first into the middle turnbuckle. Goodz made it to his feet while Kazarian pulled himself back to a vertical base in the corner. Goodz ran toward Kazarian in the corner, but Kazarian caught Goodz with a back elbow across the face.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy are you punching yourself in the face?\u201d Henry joked.<\/p>\n<p>Kazarian went to a seated position on the top turnbuckle, but before he could finish climbing the ropes, Goodz hit him with a running uppercut. Goodz pulled Kazarian off the top rope, held him in the piggy-back position, and attempted a running backpack stunner. However, Kazarian countered by grabbing Goodz\u2019s neck in a crossface chickenwing. Goodz fell to the mat, Kazarian maintained the chickenwing, and Goodz tapped out.<\/p>\n<p>WINNER: Kazarian in 4:00<\/p>\n<p><em>(David\u2019s Analysis: This was a good match because Kazarian is almost incapable of having a bad match, and one of the wrestlers was named Goodz. Sorry I didn\u2019t make as many jokes as I usually do when recapping matches, but it was because this one kept me engaged throughout. There wasn\u2019t much that was funny about it, but there was a lot that was entertaining. Solid work. )<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&#8211; After the match, Kazarian motioned across his lower stomach to indicate he was either coming for a title or had constipation.<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; AEW ran a commercial for Dynamite, and it featured a stirring collage of soundbites taken from various promos. It was one of AEW\u2019s better commercials. Hopefully, a few of the people watching Dark Elevation will check out Dynamite sometime.<\/p>\n<p><strong>(2) ASHLEY D\u2019AMBOISE vs. DIAMANTE<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>A bandana-wearing Diamante came out of the heels\u2019 tunnel, looking like she found someone\u2019s wallet chock full of money, and instead of returning, ate it. (Did you know Diamante does not have any official shirts on ShopAEW.com? I\u2019m not saying that\u2019s right or wrong, but Aubrey Edwards has three.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDiamante and Ashley D\u2019Amboise were tag partners not that long ago,\u201d Schiavone explained. (And by \u201cnot that long ago,\u201d he means last week.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI think Diamante took exception to D\u2019Amboise\u2019s sportsmanship behavior last time,\u201d Wight explained the Dark-Elevation-Exclusive angle to any viewers who might have missed last week. \u201cThat\u2019s what started it, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ashley D\u2019Amboise was already waiting in the ring. (Wait, we\u2019re doing full-blown angles with the \u201calready-waiting-in-the-ring\u201d folks now?) She looked almost as mad about that wallet as Diamante did.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAshley\u2019s got a serious look on her face,\u201d Wight stated.<\/p>\n<p>The bell rang, and both women ran toward one another, locking up in a forearm fight. D\u2019Amboise got the best of it, slamming multiple forearms into Diamante\u2019s head. Diamante tossed D\u2019Amboise into the ring ropes, but D\u2019Amboise bounced right back at Diamante with a clothesline. Diamante jumped back to her feet, and D\u2019Amboise took her back down with a second clothesline.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI love that emotion, man,\u201d Henry said. \u201cYou gotta have it yourself, or it\u2019ll get used against you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>D\u2019Amboise dropkicked Diamante, and Diamante crawled into the corner to regroup. Diamante pulled herself up into the scarecrow position because that always bodes well, and D\u2019Amboise pistoned her way toward her, looking for a running shoulder block. However, Diamante managed to catch D\u2019Amboise with a shoulder of her own and toss her over the top rope to the apron. D\u2019Amboise was undeterred and leaped back into the ring with amazing agility. D\u2019Amboise struck Diamante with a rapid roundhouse kick followed immediately by a somersault neckbreaker. The crowd applauded. (Wow, they are giving D\u2019Amboise a lot of offense.)<\/p>\n<p>D\u2019Amboise covered Diamante, but Diamante kicked out at one. D\u2019Amboise grabbed Diamante in a Rock Bottom-style side slam, but Diamante countered with an arm-drag, mid-slam! Diamante whipped D\u2019Amboise into the upstage right turnbuckles, but D\u2019Amboise caught herself using the ropes. D\u2019Amboise jumped up to perform a headscissors on Diamante, but Diamante countered by tossing her onto the apron. D\u2019Amboise moved to attack Diamante from the apron and got nailed with a hot-shot stunner on the top rope. With D\u2019Amboise collapsed on the apron, Diamante ran the ropes and used the momentum provided to kick D\u2019Amboise off the apron with a baseball slide!<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s one thing I like about Diamante,\u201d Wight said. \u201cShe\u2019s got the willingness to be mean.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>With D\u2019Amboise rolling on the floor, Diamante slid under the bottom rope and sat on the apron. Diamante looked out at the crowd and motioned with her hands to get them hyped up. (Wait, isn\u2019t she the heel here?) The crowd reacted exactly how Diamante had hoped, and Diamante hopped off the apron to the floor. Diamante grabbed D\u2019Amboise\u2019s arm and swung her into the steel barricade. She kept hold of her arm and then swung D\u2019Amboise onto the apron opposite the barricade. Still, Diamante kept hold of D\u2019Amboise\u2019s arm and swung D\u2019Amboise from the apron back into the steel barricade. Finally, mercifully, Diamante tossed D\u2019Amboise back into the ring. (That was a lot.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDiamante passed me in the parking lot one night after the show, and she looked at me like she wanted to punch me in the throat,\u201d Wight said. \u201cDiamante looked at me like I was someone she wanted to take out to boost her rep.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd it\u2019s not like you\u2019re an intimidating figure over seven-foot-tall,\u201d Schiavone replied.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, apparently at the Coffee Pot, I\u2019m not very intimidating at all,\u201d Wight went completely off-topic. \u201cI asked for two Splendas.\u201d (Okay\u2026 I\u2019m trying to follow the story here. Did somebody mess up Wight\u2019s coffee so bad he felt the need to tell 200,000 people?)<\/p>\n<p>Diamante executed a German Suplex on D\u2019Amboise, but mid-suplex, D\u2019Amboise countered with a cazadora roll-through. (I know I\u2019m making jokes, but this match is good, y\u2019all. You need to see it.) D\u2019Amboise pinned Diamante and got a two-count.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat did you call that, Tony?\u201d Wight asked?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA cazadora,\u201d Tony answered.