TNA Impact review
September 27, 2007
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch.com contributor

Jeremy Borash is in the back with James Mitchell and Judas Mesias, who are looking for Sting. James Mitchell is apparently the anti-Chris Harris: a few weeks ago I commented that Harris could take a standard promo and make it seem utterly lifeless and dull; this week, James Mitchell reminds us that he can take a generic heel promo and make it seem scary as all hell.

[Opening Credits]

(1) Team 3D defeats "The Guru" Sonjay Dutt and Shark Boy. There's some miscommunication between Ray and Devon throughout the match, beginning when each of them is laughs as the other one gets bitten by Shark Boy. If I were going to be bitten by one man, I would totally pick the guy in the mask—it's got to cut into his bite something fierce. Devon continues to be annoyed when Brother Ray plays along with Sonjay Dutt's acts of extreme friendliness, which does make me realize for the first time that this "guru" gimmick could actually be funny if done well. Shark Boy and Sonjay get in a surprising amount of offense given 3D's current gimmick of obliterating "lesser" tag teams. Shark Boy hits the Wazzup? for a laugh, but then gets caught in a 3D for the finish. After the match, they go for the Scott-Steiner-chair-shot-to-the-trachea, but Shark Boy rolls away. Maybe one of them should have held him down.

Given that two of the four people in this match have lame gimmicks and two have been stale for the last year, this is a surprisingly good sports-entertainment segment. It sold that 3D was in a foul mood, without totally destroying either Sonjay Dutt or Sharkboy. Speaking of those two, if anyone can figure out why they were teaming together, I'll owe you a coke.

Jeremy Borash is in the back, and apparently the TNA fans get to vote whether there's going to be a rematch after Bound for Glory's main event. I'm thinking the fix is in here for the no-rematch clause—I mean wouldn't it be somewhat awkward if they had to advertise their main event as "Angle vs. Sting: For the First of At Least Two Times in the Next Month or So."

VKM come by, and BG complains that all of the tiny stars think they can wrestle just cause they can do a few flips. He then turns on the fans, questioning why if they didn't need fans when they (VKM) were on top of the world why they would need the any now. That logic makes your head hurt if you think about it too hard. He rips into the "marks" for thinking we know something when we don't…um, I'm pretty sure I don't have to be on your "side of the curtain" to know that I haven't been entertained by one of your matches in about a year. Still, BG sells the anger really well. I come to appreciate that when Kip James goes on the mic and I come to miss it.

[Commercial Break]

Borash can't find Sting, so he's looking in the rafters. That makes a surprising amount of sense.

(2) Motor City Machine Guns defeat Lance Hoyt & Jimmy Rave (w/ Christy Hemme). This contest is starting to make me think that the Machine Guns can't have a bad match. They're lighting fast, always in sync, and have an awesome arsenal. They're like Kendrick & London with more teamwork and personality. I mean even little things like Sabin clubbing Rave in the head as Shelly hits a double axe handle off the top are just right on. The highlight is probably a neat spot where Shelley DDTs Rave into Hoyt's crotch to an audible "that was awesome" chant. Tonight the announcers are admitting that Jimmy Rave was in TNA before, which is weird, cause they claimed No Surrender was his debut. So far I am not impressed with him, but they haven't really given him much offense. His one big move is a weird double STF on Shelley and Sabin, but it doesn't seem like he could possibly have any leverage (and, in a nice bit of logic, Sabin is able to just sort of wiggle out). The finish comes when Hoyt gets distracted yelling at Christy for no discernible reason, and the Machine Guns hit the double ensuguri for the win.
After the match, Team 3D comes back to kill another tag team.

[Commercial Break]

Team 3D has a table set up, and in for the save comes…Shark Boy? Uh oh. He might be the ideal person to bite you, but he is most definitely not the ideal person for a rescue. 3D powerbombs Shelly through Sabin through a table, then nails the Trachea Killer (I've decided that it'll just be easier if I start naming moves myself) on Shark Boy. Where are the Steiners?

Borash is still looking for Sting. Good to know.

Roxie Levaux (w/ VKM) defeats Ms. Brooks (w/ Robert Roode), Ms. Jackie Moore (w/ James Storm), Gail Kim (w/ Chris Harris), and Christy Hemme (w/ Lance Hoyt & Jimmy Rave)
This match is to determine the final entrant in Bound for Glory's Women's Championship gauntlet, as well as how many names I'm willing to type for one women's match.

