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CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/25: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of two-hour show
Oct 25, 2007 - 9:59:20 PM |
By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
October 25, 2007
Taped October 16 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
They opened with a preview of tonight's show. Someone is making time stand still, according to the voice-over man. Please, no!
Backstage in the parking lot, Kurt Angle and Karen Angle asked Borash what's up with Nash. Borash said he just got off the horn and he's here. Kurt said he hasn't shaved all week and he needs to talk to Nash to ease his distress. They found Nash pulling up in the building. Kurt told Nash that he needs him in his corner tonight when he faces Sting. He stuttered through his apology, then offered a gift to Nash. He pulled out an autographed 8"x10" glossy and handed it to Nash as a gift. He signed "BFF". Karen, ever-so-hip, explained it's best friends forever. Kurt said it's more catchy than NWO 4 life. Nash said no way. He said running with Hall and the other guys was a shoot. High School Reunion continued with Nash saying he'll be ringside for the title match, but to see Sting kick Kurt's ass. He walked off, leaving Kurt stunned. Karen asked if he has any other brilliant ideas. He didn't and asked if she could do something about it. Karen "No, but this just keeps getting worse and worse." Ah, Karen with another pearl of wisdom recapping this show.
Ringside, Mike Tenay and Don West plugged Sting vs. Kurt Angle tonight. He said it's the biggest match in Impact history. Tenay said the match needs no hype. So, they proceeded to hype it.
1 -- LAX (HERNANDEZ & HOMICIDE) & RICK & SCOTT STEINER vs. B.G. & KIP JAMES (w/Roxxi) & TNA tag champs A.J. Styles & Tomko
Tenay and West pulled a WCW cruiserweight match and talked about Sting-Angle during the first two minutes of this eight-man tag match. Scott dropped B.G. with a belly-to-belly suplex, then LAX proceeded to work over the heels. They cut to a split-screen of Sting's locker room. Tomko ran over Homicide with a clothesline before they went to break.
[Commercial Break]
[Q2]
They returned with Hernandez dominating folks until Tomko kicked him in the grill with a big boot. Things broke down and quickly spilled to the floor. Suddenly, Roxxi stepped into the ring and spit in Hernandez's face. Kip then dropped Hernandez with the fameasser. Suddenly, a random dude in gang clothing walked over to Homicide and handed him a slapjack. He did the LAX signal, so that must mean he's legit. Homicide then cracked B.G. with the slapjack and Hernandez rolled over to pin him.
WINNERS: LAX in 10:00. Too many men in the ring; not enough time for anything to stand out. (*)
They quickly cut backstage for Sting's last thoughts. He said his match against Angle has nothing to do with the title. Well, that's reassuring. Sting said it's personal because it has to do with Kurt putting his hands on his son. He asked Kurt what he would think if someone put his hands on his child. Sting asked if the picture he sees is graphic.
Suddenly, they cut to backstage where Karen screamed at Kurt for pissing off Sting and creating a mad parent. Karen kept screaming, so Kurt told her to quiet down while he thinks. He told Karen that it's her move to go seduce Nash. Kurt said the only two things Nash understands are money and sex. He told Karen to go do that dance she does when she wants to get nasty. Ooh baby, baby, spank me and do it fifty times, Kurt said. Or something like that. Karen was indignant about the indecent proposal, then told him to look at her. It wouldn't take but one time, she said. True that. Karen asked Kurt what he would do if Nash bites on the sexual advance. Kurt said it's just one time and he'll get over it. Kurt, not sensitive to Karen's feelings of being used for cheap sex, told her to do it or she loses half her money. Karen, now a golddigger like Ms. Brooks, screamed at Kurt that she hates him. She walked off to re-visit her former line of work. Kurt asked Borash if it was wrong of him to propose that to her. Borash Borash looked around like he owes someone money backstage, and didn't give a clear response.
James Storm walked out for a match with Ms. Jackie and his beer. Eric Young is still afraid of his pyro. All is well on TNA presents: High School Reunion. Now come back for a wrestling match.