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI say if you can\u2019t spell it, don\u2019t say it,\u201d Henry deadpanned.<\/p>\n<p>D\u2019Amboise hit Diamante with a spinning back kick and ran the ropes, but Diamante caught her with a hip-toss.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOoo, Diamante just side chucked her,\u201d Henry said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSpell Diamante for me?\u201d Schiavone asked.<\/p>\n<p>Diamante captured D\u2019Amboise in a waistlock and executed a German suplex, maintaining her hold. Diamante immediately rag-dolled D\u2019Amboise back up to her feet and executed a second German suplex. D\u2019Amboise tried to escape by pulling at Diamante\u2019s fingertips, but Diamante subdued her by pounding away at D\u2019Amboise\u2019s back. Diamante then executed a THIRD German suplex. Finally, she released D\u2019Amboise but immediately wrapped her back up in a modified abdominal stretch. (There\u2019s more going on here than an abdominal stretch, but I don\u2019t know the name of this move. It looks painful, and I probably should know it, but I just don\u2019t.) Oh, and apparently, it was painful because D\u2019Amboise tapped out.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis shows you how competitive our women\u2019s division is,\u201d Wight said.<\/p>\n<p>WINNER: Diamante in 3:00<\/p>\n<p><em>(David\u2019s Analysis: Oh boy, was this good. That has got to be close to the best use of three minutes I\u2019ve ever seen on this show. If you\u2019re at all interested in what the future may hold for AEW\u2019s women\u2019s division, take three minutes and watch this match. BTW, give D\u2019Amboise a contract and Diamante a shirt.)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&#8211; After the match, AEW ran an ad for Battle of the Belts II on Saturday, April 16. (I hate that this won\u2019t be live. I\u2019m going to have to avoid spoilers like a mofo.)<\/p>\n<p><strong>(3) THE GUNN CLUB (w\/Billy Gunn) &amp; CHAOS PROJECT vs. DARK ORDER (John Silver &amp; Stu Grayson &amp; Alex Reynolds &amp; Alan Angels &amp; Preston Vance)<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Up next, we have a ten-man cluster-match staring Chaos Project, The Gunn Club, and Dark Order! This should be easy to cover. Serpentico came out of the tunnel first, followed by his abuser, Luther. Serpentico then adorably bent over and slapped his own ass while standing atop the ramp; however, Serpentico\u2019s ass thumping was interrupted by The Gunn Club, which is the probably most heelish thing they\u2019ve ever done.<\/p>\n<p>Billy Gunn, who secretly owns a Dorian Grey painting, came out last. All five members made their way down the ramp as Serpentico reached out to touch Colten Gunn\u2019s butt. (That is not Serpentico fanfiction. That happened.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLuther has become one of my favorite characters here in AEW, just because of his diversified background,\u201d Wight said. \u201cDigging further into it all \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah?\u201d Schiavone interrupted incredulously.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cListen \u2014 What I\u2019m going to tell you guys today is so heavy it\u2019s going to blow your mind!\u201d Wight continued. \u201cLuther\u2026 is\u2026 a direct descendant of Danish kings. Luther has royal blood in his family\u2019s history on his mother\u2019s side.\u201d (OMG! That actually explains a lot, actually.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t believe me?\u201d Wight asked. (Oh, we do.) \u201cLook it up. It\u2019s a fact. I\u2019ve seen the family tree.\u201d (No, thank you. I\u2019m already on the internet, and on the internet, gossip is considered a primary source.)<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Luther, his royal highness and Ancient Egypt\u2019s wizard convoy to the United Nation\u2019s NASCAR team, spoke dolphin to us while Serpentico climbed the ring ropes and John-Silvered for the hard camera. (Awww, I\u2019ve never seen guns so unloaded.) Speaking of guns, Serpentico began enthusiastically shooting finger guns at the hard camera until he fell off the ropes. (I enjoyed that. That was nice.)<\/p>\n<p>Dark Order\u2019s music hit, and a bunch of people came out. There was Stu Grayson, Evil Uno, Preston Vance, Alan Angels, \u201cLong\u201d John Silver, Alex Reynolds, Ryan Renolds, Ryan Gosling, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, probably, IDK. Dark Order has too many members.<\/p>\n<p>As Dark Order made its way to the ring, Schiavone ran down upcoming events and available tickets using an ordinary cadence. Dark Order then climbed onto the ring apron, faced the hard camera, and performed Lady Gaga\u2019s signature \u201cMother Monster\u201d hand sign.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s been a while since I\u2019ve seen Number Ten,\u201d Wight said. \u201cHe looks massive. He looks at least eleven or twelve by now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou want to talk about impressive, take a look at Billy Gunn,\u201d Henry said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, they broke the gene pool when they made him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Aubrey Edwards was the referee. (I wouldn\u2019t normally state who the referee was, but this lovable rock star has three t-shirt designs, and merch is made to move.) Once she had the teams properly sorted, she rang the bell. Angels and Austin started things off for their respective teams by locking up with a collar and elbow tie-up.<\/p>\n<p>Austin (who looks like a slightly older version of his dad) got the best of the tie-up and shifted into a hammerlock before slugging Angels in the back with his forearm.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe is hopped up on something. I\u2019ve known that kid since he was seven years old,\u201d Wight said, referencing Austin Gunn. \u201cHe is WIDE OPEN twenty-four seven.\u201d (Wait. Was that a poppers reference? Which one of y\u2019all told Paul Wight about poppers???)<\/p>\n<p>Austin tagged Colten, and together, they double-teamed Angels by whipping him to the ropes. Both Colten and Austin bent over mid-ring and assumed the \u201clooking for trouble\u201d position. Trouble found them when Angels stopped his momentum, front-kicked one Gunn brother, and then back-kicked the other. Angels tagged in Reynolds.<\/p>\n<p>Reynolds and Angels threw Colten and Austin into the opposite ring ropes and caught them with double drop toeholds. Colten and Austin fell into the oddest position \u2014 side by side on all fours. Reynolds and Angels made a show of licking the palms of their hands, and together, they took great pleasure in slapping the Gunn Brother\u2019s buttcheeks. (That was awkward AF. It was also hilarious.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI think the \u201cAss Boys\u201d got a wack on the ass!\u201d Schiavone exclaimed. (You think?)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAss Booooys,\u201d Wight began singing, \u201cWe\u2019re talkin\u2019 \u2018bout da Ass Booooys! Yeah!