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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 1/10: Kim vs. Kong for Title, Styles becomes a Prince, Marlena the Rat
Jan 12, 2008 - 4:53:43 PM |
By Wade Keller, Torch editor
KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JANUARY 10, 2008
TAPED MONDAY, JAN. 7
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
-The show opened with a video montage of major happenings on the Final Resolution PPV. The voiceover guy said the fallout from the event now begins.
-Crystal caught up to Robert Roode backstage and asked if he had any remorse for what happened to Sharmell. He said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and if there's any blame to go around, it should go to Booker T for not protecting her. He vowed that what happens tonight will be on purpose according to his plan. He said tonight Robert Roode Inc. would go one-on-one with Ms. Brooks in a match that no one will ever forget. He said what happened to Sharmell will pale to what happens to Brooks.
-The TNA Impact opening aired, then Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show. They hyped the Women's Title match.
1 -- SENSHI & ELIX SKIPPER vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin)
Tenay said they have so much to talk about stemming from the PPV. He said he'd begin by talking about the Guns were screwed at Ultimate X. He said they broke the unwritten code of using the ladder in the match. Enough with "unwritten codes," especially when Team 3D were trying to hide the ladder from the ref. Either it's a rule or it's not. Good, fast-faced, crisp athleticism here as you'd expect. Shelley sling-shot himself onto Skipper on the floor at 3:00. As Sabin was going to follow, Senshi kicked him. As Seshi set up a superplex, Shelley ran i and grabbed his leg. Senshi unded up hanging upside down and he got a bulletpoint (low dropkick) from Sabin. If TNA knew how to really push a tag team like Paul Heyman did with The Public Enemy and The Eliminators ten years ago, the Guns would be big draws for TNA. The Gunns finished Senshi with their finishing sequence.
WINNERS: The Gunns in 4:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Too frenetic to ever settle into being a full-fledged match, but for a fast-paced TV showcase of the Guns, a good opener.
-After the match, Christian Cage ran out and attacked Skipper and Senshi and knocked them out of the ring. He addressed A.J. Styles. He said he can live with him deciding to be his own man, but he can't live with him costing him the World Championship. He said he gave him everything he has in the business, and tonight he takes it back.
-Chris Harris demanded respect from Jim Cornette. He said he's been here since day one and wants his own locker room. He said everyone knows he's better than that. Cornette said, "Either shoot me or shut up. One of us has got to get a little relief." Harris said, "Get a gun." Cornette said he's the most miserable wrestler he's ever seen, always griping and complaining. He booked him against Judas Mesias. Harris complained that he asked for a little TV time and he gives him a blood-spitting vampire. Harris said when he's finished with him, he'll be back to address more complaints. Cornette said if he comes back, he'll commit suicide on national TV. Harris said he wants a VIP parking spot, so take care of that before he gets back. Harris left and then in walked Samoa Joe. Joe demanded to know if Cornette set him up. Cornette told him he got himself into that situation. Joe said he will handle the Nash situation tonight himself.
-They showed the Angle Alliance ariving in a nice vehicle at 4:43 p.m. Jeremy Borash stepped out of the car and tried to open the door for Karen Angle. A.J. beat him to it, but Borash got to open the door for Kurt. Kurt said tonight would be the official coronation of Styles, where he'd become Prince A.J. Styles. Kurt asked Jeremy to get their bags. He said he would.
-They hyped TNA's Global Impact from Japan next week. That's a great image-booster for the promotion to be seen as truly international. It adds prestige to the World Title and all of the wrestlers to be wrestling overseas in a big-time atmosphere.
[Commercial Break]
-Backstage, Borash warned Styles that Christian is after him. Borash told Styles he made the right move, but he's in hot water. Angle was getting dressed in his tuxedo. He told Styles not to worry about Christian, but get dressed. Styles asked Karen if he should be worried. She told him he has nothing to be worried about. She told him to fix his hair, put his tux on, "and hide." Styles told Borash he likes the plan. There was a knock on the door and Styles panicked and hid behind Karen. Tomko walked in. Styles ran up and hugged him. Tomko told him if he wants to dance, he has to pay the band, so he's on his own. Styles told Karen she looked great, then he said he had to find a place to hide. Good segment. The Borash-Styles-Kurt-Karen skits are hit or miss, but this was focused and not overreaching and corny. Borash's character has come into its own nicely as an Angle suck-up.
