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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT (hour one)
DECEMBER 10, 2007
LIVE FROM BRIDGEPORT, CONN.

-A clip aired of the opening scene of the first Raw on Jan. 11, 1993. Hey, why are we celebrating the 15th Anniversary a month early? A cool montage aired of the various Raw openings over the years. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler then introduced the show as the camera panned the crowd briefly. Then Vince McMahon's music appropriately started as he, Shane, and Stephanie walked out onto the stage. This show is all about them, after all.

Shane snickered as Vince did is bizarre stride to the ring in front of him. Vince welcomed everyone to "Monday Night Rawwwwww!" He said 15 years ago he created the uncut, uncooked, uncensored show that has become the longest-reinging, longest-running entertainment prime time serious in history. He said tonight is a family reunion, but his wife couldn't be there because of "some sort of gastro-intestinal problem." He touted Shane as the former Hardcore and European Champion and Stephanie as the former Women's Champion. Vince called the photographer into the ring when Hornswoggle's music played and he ran quickly to the ring to get into the frame. He quickly hugged Vince's leg. Vince introduced him: "Well, if it's not my illegltimate bastard son Hornswoggle. Get him off of me now!" The crowd chanted "Hornswoggle, Hornswoggle." Vince looked at them all and said he knows they're waiting for him to die and inherit his vast fortune. He told Shane and Stephanie that he loves them. "I kinda love you, too," he said to Hornswoggle. Vince added, "Most importantly, I love each and every one of you" as he panned the crowd. He asked everyone to say at the count of three, "Mon-nay!" As he got to two, Triple H walked out to his music.

Vince asked, "What the hell are you doing here." The crowd chanted "Triple H, Triple H." Hunter said, "I'm waiting for that pop to die own. You hear that?" Well, it wasn't quite as loud or sustained as Hornswoggle's, but the crowd is really into things. Hunter said the people are smart and "know the score and know what's going on." He said he's been through a lot with Vince and feels almost part of the family, "almost like I could be your son." He leaned over to Stephanie and said, "What's up, Steph?" She laughed bashfully. Hunter put his hand on Vince's shoulder and said he wanted to bring out some of the people he has "loved" over the year. He said representing the current crop of divas he has "loved," Melina. She came out to her full intro. Vince said, "I did not have se with that woman!" Triple H said, 'Okay, Clinton." Hunter said representing the original divas, Sunny. She came out looking really good - much better than a few years ago at some indy and convention appearances. Hornswoggle hugged her. Hunter then introduced divas Vince had "relations with." Mae Young walked out, sadly without Fabulous Moolah. She leaped at Vince and tried to dry hump him. Well, actually, she did dry hump him. Vince said, "It was at Moolah's funeral and I had a lot to drink." Steph and Shane looked appalled. Vince said, "I dusted the cobwebs of." Shane heard enough and left the ring. Vince told Steph, "I had a lot to drink and I was thinking of your mom. She was in my thoughts." That didn't comfort her.

Hunter said they needed to move on because he had a lot more to get to. He said, "Any WWE employee who has been mistaken for a woman and Mr. McMahon attempted to love, please come to the ring now." Howard Finkle, Big Dick Johnson, Bastion Booger, Pat Patterson, Gerald Brisco, and Abe Knuckleball Schwartz (Steve Lombardi) all walked out. Hunter coughed and said he just threw up a little into his mouth. Hunter introduced Big Dick Johnson as Bastion Booger's son. After asking who Abe was, Hunter said, "Apparently Brooklyn Brawler was busy." Steph interrupted and said Vince has embarrassed the family long enough, so it's time she embarrass him. She walked over and kissed Hunter. Hunter said, "Okay, Steph, see you at home. I mean, your brother's a gnome." Vince walked up to him and said, "I hate you! You can all go straight to hell."

Hunter leaned over to talk to Hornswoggle and said he wished there was someone who could make him happy with just the sound of their music. Godfather's music started. I was sure it was going to be Doink. Hornswoggle got excited as the ho's walked onto the stage. Ross said, "I think I see your next ex-wife!" The ho's entered the ring and everyone danced. This was not the moment you want your college roommate or partner or parents or daughter or whatever to walk in out of curiosity to see what you watch on Monday nights.