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Both Gunn brothers literally hopped around massaging their buttocks. Billy Gunn, Muscle Milk\u2019s version of Benjamin Button, rescued his older sons, running in with a double clothesline out of nowhere! Angels and Reynolds both went down. (BTW, if you\u2019re trying to build muscle, make sure you opt for whey protein and not milk protein. Whey protein hits faster after workouts.) Billy and the referee got into an argument, and Billy turned his buttocks towards her and slapped it.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe better be careful,\u201d Wight said. \u201cAubrey Edwards is gonna light him up!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Billy got back on the apron, and Colten officially tagged him in. Billy rammed Reynold\u2019s head into the downstage right turnbuckle, mud-stomped his chest, and nailed him in the head with a straight right hand. Reynolds tried to fight back, punching into Billy\u2019s midsection, but Billy kept himself just out of harm\u2019s way, and Reynolds was unable to get a good shot in.<\/p>\n<p>Billy, a man whose age got stuck on Groundhogs Day, tagged in Luther, a man who works with the Metropolitan Police Department as a ghostbusting clairvoyant.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHere comes Danish royalty!\u201d Schiavone exclaimed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, no. No\u2026\u201d Henry trailed off.<\/p>\n<p>Serpentico tagged Luther before Luther could so much as get in a single punch. Luther wrapped his arms around Reynolds, pulled him into a bear-hug, and executed an inverted waistlock takedown. Serpentico then tried to powerbomb Luther on top of Reynolds. (Wonder where he learned that behavior\u2026) Poor Serpentico failed miserably, and Luther decided to instead slam Serpentico, who probably has his own greeting card section at Hallmark by now, onto Reynolds\u2019 not-at-all cushioned body.<\/p>\n<p>Serpentico was too injured to stand, so Luther picked him back up and hurled him toward Reynolds, who kicked Serpentico\u2019s face in. However, taking pity on Serpentico, Reynolds tossed Luther onto the apron and then sent him to the floor with a hot-shot stunner. (Luther looked like he was about to land on his feet, but his boots slid on the floor, and he fell on his hip. That looked painful, and I hope Luther is okay.) Serpentico used Reynolds\u2019 distraction to his advantage, and that\u2019s not a heelish thing to do because Serpentico is small, fragile, and always punching up.<\/p>\n<p>Serpentico attempted to honor Billy Gunn by doing a DX crotch chop, followed by The Famouser; however, he missed. Billy rolled his eyes and entered the ring without tagging in, helped Serpentico up, and then violently threw Serpentico into downstage right turnbuckles. (Hey!) Billy indicated that he would show Serpentico how it\u2019s really done. Billy crotch chopped Reynolds, shouted, \u201cSuck it,\u201d and went for The Famous; however, Reynolds spotted Billy and clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSomebody got a little too confident,\u201d Schiavone said. \u201cA little too arrogant.\u201d (And a little too mean-spirited toward poor Serpentico.)<\/p>\n<p>Reynolds tagged in John Silver. John Silver burst out of Dark Order\u2019s corner like a pint-sized superhero in a shiny yellow cape. Silver clotheslined Serpentico twice and then grabbed the nearly Marko-Stunt-sized little man and threw him across the ring like a bag of trash he was too lazy to carry to the end of the driveway.<\/p>\n<p>Austin ran in, and Silver caught him with a back body drop. Colten came in, and Silver caught him with a clothesline. Proud of himself, John Silver then John-Silvered in the ring, and the crowd encouraged him. Serpentico scurried onto the apron, hoping to recover, but Silver had a heart as cold as the metal it\u2019s named after and confronted Serpentico on the apron. Silver wrapped his arms around Serpentico\u2019s bird-boned frame and back-body-dropped him on the apron. Silver then executed a running cannonball off the apron onto Austin, shoulder tackled Colten to the floor, splashed Luther to the floor, and ran back into the ring.<\/p>\n<p>When Silver arrived in the ring, Billy was waiting for him. Billy went after Silver with a clothesline, but Silver ducked. Silver then ran the ropes like a live-action Rocketeer, and in a stroke of luck, Billy caught John Silver and executed a tilt-a-whirl bodyslam on him. However, Billy couldn\u2019t gloat for long because moments later, Vance pump-kicked him so hard he bumped onto his shoulders. (Is it safe to take that kind of bump at the age of\u2026 I want to say\u2026 thirty-seven?)<\/p>\n<p>For reasons unknown, Austin climbed into the ring and began mocking Dark Order\u2019s Lady Gaga hand gesture. Grayson was not amused by this and executed a Night Fall on Austin. Colten came to his brother\u2019s rescue, executing a Colt 45 on Grayson. However, as soon as Colten did this, Angels flew off the top turnbuckle (out of nowhere) and flattened Colten with a flying crossbody block. Luther jumped into the ring and hit Angels with a spinning heel kick. (How is any of this legal? There were like seven men in the ring, and not a one of them tagged in!)<\/p>\n<p>Reynolds ran at Luther, and Luther attempted to clothesline him; however, Reynolds ducked. (Where is the referee?) Reynolds then performed a spinning elbow onto Luther\u2019s jaw, knocking him clear out of the ring. (This is putting the moan in pandemonium.) Serpentico jumped into the ring and superkicked Reynolds. (Oh, there she is. She\u2019s in the corner frantically pointing at things. How helpful.)<\/p>\n<p>Serpentico leapfrogged Reynolds, and Vance caught him, picked him up, and executed a spinebuster on poor Serpentico. Vance then did the DX chop and motioned for his fellow Dark Order members to come gang up on Serpentico. (They could\u2019ve at least done a ref bump? Maybe throw a pillowcase over her head? Have a leprechaun drag her under the ring? Almost anything would make more sense than this.) Vance, Reynolds, and John Silver executed a three-man pendulum powerbomb on Serpentico, and Silver (who may or may not be the legal man. IDK? Should I know? This feels like Andy Warhol\u2019s version of a wrestling match?) pinned poor Serpentico\u2019s pillaged body and got the win his team cheated hard for.<\/p>\n<p>WINNER: Dark Order (Stu Grayson &amp; John Silver &amp; Alex Reynolds &amp; Preston Vance &amp; Alan Angels &amp; Actual Angels &amp; Angels in the Outfield &amp; Minnie Driver) in 6:00<\/p>\n<p><em>(David\u2019s Analysis: The audience gave this a standing ovation, so I am clearly in the minority when I say that I did not like this. However, you might like this. In fact, I\u2019d even recommend this despite my personal misgivings because the audience is living for it, and that\u2019s what matters most. But, IDK, I guess I liked parts of it. Billy Gunn was great, Serpentico and Luther\u2019s interactions were funny, and John Silver running around ringside like a wild bird trapped inside a house is always exhilarating. The wrestlers in this match were very talented, but\u2026 still, the total lack of rules really, really hurt this for me. I can suspend disbelief to a point, but after seeing this, what is there to keep anyone from breaking rules in AEW? I mean, maybe if they\u2019re afraid of referees frantically pointing at things\u2026 sure.)