Email This Article - Contact Us - VIP Sign-Up - Back to Home Page

|

TNA Impact on Spike TV
December 20, 2007
Taped Dec. 11 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

They opened with the voice-over guy describing tonight's show.

Cue up the opening scene. Oh, goodness. They're doing the Christmas version of the Thanksgiving deal. A bunch of random people were at Eric Young's "house" sitting around the Christmas tree. Dusty Rhodes's hunting buddies were on the couch stuffing their faces. One of the Bushwhackers rang the doorbell and walked in. Borash, with no shame, started doing the trademark arm pump walk around the house. Borash said this isn't your office party, it's the TNA Christmas party. And now for the parody of a wrestling show...

Matt Morgan is in charge tonight, as Jim Cornette took an early Christmas vacation. They showed So Cal Val ringside twice in the intro. Nothing wrong with a double take on Val, especially in her Christmas outfit. In the ring, Morgan cut a promo about tonight's show and matches. He was inside a cage with Christmas ornaments and lights covering the cage. Morgan said that from the bottom of everyone's hearts, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. He demanded that the show get rolling.

So, out came Rave, Hoyt, and Hemme. Storm came out with a silly long white beard that covered his face, but not enough to prevent a few sips on his brew. Roode came out with Brooks, who was in an Eskimo/Santa outfit of some sort. The crazy Roode fan was also dressed for the show and she stared down from the top of the building. LAX came out and Tenay and West talked about Hoyt's group filing a complaint about man on woman violence with the random LAX group member, with apparently a significant case of manboobs, attacking Christy. Steiner, then Booker and Sharmell came out to round out the field.

1 -- JIMMY RAVE & LANCE HOYT (w/Christy Hemme) & ROBERT ROODE (w/Ms. Brooks) & JAMES STORM (w/Ms. Jackie) vs. LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ) & SCOTT STEINER & BOOKER T. (w/Sharmell) -- cage match

Tenay touched on some TNA storylines in the opening minutes. Angle vs. Christian Cage is the TNA Title match at the next PPV. I have no idea what Christian did to earn that title shot, but nevertheless. Also, Tenay talked about Samoa Joe complaining a lot lately, and he can't be happy about that decision. In the cage, Hernandez chucked Rave into one of the cage walls with an overhead suplex. Roode came in and worked on Homicide before they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

Homicide continued to get worked over after the break. He then avoided a splash by Hoyt and tagged out to Booker, who cleaned house. The action quickly broke down, then Christy Hemme hopped onto the cage wall and tried to give Hoyt an object. However, the LAX gang member chased Christy away from ringside. In the ring, Booker dropped Rave with the Bookend and pinned him for the win.

WINNERS: Team LAX in 8:00. Standard multiple-person match. Really no reason for a cage in this one, as it hurts the gimmick for when it could be useful in a hot feud. (*)

Back to the Christmas party. Young was scared by an intimate object staring at him. The stripper knockouts rang the door bell and talked to Young in a suggestive manner. Angelina said she would like to service him. Young, so innocent, didn't get what they were talking about. ODB stormed in dressed as an elf. She drank from the flask and thought Young was talking dirty to her. She wanted to know where the bar was. Young kept waiting for Santa to show up, but Amazing Kong walked in and Young got nervous. Amazing didn't go for the plastic fruit this time. No words still.

Back to the Impact Zone where Team 3D came out dressed in Santa suits. Devon slung a big bag of toys over his shoulder while Ray cut a promo. Johnny Devine played the little midget elf here. Ray said they are feeling so giving tonight. So, he wanted Lethal, Sabin, and Shelley to come out to accept his apology for poor treatment the last few months. Lethal's music hit, but midgets came out instead. There's a joke here somewhere about vanilla midgets. Ray sat down on his big chair, then little Sabin hopped on his lap and got excited grinding on Ray. Little Shelley sat down next and whispered in Ray's ear that he wants a computer for Christmas. Ray said that must be so he can hide behind a keyboard and put himself over for his myspace page that 38 people read. Little Lethal sat down and wanted one night with So Cal Val. Little Lethal was handed a $5 bill. Ray told him to bring back his change. They showed Val upset ringside.

