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1/10 Impact Review by Wilkenfeld: Impact's return to good television
Jan 10, 2008 - 11:11:17 PM |
By Daniel Wilkenfeld: PWTorch Contributor
Where We've Been:
Last month, TNA took what I thought had been a good PPV and retroactively made it suck by undoing everything of value they had done. This month they're once again coming off what I took to be a good show, and hopefully they'll capitalize on that. The biggest story coming out of Final Resolution is AJ Styles's heel turn. If they keep Tomko face then that will create the potential for a unique pairing. While face/heel tag team champions have certainly existed before, I don't remember the last time it was done when their title reign began while they were more properly aligned. The ability of a face and a heel to actually be friends is an interesting story possibility that I cannot remember ever having been adequately explored. Lower down on the depth chart we had Nash turning on Joe, but if that was intended as a heel turn for Nash the crowd sure didn't take it that way. I think Joe's more valuable as a face, but at this point his month of whining about his contract might mean that ship has sailed, and they'll have to work it the other way. If he is going heel I wouldn't mind seeing him get a manager—usually when he talks he either sounds not-believable (when he's whining or artificially angry) or likeable (when he's calm or justifiably angry). Actually that could be a good use of James Mitchell if they can find a way to work it plot-wise—certainly Mitchell's most recent projects have been a waste of his rather considerable talents.
The Show
Crystal is tracking Robert Roode in the back, and she wants to know how he feels about punching Sharmell on Sunday. He says that he's already said that what happened Sunday was an accident, and that he's not remorseful because bad things happen when women are in the ring. If anyone should be held accountable it's her husband for putting her in danger. He says that he'll have a match tonight with Ms Brooks and that while what happened to Sharmell was an accident, what he's going to do to Ms. Brooks tonight won't be. Wow. I thought I was joking on Sunday when I wrote that Roode is the new Snitsky, but I'm fairly confident he cut the exact same promo on Raw a couple weeks after his debut.
[Opening Credits]
(1) The Motor City Machine Guns defeat XXX
This is a ridiculously good match on paper, so if they give it any reasonable amount of time it could be a sleeper. Shelley and Senshi start things off, and Shelley's chops look just brutal. Senshi hits a cool Springboard Side Kick as Skipper holds Shelley in the air. Shelley eventually gets in a warm tag to Sabin, who hits his usual offense 'o coolness. When he goes to the top rope though Senshi catches him with a Handspring Leaping Side Kick. He tries to follow up with a Superplex but Shelley comes in and ties him up in a Tree of Woe, then drops Skipper on top of him and (along with Sabin) nails back to back hesitation drop kicks on both of them. I'm not describing it well, but it was very cool. They toss Skipper from the ring, hit some sort of double-team slam on Senshi and then nail the Stereo Ensuguris for the win. They should really name that move—the Detroit Rock Kick maybe?
After the match Christian Cage runs down to the ring and clears out the unlucky Senshi and Skipper. He grabs a mic and punks out AJ Styles. He says he can live with AJ going his own way, but not with AJ costing him the World Title. He gave AJ everything in this business, but now he'll be taking it all back.
Chris Harris is in Jim Cornette's office complaining that he's not treated with the respect he's due. Cornette says that if Harris wants a match he can go up against Judas Mesias next. Harris is ticked that the only way he can get more TV time is by wrestling a blood-spitting vampire, which actually strikes me as a fairly legitimate gripe. I do like that they're not selling this as him being afraid to take on Mesias. On his way out he makes a derogatory remark about the catering, which I think makes his character cross the line into just being a caricature. After he leaves Joe barges in and demands to know whether Cornette set him up. Cornette says that Joe got himself into this situation and will have to handle it himself, which he says he'll do later tonight.
The Angles arrived tonight with AJ Styles and Jeremy Borash. JB and AJ compete to open Karen's door. Kurt says that tonight will be AJ Styles's coronation into the Angle Alliance, and that he will now be Prince AJ Styles. If this is a way to introduce some lame King Booker knockoff then so help me. The Angles and AJ walk off, leaving JB to get the bags. The transition of Borash from interviewer to confidante to underappreciated lackey has actually been one of the nicer slow-burns on Impact lately.
[Commercial Break]
We're in the Angles' locker room, and JB is busy warning AJ that Christian will be gunning for him. AJ seems surprised. Kurt tells him to not worry and just focus on the coronation. Karen tells him to hide. Tomko comes in to check on AJ. Styles gives him a big hug and asks for his help, but Tomko says that AJ has to pay his own price. Tomko is rivaling Fonzie in terms of absolute coolness.
