{"id":45244,"date":"2017-07-21T12:00:37","date_gmt":"2017-07-21T17:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/?p=45244"},"modified":"2017-07-21T12:01:25","modified_gmt":"2017-07-21T17:01:25","slug":"mitchells-take-mojo-mitchells-kurt-angle-scooby-doo-mystery-theatre-steely-dan-not-chair-angle-confesses-truth-strowman-makes-triumphant-return","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2017\/07\/21\/mitchells-take-mojo-mitchells-kurt-angle-scooby-doo-mystery-theatre-steely-dan-not-chair-angle-confesses-truth-strowman-makes-triumphant-return\/","title":{"rendered":"MITCHELL&#8217;S TAKE: Mojo Mitchell\u2019s Kurt Angle Scooby-Doo Mystery Theatre, Steely Dan Is Not A Chair, Angle confesses &#8220;his truth,&#8221; Strowman makes triumphant return"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"pwtor-3716390748\" class=\"pwtor-before-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><hr \/><b>SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)... <\/b>\r\n\r\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/widget.spreaker.com\/player?show_id=3076978&theme=light&playlist=false&playlist-continuous=false&autoplay=false&live-autoplay=false&chapters-image=true&episode_image_position=right&hide-logo=false&hide-likes=false&hide-comments=false&hide-sharing=false&hide-download=true\" width=\"100%\" height=\"140px\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe>\r\n<hr \/><\/div><p>I\u2019ve got this horrible secret that, if it gets out, will destroy my family life. Think I\u2019ll reveal it on national television&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>We start with Dean Ambrose coming to the ring. He\u2019s got a chair. He sits in it and insists he\u2019s not leaving until WWE reinstates Talking Smack.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/Staff11Mitchell_120.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-400 alignright\" src=\"http:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/Staff11Mitchell_120.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"120\" height=\"138\" \/><\/a>\u201cThat\u2019s Tuesday night. This is Monday night, you know, Monday Night Raw.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, yeah, good point.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ambrose calls his chair Steely Dan. Walker Fagen and Daniel Becker named their band \u201cSteely Dan\u201d after the strap-on dildo in William Burrough\u2019s novel Naked Lunch. I\u2019m taking this as an indication that the return of the Attitude Era is imminent.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s going after The Miz and anybody Miz want to bring into the ring with him. Seth Rollins comes out. WWE Couples Counseling is on the air. Rollins tells Ambrose he\u2019s sorry for stabbing his Sheild brothers in the back. Ambrose isn\u2019t going for it. Rollins hands him Steely Dan, Ambrose straps it on, Rollins turns his back, bites the pillow and..<\/p>\n<p>Ambrose throws Steely Dan out of the ring. Just as the two are about to kiss, The Miz turns up with Arn Anderson and Axl Rose. They have dildos, I mean chairs too. The Miztourage kicks Ambrose and Rollins\u2019s butts.<\/p>\n<p>Sasha Banks stops Nia Jaxx\u2019s interference in Alexa Bliss\u2019s non-title match against Bailey. This shot of adrenaline wakes up the crowd and Bayley\u2019s act, as does her pinning Bliss.<\/p><div id=\"pwtor-445412654\" class=\"pwtor-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280 __336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p>NOW Kurt doesn\u2019t want to televise his shame. That weasel Corey Graves tells Angle to go out and tell \u201cyour truth.\u201d I\u2019ll be glad when our culture gets over the idea of \u201cyour truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The Three Man POC Band is backstage. Titus O\u2019Neil demonstrates how Vince McMahon would say &#8220;The Power of Tozawa.&#8221; Mustafa Ali challenges Akira Tozawa to a match.<\/p>\n<p>Brian Kendrick &amp; Drew Galak face Jack Gallagher &amp; Mustafa Ali. Kendrick has been dressing like Gallagher so they had to fight with umbrellas. That looked dumb. You wouldn\u2019t see William Regal doing that.<\/p>\n<p>You can hear a pin drop as Michael Cole claims 205 Live has all these \u201cinteresting characters.\u201d One of them got the pin. Oh, and in even bigger news, the purple ropes are out, not that I ever noticed they were in.<\/p>\n<p>That poor sap Enzo Amore is headed to the ring. One day, he, Rockstar Spud, and Jonny Fairplay are going to reform the Fabulous Freebirds. He\u2019s making another inspirational speech. Win a match and get back to us.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, FINALLY, Big Cass comes out to new, almost menacing theme music.<\/p>\n<p>Cass. recites. his. lines. a. robot.<\/p>\n<p>Enzo runs into the crowd, finds some kid with a haircut even more unfortunate than his own, and they sit down to watch Cass faces Big Show. Show has his work cut out for him teaching Big Cass how to be a singles big man wrestler.<\/p><div id=\"pwtor-976810267\" class=\"pwtor-content-1 pwtor-entity-placement\"><!