Ray said they're just having some fun. Devon wanted his present. Ray made a joke about his little friends from Scarface, then the midgets tried to attack Rey, but Ray led an attack on them. The big midgets - Lethal, Sabin, and Shelley - then stormed the ring and cleared Team 3D from the ring. Sabin then took the mic. He said they're booked for a match later in the show, but they should have the match right now with all the gimmicks. Tenay excitedly said it's the Double North Pole match next! Geez.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

2 -- TEAM 3D (BOTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON & JOHNNY DEVINE) vs. CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY & JAY LETHAL -- Double North Pole match

People were standing around in the ring upon returning from break. They had two stockings hanging from the corners. Ultimate X match on one side. Some sort of tables match was in the other stocking. Basically, it's capture the flag where Team 3D wants to get the tables stocking on the other side of the ring and the big midgets want to get the Ultimate X stocking on the other side of the ring. Shelley dropped Devon with an enziguiri kick, then he tried going for his stocking, but Devon dropped him with a suplex from the corner. Ray and Lethal took tags, then Lethal landed an arm breaker across the top rope. Ray sold it in a joking manner since the move didn't look credible. Ray quickly came back with clotheslines, then he tried to grab the "tables" stocking, but Lethal pulled him down and ran into a front slam. Ray posed in the ring as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with fighting all over the ringside area. Ray dropped Lethal in the ring with B.G. James-style elbow smashes, but Lethal split Ray's legs apart. One of the midgets came off the top with the diving headbutt to Ray's crotch. Ray over-sold to show that the move didn't mean anything. More midgets became involved. One of them low blowed Devon leading to high-low from Sabin and Shelley. Ray then erratically charged Sabin and Shelley, giving them an opening to land kicks to the gut and face. Lethal then came off the top with an elbow smash on Devon. Shelley took advantage and scaled the opposite corner to grab the Ultimate X stocking.

WINNERS: Sabin & Shelley & Lethal in 10:00. Pick your adjective here. Just an utterly ridiculous match that turned out to be halfway entertaining in a never-spend-a-dime-on-TNA's product kind of a way. (n/a)

Back to the Eric Young party where people were drunkenly singing Christmas carols. Dusty's hunting buddies were trying to talk Kong out of her outfit, but Kong dropped them on the floor. The doorbell rang and Kevin Nash strolled in with a bottle of alcohol. The stripper knockouts walked over and Young suggested they service Nash. Nash said he didn't have any cash, though. Young, still innocent, said it's all free in his house. Suddenly, the standard divas food fight broke out between ODB and the strippers. Cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Back to Young's house where almost everyone had cleared out. Suddenly, Kurt and Karen Angle walked in. Karen held tight to Kurt's arm to keep on her feet. Karen with serious cleavage sporting a red dress. Goodness gracious. Is that Anna Benson at the Mets's Christmas party? Young asked to service Kurt, who asked if he's a cupcake. Young started to tell Santa stories straight from comic books, which Kurt didn't want to hear. The Angles then demanded to know where the booze is to help them get through the segment. It's official. Everyone in TNA is an alcoholic.

Speaking of which, ODB came to the ring with flask in hand for a divas gimmick match. Roxxi LaVeaux came out second with a Frosty voodoo doll. Ms. Jackie Moore came out, but she wasn't drunk like last week. Christy Hemme, Ms. Brooks, Amazing Kong, Angelina Love, and Velvet Sky rounded out the field. The camera zoomed in tight as LoveSky did their crotch rub entrance on the middle rope.

[Commercial Break]

Women's champion Gail Kim did her entrance after the break. There's a giant toy box in the ring for the match. She hit the ring and charged Kong to start the match.