2 -- CHRIS HARRIS vs. JUDAS MESIAS (w/James Mitchell)
Mesias attacked Harris as Harris complained to Tenay and West at ringside. Mitchell joined Tenay and West at ringside. Harris moved out of the way of a top rope splash from Mesias. Harris hit a flying laiat and a spinebuster for a two count at 2:00. Mesias spewed the red liquid in Harris's face and then slammed him to the mat with the Straight to Hell for the win. Mitchell said the secret of Abyss would be revealed next week.
WINNER: Mesias in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Not much to it.
-Crystal told Brooks she can't be serious about getting into the ring against Roode. She said the only way she can get out of the nightmare she's in with Roode is to go to the ring and face that son of a bitch head on. She was weepy and sounded desperate.
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay and West were shown at ringside. They talked about Roode vs. Brooks and the Prince A.J. corronation, plus a Sharmell update and the Women's Title match main event. They aired a video package on Sunday's Kong vs. Kim match.
3 -- "MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE" PETEY WILLIAMS & "THE GURU" SONJAY DUTT vs. VKM (B.G. James & Kip James w/Roxxi Laveaux)
Give Dutt credit. He's going all-out unabashedly with his "Guru" gimmick. Kip overpowered both opponents in a two-on-one test of strength, but Dutt and Petey came right back outquicking him and taking him down. He tagged in B.G. They cut to a break a minute in.
[Commercial Break]
Kip was beating on Petey after the break. Scott Steiner snuck to the ring and exchanged his brief case with Petey's, taking back his original cage. Well, that makes it official! Scott gets the title shot now. Kip and B.G. ended up arguing over match strategy, leading to Guru schoolboying Kip for the leveraged pin. After the match, Guru forced a kiss on So Cal Val. She made a cartoon face that indicated massive approval, because only in pro wrestling do women love uninvited smacks on the lips from men. Kip called for B.G. to make his decision by next week regarding who his tag partner is going to be for the tag title shot he earned.
WINNER: Muscle & Guru at 6:00.
STAR RATING: *
-Crystal asked Christian what he's going to do to A.J. when he finds him. He said she should follow him to find out. He said he wanted it documented. In the background they panned over and showed Styles hiding under a table with some crew members.
[Commercial Break]
-Borash and Styles were hiding backstage under a table. Borash looked disgusted and asked if he farted. A.J. said he's nervous. Eric Young found them and said he often goes to the park and hides among lots of people. Styles liked the idea of roaming around Universal.
-Tenay threw to a video package on Team 3D's quest to eliminate the X Division. Then they went to the ring with Team 3D and Johnny Devine. Brother Ray talked about beating Black Machismo and the Guns at their own game, so he proposed that at Against All Odds the same three face them again in a "Hardcore Street Fight." He said if they beat them there, they'll gladly hand them back their X Division belts. He said, though, if they win, then the entire X Division goes away forever. "Go back home to your mothers and fathers!" he yelled. Tenay said, "Are you telling me we could see the entire X Division eliminated." West said that was the challenge. Tenay said the balls is in the court of the Guns and Machismo.
-Backstage, Joe barged in and was about to attack Kevin Nash, but he turned with a bat in hand. He said if they want to go tonight, he doesn't fight for free. He told Cornette to issue then checks for 100 grand for each of them. He said he's got an S-class, a paid for beach house, and money in the bank - everything he wants. He said he didn't screw him at the PPV, he gave him a wake-up call. He said he's going around like an angry, angry, angry child and it's not working for him. He said he needs his wisdom. "Listen, it ain't gotta be like this, man," Nash said. He handed him the baseball bat and turned his back. Joe said he should kill him. Nash said, "Yeah, but you won't." I like that follow-up to the finish. It's so rooted in truth, it works.
-A soundbite aired with Angle saying Kong vs. Kim is definitely the most anticipated women's match ever. He picked Kim because she has heart. That soundbite doesn't match Angle's character at all or help build up the match. He should have been gleeflly predicting Kong would destroy Kim and prove that heart isn't enough. Viewers will then have an added incentive to root for Kim - to prove Angle wrong.
[Commercial Break]
-Another commercial aired hyping next Thursday's Global Impact.