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>(4) EMI SAKURA &amp; THE BUNNY &amp; LUFISTO vs. RUBY SOHO &amp; SKYE BLUE &amp; ANNA JAY<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(WARNING: I am mildly biased in Emi Sakura\u2019s favor.)<\/p>\n<p>Emi Sakura, The Bunny, and LuFisto came out to Sakura\u2019s spellbinding music! (It\u2019s actually really good. It\u2019s got the \u201cWe Will Rock You\u201d stomp-stomp-clap in it.) Anyway, her royal majesty, mighty and powerful, heralded by soothsayers and feared by Cornette, Emi Sakura came out first dressed in her most regal attire. After her, The Bunny came out dressed like The Bunny, and LuFisto came out dressed to the NINES for her AEW debut. All three women posed in the ring, and it was a festival of facial expressions. The Bunny looked malevolent, LuFisto looked Maleficent, and Sakura looked magnificent because she is magnificent.<\/p>\n<p>Ruby Soho came out next, trailed by Skye Blue and Anna Jay (no blue jay jokes, I promise). Ruby Soho fist-bumped both Anna Jay and Skye Blue before skipping down the rampway looking more than happy. Soho posed on the ring apron, and in a blink-or-you\u2019ll-miss-it moment, Blue winked at the camera. (Nice touch.) The face team went to the face team\u2019s corner, and then the Sakura\u2019s team went to the Sakura team\u2019s corner because it\u2019s Sakura, and she will not be disparaged as a heel on my watch!<\/p>\n<p>Blue and LuFisto (Who is quite the indie legend, BTW.) started the match off first. LuFisto piefaced Blue twice, and Blue became enraged at the disrespect, plowing four forearms into LuFisto. Blue and LuFisto ran the ropes, and during this, Soho tagged herself in. Blue ducked a running clothesline from LuFisto and then hit LuFisto with a knee strike, pinning her against the stage right ring ropes. Soho entered the ring, nailed LuFisto with a forearm, and whipped LuFisto into the upstage left corner. LuFisto hung in the scarecrow position, and Soho charged toward her, but when LuFisto moved out of the way, Soho crashed into the turnbuckles.<\/p>\n<p>The Bunny ran down the apron to punch Soho. Soho stopped her, but the distraction was enough for LuFisto to gain the upper hand. LuFisto grabbed Soho\u2019s ankles and yanked her to the mat, smashing Soho\u2019s face into the canvas. Soho struggled to right herself again, and LuFisto took the opportunity to run her down with a clothesline. With Soho reeling and stumbling around the ring, LuFisto tagged in the ever-lovely, ever-purple Sakura. (I was listening to Tori Amos\u2019s \u201cPurple People (Christmas in Space)\u201d the other day, and when she sang the lyric, \u201cHey, do you do judo in your finery?\u201d I immediately thought of Sakura and her purple ring attire.)<\/p>\n<p>Soho pulled herself up in the corner, and Sakura ran at her, crashing into her with a running crossbody block. Sakura then pinned Soho by merely sitting on her torso, and she would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren\u2019t for that meddling Skye Blue. Blue clocked Sakura from behind with her forearm. The referee forced Blue back onto the apron, but the damage was already done, and Sakura\u2019s rightful victory had been denied. Sakura tagged in The Bunny.<\/p>\n<p>The Bunny kicked Soho from behind, grabbed Soho\u2019s head, and slammed her face-first into the mat. The Bunny then straddled Soho, held her hair in her fists, and pounded away at her face. The Bunny screamed like an unhinged lunatic in Central Park, climbed to her feet, adopted an elegant-looking face, and \u201ctook a bow\u201d for the crowd. (Interesting.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe said, \u2018Enjoy the show,\u2019\u201d Henry said. \u201cGet you some popcorn and a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRegardless of how whacked out she is, The Bunny is very, very talented in the ring,\u201d Schiavone said. (Hm\u2026)<\/p>\n<p>Soho plunged three fists into The Bunny\u2019s stomach before rolling her up for a one-count. The Bunny spryly returned to her feet and tore through Soho with a running clothesline. Once again, The Bunny gloated, having learned nothing from her earlier folly, and bent down to scream at Soho. Soho used this respite to recover, and when The Bunny attempted to kick Soho, Soho grabbed her leg. Soho planted a knee into The Bunny\u2019s stomach and ran to the face team\u2019s corner to tag in Jay.<\/p>\n<p>Jay blitzed into the ring, hammering The Bunny with a forearm, Sakura with an elbow knockdown, and LuFisto with a shoulder block, knocking her off the apron. The Bunny attempted to attack Jay from behind, but Jay spun around, caught The Bunny\u2019s arm, and whipped her into the face team\u2019s corner. However, the impact of The Bunny hitting the turnbuckles was enough to knock Blue off the apron. Jay ran toward The Bunny and caught her with a spinning back leg lariat. Soho, the only member of the face team left on the apron, then tagged herself back into the match.<\/p>\n<p>Soho caught The Bunny\u2019s head between her knees and executed her signature Deadly Nightshade into the middle turnbuckle. (I love when she does that!) Soho pulled The Bunny out of the corner, hooked both of The Bunny\u2019s legs, and went for a pinfall. However, she only got a two-count because Sakura ran in to save her friend. (Are they friends? I\u2019m not sure that tracks.) Jay ran into the ring to counter Sakura\u2019s interference, throwing Sakura through the ring ropes and down to the floor.<\/p>\n<p>The referee quickly restored order without frantically pointing at things, and Soho attempted an Irish whip. However, The Bunny hooked her arm on the top rope and refused to let go. Soho tried to rip her off the rope, but The Bunny was too strong. The Bunny used her strength to yank Soho downward, hot-shotting her across the middle rope. Soho slowly got to her feet but was less than happy, and The Bunny nailed her with a not-at-all-bad looking superkick! The Bunny hooked Soho\u2019s leg and covered her in a way that looked both effective and entirely in character. However, Soho kicked out at two.<\/p>\n<p>The Bunny screamed miserably and dragged Soho into the Sakura team\u2019s corner by her neon-orange hair. The Bunny tagged in LuFisto. LuFisto seized Soho\u2019s arm, pulled Soho up onto her shoulders in the fireman\u2019s carry position, and executed a \u2014 wait, no! Soho escaped and landed on her feet! Soho took hold of LuFisto from behind and executed a Destination Unknown. She then hooked LuFisto\u2019s leg, covered LuFisto, and picked up the win!