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CALDWELL'S WWE RAW REPORT 10/15: Ongoing virtual time coverage of live Raw
Oct 15, 2007 - 10:09:00 PM |
By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
WWE Raw Live Report
October 15 from Birmingham, U.K.
With The Rock handling the intros for Monday Night Football, Raw opened with a recap of Randy Orton's title win at No Mercy, then Shawn Michaels's surprise appearance on Raw last week to KO Orton.
Backstage, William Regal was saluting several photos in his office, then Randy Orton showed up and reminded Regal that Triple H was supposed to be the first person to shake his hand last week. He told Regal to make a decision on who he faces at Cyber Sunday, not the fans, but he needs a tune-up match before the PPV. Orton said he can think of a match the fans would like to see: Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Shawn Michaels. Regal said that sounds good, but he has a decision and an announcement to make.
After the Raw intro aired, Regal walked out on stage and played with the crowd. He then announced Orton in one-on-one matches tonight against Jeff Hardy, Mr. Kennedy, and Shawn Michaels. Regal introduced Hardy first, who came out to his now-typical superstar pop. Orton then came out looked none too happy. He stopped on the stage and glared at Regal, who stood firm in his place.
1 -- WWE champion RANDY ORTON vs. IC champion JEFF HARDY -- non-title match
Orton had brief control early on, but Hardy knocked him to the floor and hit a big splash before they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
[Q2]
They returned with Orton locking on a customary chinlock in center ring. Hardy escaped, but Orton snapped off a powerslam. Hardy came back with the Whisper in the Wind, then landed a dropkick to the chest. He went up top for a Sentaun Splash, but Kennedy came to ringside and distracted Hardy, allowing Orton to crotch Hardy off the top. Orton took advantage with an RKO for the win.
WINNER: Orton in 10:00. Serviceable TV match to advance the Kennedy vs. Hardy feud. Would still be nice to see Hardy pick up a meaningful TV victory, but WWE is only going to push Hardy so far right now. (*1/2)
Ringside, Lawler voted on his laptop for Jeff Hardy as Randy Orton's opponent at the PPV. Orton walked away with his title belt while Ross talked about Orton's other two matches tonight.
[Commercial Break]
Santino Marella walked out with a completely different-looking Maria. Santino said it's great to be back in Europe. He said the only thing more beautiful than Europe is his Maria. Santino wanted to know why everyone was so mad at him. He said everyone must have just finished watching The Condemned on DVD. Val Venis's music interrupted and Venis walked out to the ring. They did the usual middle-age lady crowd shots, but the reaction just isn't the same to the very heavy Venis.
2 -- VAL VENIS vs. SANTINO MARELLA (w/Maria)
Santino took out Venis's knee in the opening seconds and went to work on the knee. He sat down on a half crab and Venis cried out in pain trying to reach the ropes before finally breaking the hold. Santino went back to the knee and rolled up Venis near the ropes. He grabbed hold of the ropes at the last second to secure the final count for the pin and the win. Maria was oblivious to the cheat-to-win tactics and celebrated with Santino after the match.
WINNER: Santino in 3:00. Continues the feud. Not much to see here. (1/2*)
[Q3]
They showed clips from the diva search, doing a Baywatch deal. Just some Pamela Anderson bouncing boob shoots to appeal to the male demographic.
Backstage, Carlito talked to Coach about Hornswoggle. He said it was cool that Hornswoggle beat Coach with his own cane. Coach said that wasn't cool, then he said he's got a plan to get rid of Hornswoggle tonight. Hornswoggle snuck up behind them and stole Carlito's apple from Coach. Carlito laughed at Coach's predicament, then Coach gave chase.
[Commercial Break]
They returned with Coach chasing Hornswoggle to the catering area where Hornswoggle made a mess with food. He then tackled Coach on a table before scampering off to the other side of the building. Ringside, Ross was not amused. Lawler made a joke that Coach shouldn't have ordered the shrimp. Ross and Lawler then segued to a video package on Triple H's rough night last week.
Back in Regal's office, Vince McMahon asked Regal where Triple H is. Regal said he didn't know where he is, then they debated the pronunciation of Umaga. They cut backstage where Mr. Kennedy was walking to the ring for Orton's second match.
[Commercial Break]
[Q4]
Mr. Kennedy came out and told everyone to vote for him at Cyber Sunday. He introduced himself, then Randy Orton came out for his second match.
3 -- WWE champion RANDY ORTON vs. MR. KENNEDY -- non-title match
Ross called it the Ego Bowl, and Kennedy opened on the offensive before Orton drove Kennedy into the top turnbuckle. Kennedy came back and was preparing for a finish on Orton, but Jeff Hardy came to ringside and dropkicked Kennedy, causing the match to be thrown out. Hardy then hit a Swanton Bomb on Kennedy. Orton tried to charge Hardy, but Hardy pulled down the top rope and Orton flew to the floor. Hardy's music hit and he celebrated in the ring while staring down Orton, who paced ringside. Kennedy disappeared from sight rather than jumping Hardy from behind.