[Q3]
2 -- ERIC YOUNG vs. JAMES STORM (w/Ms. Jackie Moore) -- Fight for the Right quarterfinal match
Tenay and West talked about Kurt pimping his wife. Tenay said there's a dichotomy where Angle will do anything to win the title and Sting puts family first. Yeah, and Sting doesn't even care about the title, so good point. Storm dominated, then Young made a come back with a corner overhead toss. Young then nailed a DVD for a nearfall. Of course, Jackie hopped on the ring apron to distract Young, who waited for Storm to attack from behind and he ducked to allow Storm to KO Jackie. Storm checked on his woman and walked around ringside with a confused look on his face. Young, being naïve and too caring for the needs of others, checked on Jackie, who sold a legit injury. Storm took advantage with a superkick on Young for the win.
Afterward, Jackie tried to share a beer with Young, but Storm ripped the beer away. Young reached out his hand to ask for the beer. Storm reluctantly tossed the beer to him. Young, not concerned about losing his match, took a swig from the booze. Or, as Tenay put it: "the nectar of the gods." Oh, that Tenay. Hey, where's Rhino? Young finished off the booze and left the ring while West laughed about Young sucking down on a beer.
WINNER: Storm in 5:00. Match outcome apparently didn't matter when the loser quickly recovered from the loss. (3/4*)
Backstage, Karen asked Borash how she looks. Borash stared down at her cleavage and Karen told her to look up. She called him a perve and re-adjusted herself before walking into Nash's locker room. She went for the seduction technique of stroking Nash's arm. Karen told him not to be so stiff. Isn't that the whole idea? They embraced and built heat for a fling, while Nash kept trying to shove Borash's stick out of the way. With Karen's dress strap falling to her shoulder, Nash got in close for a kiss, only to throw her down on the couch. He stood over her and said maybe ten years ago, but with all those enhancements, she's still an Angle. Nash reminded her that she's in bed with Kurt and dies with Kurt. She sent her packing. Karen fled, then Borash quizzed Nash on why he didn't hit it. Nash said he's human, but a cold shower will take care of it.
[Commercial Break]
They went to a promo from earlier in the day when Mike Tenay interviewed Team 3D in the arena. Tenay said he's afraid of them. Brother Devon said they never got their tag titles back after they were wrongfully taken from them. So, now they're going to leave a path of destruction. Tenay asked them about why the X Division. Ray said they're a bunch of little men; a bunch of little boys in the man's world of pro wrestling. He said Team 3D put TNA on the map. Ray said no one in the X Division deserves a job and they're going to run through everyone until none of them are left. Why? Because they can, Ray said. Sad thing is no one from the X Division will ever have promo time to rebut Team 3D's statement.
[Q4]
Segue to The Guru coming out for a four-man X Division match. Guru paraded around ringside to collect money in his tambourine, presumably to pay for his hotel room. Shark Boy then came out. Petey Williams and some dude in a skirt were in the ring. We'll call him Havok.
3 -- HAVOK vs. SHARK BOY vs. PETEY WILLIAMS vs. THE GURU
Shark Boy was still sporting a neckbrace from Team 3D's beating months ago. Everyone did spots on the floor until Guru hit an Asai moonsault onto everyone. Team 3D had enough and Ray walked out seeing four potential meals. He beat down on all four men while calling them a bunch of crappy men having a crappy match. In the ring, 3D gave Shark Boy a 3D for good measure. Ray cried out that they would destroy the X Division. He said they will follow the X Division like a shadow and they are the greatest team in the history of wrestling. Tables were set for two and they gave Petey and Havok simultaneous powerbombs through tables. Where's Raven and his stick to punish Havok for losing?
WINNER: No Contest in 2:00. Team 3D kills more X Division boys. Tune in next week to see the much-anticipated return of D-Ray 3000 and Amazing Red because they're running out of little boys for Team 3D to eat. (n/a)
[Commercial Break]
Backstage, Crystal interviewed Robert Roode while Ms. Brooks pouted in the corner. Roode said he took out Samoa Joe last week because it's business. He said what matters to him is the fight for your right tournament. And the TNA World Title. Thank you! At least someone cares about the belt. Roode said he's tired of seeing the same guys like Angle, Sting, and Samoa Joe featured on Impact each week. He ripped on Fatu for not even knowing his name and calling him a jabroni last week. He reminded Fatu that his name is Robert Roode. He told Fatu that when he's done with him tonight, he'd remember his name and know that it pays to be rude. Now that's a promo.