<\/p>\n<p>WINNER: Soho &amp; Blue &amp; Jay in 4:00<\/p>\n<p><em>(David\u2019s Analysis: This was a nice match. I wish Sakura had been in it more. We didn\u2019t even get her \u201cWe Will Rock You\u201d chops. However, other than that, it did not disappoint in the slightest. \u2014 Also, why is The Bunny not sucking anymore? It is so much harder to make fun of her when she doesn\u2019t suck! It\u2019s like she\u2019s actually getting good at this. I\u2019m not sure if that should be reassuring or terrifying, but I\u2019m gonna go with reassuring\u2026 for now. *narrows eyes*)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>(5) JORA JOHL vs. PENTA OSCURO (w\/Alex Abrahantes)<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The screen and arena went black, and then a dim red light illuminated a tombstone on the stage. Penta Oscuro slowly rose up from behind the tombstone and was joined by an eerily cloaked Alex Abrahantes. Penta held a shovel over his shoulder and stared down the cameraman as he stalked his way toward the ring. The director cut to a close-up of the tombstone, which read: Penta Oscuro.<\/p>\n<p>The off-green color of faux money filled the onstage screens, and Jora Johl, a member of A.F.O. came out alone. Johl sported a sleek, streamlined look, wearing a sleeveless white zip-up that matched his trunks and boots. Johl made his way to the ring as Roberts announced him to the audience.<\/p>\n<p>Johl paced in the ring as Penta stood still, his eyes following him back and forth.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo you notice a difference in styles here?\u201d Wight asked. \u201cBefore the match, Johl is making eye contact with the crowd, but Penta never took his eyes off Johl &#8211; staring a hole into the back of his head.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The crowd began chanting for Penta, and Penta slowly walked up to Johl. Penta made his signature hand gesture and attempted to pieface Johl with it, but Johl caught Penta\u2019s wrist. Penta countered Johl\u2019s grasp, capturing Johl\u2019s wrist and applying a wristlock. Johl rolled out of Penta\u2019s wristlock, but Penta reapplied it almost immediately. Johl then twisted underneath Penta\u2019s arm and applied a wristlock of his own. Penta struck Johl\u2019s wrist with his forearm, forcing Johl to break the freshly applied wristlock. Once again, Penta went to make his signature hand gesture and pieface Johl, but this time, Johl kicked Penta in the stomach and slapped on a side headlock.<\/p>\n<p>Penta ran both himself and Johl into the ring ropes and used the ropes\u2019 spring to catapult Johl across the ring. As Johl rebounded back toward Penta, he caught Johl with a superkick. Johl wobbled in place but did not fall down and instead caught Penta with a superkick of his own. Now it was Penta\u2019s turn to wobble, and Johl started to run the ropes; however, as soon as he came at Penta, Penta straightened his back and stopped him in his tracks. For a third time, Penta made his signature hand gesture and attempted to use it to pieface Johl. This time, Penta was successful. (Yay!)<\/p>\n<p>Johl responded with a kick to Penta\u2019s stomach (Boo!) and a chop to Penta\u2019s chest. Penta staggered backward into the upstage left corner, and Johl chopped Penta a second time. Johl held a finger to his lips and \u201cshushed\u201d the audience as though he were Paul Wight and sliced Penta\u2019s chest with a third knife-edge chop. Penta held his chest but then looked Johl in the eye and told him to chop him again! Johl took Penta up on that offer, but when he swung his hand, Penta ducked under Johl\u2019s arm and pinned Johl in the same corner from which he came.<\/p>\n<p>Penta slammed an open-hand chop into Johl\u2019s chest, and Johl nearly crumbled to his knees with only a hand on the ropes to keep him from falling down completely.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd Penta says, \u2018That\u2019s a receipt,\u2019\u201d Wight said.<\/p>\n<p>Penta chopped Johl a second time, and Johl sold it like he was being murdered a little bit. Penta straightened Johl back up, leaned him against the corner, and lit him up with a third chop. Penta then walked with purpose to the middle of the ring, beat his chest in triumph, and posed for the hard camera. Johl ran at Penta, but Penta jumped onto the upstage middle rope and executed a springboard crossbody onto Johl. Johl jumped back up; Penta ran the ropes and caught Johl with a running hurricanrana. Johl rolled out of the ring to regroup. Penta went for a tope suicida, but as he dove through the ropes, Johl caught him with a forearm to the head; this left Penta hanging on the middle rope, half of him inside the ring and half of him out.<\/p>\n<p>Johl climbed back into the ring and pulled Penta to the center. Johl ascended to the second turnbuckle and jumped off toward Penta, but Penta superkicked Johl in mid-air! Johl collapsed against the turnbuckles, and Penta ran toward him. However, Johl spotted Penta and hit him in the head with a bicycle kick. (Ferocious!)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis great athlete from India is really showing us something here,\u201d Schiavone said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019ve been impressed with Johl since his first appearance here on Elevation,\u201d Wight said.<\/p>\n<p>Johl executed a double-underhook brainbuster on Penta that looked absolutely devastating; Johl hooked Penta\u2019s leg, covered him, and the referee counted to one, two \u2014 no! It was a kick out! Penta wagged a knowing finger at the audience as Abrahantes paced back and forth at ringside, red-tinged eyes peeking out from beneath his burgundy hood.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat guy needs some sunshine,\u201d Wight said, referencing Abrahantes vampirey complexion.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBoy, does he ever,\u201d Schiavone agreed. (Don\u2019t advocate for skin cancer.)<\/p>\n<p>Johl whipped Penta into the ropes; Penta pounded back, running toward him and attempting a clothesline on Johl. However, Johl sveltely ducked underneath Penta\u2019s swing and attempted a clothesline of his own. Penta ducked that clothesline attempt and executed a rope-assisted slingblade onto Johl. Johl crashed to the ground, pulled himself up, and received a second slingblade from Penta.<\/p>\n<p>Penta flung a kick into the back of Johl\u2019s thigh and used Johl\u2019s head to attempt to whip him across the ring. However, Johl reversed out of Penta\u2019s head-whip attempt and sent Penta into the downstage left corner. Penta grabbed the ring ropes to stop his momentum just as Johl sprinted toward him. Penta then reverse leapfrogged Johl, grabbed Johl\u2019s shoulders, and hit him with a big-time backstabber.<\/p>\n<p>Johl writhed on the mat in pain as Penta played to the cheering crowd. Penta seized Johl\u2019s arm, paused to look at the hard camera, and executed his Sacrifice finisher.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s a dislocated shoulder,\u201d Wight said.<\/p>\n<p>Penta covered Johl, hooked his leg, and got the pin.