-Backstage, Tenay had a sitdown interview with Booker T. He asked for an update on Sharmell's condition. He said she has a shattered jaw, one of the worst doctor's have ever seen. Tenay asked about the emotions he's feeling. He said she always wanted to participate, and he wants to make sure what she wants, she gets, but this time that may have been the biggest mistake of his life. He said watching her suffer with her jaw wired shut is more than he can take or any husband could take. He said he's beating himself up day in and day out. He said the day she gets up and walks out of the hospital is the day he stops taking it out on himself and focuses his frustration on one person. He said Roode changed the whole name of the game. He said it ain't about wrestling now. He thanked Tenay for showing concern about Sharmell, but he had to get back to her. This is well done. The downside is Mitchell poured gasoline on Abyss and tried to set him on fire a few minutes earlier and it's not even being talked about. It just feels incongruent to react so severely to one situation and ignore another.
-Roode stood in the ring and said, "Boo hoo. You agreed to put your horse-faced skank of a wife in the ring with Robert Roode knowing full-well anything can happen. So what? I broke her jaw and its wired shut. As far as I'm concerned, you should be thanking Robert Roode because at least now she can lose a few pounds." He added, "Speaking of overweight skanks, it brings me to you, Ms. Brooks." He said it's now official, "You are fired. It's done, it's over. You are nothing to me." He said tonight Robert Roode Inc. is going to do something it should have done a long time ago, and a broken jaw is gonna seem like a little splinter to you once Robert Roode is done with you tonight. "Traci, bring your fat ass to the ring and let's do this."
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
-A crying Brooks walked to the ring. She told him to shut up. She asked if this makes him happy. "I am absolutely petrified right now," she cried. She said every single day he's verbally abused her and now she wants to beat her up. She asked if that got him off. She said he has talent, money, cars - "a life people can only dream of." She said none of that matters because "at the end of the day, you're just a prick named Bob." She stepped up to his face. West said, "Amen, sister!" Roode told her to shut her cake hole and called her a "fat skank" again. He said she's been in the presence of greatness and blew it. So now it's time for her to find out that it pays to be Roode.
Jim Cornette walked out and told Roode not to move or even breath. Tenay said thankfully Cornette has stepped out to stop this. He said Roode won't put one single finger on "that poor girl." He said the fans, Spike TV, TNA, and he won't allow it. He said he is an embarrassment to the male species and he disgusts him. He said he has the power, and after what he did to Sharmell and what he planned to do to Brooks, he ought to suspend him for the rest of his miserable life. The crowd chanted "Do it! Do it!" Cornette said he should suspend him, fire him, or have someone run him over with a truck. This show may have set a record for references to death with threats of suicide, murder, and running someone over with a truck so far. It's just too heavy-handed and angry sounding, making ordinary matches seem pale by comparison. He said he's not going to because he wants to see what happens when Booker T comes back and takes him apart piece by piece. Cornette turned to Traci and told her to go to the back where security will escort her off the propery. He said "Bobby" would not lay a hand on her anymore. Tenay said Cornette just handed the law down. The mystery blond stalker attacked Brooks from behind in the aisle, leaping out of the crowd to do it. She hit Brooks across the back with a chair. Roode kept Cornette from coming to Brooks's rescue by threatening him with a chair. Roode said Ms. Payton Banks is her replacement. Matt Morgan ran out to chase them away. Tenay said Ms. Brooks has just been replaced by a stalker.
-A soundbite aired with Black Machismo saying Wendi Richter faces Moolah tonight, and the question is whether Cyndi Lauper shows up. "Ohhhh, yeah!"
[Commercial Break]
-Borash was at Universal Theme Park. He said Styles is hiding out there somewhere. Styles approached dressed in a pharaoh costume. Borash told him he had to be part of the coronation. Styles said he wasn't going, but Borash said Karen wanted him there. Borash told him Karen sent him to get her. He said she's waiting for him in the men's room. Borash said they're keeping Karen's crush on him "on the D-Lo" (a little nod to backstage agent D-Lo Brown).
4 -- ROCK & RAVE INFECTION (Jimmy Rave & Lance Hoyt) vs. LAX (Homicide & Hernandez w/Selenas)
WINNERS: LAX in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Not much to it, but fast-paced, hard-hitting. The finisher on Rave, a Cop Killa by Homicide, looked scary the way Rave landed on is head and neck.
-ODB said she gets the winner of the Kim vs. Awesome match, and she doesn't care who wins tonight's match. She had a flask, of course.
