WWE Cyber Sunday report
October 29, 2007
Washington D.C.
By Ryan Schwimmer, PWTorch.com contributor

Welcome to "Schwimmer's Take" on Jericho's return show, I mean... Cyber Sunday. In case you weren't aware, we didn't get what we wanted from this show. On to the review!

For those of us who didn't know, WWE reminds us that Cyber Sunday comes to us from our nation's capitol, Washington, D.C. as we are treated to an intro package resembling a campaign video. The set is very cheesy, with a giant keyboard on the ground and a big iMac screen for the TitanTron. Finlay and Rey Mysterio come out for the first match.

(1) Stretcher Match – Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr. This was a fairly entertaining match. One of my friends brought it to our attention that no matter what the crowd picked, the shillelagh and the stretcher could both be used, as all three of them were basically no DQ matches. Indeed they were both used in this Stretcher match. Highlights included Finlay sliding Rey out of the ring and onto the stretcher. Stretcher matches are pretty dumb, though. Wheel a stretcher across a finish line? BRILLIANT! Anyway, I called a 619 which would end up with Finlay on the stretcher for the win, and that's what we got. Or at least that's what we would have gotten had a camera cord not been caught in the wheel of the stretcher. In a very funny botched moment, on its way out, the stretcher gets stopped completely by this cord and Finlay flew off. Anyway, Rey ended up winning in a nicely ad-libbed way.

MATCH WINNER: Rey Mysterio, Jr.Good action and a decent way to start the show, as was the stretcher match at the ECW pay-per-view between RVD and Orton. I liked the spots between the two superstars involving the stretcher.

If you're thinking about ordering the replay and like to mess with people, find someone who's squeamish about blood and make sure they watch the next part. They're talking about Matt Hardy's injury and they show a close-up of him getting stitches and everything. I say all this because I was watching with someone who was none too happy about seeing the footage again. MVP checked on Matt in the back and Matt basically said he was going to be using a surrogate wrestler for their match, and it could be Mark Henry (yeah, right), The Great Khali (double yeah, right), or Kane (duh). We also see our next entrants in the costume party. We have either Maria, who's a pussycat, or Victoria, who's a sumo wrestler. Ron Simmons says "Damn."

The ECW Title match is up next, and we're all ready to see Punk vs. John Morrison, right? Wrong. The Miz somehow wins the vote.

(2) C.M. Punk vs. The Miz - ECW World Heavyweight Championship. I was looking forward to seeing Punk vs. Morrison as their last match was incredibly entertaining, but I was also intrigued with this match-up. The Miz has been fairly impressive lately and I thought Punk would be a good opponent for him. Unfortunately it was a pretty forgettable match. I say that because had I not been looking at a recap of the show to refresh my memory, I might have forgotten about it, honestly. Punk hit the springboard clothesline for a near-fall and then a GTS for the win.

MATCH WINNER: C.M. Punk, who retains the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. This was the first of a lot of the matches where my friends and I just talked through the entire thing. Very forgettable, and I really think that these two could have had a better match. It's a good thing that Smackdown and ECW have merged rosters, because the competition for Punk's title is growing very stale.

We get an ECW package promoting the Monster's Ball match. Or Monster Mash or whatever they're calling it. When we come back we have our first entrants in the Costume Contest. Mickie James is dressed up like an Indian (feather, not dot). Torrie Wilson is Clinton Portis. They are in D.C. I guess... We get a video package of the three contenders for the WWE Championship. Regal comes out and says that the losers of the vote will face each other. Very nice, Hardy vs. Kennedy. Oh yeah, HBK won.

(3) Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy. I was really hoping we'd see this match, but I didn't think we would. The action started early and didn't really let up. All of Hardy's spots were hit except for the Swanton. There was also a nice Hurracanrana in there. The Whisper in the Wind was good for a near-fall. After all this talk, you'd think Hardy would have won. Surprisingly, Hardy went for that super dropkick in the corner and Mr. K moved out of the way. Kennedy took advantage of the situation and picked up the ‘W.'

MATCH WINNER: Mr. Kennedy. I love both of these guys and they didn't disappoint. If they were allowed a little more time it could have been even better, and a better finish would have helped as well. What should have happened was a missed dropkick followed up with the Green Bay Plunge, but I'm not the writer here.

... Kennedy.

We get our next entrants in the Costume Contest. Michelle McCool (my favorite) was lame. She was supposed to be Eve from the Garden of Eden, but instead of being the cool Eve she could have been, she was clothed... I mean, she wasn't. She had an apple and took a bite of it. Lame. And we have Melina who's a slut. Or something. I'm sure Batista's proud. Then there was a brief yelling match between Mick Foley and JBL and a really lame video promoting JBL. Foley can count to three. How special. Kane wins the vote for the MVP match.

(4) MVP vs. Kane. Lame match with a count-out finish. I just saved you a lot of time.

MATCH WINNER: Kane. Awful. Filler. Stupid. I know these guys can put on a halfway decent match because I've seen them do it. I guess they forgot.