<\/p>\n<p>WINNER: Penta (w\/Alex Abrahantes) in 4:00<\/p>\n<p><em>(David\u2019s Analysis: This was a basic but solid match. Johl was skillful in the ring and had a great look. Penta was Penta, and that\u2019s a good thing. Penta\u2019s mannerisms and movements are highly entertaining, and everything he does seems to have a purpose. I\u2019m interested in seeing what happens to this darker version of Penta once his brother returns from injury. Will his brother go dark, or will he be the light that redeems Penta?)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>(6) TOP FLIGHT (Dante Martin &amp; Darius Martin) vs. THE FACTORY (Nick Comoroto &amp; Aaron Solo) (w\/Q.T. Marshall)<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Bowling-alley-mascot Q.T. Marshall made his way out of the heels\u2019 tunnel, leading Nick Comoroto and Aaron Solo down the ramp. Together, all three men walked to the ring. Next up, Spiderman and his brother, Darius Martin, came out of the faces\u2019 tunnel. Dante Martin paused atop the rampway to look at Darius, and the two brothers fist-bumped before kneeling, posing, smiling, and finally walking to the ring. The director cut to shots of the crowd applauding Top Flight\u2019s entrance.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about right there,\u201d Q.T. Marshall said on the mic. (Oh, God. He\u2019s on the mic.) \u201cCut their music; cut their music!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The crowd booed rabidly.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBoy, you guys in the audience really turned real quick, huh?\u201d Marshall said.<\/p>\n<p>Dante Martin took off his jacket and stood in the ring, fully shirtless and brimming with the exact opposite of Marshall\u2019s energy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHey, before you guys do something you\u2019re going to regret,\u201d Marshall held up a calming hand. \u201cUm \u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n<p>The crowd interrupted Marshall with a constructive \u201cShut the f&#8212; up\u201d chant, and I couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCome on, get it out, dude,\u201d Schiavone grumbled. \u201cWe got a show to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, you\u2019re wasting time,\u201d Wight sniped.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShut the f&#8212; up,\u201d the audience added\u2026 constructively.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI wouldn\u2019t expect anything more from Boston,\u201d Marshall sneered.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy, thank you,\u201d The Bostonian crowd quietly thought.<\/p>\n<p>(Marshall \u2014 can I call you Marshall? I\u2019m gonna call you Marshall. I don\u2019t know what restaurants your discount-country-club-looking @ass has eaten at while in Boston, but if you so much as taste the food in that fine city, you will never disparage its name again.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHey, so guys, real quick \u2014 again, before you do something you\u2019re gonna regret,\u201d Marshall wasted more of my time. \u201cI\u2019ve got an offer for you. (What are you, Matt Hardy?) I mean, I look at the two of you, and I think, \u2018Man, if you just had the proper fundamentals, you guys could really be something.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Spiderman and Darius looked at each other with annoyance and confusion.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo, here\u2019s what I\u2019m willing to offer you guys\u2026 Half-price training at The Factory!\u201d (Wait, he hasn\u2019t said what he even wants in return? Does he want them to lay down for him? Does he want them to explain why he keeps getting those enlargement emails in his spam folder? Like what is it? Spit it out.)<\/p>\n<p>Aaron Solo paraded around the ring, applauding Marshall\u2019s pathetic \u201coffer.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMan, normally I only do that for family, guys,\u201d Marshall said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWow,\u201d Henry\u2019s eyes rolled into the back of his head, I assume.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI mean, think about it; our initials are already T.F. \u2014 T.F. as in \u201cThe Factory\u201d \u2014 T.F. as in \u201cTop Flight\u201d \u2014 T.F.,\u201d Marshall said, making only marginal amounts of sense. \u201cI know you\u2019re not wearing it today, but I saw you in it earlier \u2014 you guys already started wearing black and blue. You don\u2019t even have to afford new gear!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dante pointed at Marshall and stared at the crowd as if to ask, \u201cWho is this man, why is he talking to me, and how do I return him to the 1970s?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI-I\u2019ll tell you what,\u201d Marshall said. \u201cSolo, Comoroto\u2026 go head\u2026 do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto and Solo stripped off their shirts, and it was nothing like when Dante Martin did it. The two men offered Top Flight their used, second-hand, Marshall-touched shirts. (Don\u2019t do it! It would be a travesty and a betrayal of your fans! Do not put on a shirt. Ever.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGuys, look, look, this is what The Factory is \u2014 literally giving you the shirts off our backs!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto and Solo then tried to put their shirts on Dante and Darius. Dante smelled Comoroto\u2019s shirt and made a face like he\u2019d just smelled the inside of a ten-year-old band-aid.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou can wash \u2018em; you can wash it!\u201d Marshall was quick to add. \u201cSo, what do you say?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dante and Darius stared at Marshall like he\u2019d just told him he was Suicide in TNA.<\/p>\n<p>Not getting an answer from Top Flight, Marshall turned to the receptive crowd, \u201cWhat do you guys say?\u201d (Hang on, let me turn the volume up.)<\/p>\n<p>Dante and Darius looked out at the crowd, their faces swarming with confusion as to why Marshall\u2019s shirt says Mary Tyler Moore, but his haircut says Colonel Nathan Jessup.<\/p>\n<p>The crowd booed vociferously.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t listen to them! Don\u2019t listen to them!\u201d Marshall pleaded. \u201cThey like the Red Sox. And, you know, we\u2019re Yankees fans in The Factory.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, that\u2019s heat,\u201d Henry said. \u201cHe said the Yankees. That\u2019s heat.\u201d (I like you, Mark, but you need to stop while you\u2019re ahead.)<\/p>\n<p>The crowd booed very loudly, and Marshall seemed unsure if Dante and Darius could hear him over all of that booing, so he raised his voice and shouted, \u201cI said, we\u2019re YANKEES FANS in The Factory! YANKEES FANS!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The crowd booed more than vociferously.