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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
OCTOBER 29, 2007
PHILADELPHIA, PA.

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-They went to the Raw opening, then to the live crowd with pryo as Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. They hyped the announced main event of Triple H vs. Randy Orton & Umaga because it's important to establish there is no single heel who can keep up with Triple H in a one-on-one match in the entire world.

1 -- DIVAS HALLOWEEN BATTLE ROYAL

Lawler was considerably excited, as you'd expect. Each of the divas got shortened ring entrances. Victoria's ring entrance was pretty funny. She was dressed as a sumo wrestler and had zero mobility, so she had to take tiny little steps and tipped over half way down the ramp. She was helped into the ring. Once Victoria got to the ring, she seemed to have quite an advantage. Leyla was eliminated first. Maria's tail was tied to the middle rope and she couldn't get anywhere. Ross asked Lawler what he's going to be for Halloween. Lawler said, "The perverted magician, David Copperfield." It came down to Torrie, Victoria, and Kelly Kelly. Kelly and Torrie worked together to dump Victoria who, despite all the padding, looked to be in danger of helplessly landing on her head. Kelly then eliminated Torrie quickly.

WINNER: Kelly Kelly in 5:00.

STAR RATING: n/a

-Afterward, Glamazon came out to her music. Jillian and Melina threw Kelly back into the ring when she tried to escape. Glamazon tossed Kelly around the ring afterward.

-Ross revealed that Shawn Michaels got the fans' vote to face Randy Orton. They went to a video package. Then they showed Michaels walking backstage. Lawler said he was headed to the ring next.

[Commercial Break]

Shawn Michaels [artist Jess Hickman (c) PWTorch]

-Michaels came out to a full ring intro. He milked some "HBK" chants, then said, "Low and behold, look who's back in the saddle again." He thanked the fans for voting for him. Then he asked the crowd if they'd rather hear his good news or bad news first. He said it was 50/50, so he'd start with the good news. He said he knocked Orton out with Sweet Chin Music. The bad news was he didn't win the title. He said Orton got disqualified. He said a lot of guys walk around bragging about the size of their grapefruits. He said that's not him; he's going to be honest with them. "To hit these bad boys, you have to have pinpoint accuracy. The crowd laughed. "Proof positive that Randy Orton got himself intentionally disqualified last night." Lawler chuckled, too. Michaels said as a result of a DQ, he won the match and he gets a rematch. "Which I want," he said, followed by a dramatic pause. "And I want my WWE Championship and I want it now." The crowd popped. Mr. Grapefruits walked out next. Vince McMahon asked the crowd if they wanted to see Michaels with the title again. Michaels asked McMahon what he was getting at. It was a strange response to McMahon's opening statement. Vince then cut a promo, telling Michaels that he doesn't just want the title back, he wants revenge. He said he's known him since he was 22 and he knows that he sat at home, brewing in anger at Orton knocking him out of action. McMahon got in Michaels's face, and Michaels eventually burst out with, "I admit it!" He said he did want revenge. He said when he returned in 2002, he vowed to never be sent home on someone else's terms. He admitted he wanted revenge. McMahon told him to be careful what he asks for because he's giving it to him - at the "aptly named" Survivor Series. The crowd booed, as they were hoping for Orton vs. Michaels tonight. Michaels just stared intently at McMahon. Then he went for a superkick. He came up short. McMahon fell backward in anticipation. Michaels held his thumb and forefinger apart by an inch. Ross said Michaels was toying with McMahon, saying he wanted to show McMahon he could have taken his head off if he chose to. It wasn't clear if Michaels intended to miss or not. He was a little red-faced, but it could been intensity, not embarrassment. They replayed it from a side view that clearly showed he missed and McMahon simply flinched and fell backward, so they weren't hiding from the miss. It was awkward.

-Not even a hint of the SaveUs222 situation yet.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed the two Diva Finalists dancing aimlessly backstage in a flirtatious manner.

2 -- HARDCORE HOLLY & CODY RHODES vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN & CHARLIE HAAS

Lawler asked Ross if Holly's nod last week was a sign of respect. (I still say they're casting Holly as a Col. Frank Fits type out of American Beauty who has a repressed crush on the newbie Rhodes, explaining his pent up anger all these years.) A minute in Holly hot-tagged Cody and really slow to get up and crawl over to Cody. He lay in the corner for a while still in the ring, not even able to roll to the apron and stand in his corner. Then magically, 10 seconds later he was 100 percent and saved Cody from a double-team by the heels. A "Y2J" chant rang out briefly at 2:00. Holly fought Shelton at ringside as Cody blocked a DDT by Haas. He followed with a DDT of his own and scored the pin. Holly gave Cody what Ross called "an interesting look." He stared him down and walked out of the ring without him. Ross said Cody has to continue to work to earn his respect.

WINNER: Rhodes & Holly in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Too short and totally anti-climactic finish. Haas & Benjamin deserve better than jobbing that quickly to so little.

-Orton and Umaga had an ethusiastic chat backstage, with Orton yelling at Umaga and Umaga seeming to gain inspiration from it.