[Commercial Break]

-Lawler announced that later McMahon would announce the Greatest Superstar in Raw History. Candidates shown on the screen were: Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Lita, Mick Foley, Booker T, Randy Orton, Ric Flair, Kane, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Batista, Triple H, Steve Austin, John Cena, Bret Hart, The Rock, Trish Stratus, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, Yokozuna, The Big Show, Hulk Hogan, Edge, Razor Ramon, and Diesel. No Owen Hart? He died doing a stunt for a PPV and was a featured wrestler long enough, he deserves to be acknowledged in this environment.

1 -- JEFF HARDY vs. CARLITO -- Ladder Match for the IC Title

Carlito (legally) hit Hardy with a ladder in the opening seconds. Hardy knocked Carlito off the ring apron onto a ladder at ringside. A minute later, Hardy slowly made it to the top of the ladder. Carlito met him at the top and sunset flipped him to the mat in a big move. The crowd chanted "Holy sh--!"

[Commercial Break]

Hardy missed with a flying legdrop off the ladder right after the break. Carlito rammed Hardy's leg, sandwiched in ladder, with a second ladder. At 9:00 Carlito climbed the ladder. Hardy yanked him down. Now that Carlito has agreed to stay in WWE after all, he's getting a competitive showcase match with Hardy on Raw, as the two battled back and forth with big spots involving ladders. Hardy went for a Swanton, but Carlito rolled just out of the way. Carlito knocked the ladder off just as Hardy got to the top at 12:00. As Hardy set up a Twist of Fate, Carlito gave him a Back Stabber on it. Carlito climbed and grabbed the belt. Hardy met him at the last second, knocked him off, and then grabbed the belt. Ross wondered what kind of damage was done to Hardy in this match headed into Armageddon against Triple H.

WINNER: Hardy in 13:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Good TV ladder match.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired for Holiday WWE merchandise to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas."

-Todd Grisham interviewed Shawn Michaels. Grisham asked him about being part of the original Monday Night Raw. Michaels said he defended the title on the first Raw against someone he couldn't remember. "It was a very dark, very troubling time for me, and to be perfectly honest, it's also a little bit sketchy," he said. He said he does remember last week when Mr. Kennedy interacting with bad imposters. He said one of them was Marty Jannetty. He said it got him wondering how Kennedy would do against the real thing. The real Jannetty walked in, cut a brief frenetic promo, and then walked away. He closed with a nice riff on Kennedy's self-ring intro with a, "Misteeeeerrrr HBK... HBK."

-A Raw Flashback vignette aired which included the Dudleys powerbombing Mae Young through a table, 1-2-3 Kid pinning Razor Ramon, the New Age Outlaws rolling Mick Foley off the edge of the stage in a dumpster, Steve Austin confronting Mike Tyson, John Cena giving the FU to Kevin Federline, Donald Trump taunting Vince McMahon, Trish Stratus and The Rock kissing, CHristia kissing Trish, Mickey James kissing Trish, Lita kissing Matt Hady, Edge kissing Lita, Eric Bischoff kissing Linda, Vince bending over for William Regal to kiss his ass, Val Venis getting into the shower with Ken Shamrock's sister, the Choppy Your Pee-Pee segment, Kane unmasking, Kane setting Jim Ros on fire, various stiff chairshots to the head, divas wrestling in a mud pit, Eric Bischoff walking out onto Raw for hte first time, Sable stripping, various wrestlers throwing each other into water, Shane McMahon appearing on the final Nitro in the first major step of that blown angle (despite it's overblown potential, it was still badly botched).

[Commercial Break]

2 -- SANTINO MARELLA vs. ROB VAN DAM

Santino stood in the ring and said he was sick of his glorified nostalgia show. He wanted the future to be honored. He was interrupted by a surprise appearance by RVD. RVD hit a frog splash in the opening minute, showed nice fire, and then pointed to himself as the crowd chanted, "Rob - Van - Dam!" He scored the clean pin.

WINNER: RVD in 1:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* - Nice surprise appearance from a big part of Raw's history. They didn't make a huge deal out of him, though. It was more of a cameo than a big tribute or triumphant return of a former top star.

-A video aired on Evolution. A plug aired saying they were up next.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired hyping Batista vs. Elijah Burke on ECW TV on Tuesday night. Burke got squashed on Friday, so now he gets a rematch "on his home turf" (you know, the same ring and arena Smackdown is taped in).

END FIRST HOUR

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