3 -- ODB vs. ROXXI LAVEAUX vs. MS. JACKIE MOORE vs. CHRISTY HEMME vs. MS. BROOKS vs. AMAZING KONG vs. VELVET SKY vs. ANGELINA LOVE vs. TNA women's champion GAIL KIM

Gail and Kong quickly took the fight to the floor. They continued to battle while the other seven fought in the ring. The toy box emptied with all sorts of toys. Based on how this is going, I half-expect adult toys to be in the box. ODB then dumped the box on top of Angelina Love. She stood on top of the box and started doing her crazy poses. Velvet then lifted the box to free Angelina from her temporary prison. They took the box and smashed ODB in the backside to clear her to the floor. Boos for the stripper team. Kong then emerged from the ringside area with Gail nowhere to be found. Spanking ensued in the ring. Kong then slowly entered the ring and stalked everyone. The strippers tried to attack Kong, but she threw them down. Brooks and Jackie then took a double clothesline. Roxxi tried her silly dance, but Kong dropped her with a spinning back fist. Christy was left in the ring holding onto her teddy bear. Kong then dropped her with a big powerbomb and pinned her. Now there's a finish.

After the match, Gail tried to attack Kong in the ring. She brought a chair into the ring and landed chair shots to the shoulders, which didn't do anything. Gail finally landed a chair shot to the face, which KO'ed Kong temporarily. Kong then got up and fought Gail some more until security stormed the ring to separate them. Kong broke free from the weakling security guards and beat up Gail some more. Another separation, camera bumps, and some tight camera shots added to the realism of the fight. That's a great segment right there.

WINNER: Amazing Kong in 5:00. If only TNA put as much productive effort into this Women's Division match as the rest of the storylines, they might actually get that 1.2 rating. This feud continues to rise above the silliness on this show to be a kickass feud between the best heavyweight on the roster and the cute, lovable babyface. Classic good vs. evil story and well-executed. (n/a)

[Q5]

Back to the goofy Eric Young, this time with Matt Morgan. Chris Harris came in and Young became dejected. Chris looked around and didn't see anyone here. He said there's no music or women around. Chris went looking for his present, but there wasn't a present for him. He said it's his birthday, so what gives. Young said someone else has a birthday on Christmas, referencing Jesus Christ. Harris asked who that could be. Young said, "JC". Mine's in July, thanks. Harris said Jim Cornette doesn't have a birthday on Christmas, plus, he's never beat anyone. Suddenly, the midgets and the X Division guys came to the party. Jay Lethal sought out the Bushwhacker and reminisced. The Guru then stormed in and talked to Young. So Cal Val came in with the mistletoe and held it up for her and Lethal. They teased a kiss, but Guru stole the kiss. Everyone was upset. Oh, that silly Guru. Cue laugh track.

[Commercial Break]

Back to Crystal, who interviewed Samoa Joe backstage. She asked if he was going to the TNA party. Joe said, "Screw you." Upset, Crystal said she has nothing to do with TNA management's decision-making. Joe put on a fake smile and said that's right, he's not in the right holiday spirit. He sarcastically talked up the party, before saying maybe TNA could pad his contract instead of having a silly party. He said instead of spending that time on the party, they could give the fans what they want in the ring with him beating people up. Joe went back to his fake happiness and asked where Matt Morgan is. Crystal said he's at the party drinking. TNA management drinking on the job. This explains a lot. Joe intimidated Crystal into a corner and slammed his fist on a locker before telling her to take a message to Morgan that he's going to confront him at the party.

They showed a video package on the Abyss-Mitchell-Rellik-Judas storyline.

Rellik came to the ring first for the bloody gimmick match. Tenay explained that Rellik is a product of Dustin Rhodes's crazy imagination. That's why Rellik has joined Rhodes in TNA. Shark Boy came out next bandaged from head-to-toe. What injury is he still selling? The announcers just ignore the bandages and neckbrace, and just assume it's part of his act now. Black Reign Dustin Rhodes came out third with Misty the Rat in hand. Abyss followed out.

