By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S SMACKDOWN REPORT
OCTOBER 5, 2007
BROADCAST ON THE CW

-The show opened with clips of Vince McMahon announcing that John Cena had been stripped of the WWE Hvt. Title due to injury.

-The Smackdown opening aired, then Michael Cole and JBL introduced the show as Batista walked to the ring. Batista said he does feel like the visiting team defending his title in the Punjabi Prison match. He said the odds are stacked against him. Great Khali and his spokesman appeared on the big screen and taunted Batista. Batista didn't back down, instead intensely telling Khali he has no idea what it's like to be trapped in a cage with an animal.

-Cole and JBL promoted the Rey Mysterio vs. Great Khali match coming up later.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- CHUCK PALUMBO (w/Michelle McCool) vs. ACE STEEL

Cole and JBL talked about a motorcycle rally Palumbo would be going to soon for custom bike builders. Palumbo won easy and clean with his finishing sequence - the big boot and the Full Throttle.

WINNER: Palumbo in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Just a squash. Kinda awkward at times.

-After the match, Chris Masters blindside attacked Palumbo and put him in the Master Lock, setting up their early-card feud. Masters left Palumbo lying in the ring.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- JAMIE NOBLE vs. JIMMY WANG YANG

This had it's moments, but it also had the usual batch of dull spots that are typically part of a Wang Yang match (dating back to his ROH days). When they did leave first gear, it was good. The crowd didn't react to them like they were stars. Noble countered Yang with coming off the ropes with a gutbuster for the clean win.

WINNER: Noble in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-They went to a Diva Search segment featuring the finalists doing obstacle course type stuff on the beach. There's this really bizarro-world pretext that the women play along with that there's a point to the competition and that it has something to do with how well they do in the fan voting when all fans get are scattered clips of a bunch of random athletically-oriented tasks the women are given ranging from flag football to slip 'n' slide to hoola-hoop.

-MVP and Matt Hardy walked out for their match. MVP challenged Hardy to a push-up contest. He said they had to do it side-by-side and whoever lasted longer won. Just past 30, MVP "slipped" and knocked Hardy down, then quickly recovered himself and did more push-ups. MVP was declared the winner. Where's instant replay when you need it? JBL claimed MVP's slip was inadvertent.

3 -- MATT HARDY & MVP vs. DEUCE & DOMINO - WWE Tag Team Title match

Methodical pace early. Hardy went for a Twist of Fate in 2:00 on Deuce. Domino attempted to interfere, but Hardy side-stepped him. Hardy then dove off the top rope onto Deuce & Domino on the floor.

[Commercial Break]

JBL said the fans having to choose between MVP and Deuce or Domino in the ring is like choosing between Iran and North Korea. Cole said MVP wants to remain tag champion with Hardy to distract from him pursuing U.S. Title matches against him. Yawn. Long, boring match. Silent crowd. Bland moves. Nobody was in a hurry to do anything but fill their time. MVP took a long beating, then hot-tagged Hardy in at 17:00. Cole said Hardy was "a literal ball of fire against Deuce and Domino." Somebody needs to clue Cole in on what the term "literal" means. Chaos broke out a minute later. MVP gave Domino a low blow. Hardy hit a Twist of Fate right afterward for the win. Hardy suspected MVP interfered and they argued on their way up the ramp.

WINNERS: Hardy & MVP in 19:00 to retain the WWE Tag Team Titles.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- There's just no reason to bore millions of viewers with this style of wrestling. Whether it's how the match is produced backstage, the unrealistic time given to green wrestlers, the hiring practices in the first place of bringing green bland guys like Deuce & Domino onto the roster in the first place, some bizarre philosophy that this is the right style of wrestling to entertain America, or whatever - it is not part of an ideal formula to maximize viewership and people's passion for the WWE brand.

-Kane crossed paths with MVP and Hardy on the stage and headed to the ring.

-A video feature aired hyping the Punjabi Prison match.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- KANE vs. KENNY DYKSTRA

This match was joined in progress after the break. Kane, of course, dominated. Dykstra teased a comeback with a dropkick and some offense of his own, including a two count, but once he applied an overhead chinlock, Kane powered out and took over, leading to a clean win after his chokeslam.

WINNER: Kane in 5:00.