Kurt Angle walked out for the title match. Karen slowly followed behind Kurt, not looking too confident in her man. Sting then walked out for the title match to start the top of the second hour.
[Q5]
4 -- TNA World champion STING vs. KURT ANGLE (w/Karen Angle)
The match started with a story of Sting outwrestling Kurt on the mat. He snapped off a suplex for a nearfall at 6:00 before taking him to the corner for a round of punches to the forehead. Kevin Nash then walked out and West assumed that things just got worse for Angle. Nash sat down in a chair ringside and Sting shook his head.
[Commercial Break]
They returned with Angle in control after Sting was distracted by Nash's presence during the commercial break. Nash was in deep thought watching the match from ringside. Sting then made his comeback with a running clothesline, taking Angle over the top rope to the floor. Sting smashed Angle into the ring steps, and West said Sting just creamed his face. Nash inched forward and Sting smacked him in the face for no good reason. Back in the ring, Angle caught Sting in the corner while Nash slowly reached his feet and checked his jaw. Angle went for a Tombstone piledriver, but Sting reversed, only to have Angle counter into an anklelock. Sting escaped, though, and slapped on the Scorpion Deathlock.
[Q6]
Karen screamed at Nash to do something while Angle feigned a tap out. Nash then hopped on the ring apron and tried to get in the ring, but Sting smacked him. Ref bump, then Angle with the Olympic Slam on Sting. Earl Hebner then showed up and countered a three count for Angle, giving him the belt.
Afterward, Tenay and West called it b.s. West complained about the blatant interference from Nash. Nash then slowly entered the ring and smiled at Angle, who flipped him off when they seemed to be on the same page. Kurt took off with Karen following, and Nash gave a wry smile to acknowledge Angle's games. Nash left the ring, then the referees got the heat in the ring. Hebner shoved Rudy Charles for arguing with his call, then Jim Cornette showed up to put his boys in line.
WINNER: Angle in 16:00 to capture the TNA Title. Well, since the belt doesn't mean anything to Sting in the storyline, he shouldn't be losing any sleep over the finish. The match was quite good in the final few minutes with the series of counters and reversals before the usual run of interference to end a TNA title match. (**)
[Commercial Break]
They returned with the referees continuing to argue. Mike Tenay called it a dog and pony show between Cornette and the refs. Some random ref was in the ring trying to separate Charles and Hebner, then Cornette said he doesn't know what the hell is going on out here. Does he not watch his own show? Cornette said they're going to the video replay and he's making his own decision. Tenay screamed at Cornette for basically being a blind idiot. Cornette left the ring and Tenay jumped up from his announce table and screamed at him for not seeing the obvious. Cornette stopped dead in his tracks and looked at him with all-too-real disdain. He told him to do his job, and he would do his job. Tenay did his serious/mad face while Cornette sweated beads on his forehead. He told Tenay to sit down and shut up. Or he'll split his lip. Cornette turned and left, then Tenay slowly returned to his announce position. That was pure comedy gold.
Time for some wrestling. Angel Williams walked out to face Amazing Kong. Tenay isn't talking. So it's Don West calling the action while Tenay pouts. Kong walked out staring at a glossy photo of Gail Kim.
5 -- ANGEL WILLIAMS vs. AWESOME KONG
Regarding Angel's chances against Kong, West asked, Mike, what...does...Angel...Williams...have...to...do? Tenay finally snapped to attention and said he will not sit by and be talked to like that. He said he's doing something he's never done in his broadcasting career and going to interject his opinion in a decision. He stormed off the announce set, leaving West to call the match. Kong with a powerbomb and a stiff upper lip to Angel in the opening minute. She had enough of this peroxide blonde and landed a spinning back hand before nailing another powerbomb, this time for the pin and the win.
