{"id":97822,"date":"2020-05-22T12:42:24","date_gmt":"2020-05-22T17:42:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/?p=97822"},"modified":"2020-06-13T11:44:12","modified_gmt":"2020-06-13T16:44:12","slug":"5-19-total-bellas-report-by-sarah-k-ep-7-brie-says-world-wind-nikki-discusses-not-wanting-her-boyfriends-sperm-on-her-frozen-embryos-a-30000-baby-proofing-request-walkie-talkie-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2020\/05\/22\/5-19-total-bellas-report-by-sarah-k-ep-7-brie-says-world-wind-nikki-discusses-not-wanting-her-boyfriends-sperm-on-her-frozen-embryos-a-30000-baby-proofing-request-walkie-talkie-time\/","title":{"rendered":"5\/19 TOTAL BELLAS REPORT by Sarah K (Ep. 8): Brie says &#8220;world wind,&#8221; Nikki discusses not wanting her boyfriend&#8217;s sperm on her frozen embryos, a $30,000 baby-proofing request, walkie-talkie time"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"pwtor-2893824849\" class=\"pwtor-before-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><hr \/><b>SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)... <\/b>\r\n\r\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/widget.spreaker.com\/player?show_id=3076978&theme=light&playlist=false&playlist-continuous=false&autoplay=false&live-autoplay=false&chapters-image=true&episode_image_position=right&hide-logo=false&hide-likes=false&hide-comments=false&hide-sharing=false&hide-download=true\" width=\"100%\" height=\"140px\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe>\r\n<hr \/><\/div><h3>TOTAL BELLAS (Season 6, Episode 8)<br \/>\nMAY 19, 2020<br \/>\nAIRED ON E!<\/h3>\n<p>The show opens with a recap, as if we&#8217;ve forgotten all the forgettable things that happen on this show. The twins are with Creepy Brother. They&#8217;re taking an online quiz. When has anyone ever wanted to watch a TV show where D-level celebrities take an online quiz? Yup, it took me longer to type that than the actual quiz. Nikki&#8217;s house is done. It&#8217;s not a particularly interesting looking house. It&#8217;s painted in dull off-white pastel tones &#8211; you know, if snot was a paint color. Yeah, I worked ten hours today. This is a generic house. It&#8217;s not special. Brie is going to be bitchy this episode because Nikki&#8217;s house isn&#8217;t child proofed. No shit, Sherlock; she doesn&#8217;t have a kid. Artem isn&#8217;t there, so, she Facetimes him a tour. Yeah, I&#8217;m not getting this two minutes of my life back. Nikki goes to a fertility doctor. I guess this one&#8217;s too dumb for condoms, too (throw back to when Brie and Bryan were using the &#8220;pull out&#8221; method). Yup, the question was &#8220;method of birth control.&#8221; Nikki Bella: The pull-out method? Me: Sighs.<\/p>\n<p>Nikki has so much money to blow that she&#8217;s going to freeze her eggs. Uh, yeah, fertility treatments are expensive AF. This is not relatable. As a woman, lemme TMI y&#8217;all: I can&#8217;t have kids by choice. I had to almost bleed to death for 15 years before my health insurance would allow me to choose an option a step down from a hysterectomy. I can still get pregnant, but I have no womb. So, uh, condoms, motherf&#8212;ers, condoms are what responsible adults use when one of you isn&#8217;t on birth control or had a vasectomy. Also, we&#8217;re bushing right by the potential for sexually transmitted diseases. I hate this show.<\/p>\n<p>Moving on, Brie and Bryan are going to buy a pool fence for Nikki&#8217;s pool. Evidently, Brie can&#8217;t pay attention to her kid and make sure she doesn&#8217;t drown in a pool. The pool fence may cost $30,000. Holy shit. Most of the teenage girls watching this show probably work in retail&#8230; $30K ain&#8217;t something they&#8217;re gonna make in five years, let alone be able to blow on fence in someone else&#8217;s backyard. Wow. Nikki is not on board with this. I don&#8217;t blame her. Of course, I know my mother made one of these sort of ultimatums with my grandma; it was for a smoke detector, though. Once Grandma found out there was an insurance discount for spending $20 on an appliance, she was on board. Again, it was a smoke detector &#8211; and we frequently spent the night. In the produce section of a grocery store, Nikki decides to tell Artem about the egg freezing thing. She just doesn&#8217;t want her eggs fertilized with his sperm. Yup. I&#8217;m watching this show so that you don&#8217;t have to.<\/p>\n<p>Artem immediately realizes that Nikki doesn&#8217;t want his sperm on her frozen eggs. Artem asks if the doctor said it was better to freeze eggs or embryos. Nikki says freezing embryos is like having a kid forever. &#8220;Would it matter what my thoughts are?&#8221; Artem asks. It&#8217;s not really a question. Poor Artem. That Nikki doesn&#8217;t want to freeze embryos is an indication to Artem that she doesn&#8217;t see him as a long term relationship. There&#8217;s a shameless plug for their wine. Brie uses this an occasion to bitch about Nikki not having a pool fence. JJ points out that Nikki doesn&#8217;t have to buy a pool fence. &#8220;Briana, it&#8217;s up to you to make sure that Birdie doesn&#8217;t get over there.