[Commercial Break]

-Ross and Lawler were shown on camera. They talked about last week's Candice Michelle incident. Lawler said it's hard to watch again. He said he thought she had a serious neck injury. Ross said she broke her collarbone in two places and will be out for a few weeks. Ross said the footage is a little disturbing and uncomfortable.

-Todd Grisham interviewed Glamazon backstage. She said she had no regrets. She said Candice wanted to prove she was more than a pretty face and deserving of respect, but all of her hard work was for nothing. She said now Candice can go back to Wisconsin, wait on tables, have some kids, and tell her friends that her hopes and dreams were crushed by The Glamazon.

-Trevor Murdoch was reading the 500th edition of WWE Magazine backstage. Mickie James walked up to him. He said she had a "rough one" earlier. Mickie thanked him for pushing her out of the way last week as Lance Cade was about to clothesline her. Murdoch said what he did was out of "outright instinct because I'm not a fan of seeing an innocent lady get hurt." Mickie flirtaciously said she's not all that innocent. Cade walked up and asked what was doing on. Mickie left. Murdoch said they were just friends talking. Cade told Murdoch she's way out of his league. Murdoch disagreed. Cade told Murdoch he cost them the match last week because his head wasn't in the game. Murdoch said his focus is always on the tag title belts. Cade said good because he wants them to hold the belts for a long time. Murdoch said he'd be in his corner for his singles match later. Cade thanked him.

-Backstage, William Regal told McMahon how close he came to getting his face kicked off. Regal said they just don't need any more injuries to the roster. Regal brought up the Triple H vs. Orton & "U-manga-gah." He said that match could knock Triple H off the active roster, too. He asked why. McMahon said he doesn't like to see WWE superstars get injured, but with Triple H it's different and personal. McMahon then asked, "Where is that little toad, that little frog, my son Hornswoggle." Regal said he's wandering outside. Regal found him in the hallway. McMahon asked Regal to step out so he could have a minute alone with Hornswoggle. McMahon said he hasn't been around much for him, and he doesn't want him to get the wrong impression, but they have the same blood. He said if he wants to be a McMahon, he has to stand on his own two feet. He said he may wonder why this match of him against Coach was made, but he has a theory in life, which is: Every grown man should be knocked on his ass at least once in his life. He should know that humliation.

McMahon said as a McMahon, every time you get knocked down, you keep getting back up until they just don't have it in 'em to knock you down again. He said you also have to know how to deal with victory and success, "and it's not always that easy." Hornswoggle said it becomes your rightful thing to do - to be successful. He said if he's a McMahon, "you've got to learn to hate." Hornswoggle began to change his facial expression. "If you can't hate, you can't be successful," McMahon said. He told Hornswoggle to show him he can hate. Boy, was that a revealing session about McMahon's philosophy on life - both his character and perhaps his real person. What a horrible way to go through life, huh?

[Commercial Break]

-They showed the Liberty Bell. Lawler said it was awe-inspiring.

3 -- HORNSWOGGLE vs. COACH

Lillian Garcia introduced Mick Foley as a surprise guest referee. Coach seemed confused, while Hornswoggle was ecstatic. Foley patted down Coach for foreign objects. Hornswoggle beat up Coach with kicks, dropkicks, and butt splashes to the face. When Hornswoggle went for an elbow off the bottom rope, Coach moved. When Foley stepped in, Coach told him to get out of his way. When Coach pulled his elbow back for a punch, he caught Foley in the face by mistake. Foley went down. Coach brought a chair into the ring. Hornswoggle backed up and begged off. Foley pulled the chair from Coach and punched him to the mat. Foley pulled out Mr. Socko, but threw it away. The crowd went silent in confusion. He pulled out a smaller sock and handed it to Hornswoggle. The crowd laughed. Hornswoggle played to the crowd as Fley distracted Coach. Coach turned and Hornswoggle applied the testicular claw with Mr. Socko. Hornswoggle then leaped off the top rope with a frog splash for the three count.

WINNER: Hornswoggle in 4:00.

STAR RATING: n/a

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Grisham interviewed Triple H backstage. He said he's taken some bad beatings and the odds aren't good tonight. Hunter sarcastically thanked him for the pep talk. He said he's always been a gambling man. He said he's always got an ace up his sleeve and if he goes down tonight, he is taking Orton and Umaga down with him. He said the two of them might be two of the biggest, baddest, and meanest, but he is The Game. Say no more.

-A commercial aired for WrestleMania tickets going on sale.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- PAUL LONDON (w/Brian Kendrick) vs. LANCE CADE (w/Trevor Murdoch)

Lawler said regarding Murdoch, "Success hasn't gone to his clothes." When Murdoch made a move toward London at ringside, Kendrick ran into the ring and then dove over the top rope onto Murdoch at ringside. London sunset flipped Cade for a near fall seconds later. Cade caught him and slammed him hard to the mat for the clean pin out of nowhere.

WINNER: Cade in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- These matches are just too short. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy for these mid-carders not to draw if they don't create a sense that there are competitive matches to be had that last more than two minutes.