(2) Judas Mesias defeats Chris Harris
The crowd starts a "Let's go Judas" chant, making me wonder if they know something I don't. Mitchell's on commentary, and he says that next week either Abyss will reveal his secret or Mitchell will do it for him. I die a little inside. Meanwhile Harris gets Mesias with a nice Spinebuster followed by a Bulldog. When he goes for the Catatonic though Mitchell distracts the ref while Mesias nails the crimson mist and the Straight to Hell for the win.
Crystal is in the back with Ms. Brooks, and she (Crystal) says that she can't go into the ring with Robert Roode. Ms. Brooks says that Roode wants her running scared, cause he wants all women to be weak. The only way to face him down is to go to the ring and fight. I guess they're retrying a slightly toned down version of the female empowerment angle Christy Hemme tried to run last year.
[Commercial Break]
TNA shows what happened "moments ago" with Mitchell and Mesias. Why? Even the technical aspects of this angle suck.
They run down the card for later tonight, starting with AJ's coronation and then mentioning an interview with Booker T. Also, for the first time in TNA history the main event will be a women's match as Awesome Kong gets one more chance at the title. They show a package from their match on Sunday that creates a nice big-match atmosphere for their contest later.
(3) Petey Williams & Sonjay Dutt defeat VKM
It's the tag team of ridiculous talents with unimaginably stupid gimmicks. There could actually be a cool moment down the road where they both just say "to hell with this" and get themselves an actual character. Well, Petey might be better off with a lame gimmick—his actual character is kind of dull. The crowd is behind Petey, who's still doing his Steiner push-ups. We get about four seconds of the match before going to break.
[Commercial Break]
Apparently this season of "Pros vs. Joes" is "do or die"—you know if that show actually had contests to the death at least it would get some press. There's apparently still a match going on, but Kip James is in the ring so I'm not sure it counts. Scott Steiner comes down to ringside and covertly steals Petey Williams's case, replacing it with his own. Can anyone do that? Could I replace Steiner's briefcase with mine and get a World Title shot? I would make an awesome World Champion. Petey eventually realizes what Steiner did and goes to the back, leaving Sonjay alone in the ring. BG and Kip have a miscommunication that results in Kip shoving BG down, which gives Sonjay just enough of an opening to hit a School Boy on Kip for the win. On his way down the ramp Sonjay plants a big kiss on the lips of SoCal Val. Kip grabs the mic and says that he'll want BG's answer next week as to who will be his tag team partner for the Feast or Fired shot. The crowd chants "DX rejects", which I think is just great.
Crystal is in the back with Christian Cage, who's striding vigorously. She wants to know what he'll do to AJ when he finds him, but Christian tells her to use her imagination. The camera reveals AJ and JB hiding under a table—in a nice bit of logic, their making what appears to be the camera crew following them around hide with them.
[Commercial Break]
AJ and JB still under the table, now sans camera crew (who are presumably the ones filming). Eric Young pops in to join them, and he says that when he likes to hide he goes to a large crowd of people. AJ thinks that's a pretty good idea, so he goes to hang out in Universal Studios.
We recap Team 3D vs. the X Division. If they have time for recaps and "moments ago"s, they really need a deeper roster.
Team 3D (w/Devine) is in the ring, and Ray challenges The Guns and Devine to a hardcore match at Against All Odds. The stakes are going to be the title belt vs. the existence of the X Division. That doesn't seem like a great deal for Lethal and The Guns, and more relevantly it doesn't seem like a deal they'd have the authority to make. Also we've seen that match two months in a row already, and at some point it might be nice to have an X Division Title defense. But other than that the booking here is awesome.
Crystal is in the back with Joe as he bursts into Nash's locker room. Nash, who apparently is fairly bright, has a baseball bat. He says that he does this for the money, and won't fight Joe for free. He tells Joe that Sunday wasn't meant to be a screw, it was meant to be a wake-up call. Getting all riled up just isn't worth it. It's not about anger, it's about money. He says that Joe needs his wisdom, and then he gives Joe the bat. Joe angrily shouts about how he should use it, but ends up doing nothing as Nash walks away. This was not a direction I expected for this pairing.
Kurt Angle says that he's picking Gail Kim to retain her title tonight because she has heart. Boy they are going all out getting this match over. It's good.
[Commercial Break]
Tenay's sitting with Booker T, who says that his wife has a shattered jaw. He blames himself for not preventing her from going into the ring. While he's in that hospital he's beating himself up, but as soon as he's out he'll be beating up Roode instead. Now it's personal. Booker sold this really well, coming off as more human than wrestlers tend to.