&#8221; Yup. This isn&#8217;t a smoke detector or outlet covers. Oh, Christ, I&#8217;m supposed to care that Nikki isn&#8217;t able to commit to Artem. Again, I&#8217;m not getting this three minutes of my life back.<\/p>\n<p>This meaningless conversation about whether or not Nikki can commit to this relationship continues as I ponder why I haven&#8217;t made an IG post in two days. Yeah, this is not interesting. Brie brings over a pool safety sign. Yeah, this is a dipshit move. Nikki throws the sign back into Brie&#8217;s yard. Brie then goes to lunch with Artem to talk about the egg thing. Commercial. Yeah, this is not meaningful. No one is going to rewatch this as a YouTube clip multiple times years from now. This is filler. Proving that she truly has an IQ of 99 or whatever is was, Brie Bella says, &#8220;I feel like Artem and Nicole have had this world wind relationship.&#8221; Yes, she said world, not whirl wind. I wish this show could somehow end faster because this chatter is just prattling.<\/p>\n<p>Brie and Nikki have walkie-talkies. I feel sad that I&#8217;m watching this show. I feel sad for my life now. God, why can&#8217;t this episode just end? Why? Why are they being filmed talking on walkie-talkies. None of this is meaningful. I will never get this two minutes back. Moving on, Nikki and Artem are in the kitchen; he&#8217;s cooking and they&#8217;re discussing this frozen eggs thing. &#8220;What if we don&#8217;t break up, then what?&#8221; Yes, those eight words from Artem could have been the entire episode!<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;The whole point of a relationship is two people making decisions together.&#8221; Yup, Artem is the smart one, right up until the point of who he&#8217;s dating. Nikki wants Artem to move in. He agrees. Moving on, Brie and Artem go ring shopping. The minimal price for one of these rings is $80K. Yeah, this is unrealistic. No D-level celebrity needs an $80K piece of jewelry.<\/p>\n<p>Next week: Brie and Bryan go to a Native American Indian retreat (remember the episode with Renee Young and Dean Ambrose where they did this? Yeah, that went SO WELL! Not.), and Artem bought a ring.<\/p><div id=\"pwtor-4175188383\" class=\"pwtor-content pwtor-entity-placement\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280 __336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_test_300x250\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n<hr \/>\n<p><strong>CATCH UP&#8230; <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2020\/05\/15\/5-12-total-bellas-report-by-sarah-k-ep-6-nikki-pees-on-a-stick-asks-boyfriend-if-hed-be-with-her-if-she-cant-have-kids-bryan-watches-video-to-learn-to-braid-hair-more-unsafe-seat-belt-usage\/\">5\/12 TOTAL BELLAS REPORT by Sarah K (Ep. 6): Nikki pees on a stick, asks boyfriend if he\u2019d be with her if she can\u2019t have kids, Bryan watches video to learn to braid hair, more unsafe seat belt usage<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"pwtor-end-article-groups pwtor-entity-placement\" id=\"pwtor-3020178553\"><div id=\"pwtor-2007943412\"><div align=\"center\" data-freestar-ad=\"__336x280\" id=\"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\">\r\n  <script data-cfasync=\"false\" type=\"text\/javascript\">\r\n    freestar.config.enabled_slots.push({ placementName: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\", slotId: \"pwtorchcom_medrec_3\" });\r\n  <\/script>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\nTHANK YOU FOR VISITING<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>TOTAL BELLAS (Season 6, Episode 8) MAY 19, 2020 AIRED ON E! The show opens with a recap, as if we&#8217;ve forgotten all the forgettable things that happen on this show. The twins are with <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/2020\/05\/22\/5-19-total-bellas-report-by-sarah-k-ep-7-brie-says-world-wind-nikki-discusses-not-wanting-her-boyfriends-sperm-on-her-frozen-embryos-a-30000-baby-proofing-request-walkie-talkie-time\/\" title=\"5\/19 TOTAL BELLAS REPORT by Sarah K (Ep. 8): Brie says &#8220;world wind,&#8221; Nikki discusses not wanting her boyfriend&#8217;s sperm on her frozen embryos, a $30,000 baby-proofing request, walkie-talkie time\">[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":95538,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,3972,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-97822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tvshowsandevents","category-total-bellas","category-tv_wwetvreports"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/post\/2020\/04\/TotalBellas2000_3x2_600.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=97822"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97822\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":99003,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97822\/revisions\/99003"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/95538"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=97822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=97822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pwtorch.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=97822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}