<\/p>\n<p>Martin &amp; Martin (not the law firm) threw Solo and Comoroto\u2019s shirts at them, and all four men began brawling wildly in the ring. Darius clotheslined Solo over the top rope to the floor, and Dante hit Comoroto with a gravity-defying dropkick. Comoroto didn\u2019t fall down, but he did sway, and Darius nailed him with an even higher high-flying dropkick. Somehow, someway, with the unfettered determination of a mother who thinks you should eat more on Thanksgiving, Comoroto managed to remain on his feet. Dante and Darius nailed Comoroto with stereo dropkicks, and Comoroto fell onto the upstage ropes. Top Flight ran into the downstage ropes, bounced off the downstage ropes, and went for an \u2014 oh crap.<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto took down both members of Top Flight with double clotheslines. (And somehow, they even managed to take those clotheslines as if they were acrobats in a classy circus.) Darius rolled out of the ring, and Spidey used the upstage left turnbuckles to pull himself upright. Comoroto roared and charged at Dante, but Dante got both his feet up and did some kind of magic trick like a fully vertical double kick without wires.<\/p>\n<p>Dante ran the ropes; Comoroto swung a clothesline; Dante ducked underneath the aforementioned clothesline; Comoroto dashed toward Dante, and Dante clocked Comoroto with one BIG damn elbow.<\/p>\n<p>Dante attempted a springboard dropkick, but as he began to fly (cause, you know\u2026 he can do that\u2026 he\u2019s magic), Solo ran into the ring and cut Dante down with a clothesline to both of his legs. Dante splattered to the canvas, and if he wasn\u2019t Spiderman, it would have hurt like hell. (Thank goodness he is.) Comoroto mounted Dante and pounded away.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, Comoroto pulled Dante up by his head, tossed him into the downstage right turnbuckles, and planted two fists into Dante\u2019s stomach and one into Dante\u2019s chest. Dante teetered along the downstage ropes but was unable to hold himself up and collapsed completely. Comoroto seized Dante\u2019s neck, pulled Dante into the downstage right corner, and tagged in Solo.<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto held Dante in a rigid side headlock as Solo stepped in to kick Dante\u2019s ribcage like it were a particularly offensive football. Solo used both his hands to grab Dante\u2019s neck, and Dante began to fight his way to his feet, slugging Solo\u2019s midsection repeatedly. However, the moment Dante made it all the way upright, Solo hit him with a rising knee strike, and Dante all but disintegrated into Solo\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n<p>Solo pulled Dante toward the stage left ring ropes, placed Dante\u2019s neck over the middle rope, and sat on Dante\u2019s shoulders to force his throat downward.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s good to have a mean streak,\u201d Wight said. \u201cIn this industry, you\u2019ve gotta have a mean streak.\u201d (Really? That\u2019s your takeaway from all this? Did you root for the bad guys in Spiderman?)<\/p>\n<p>The referee forced Solo to stop choking Dante Martin and back off. In the fleeting moment the referee\u2019s back was turned, Marshall used his watch to hit Martin in the face with a cheap shot. (Knowing Marshall, it was probably a knockoff shot. Did I mention I hate Marshall? I feel like that part can\u2019t be emphasized enough. Is Hook awake?)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI think he just broke his five-dollar watch,\u201d Henry said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBroke his cheap \u2018x-lax\u2019 watch,\u201d Wight said. (I chuckled cause truth.)<\/p>\n<p>Solo hooked Martin\u2019s leg, but Martin kicked out at one, a very Spiderman thing to do. (Is Spiderman\u2019s skull made of metal? It isn\u2019t? Are you sure? He does hang out with Iron Man. Alright, fine, that should\u2019ve knocked him out. IDC.)<\/p>\n<p>Solo picked Martin up, put him in a side headlock, and tossed him out of the ring like he weighed no more than one and a half Serpenticos. Solo tried to follow Martin out of the ring, but the referee stopped him because this one has rules. In the split second that the referee\u2019s back was turned, Marshall discount-shotted Martin a second time.<\/p>\n<p>Darius Martin came to his brother\u2019s rescue, and Marshall squealed like a piggy in a fair, pointing at Darius and calling for help. The referee turned to see what was going on, and that moment of diverted attention allowed Solo to slip out of the ring. The referee ordered Solo to get back into the ring, and to my great surprise, Solo begrudgingly complied; he tossed Martin in the ring and followed after him.<\/p>\n<p>Solo kicked Dante while he was down and then picked him up and shoved him against the turnbuckles in the face team\u2019s corner.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou know we arrive the day before we do these TV shows,\u201d Schiavone said, off-topic again. (Oh, BTW, earlier in the program, Mark Henry was showing off his animal sound impressions. I didn\u2019t say anything at the time because it felt so relevant to what was going on.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m really glad we come in the day before,\u201d Wight added.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, me too, but I\u2019m not hanging out with Q.T. Marshall,\u201d Schiavone said. \u201cI just thank my lucky stars I don\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Solo nailed Dante with a back elbow before throwing him to Comoroto. Comoroto caught Dante and executed a spinning pendulum backbreaker. Dante literally ping-pong balled off Comoroto\u2019s knee, flying into the air and plummeting to the mat. Comoroto covered Dante but neglected to hook Dante\u2019s leg, allowing Dante to kick out at two.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe should\u2019ve hooked the leg,\u201d Wight said.<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto put Dante in a modified, kneeling abdominal stretch. Dante fought his way back to his feet and elbowed Comoroto\u2019s midsection until he was forced to release the hold. Dante attempted to head to his team\u2019s corner, and tag in Darius, but Comoroto caught him around the waist and executed a belly-to-back suplex. However, because Dante is like Dick Grayson if he joined a fight club, he managed to backflip out of the belly-to-back suplex mid-way through the suplex.<\/p>\n<p>Dante stumbled into the corner, and Comoroto ran toward Dante, but Dante sidestepped him. Upon crashing into the corner, Comoroto made a hurried tag. Dante scurried toward Darius, reached out his hand, and Solo caught him around the waist, putting Dante in a waistlock. Dante performed a standing switch, shoved Solo away from him, and did a front flip toward his brother\u2019s outstretched hand. Dante made the hot tag!<\/p>\n<p>The crowd erupted with red-hot delight. Darius executed a rope-assisted dropkick onto Solo\u2019s face, a clothesline onto Solo\u2019s chest, and a forearm onto Solo\u2019s nose.