Roode comes down to the ring holding a mic, and he's not exactly sympathetic to Booker's plight. He refers to Sharmell as a "horse-faced skank", and for a split second I want to beat the living daylights out of him. He says that Booker should be thanking him, because now with her jaw wired Sharmell might lose a few pounds. He says that "speaking of overweight skanks" Ms. Brooks is fired. Okay, I realize he's the heel, but I'm not sure your average 13-year-old girl watching will necessarily see it that way—I'd probably stay away from calling the healthy-to-skinny looking women fat. Ms. Brooks comes down to the ring and tells Roode to shut up. The crowd starts a "we love Tracy" chant. She says that she's terrified, and wants to know if that's what gets him off. She says that he might have everything, but at the end of the day he's just a "prick named Bob!" Whoa. He tells her to shut up, calling her fat again in the process. He says that it's time for her to find out that "it pays to be Roode." He takes a move towards her, but Cornette hits the ring and tells him that no one's going to allow him to way one finger on her. Ms. Brooks, in the background, is signaling that he can go ahead and hit her. Cornette calls Roode an embarrassment to the male species, and says that he should fire Roode and have someone run over him with a truck. (The crowd is chanting "do it!") He's not going to do that though, because he wants to see what happens when Booker T comes back and takes him apart particle by particle "you no good stinking bastard." He tells Ms. Brooks to go into the back, and that security will make sure that "Bobby" never lays a hand on her. On her way down the ramp however, Roode's #1 fan finally goes on the offensive, jumping the barricade and taking down Ms. Brooks. She then grabs a chair and plants it on Ms. Brooks as Roode keeps Cornette at bay. Roode introduces Ms. Brooks's replacement, Ms. Peyton Banks. Finally Matt Morgan comes down and chases Roode off.
"Black Machismo" talks about tonight's match between Wendi Richter and The Fabulous Moolah.
[Commercial Break]
JB is reporting from the park, where AJ is decked out as a pharaoh. He tells AJ that it's time to get on his tux, which Styles says he's not going to do. Then JB mentions that Karen was looking for him, and AJ changes his tune. He asks if Kurt knows Karen's looking for him, but JB responds that it's on the "d'low." That's actually kind of funny when said by JB, particularly when he's in front of a camera. AJ asks to see Karen, but is told that she's in the men's room.
(4) LAX defeats The Rock & Rave Infection
Apparently Shelly Martinez is now "Selinas", and she is pretty. The crowd is not surprisingly behind LAX. Hernandez starts things off with a Delayed Vertical Suplex on Hoyt that would make Bobby Lashley jealous. Within about 20 seconds, however, they settle into their usual program of isolating Homicide. Homicide lands the cutter and gets in the tag to Hernandez, who just brutalizes Jimmy Rave. They double-team Rave for a bit until Hoyt breaks up the three count. Hoyt goes up to the top rope to follow up with a Moonsault, but Hernandez shoves him off—Hoyt, to his credit, takes the full RVD bump into the barricade. Meanwhile, Homicide goes for the Gringo Killer and has it reversed into a roll up for two. He nails it on his second try for the win, and for the second time in as many matches I'm convinced they've killed Jimmy Rave.
ODB doesn't care who wins the match tonight, because either way she's going after the winner.
[Commercial Break]
Crystal is in the back with Tomko. She apologizes for distracting him from his upcoming match against Shark Boy, and he has the best look of utter apathy I've ever seen. She wants to know whether he feels for AJ Styles, and he says that AJ created this situation, when he (Tomko) saw it coming a mile away. She asks him why AJ sided with Angle, and Tomko says that it might be because of a schoolboy crush.
(5) Tomko defeats Shark Boy
Shark Boy comes down to the ring wrapped in bandages, and apparently he requested this match. Tomko really needs new music—maybe something by Waterproof Blonde? TNA could probably afford them. Tomko looks aggravated that he has to bother with this, and at one point even looks to the ref as if asking him to call the match. He nails a Torture Rack Neck Breaker for the three count, and walks away looking somewhere between disgusted and amused.
AJ is in the men's room, where he helps Karen Angle get into her dress. She asks JB to go put his tux on, but he wants to stay. She tells him they can have time alone later, and he walks away happy. Bizarrely, she doesn't seem to mind the camera. She says that AJ's shown so much growth that she thinks he's more of a man than even Kurt. She tells him to face his fears and go out to the ring, because no one can take tonight away from him—not even Christian. After he leaves she rolls her eyes. It's subtle enough that one could believe that even were AJ to see the tape he wouldn't believe it, which is a nice way to solve the problem of a character revealing things to the camera that she wouldn't want a specific person to know.