4 -- RELLIK vs. ABYSS vs. BLACK REIGN DUSTY RHODES vs. SHARK BOY -- Silent Night, Bloody Night match

Rellik spewed red mist into the air to start things off. They started unwrapping packages containing weapons. Shark Boy stole a golf club from Rellik and beat him with it. Tenay talked about the Canadian tour next week. In the ring, Abyss squashed Rellik in the corner with a charging rear splash. Rellik blasted him with a superkick, though. Reign and Rellik then teamed up for a clothesline on Abyss.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

They returned with Shark Boy caning folks with a Kendo stick. The deeply injured Shark Boy dominated Reign and Rellik before Reign dropped him with a jawbreaker. They showed James Mitchell standing on top of the entrance tunnel looking down at the action in the ring. Reign tried to whip Rellik into the barbed wire Christmas tree, but Rellik avoided the move and clotheslined Reign. Rellik and Reign worked together to slam Shark Boy in center ring, but they couldn't agree on who would score the pin. They argued, so Abyss snuck into the ring and landed a double clothesline. He opened a package to find a barbed wire baseball bat. Reign took a shot to the gut. Multiple barbed wire shots. Too bad they've abused the gimmick to where multiple barbed wire shots are necessary to do the damage of one right hand punch.

Surprise, surprise! Abyss emptied a thumbtacks bag in center ring. He then dumped some broken glass next to the tacks. Abyss and Shark Boy then swung the barbed wire tree into Rellik and Reign. Abyss awkwardly chokeslamed Reign, but Mitchell had the ref distracted. Suddenly, the lights went down and back up to reveal Judas Mesias spitting blood. Surprise, surprise! Abyss ate the thumbtacks from Judas. Rellik then dropped Shark Boy with the Demon Driver to score a very rare victory. Yeah for Rellik!

WINNER: Rellik in 10:00. Just a silly stunt gimmick match that no one will ever pay to see again when it airs on PPV the next 12 months. Crowd was quiet, which means they're burnt out on this. (1/4*)

Back to the Young party where Samoa Joe stormed in looking for Matt Morgan, who kept snacking on some finger food. Morgan didn't sell any fear of Joe. Joe said that this time of the show is usually when wrestling occurs, but Morgan is more concerned with his little party. Joe asked if the food was catered. Morgan confirmed that. Joe said it's amazing how a company that can't get his money right can afford to throw this big party. He told Morgan to tell Cornette that he'll be at home until the contract offer is right. Joe paused, then started to apologize again, to almost mock his apology speech at the day-after meeting after the PPV. The wrestlers, who had cleared to the other side of the living room, started to chant his name. So, is the deal now that Joe is bi-polar and his mood changes every five seconds? Joe was about to leave, but then he snapped again and tore down the party set. He sarcastically told everyone to have a Happy New Year.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

Back to Borash standing by Eric Young for a post-Joe-blow-up reaction. Young said Christmas is ruined. He said everything's a mess and everything is ruined. With a glimmer of hope in his spirit, Young said Santa is going to save everything. Borash asked if anything Kurt Angle told him registered. Nope. Borash told Young that Santa and Shrek are fictional. They're make-believe. Suddenly, "Santa" walked in. Borash came to attention and excitedly told Young to look up. They did an Andre shot of Santa's kneecaps. "Santa!" Young shouted as they cut back to the ring.