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe fans are behind him!\u201d Schiavone commented on the rip-roaring applause.<\/p>\n<p>Darius picked Solo up for a vertical suplex, but Solo leaped over Darius\u2019s head, landed on his feet, and grabbed Darius in a waistlock. Darius slipped down and out of Solo\u2019s arms, and then baseball slid across the ring but did so in the direction of the heel\u2019s corner! (Wrong direction! Turn around.) Darius jumped through the ropes, elbowed Comoroto off the apron, and climbed to the top turnbuckle. Then from there, Darius performed a flying crossbody block onto Solo, scoring a two-count for his efforts.<\/p>\n<p>America\u2019s favorite abstinence symbol and least favorite middle school volleyball coach, Q.T. Marshall, jumped onto the ring apron to distract the referee. Comoroto jumped into the ring to attack Darius, but Darius immediately threw him back out. Darius then rushed toward Marshall, but Marshall\u2019s distraction allowed Solo to attack Darius from behind with an O\u2019Connor rollup, scoring a two-count of his own.<\/p>\n<p>Solo and Darius struggled their way into the face\u2019s corner. Solo dug his shoulder into Darius\u2019s midsection and launched Darius over the top rope, but as it happened, Dante managed to tag himself in!<\/p>\n<p>Darius hit Solo with an apron enzuigiri; Dante hit Solo with a superkick; Darius hit Solo with a slingshot flatliner, and finally, Dante executed a sky-high somersault senton onto Solo for one, two &#8211; Comoroto broke up the count!<\/p>\n<p>(Ugh.)<\/p>\n<p>Dante answered Comoroto\u2019s interference with a high-flying step-up enzuigiri, and Comoroto blundered into the upstage ring ropes. Dante tagged in Darius. Darius punched Comoroto\u2019s stomach with his right fist, followed by his left fist.<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto overpowered Darius and forced him into a front facelock. Dante tried to free his brother from Comroto\u2019s headlock, but Comoroto picked Dante up with one hand while holding onto Darius. Comoroto then executed a gorilla press drop onto Darius, followed by a cradle elevated neckbreaker onto Dante. (That is some terrifyingly impressive strength. Let\u2019s all hope Diamante doesn\u2019t run into Comoroto in a parking lot.)<\/p>\n<p>Solo climbed onto the top turnbuckle; Comoroto picked up Darius, executed a pendulum backbreaker, and held Darius in place as Solo executed a flying double-foot stomp. Solo covered Darius and hooked his leg with all his might, but Dante broke up the pinfall at two!<\/p>\n<p>Comoroto grabbed Dante and threw him into the turnbuckles. Comoroto then ran at Dante, looking for a spear, but Dante moved, and Comoroto went flying through the ropes and to the floor. Solo attempted a flying heel kick, but Darius ducked underneath Solo\u2019s legs. Solo grabbed Darius in a waistlock, but Darius nailed him with a back elbow to escape. Solo ran toward Darius, going for a Lou Thesz press, but Darius caught Solo in mid-air and tossed him over his shoulders with a pop-up flapjack, sending Solo into the turnbuckles. Solo climbed to the second turnbuckle, looking for some type of offensive maneuver, but Dante clocked him with an apron enzuigiri.<\/p>\n<p>Darius slammed a forearm into Solo\u2019s back and tagged in Dante. Dante leaped over the top rope in a single bound! Darius then trapped Solo with his feet on the second turnbuckle and his head tucked underneath the top turnbuckle. With Solo in place, Dante backed up, ran forward, and dropkicked Solo\u2019s backside, crushing his neck into the turnbuckles while simultaneously ramming his skull into the ring post. Dante covered Solo, hooked Solo\u2019s leg, and the referee counted one, two, three! Top Flight pick up the win!<\/p>\n<p>WINNER: Top Flight in 6:00<\/p>\n<p><em>(David\u2019s Analysis: This was fantastic and far and away the night\u2019s best match. Dante Martin\u2019s facial expressions are improving every week, Darius is proving to be just as acrobatic as Dante, and Q.T. Marshall is the most hatable man on earth \u2014 *Dan Lambert Has Entered The Chat* \u2014 The second most hatable man on earth!)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>FINAL THOUGHTS:<\/strong> This was a solid episode of AEW Dark Elevation, but the best match was unquestionably the last match. If you have time to watch just one match, watch the main event. If you have time to watch two matches, I\u2019d recommend checking out the women\u2019s tag match, and if you have time to watch three matches, check out the ten-man cluster-match with no rules. That said, there were several other matches worth seeing. Penta\u2019s and Kazarian\u2019s were good, and both D\u2019Amboise and Diamante had an impressive outing. I hate to say this (especially after you\u2019ve just finished reading a report long enough to disturb Hemingway\u2019s grave), but tonight\u2019s Dark Elevation is going to be one of those Dark Elevations where I recommend you watch the whole thing. All six matches were that good.<\/p>\n<p>Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I\u2019m still working on my sign-off, but until next week, remember, don\u2019t forget.<\/p>\n<div class=\"pwtor-end-article-groups pwtor-entity-placement\" id=\"pwtor-1998293824\"><div id=\"pwtor-3221694263\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\nTHANK YOU FOR VISITING<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>AEW DARK ELEVATION REPORT APRIL 11, 2022 TAPED 4\/6 IN BOSTON, MASS. AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM REPORT BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Paul Wight, and Mark Henry Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts &#8211; Thank <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2022\/04\/14\/4-11-aew-elevation-report-bryants-famous-asides-henry-and-wight-quips-on-commentary-top-flight-sakura-kazarian-diamante-factory-gunn-club-soho\/\" title=\"4\/11 AEW ELEVATION REPORT: Bryant&#8217;s famous asides, Henry and Wight quips on commentary, Top Flight, Sakura, Kazarian, Diamante, Factory, Gunn Club, Soho\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":117696,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6423,6438,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-137750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aew-dark","category-aew-tv-reports","category-tvshowsandevents"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/post\/2021\/04\/AEW-Dark-Elevation-TV-Logo_3x2.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137750","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=137750"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137750\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":137776,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137750\/revisions\/137776"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/117696"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=137750"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=137750"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=137750"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}