WINNER: Orton via DQ in 4:00. Not much to the action with outside interference early in the match. Orton is obviously conserving energy for Michaels, so it made sense for the match to go short. (3/4*)
[Commercial Break]
Vince McMahon walked out and said sometimes he even amazes himself with his own promotional genius. He hyped Cyber Sunday while the fans did the "What?" chants. McMahon wasn't amused and Lawler groaned that the fans were angering McMahon. McMahon paused, then said at Cyber Sunday it will be Triple H versus his man, Umaga. McMahon demanded a referee come out. Lawler said Hunter might have cracked ribs from what happened at Raw last week. McMahon said one of the stips to pick from at the PPV is a Street Fight. He then addressed the designated jobber, Andy Simmons, who was about to crap his pants.
[Q5]
4 -- UMAGA vs. ANDY SIMMONS -- Street Fight
Umaga quickly knocked poor Andy to the floor and threw him into the announce table. McMahon watched with glee as Umaga picked up a chair and threw it into the ring. Some fans ringside chanted for Andy, then Umaga landed a Samoan Drop on the steel chair in center ring. He scored a pin for the win. Afterward, referees tried to drag Andy out of the ring, but McMahon stopped him short and said there is another demonstration to be had: first blood match.
WINNER: Umaga in 2:00. Squash for a win. (n/a)
4b -- UMAGA vs. ANDY SIMMONS -- First Blood Match
Umaga hung Andy upside down in the corner, then landed a diving headbutt. McMahon said that's going to leave a mark. Umaga then warmed up the train for a running rear splash and he connected. Umaga dragged Andy back into center ring and landed repeated Samoan Spike jabs to the throat. Andy came up bleeding from the mouth and the ref called for the bell. Afterward, McMahon asked for medical attention for the kid and commented on the bloody look on Andy's face. McMahon held up the train when he said there is a third option: steel cage. McMahon recapped what we just saw, then told Umaga to get in the cage with Andy.
WINNER: Umaga in 2:00. Squash. (n/a)
4c -- UMAGA vs. ANDY SIMMONS -- Steel cage match
Umaga smashed Andy into the cage walls repeatedly while McMahon did running commentary about Umaga destroying Triple H. McMahon declared Umaga the winner, then Umaga walked out of the cage. Lawler asked the obvious question, What purpose does this serve?
WINNER: Umaga in 2:00. Completely and utterly pointless segment. Sure, it explains all three options, but it dragged and the crowd was quiet throughout this. (n/a)
[Commercial Break]
They returned with more Horny and The Coach. Hornswoggle found a mini tricycle and drove down the hallway, past Ron Simmons. Coach then hopped on a bike and started peddling after Horny. They went back to Simmons, who thought it over before shouting, Damn!
[Q6]
Jillian Hall walked out for a match and ripped on Lillian Garcia. She accused her of lip synching last week. Like a classic heel promoting the babyface's stuff, like Santino, Jillian rolled footage of Lillian's performance last week. They returned and the crowd popped. Jillian said that has got to be the best bunch of fake musicians ever. She said no one even understands Spanish and a true singer gets judged on how well they sing without a band, like her. Jillian said she was going to start singing in British. She went for an old school Spice Girls jam before Candice Michelle's techno beat interrupted.
5 -- JILLIAN HALL vs. CANDICE MICHELLE
Jillian tried to jump Candice before the match, but Candice quickly came back with the Unprettier for the win. They cut to a video interview where Beth Phoenix said Candice is having her re-match next week on Raw. Beth said she would make Candice get down on her knees. To worship her, that is.
WINNER: Candice in 1:00. Not exactly a showcase of women's wrestling. (n/a)
Backstage, Cody Rhodes was prepping for a match, then Hardcore Holly walked in and laughed at the thought of Cody challenging him again. Holly said he's been beating people up since before Cody was swimming around underneath his father's polka dots. Cody didn't flinch, then Holly slapped the crap out of Cody, who turned back and breathed heavy in Holly's face. Holly smiled and said that's the look he's looking for.
[Commercial Break]
The Smackdown Rebound aired, focusing on Rey vs. Finlay to face Batista for the World Title, but with Undertaker sliding into the title shot. Ringside, Lawler surveyed Steve Austin, Mick Foley, and JBL as the choices for special referee for the match. Lawler picked JBL.
Cade and Murdoch were in the ring. They're the tag champs. Exit stage right to the announce table.