[Commercial Break]
Crystal is in the back with Kaz, who sadly still has Black Reign's rat. You know if I were Kaz I'd burn anything that could keep me in a feud with Black Reign. He says that he's watching this mouse for a friend, and if that friend wants it back he can come get it.
The Angle Alliance hits the ring, and Kurt sits AJ in a throne and gives him a crown. He starts talking about how AJ screwed Christian Cage at Final Resolution, clearly making AJ uncomfortable. Christian's music hits, and he points out that in Kurt's account of events he forgot to mention that he tapped out to Christian in the middle of the ring. But he says that now he wants to focus on Prince AJ. The crowd starts a "Princess AJ" chant so loud Christian has to wait for it to die down. He tells AJ that it's time to man up. AJ starts to back down, but Karen whispers something in his ear and he tells Christian that he's ready to stand up to him. Christian asks whether this is AJ's idea of being a man, having Karen pull the strings while he moves his mouth. He says that's funny, because he's heard that if you give Karen some booze and $4 she uses her mouth. AJ stands up for Karen, and says that he can take Christian. The crowd starts a chant that rhymes with "she's a glut". Christian points out that it is two against one, but he starts walking down to the ring anyway. Joe's music hits, and he says that he's here for his title shot. AJ says that Kurt's the one calling the shots around here, at which point Christian tells Joe that while they may not agree on much, they can probably agree on the desirability of Angle and Styles getting beaten up some tonight. Before they get to the ring Cornette comes down, and he says that next week there will be a triple threat match between Christian, AJ, and Samoa Joe. If Joe or Christian win they'll get a title shot, and if AJ wins he'll have a choice between taking a title shot or giving Kurt two months off from defending the title. That's actually an idea that I can't remember having been used before.
[Commercial Break]
Awesome Kong comes down to the ring with some woman covered in some sort of burka-like thing. They do the full in-ring introductions, and this is easily the best built up Impact main event at least since Angle-Sting II, if not considerably longer.
(6) Awesome Kong defeats Gail Kim
Kong starts things off by jumping Kim before the bell, but Kim sidesteps. The crowd is split maybe 65/35 in Gail's favor. Kong takes Kim out of the ring with a Spinning Back Fist, and then tosses her around as she beat her up the ramp. She goes for some sort of charge towards the entrance way, but Kim sidesteps and she ends up going through the wall under the stage. The crowd starts a "this is awesome" chant.
[Commercial Break]
Kong is back in control, and rolling Kim into the ring. Kim tries to rally but Kong just no-sells her offense. She props Kim up on the top rope, but Kim bites her and nails a Tornado DDT for two. She hits a Senton Splash off the top for a long two count. Kong's friend approaches Kim, and the distraction is enough for Kong to regain her feet and nail a Choke Slam. Kim tries to rally again, but gets caught in a Double Underhook Facebuster for two. Kong goes for the Awesome bomb, but Kim slides out. Kim tries to follow up with a Hurricanrana, but gets caught in a Power Bomb…and then another Power Bomb…and then an Awesome Bomb. It's extremely over.
Where We're Going:
Very frequently, wrestling gets trapped by its own logic. They can either do a storyline that's well-motivated, in which case it will be predictable, or they can do a story out of nowhere, in which case it will be unsatisfying. TNA has right now struck a nice balance wherein there are several equally good and equally well-motivated directions they can go. AJ could be loyal to his new boss or give in to the temptation of a title shot. Joe can oppose Nash or join with him as a team of arrogant tweeners (an option that honestly had not even occurred to me till they made it seem reasonable tonight). Christian can go after AJ or the belt. All of these are well set up, but no one path through the options has been overly foreshadowed. The one certainty is that Booker T will kill Robert Roode, but even there, while there is no mystery, they have still managed to keep me interested by keeping me invested—I want to see Roode suffer. I don't usually like these soap opera like storylines, but this one is working for me. With the exception of the 3D-X Division feud, this show made it possible for them proceed with creative but logical booking. TNA blew just such an opportunity last month, but these are all less volatile angles, and hopefully ones TNA can handle.
Tonight's Show: There was very good development in the AJ Styles saga in logical but unexpected ways. Similarly, the Joe-Nash feud is clearly moving in a new direction, which I'm interested to see. The main event was incredibly well built-up, and was about as good as a 10-minute match can be. Also, there was no Black Reign and no Rellik. With slightly better time management—just finding 10 more minutes for the main event would have made all the difference—this would have been a solid A. As it is: A-
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