[Commercial Break]

The wrestling in this match is a whole lot better than I would have expected, as Gail Kim shows everyone why WWE expected her to be such a big deal a few years ago. If she doesn't win their first title, it better go to either a debuting Amy Dumas or The Phenomenal AJ Styles (new titles always go to AJ). Christy Hemme misses with a leg split off the top rope that is apparently called the "Flying Firecrotch Guillotine", which I didn't know you could say on TV. Gail sort of stumbles while hitting a tornado-spinning-kick-DDT, but if you go for a move like that and just sort of stumble you're doing pretty well. The ladies hit a Tower of Doom, which has to be a first for a women's match. All the guys but VKM get to brawling. Gail Kim takes control, but then VKM interfere to give Roxxi the win.

[Commercial Break]

There's a recap of Joe-Christian, which is sadly all we see of them this week.

There's also a video package for Judas Mesias, which is sadly not all we see of him this week.

Borash is talking to Mitchell and Mesias in the back, when Sting jumps out and ambushes them. He throws Mesias through a bright pink door, which is a perfectly logical thing to be lying around backstage at a wrestling show.

[Commercial Break]

Sting beats Mesias into the ring. The commentators try to sell this as the new, evil Sting, but he seems only moderately different from old, boring Sting. Still, as I said last week, I'm digging the gradual transformation, and this week he's right about where he should be—angry but still not wholly dark. Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock, complete with rope-induced extra leverage. Angle attacks from behind, and then Rhyno comes in to a massive pop to make the save. Unfortunately, Rhyno as a rescuer is only about one level up from Shark Boy, and so things don't go well. Abyss's music hits as he comes out to make the second-order save. I never really got why run-ins aren't accompanied by music more often, though the general lack of accompanied run-ins in TNA did make Abyss's return after a mere two weeks seem like a bigger deal.

Where We've Been:

So in the middle of Sting's beat down on Mesias, the latter busts out a cool looking twisting drop kick. It made me wonder if maybe there's a decent wrestler underneath that atrociously over the top gimmick. I don't watch ROH or indie promotions or wherever Mesias came from, so all I know about anyone is what I see in TNA and WWE. The result is that I end up assessing people in accordance with their debut, and debuting with a silly gimmick can handicap a wrestler for years. Abyss took years of ridiculous bumps before he was taken seriously as a heavyweight. Does every wrestling show need a monster/vampire/talent-free-giant? Why? Obviously not every wrestler should be Cody-Rhodes-dull, but there are limits on how much surrealism one can take seriously. Most successful characters—the Rock, Austin, the Cerebral Assasin—are just exaggerations of the sorts of people one meets in everyday life—the loudmouth, the rebel, the annoyingly competent ass-hole. Admittedly sometimes even seemingly over the top gimmicks can be wildly successful—see John Cena's white rapper gimmick—but as a general rule the gimmicks that succeed are always those that allow the wrestlers to show aspects of their personalities that would otherwise have remained hidden—Cena's smarminess (heel) and/or playfulness (face), the Godfather's exuberance, or The Hurricane's childishness. Mesias's meanness isn't really anything new, and it isn't the sort of personality that requires a whacky character to bring out. The question I would think any wrestling organization should ask before debuting a character is what otherwise invisible strength of the performer this character helps highlight. If they can't answer that, then maybe the should think twice before saddling a Judas Mesias with a vampiric albatross.

Where We're Going:
That's a good question, and one which would not be readily answerable by anyone who just saw tonight's show. There wasn't really a whole lot of forward motion along any of the major angles. The main event got some cursory attention, but the Steiners, Team Pacman, Samoa Joe, and Christian's Coalition were all bizarrely absent. I sympathize greatly with the idea that the primary focus of a weekly broadcast should be putting on the best hour (or two) of television possible, regardless of PPV build-up. However, before what's supposed to be the biggest show of the year a little build-up and continuity should not be wholly out of the question. Really the only PPV match that got picked up any steam at all was the women's match, but that's not saying that much.

Tonight's Show: It didn't do much to build up the biggest show of the year, and was seriously damaged by the perplexing absence of some of TNA's most bankable performers. On the other hand, I found all three matches fairly entertaining, and didn't want to fast forward through any of the action. C+

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