A.J. Styles came to the ring for a gimmick ladder match against Kaz, who came out and surveyed the ladder. Don West said Styles and Kaz are "two stars that can do so many things so well in the ring." What does that mean? It's just an empty, thoughtless, turn-your-brain-off description of a wrestling match when the goal should be winning, not "doing things" in the ring.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- A.J. STYLES vs. KAZ -- Ladder match

Stips are that the loser has to wear a Reindeer suit. Styles went to the floor immediately and surveyed the ladder, but Kaz smashed him on the floor. Kaz then flung Styles over the guardrail to the floor and Styles held his back in pain. Styles came back with a hard whip onto the ladder, and Kaz sold a back injury. They teased a suplex spot on the ladder, then Kaz suplexed Styles over the top rope onto the ladder on the floor. Kaz and Styles teased climbing the ladder to grab the reindeer head hanging from the ceiling. Styles then connected with a back flip into a reverse DDT from the top of the ladder. Great spot. Kaz came back with a drop toe hold into the edge of a ladder rung. Styles then ducked a kick and nailed the Pele soccer kick. Time for a break.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with Styles whipping Kaz hard into the corner. Styles started climbing the ladder, and he got his hands on the reindeer head, but Kaz shoved Styles off the ladder to the apron. Styles then set up the ladder in the corner and Kaz tried to do the Shelton Benjamin ladder run from WM 21, but he lost his balance. They took a few moments to catch their balance, but they had no spot left. Kaz then back dropped Styles off the top and Styles crashed hard into the ladder. Looked bad.

[Q8]

Kaz caught his breath, and let Styles recover as well to set up a ladder spot battle. Styles won the battle with a slam to the mat. Kurt Angle then came to ringside and told Styles to climb, but Styles got distracted by Angle. Kaz then shoved Kaz off the ladder and started to climb. He reached up and grabbed the reindeer suit to win.

WINNER: Kaz in 14:00. Serviceable ladder match, but the crowd had seen enough gimmick matches on the show, so they were pretty burnt out on the action. (**)

Afterward, TNA referees came out to make sure Styles fulfills the gimmick and puts on the reindeer suit. Styles fell down while Angle pleaded from ringside. Styles tried to bail, but the refs screamed at him to put the suit on. If only the refs cared this much about calling a clean match. Angle finally entered the ring and watched as Styles slowly put the suit on. He finally put the body suit on before Styles shoved Hebner down. Hebner got fired up and told Styles to put the head on. Goodness, they're getting all the heat on the refs now! Styles finally put the head on and started flopping around the ring. Here is the most dynamic wrestler on the roster in a stupid suit.

Angle took the mic and said Styles was a turkey at Thanksgiving, and now he's an angry Reindeer at Christmas. Angle said Styles is a disgrace, so he wants him to just leave the ring and say, "I am not a reindeer" a thousand times. Suddenly, some Christmas music hit and Eric Young led Santa to the ring. Angle stood dumfounded in the ring. Santa started throwing out all sorts of TNA products. Don West went into sell-mode and plugged TNA merchandise for sale online. Santa handed Angle a DVD, and Angle put on a fake smile before taking the mic again. Angle said there is no such thing as Santa Clause. He surveyed the crowd if they believe in Santa. "He's real. He's damn real," West said. Angle said the fans are idiots.

Angle turned his attention to Santa and said he's never had a present from Santa before. Santa said that's because Angle is a naughty boy. Angle said he won an Olympic gold medal, though. He said he's been good this year, considering he is the World champ. Santa mumbled something off the mic, then Angle said he wants a gift for someone else. He said he wants Christian Cage to grow some balls so he can show up and Angle can finish him off.

After an awkward silence, Angle said he's going to show Santa what he really wants for Christmas. Angle then clotheslined Santa to the floor. They showed a random little girl crying ringside. Suddenly, Christian emerged from a big package ringside. Like a good TNA babyface, he went for a sneak attack on Angle. Christian tried to slap on the anklelock, but Angle escaped the hold and bailed to the floor. They had a stare down before they closed with a video recap on the show.

We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for an "Impact Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Impact, click here.

Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.

For more BREAKING NEWS on WWE, TNA!
VISIT OUR AFFILIATE - PROWRESTLING.NET

For UFC & MMA NEWS & BLOGS:
VISIT OUR SISTER SITE - MMATORCH.COM

Upgrade to PWTORCH VIP: DETAILS & SIGN-UP INFO

(c) 1999-2009 TDH Communications Inc. - All rights reserved.