Save_Us.X29 video airs. Then we get a Survivor Series promo. Are we going to see Edge in a chainsaw match? I really hope they bring him back on TV before the PPV. This whole build-up thing without seeing them is really stupid. Next entrants in the Diva Battle Royal are Layla, who's a bad cop with a whip, and Kelly Kelly's breasts, who look new...

Randy Orton talked about how you should be careful what you wish for because you might get it. Good one, writers. Since this match is up next, something tells me we're not seeing HBK with the belt.

(5) Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels - World Title match. Things started out well, with good ring psychology and methodical planning throughout the match. Michaels was hung up on the turnbuckle for a little while and Randy tried to capitalize with a superplex, but HBK pushed him off and then missed his elbow drop. That whole spot took entirely too long to develop. It looked like they were very off-balance on the turnbuckle. Orton looked like he hurt his arm, which is possibly one of the worst things that could happen for WWE right now. Finish (or the lack thereof) comes when HBK goes for a Sweet Chin Music and Orton ducks and nails the low blow for the DQ. Afterward, HBK hits the superkick.

MATCH WINNER: Shawn Michaels, by DQ. Had there been a real winner, it would have been good for another half a point, easily. As anyone would expect, this was a good technical matchup, and the last half or so of the match was very good (save the finish) and a good way to complement the first half, which was a little slow and methodical, while still being very entertaining.

More Halloween Costumes. Brooke is dressed as Tarzan's Jane. And in the funniest moment of the show, Jillian Hall is Britney, B----! She had two baby dolls and dropped them both. Good stuff there. J.R. with the commentator's line of the night: "This is the worst Halloween Costume Contest ever."

The crowd hasn't been happy with most of the show so far, booing heavily at the fact that Matt Hardy wasn't going to be wrestling, chanting "boring" and "you can't wrestle" during the ECW title match, booing the count-out finish in the Kane/MVP match, and booing the DQ finish in the Orton/Michaels match. They were even more angry when they found out that Trips and Umaga (‘n' sound optional) would be in a street fight as opposed to a steel cage.

(6) Triple H vs. Umaga - Street Fight. The fight started out of the ring and before long, Trips speared Umaga through the set. Great action throughout this match. Umaga was really lame when he first started in WWE, but it seems like when this guy's in No-DQ style matches, he lights it up. Trash cans, announce tables, and sledgehammers were used. In fact, with Hunter laying on the ECW table, Umaga started out on the Smackdown table, ran over that and the Raw table and splashed Trips. That was entertaining. Finish comes when Trips hits Umaga with the sledgehammer and the pedigree.

MATCH WINNER: Triple H. Like I said, very entertaining and great use of the Street Fight stipulation. The crowd was pretty unhappy with the stip, but they were pleased with the match, it seemed. Match of the Night.

Mickie James won the costume contest and beat her drum.

That boring video for Taker/Tister (pronounced ‘tee-ster') showed. There were approximately 13 million votes for Cyber Sunday. Is it just me or didn't they say there were 15 million last year? Bad news for WWE? A really boring scene here with JBL spouting off about winning, Foley interrupting him, Austin stunning both of them. Austin won the vote by a thousand percent or something.

(7) Batista vs. Undertaker - WWE World Heavyweight Championship. The psychology here was very similar to the other Championship match, as it started off slow. Decent but underwhelming action throughout the match. Highlights included Batista reversing the old school tight-rope walking twice and a lot of near-falls. Lots of near-chokeslams and near-Tister bombs as well. Both men hit almost all of their spots, including the chokeslam for a nearfall, the spear for a nearfall, Last Ride for a nearfall, Spinebuster for a nearfall. Austin was really a non-factor in the match. Batista hits two Batista Bombs for the win.

MATCH WINNER: Batista, for some reason, who retains the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Decent action and the last half of the match was pretty exciting with all the aforementioned nearfalls. Not anywhere near the buildup created for it, but I guess we can't blame WWE for trying to sell a Pay-Per-View.

OVERALL GRADE (5.0): Despite three solid matches to end the show, it doesn't counter-act that most of the rest of the show felt like filler, and the fact that half the matches didn't have any real finishes. The costume contest was pretty stupid. If we had to have it, it should have been live in the ring. If you'll notice, I barely mentioned the commentary throughout my review. In case you're reading this, TNA: This is how it should be. You don't have to stretch to make your commentary great, just make it there to complement the action. Don West and Mike Tenay try to steal the show or something and it hurts the product. Trust me. We all feel this way. Yes, even their mothers.

Thanks for joining me on this review of Cyber Sunday. I hope you all enjoyed. If you did, e-mail me at Xenorye@cox.net with feedback. If you didn't, shut up. Just kidding. You can e-mail, too. Just put in your subject line "Bad feedback" so I'll know to ignore it.

DISCLAIMER: Chris Jericho had no impact on my Cyber Sunday rating.

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