STAR RATING: * -- At least it wasn't as long as the previous match. Less boring equals better rating. Still, though, hardly a WWE at it's most athletic or entertaining.

[Commercial Break]

-A scene was shown outside the arena in Dayton, Ohio. Then they went to highlights such as they were of last week's wedding.

-Backstage, new G.M. Vickie Guerrero was chatting with the mystery blond woman who attacked Torrie Wilson last week. Vickie said for future reference, if she needs anything, come to her. MVP and Hardy barged in. MVP said it would only be fair if Hardy had to face Kane's brother, Undertaker. Vickie said that was a good idea. Vickie said she'd book Kane & Undertaker vs. Hardy. MVP celebrated too soon because she added MVP to the match, also. What was funny is she revealed this by saying, "Matt Hardy and his tag team championship partner, MVP." It wasn't when she said "tag team championship partner" that he reacted with alarm; it was only when she said his name. It's as if he didn't know he was Hardy's "tag team championship partner."

-Highlights aired from Raw of the John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy match and the post-match attack by Randy Orton. Cole then informed viewers Cena "will miss six months of action." They plugged that a new WWE Champion would be crowned at No Mercy on Sunday. They discussed a "Tale of the Tape" graphic for Rey vs. Khali with a 5-6 to 7-3 height differential and a 165 to 420 weight differential. JBL said Rey has neither a sling-shot nor God on his side, so it's hardly David vs. Goliath in that respect.

[Commercial Break]

-The mysterious video clip aired that many believe to be foreshadowing the return of Chris Jericho.

5 -- MIKE TOLAR & CHAD COLLYER vs. FESTUS & JESSE

The theme song for Festus and Jesse begins with the lyrics "Biscuits and Gravy." Before the match, Jesse said that Festus can switch from a gentle giant to a ferocious monster inside the ring. He said he will make believers out of everybody. JBL said they should play the "Deliverance" theme as their intro song. Jesse and Collyer kept things moving briskly early in the match. At 3:00 Festus tagged back in and clubbed away aggressively at Collyer, then finished him with a big boot and a shoulder-gutbuster drop. Meanwhile, Jesse did a flip splash off the apron on Tolar at ringside to stop his interference before the three count. Festus, after the three count, immediately went back into his dopey look. Jesse said, "That is the face of a true competitor."

WINNERS: Jesse & Festus in 4:00.

STAR RATING: * - Better action than in the previous two matches. I can see "Biscuits and Gravy" catching on as a cult classic WWE theme song, as generic as it is outside of the lyrics.

-Cole and JBL hyped Rey and Khali as if it was next, but there'd be two commercials breaks with PPV hype in between before the bell would sound.

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and JBL promoted the entire No Mercy line-up.

-A video recap aired of Khali squishing Rey's head. Then Rey made his ring intro.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. THE GREAT KHALI

Rey tried to duck under and run circles around Khali early, but when he got caught, Khali pounded and stomped on him. JBL said as much as he despises Rey, he feels a little sorry for him tonight. They cut to crowd shots of fans looking on concerned. He settled on a nerve hold at 4:00. Rey forced a break when he reached the middle rope. Khali reapplied the nerve hold. Rey punched out of it. Khali sorta sold the blows, then kicked Rey to the floor. Rey landed hard and the ref began counting. Khali went out after him. He moved out of the path of Khali's chop and Khali chopped the metal steps. Khali then slidekicked Khali into the ring barrier. He followed with a 619 around the ringpost and then climbed to the top rope. Finlay ran into the ring with his shilelagh, so Rey turned to dive at him. The ref called for the bell.

WINNER: Rey Mysterio via DQ in 7:00 (presumably, as they didn't bother to make an official announcement).

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- It told the only story it could - with Khali dominating with power and Rey coming back with quick evasions and flying moves.

-As Finlay attacked Rey and then Khali applied his vice grip, Batista charged to the ring to make the save. He gave Finlay a spinebuster and a spear to Khali. He took off his shirt and grabbed a chair and stared down Khali as his music played and Cole and JBL gave a final hard sell to No Mercy.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A pretty sad brand right now. If the ECW roster was merged in here, adding C.M. Punk and Elijah Burke in particular, it would spice things up. Lots of below-exciting action filling out a two hour show that felt like it would have easily fit into 60 instead.

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