-- Tag ID: pwtorchcom_test_300x600 -->\r\n<div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280 __300x600\" id=\"pwtorchcom_test_300x600\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x600\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x600\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p>Roman Reigns, who apparently just woke up from a nap, says he\u2019s the guy who\u2019s going to beat Samoa Joe tonight.<\/p>\n<p>Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose are still picking at each other when a harried Kurt Angle makes a match for them next week against the Miztourage.<\/p>\n<p>Alias Sampson is inspired by Songwriters\u2019 Alley in Nashville. The fans chant, \u201cWe want Balor!\u201d which is the first time I can remember fans chanting what WWE Creative wants them to chant.<\/p>\n<p>Finn Balor interrupts. His music really is better than Sampson. They have another match, even though Balor won decisively next week. The announcers go on and on about how good Sampson is, even though Balor clearly is better in every way. Sampson finally whacks Balor with a secret hidden guitar for the DQ. Oh, now I see why they needed a rematch.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEffective.\u201d \u201cMaking a statement.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s how you do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bray Wyatt on the big screen laughs at Balor and makes another one of those nebulous speeches about pain and punishment. Balor looks concerned that he\u2019s going to have to follow a program with Elias Sampson by facing this mediocrity.<\/p>\n<p>The Revival get interview time. \u201cTop guys &#8211; out!\u201d is their catch phrase. Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n<p>Akira Tozawa faces Aria Devari. This Titus O\u2019Neil stuff isn\u2019t any good.<\/p>\n<p>Kurt Angle, grinning down the ramp, is about to make his shameful announcement.<\/p>\n<p>First, he tells us the family is okay with it, as is WWE. Some shame.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, as Kurt Angle reveals in a completely believable way, he has a long lost son he didn&#8217;t know about from a girl he dated in college, and it turns out it\u2019s Jason Jordan from American Alpha. See him live this weekend at the Lou Thesz\/George Tragos Museum in Waterloo Iowa.<\/p>\n<p>Jason does look like Kurt, what with his new buzz-cut and facial surgery. They hug. Someone is pissed at the Los Angeles Clippers.<\/p>\n<p>The Hardy Boyz face The Revival. When the Revival start picking Hardy body parts apart, the fans don\u2019t seem to know how to take it. Bad guys who don\u2019t pander to fans?<\/p>\n<p>Samoa Joe with another good promo.<\/p>\n<p>Roman Reigns comes out first to face Samoa Joe. That probably does help tamp down on the boos. This is another good match they shouldn\u2019t put on USA Network and save for Sunday nights. Halfway through, here comes Braun Stroman.<\/p>\n<p>Match is thrown out as Stroman squashes them both.<\/p>\n<p>Brawn Stroman challenges Brock Lesnar at Summerslam?<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<div class=\"entry-content clearfix\">\n<p><em>(Bruce Mitchell @mitchellpwtorch has been a PWTorch columnist since 1990. His columns appear exclusively in the pages of Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter and on the PWTorch VIP website. He hosts the PWTorch Livecast every Friday night at 7 ET at www.PWTorchLivecast.com. The weekly two-hour Bruce Mitchell Audio Show with host Wade Keller has been a VIP audio staple for years.)\u00a0<\/em>###<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"pwtor-end-article-groups pwtor-entity-placement\" id=\"pwtor-2188778371\"><div id=\"pwtor-677852957\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\nTHANK YOU FOR VISITING<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>I\u2019ve got this horrible secret that, if it gets out, will destroy my family life. Think I\u2019ll reveal it on national television&#8230; We start with Dean Ambrose coming to the ring. He\u2019s got a chair. <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2017\/07\/21\/mitchells-take-mojo-mitchells-kurt-angle-scooby-doo-mystery-theatre-steely-dan-not-chair-angle-confesses-truth-strowman-makes-triumphant-return\/\" title=\"MITCHELL&#8217;S TAKE: Mojo Mitchell\u2019s Kurt Angle Scooby-Doo Mystery Theatre, Steely Dan Is Not A Chair, Angle confesses &#8220;his truth,&#8221; Strowman makes triumphant return\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5616,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52,60,53],"tags":[76,2346,437,240,74,125],"class_list":["post-45244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opnionandanalysis","category-takes_mitchell","category-opinion_stafftakes","tag-braun-strowman","tag-jason-jordan","tag-kurt-angle","tag-monday-night-raw","tag-roman-reigns","tag-samoa-joe"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/AngleKurtTB_3x2_600.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45244"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45244\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45246,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45244\/revisions\/45246"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5616"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}