-The Highlanders came out after the match and attacked London and Kendrick. Cade & Murdoch watched from ringside. Ross and Lawler said the Highlanders were sending a message to Cade & Murdoch. It's just me, but I see more money in London & Kendrick if given a respectable push than any of the three teams. On the bright side, they're giving some time to the tag division, so it's a half step in the right direction.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired for the ECW "Monster Mash" battle royal tomorrow night on Sci-Fi.

5 -- JEFF HARDY & D.H. SMITH vs. CARLITO & MR. KENNEDY

Kennedy and Hardy opened the match. At 1:00 Carlito and Smith tagged in. Carlito chopped away at Smith. At 3:00 Hardy and Smith tossed Kennedy and Carlito out of the ring. They cut to a break with the babyfaces playing to the crowd.

[Commercial Break]

Back live, Carlito punched away at Smith on the mat. They showed that during the break, Kennedy kicked Smith in the knee to hobble him. Carlito worked over the knee of Smith with a leglock. Lawler said D.H. stands for "Davey" (his father) and "Hart" (the family he was associated for so many years. It's just so catchy. Hardy eventually showed some life with an enzuigiri against Kennedy. He hot-tagged Hardy at 10:00. Hardy hit a Whisper in the Wind on Kennedy for a two count. Ross called it a "Twist of Fate" first. Kennedy went for a face wash, but Smith moved and Kennedy flew into the corner and to the floor. Hardy then gave Carlito a Twist of Fate and a Swanton Bomb for the win. The girls screamed like he was a Beatle when he ripped his shirt off and charismatically made his way to the top rope for his finisher.

WINNERS: Hardy & Smith in 12:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 - Smith still shows nothing in particular that stands out as special - charisma, appearance, athleticism, anything.

[Commercial Break]

-A plug aired for the WWE website and Kasbian, the band responsible for the Cyber Sunday theme song.

-Santino Marella came out. Lawler and Ross congratulated USA Network president Bonnie Hammer for being inducted into the Broadcasting & Cable Hall of Fame. Santino said the WWE travel department screwed up so badly he was prevented from coming to Cyber Sunday. He said that kept him from giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. He said the only consolation was the in-flight magazine was not "The Condemned." He said there aren't enough "vomit bags" for that. Austin's music played. Then on the big screen appeared a fake Austin. It was Santino in a skull cap impersonating Austin. The phony Austin declared that Santino was right about everything. He said he should have been star of "The Condemned." He said: "You are the fastest rising star on Raw and if anyone disagrees with me, I will open a can of the ass whip, stomp a mud pie, and eat some low fat frozen yogurt, and that's the bottoms lines because-ah Stone Cold said so." He swigged some beer and looked like he had just swallowed vomit.

Santino in the ring thanks Austin for his honesty. He said Austin may be a lousy actor, but he has an eye for talent. He told Maria, who was on her way into the ring, that they were going out for dinner later. Maria said she just found out Austin would be at Raw next week. Santino asked who, "Maybe Ben Franklin or Tom Hanks with the AIDS." She clarified it would be Austin. Santino laughed and asked if she had been on an internet chat site. He said Maria will believe anything. He said if Austin was going to come, he would have come already. He said Austin can only be found on the cover of his DVD in some gas station discount bin.

-Lawler plugged that the winner of the Diva Search contest would be announced next.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed scenes of downtown Philadelphia. That's always a nice touch.

-Grisham stood on the stage as the fans booed him. Brooke walked out first and danced a little. Then out danced Eve. Ross ran down brief bios for each. Eve said she is confident, but feels her heart beating in her throat. Brooke said she hopes the fans are behind her. The crowd, as usual, booed the entire segment. Grisham revealed the winner was Eve. Brooke looked crushed. They gave each other a half-hearted hug. Eve lft as Brooke celebrated on the stage. Ross said Brooke has great athleticism.

-The SaveUs video aired. Then they went right to Orton's ring intro.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired hyping Austin on Raw next week when Raw is in Los Angeles.

6 -- TRIPLE H vs. RANDY ORTON & UMAGA

Umaga's ring entrance then took place, followed by Triple H's full intro. Hunter got in some early offense. At 2:00, Orton and Umaga took over. Then the crowd stood and popped as something happened off camera. In ran Shawn Michaels, who attacked Orton and Umaga. Hunter and Michaels clotheslined Umaga over the top rope to the floor. Hunter's music played.

WINNER: No decision in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Very lame main event.

-They cut backstage to Regal and McMahon. Regal said things aren't turning out how he wanted, are they. McMahon didn't seem phased. He said things turn out how he wants them. He suggested perhaps next week should feature for one night only the return of DX. Regal told McMahon he has outdone himseelf. Then they each gave each other a weird look. That's how the show ended.

We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for a "Raw Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Raw, click here.

PWTorch Roundtable Reviews will be sent out via email to Torch VIP ESub members and posted exclusively at the ad-free VIP version of PWTorch.com. Bruce Mitchell's Mojo Stream of Conscious Commentary will also be emailed to members shortly. Two post-Raw audio updates will also be posted - one from Wade Keller and the other from James Caldwell and his guest analyst.

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