6 -- BRIAN KENDRICK (w/Paul London) vs. HIGHLANDER RORY (w/Highlander Robbie)
Rory dominated Kendrick to start the match. Murdoch added solid commentary, while Cade threw out a random line here and there to silence everyone. Kendrick came back with a leaping leg kick to the face, then Robbie tried to serve as a distraction, but London yanked him down to the floor. Back in the ring, Rory hit a reverse flapjack suplex for the pin and the win. Afterward, the Highlanders stared down the tag champs, who told them to calm down and wait their turn.
WINNER: Rory in 3:00. Too short to mean much of anything in the ring. The tension and conflict between the tag champs and Highlanders works to create some sort of issue in the tag division. Fortunately, Murdoch is a great, great man, otherwise this would have bombed. (1/2*)
[Q7]
They went to the same video package from the top of the show recapping Orton's ascension to the WWE Title, before HBK KO'ed him at the end of last week's show.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage, Todd Grisham brought in Shawn Michaels for a promo. HBK, with his cowboy hat and seven o'clock shadow, said every time Orton turns around, he'll be there. Michaels said he would kick Orton's teeth down his throat, then he said he'll be back in the saddle again at Cyber Sunday when he wins the title back.
From that poignant promo to more of Hornswoggle running around. He ran into the diva's locker room, then Coach paused before running behind him. Hornswoggle emerged with a leopard print bikini top on his head, then Coach came back out with things being thrown at him.
They back to ringside where Ross and Lawler were trying to talk, but they were cut off by another SaveUs video package. To the naked eye, I thought I saw bookshelf. Ross and Lawler said it was the first time they've been cut off by the binary code, then Lawler said he has an idea what it's about. Suddenly, Hornswoggle and Coach played chase to the ringside area. Horny went under the ring, then Coach tried to find him, but he pulled out an ACME detonating device. Coach smiled and loosened his tie, then said he's going to blow up Horny. He pumped the device, but nothing happened. Coach checked the wire and went under the ring, but Horny emerged from the other side. The Roadrunner jumped into the ring and surveyed the detonator. He then pumped the handle and they did some special effects with the TV screen and ring shaking. Smoke came out from under the ring, then the Coyote emerged from under the ring covered in smoke. And there are smiles on the faces of the 5-12 year-old demographic.
[Q8]
[Commercial Break]
7 -- CODY RHODES vs. HARDCORE HOLLY
Match three opened with Holly tossing Cody over the top rope, but Cody skinned the cat and flipped back into the ring to find a physical elbow smash from Holly, followed by slaps to the chest. They traded physical blows, then Holly went for the Alabama Slam, but Cody countered into a roll up for a close nearfall. Cody scored with several more nearfalls before rolling up Holly in the corner for another close count. Holly came back with a textbook dropkick before going up top. He landed a cross body splash, but Cody rolled through for a nearfall. Holly had enough and landed the Alabama Slam for the win.
Afterward, Holly stood over Cody's body and stared down at him. Cody slowly reached his feet and did the Jeff Hardy get up, fall down, get up, fall down routine after his ladder match against the Undertaker several years ago when that storyline was about Jeff trying to earn respect. Holly took one final look back at Cody before they cut to a break.
WINNER: Holly in 4:00. The best of the really short matches on the show. A nice, understandable storyline that seems to be going somewhere each week. Cody coming inches away from pins throughout the match was a good advancement from just being squashed. (*)
[Commercial Break]
Shawn Michaels came out in his cowboy hat and posed on the stage leading to the main event against Orton. His charisma and stage presence has definitely been missing on the show lately. Randy Orton's music hit at the top of the third hour, and this isn't going long at all. Before the bell sounded, Orton and Michaels had a stare down.
8 -- WWE champion RANDY ORTON vs. SHAWN MICHAELS -- non-title match
The bell sounded and Michaels jumped Orton in the corner. Orton tried to bail to the floor, but Michaels met him with a right hand blow. Back in the ring, Michaels landed a series of chops to the chest. Orton came back with a hard elbow to the chest, then he mounted HBK and landed right hand blows to the forehead. They battled up top and HBK fought him to the mat before landing a flying elbow smash. Suddenly, Mr. Kennedy hit the ring and jumped Michaels. The match was thrown out.
Afterward, Orton and Kennedy doubled up on HBK before Hardy charged the ring to make the save. Hardy beat the snot out of Kennedy, then Orton caught Hardy in the corner and dumped him to the floor. Orton stalked Michaels for the RKO and HBK slowly came to his knees. Orton went for the RKO, but Michaels shoved him away into Kennedy. Orton then stumbled back into Sweet Chin Music from Michaels. Orton did the slow motion spin to the ground to sell the kick as the crowd popped. Michaels jumped around the ring like a mad man, then he then sat down in the corner and smiled at Orton's KO'ed face.
WINNER: HBK via DQ in 3:00. Hot closing segment. Smells like a tag match on next week's show. Michaels just brings an unmistakable energy to the show that no one else on the roster is able to deliver right now with Cena on the shelf. The rest of the show is suffering as a result. (*)
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