WINNER: Kong in 2:00. Short squash. Story was Tenay storming off the set after being schooled. (1/2*)
[Q7]
After the match, Don West gave us an update on Cornette consulting the video tape. He then recapped Black Reign stuffing Misty and a bag over Abyss's head last week. They suddenly cut backstage where Abyss had lost his mind. He was chucking stuff around, then James Mitchell popped up behind a stage and distracted Abyss. Black Reign then snuck up behind Abyss and smashed him with various objects. Mitchell directed an attack on Abyss, who was handcuffed to a wood shop unit. Reign placed a vice on Abyss's head and squeezed it tight. He pulled out Misty and put her on top of Abyss. That'll teach him. Abyss cried like a pig in a meat grinder before West demanded they cut away.
[Commercial Break]
Nash, Cornette, and Matt Morgan argued about the TNA title switch. Nash said he's not going to be disrespected without having an opportunity to do something about it.
Robert Roode and Ms. Brooks walked out. The Roode fan girl held up a sign supporting Roode, who grabbed a chair and told Brooks to sit down. Junior Fatu walked out to face Roode while West recapped Cornette's adventures with the video tape. Before the match started, Christian Cage showed up with a ladder. He set it up ringside and joined the announce position to call the match with West.
6 -- JUNIOR FATU vs. ROBERT ROODE (w/Ms. Brooks) -- Fight for the Right tournament match
West said it's a great thing Christian's out here. Christian said Tenay and West are complete bores, so he's here to add some color to the show. Christian explained that the ladder symbolizes the match he made famous: the ladder match. Fatu took control and put Roode in the corner for a big booty splash, but Roode got his knees up to block the splash. Roode took control before they cut to a break.
[Q8]
[Commercial Break]
They returned with Roode working over Fatu until Fatu made a comeback with left hand jabs. Roode had enough of that and landed a Blockbuster from the second rope. With the action getting hot, West plugged TNA Mobile to find out that TNA is planning to take over New Japan. Christian, not to be outdone, plugged his recently released DVD. In the ring, Fatu landed a Samoan Drop at 9:00 as Brooks forced a smile from ringside. The referee reached a nine count and they cut to the announce table, so we're assuming both men reached their feet before ten. Fatu then dropped Roode with a chokeslam and slowly dropped to the mat for a one-hand pin, but Roode kicked out. Fatu then landed a DDT, which drew a gasp from Brooks. Fatu made another one-hand pin, but Roode kicked out. Oh wait, there's something going on backstage with Nash and Angle! In any event, Fatu readied for a butt splash, but Roode moved and the ref took bump. Fatu dropped Roode with a superkick, then Roode collapsed on top of the referee and Fatu gave Roode the stink face. Roode quickly shook that off and landed a low blow. Roode demanded the chair from Brooks, who didn't seem to understand what Roode was referring to. Roode had enough and stole the chair from Brooks. Samoa Joe showed up and stole the chair from Roode before smashing him in the shoulder. "I can't believe this crap!" Christian shouted. Fatu rolled Roode over and pinned him once the ref came back to. Afterward, Joe approached Christian at the announce table and chased him to the back.
WINNER: Fatu in 13:00 to advance in the tournament. So many intermingling stories on this show that it was difficult to get into the match. Roode worked a good heel role with Fatu just having fun being in another TV main event match. (*1/2)
Back in the backstage area, Kurt Angle hopped in his car and sped off without Karen while Nash chased after her.
OK, back to the ring. Tenay and Cornette walked out after their film study. Cornette first apologized to Tenay for snapping on him. Tenay changed the subject and asked for a decision. Cornette said he reviewed the video tape and said he can't DQ Angle due to Nash's interference. He said Sting attacked Nash and he was the aggressor, so for now, he has to rule that Kurt Angle is the TNA heavyweight champion. Tenay's eyebrow inched upward in complete disagreement. The fans booed and West questioned Cornette's judgment.
Cornette then announced a title defense at the PPV, with Angle defending the belt in a tag match with Nash as his partner. He said Sting will be challenging Angle and... the light went down and up, and Sting was magically in the ring standing between Tenay and Cornette. Sting said he won't be told who his partner is, so he's coming up with his own partner. Cornette said the World Title will be on the line, so if Sting wants to bring his own partner, he's more than welcome to. Only thing is whoever scores the pin in the tag match wins the belt. Sting was fine with that, and promised that Kurt Angle would not be champion after the PPV. West screamed, "I have more questions now than when this whole thing started!" Indeed.
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