[Commercial Break]
-Crystal interviewed Tomko about his partner being in a tough situation. She asked if he's concerned. Tomko said he doesn't feel for him because he got himself into the situation. He said he knew it was a no-win situation and he stayed out of it. He said from now on he's making his own decisions. She asked why Styles picked the Angle Alliance. Tomko said a schoolboy crush perhaps. Crystal made a cartoon face that expressed confusion and said, "I don't really get it." Huh?
5 -- SHARK BOY vs. TOMKO
Shark Boy came to the ring on crutches and wrapped up in bandages all over his body. Tenay and West said Shark Boy requested a tough match. West called it assisted suicide. Shark showed almost no fight, but good spirit, in losing quickly. Tenay said he still doesn't know why Shark Boy requested such a thing. He was taken out on a back brace.
WINNER: Tomko in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
-Borash accompanied Styles as he visited Karen in a public bathroom stall. She asked him to help her tie the back of her dress. Karen asked for some time alone with Styles. Borash tried to talk his way into staying. Styles said, "Later," and shoed him away. Karen told him that there comes a time in a man's life that he needs to step up and rise above it all, and tonight is that night for him. She told the former multi-time NWA World Champion and X Division Champion he's become a man in recent months. Styles breathlessly frozen asked her what she meant. She said he needs to rise above it all and realize nobody can take it away from him. He said, "You're like the wind beneath my wings."
[Commercial Break]
-Crystal interviewed Kaz backstage. She asked who his new friend was; Kaz was carrying around Black Reign's caged rat. He renamed her Marlena. He said it's not a black fox, it's a rat. He said it's not his, he's watching it for a friend. He had a boa wrapped around it, and he said Marlena is "very materialistic." This is all digs at Terri Runnels, Dustin's ex-wife, and the mother of his daughter, which makes this quite a classless display by everyone involved.
-Kurt, Karen, and Styles headed to the ring all dressed up. Angle proudly corronated Prince A.J. Styles. Tenay interjected like a 12 year old, "Yeah, the Prince of Backstabbers!" He crowned A.J., who then very proudly sat on a throne. The crowd chanted "You suck! You suck!" at Angle. He shot back, "I'm a 12 time World Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist, so you can all kiss my ass." Angle told Styles he was a genius in the way he hugged Christian before turning on him.
Christian's music interrupted. Cheer or not? Fans didn't know, given the mixed signals they're constantly sent regarding Christian's character. Christian said at the time Styles turned on him, he made him tapout to his own anklelock move. The crowd chanted, "You tapped out!" Christian said he'd deal with Kurt later, because now he wanted to address Prince A.J. He said he made his decision where his loyalties really lie. The crowd chanted "Princess A.J." They're quick. Christian smiled and asked if he's ready to "man-up." Karen whispered a pep talk to Styles, then Styles said he's ready! Christian said, "That's being a man? She pulls your strings, you move your mouth. That's an interesting coincidence because I heard you give Karen four bucks and half a glass of Boots Farm and she uses her mouth." Karen was upset. Let the "slut" references that permeate TNA programs continue. A little of that goes a long way.
As Christian headed to the ring, Samoa Joe walked out onto the stage to his music. Christian stopped in his tracks and turned to watch Joe. Joe said, "This is all real adorable and all, but Kurt I've come here for my title shot." Styles told Joe to shut his mouth. He said he's not the champ, Kurt Angle is, which means "we call the shots, not you." Joe said, "Look who put on his big-boy voice today." Joe said he has no qualms smacking another man's "bitch" to get what he wants. "Bitch" was bleeped. There's more of the masochistic theme. Somebody needs therapy around there. Christian said they need their asses kicked right here, right now. Jim Cornette walked out and said he got a raw deal on Sunday and deserves a rematch. He said he agrees with Joe that he should be a challenger for the World Hvt. Title. He called Styles a "royal pain in the butt," so he wants to see him get whooped. He booked a three-way dance - Styles vs. Christian vs. Joe - winner gets title shot at Against All Odds. However, if Styles won, he could trade his Against All Odds win in for giving Angle two months off from defending his title. That's all fine, but it's hard to tap into why Cornette would offer that. It seems arbitrary and generous.
-They showed Gail Kim heading to the ring.
[Commercial Break]
6 -- GAIL KIM vs. AWESOME KONG -- TNA Knockouts Title match
They did a nice job making this seem like a big deal by positioning it last on the program, maybe the first for the two hour prime time cable era of pro wrestling. The prediction soundbites with a few wrestlers were good. Problem is, they didn't do much else. Just a promo with Kim would have a nice touch. As Kong walked to the ring, a woman accompanied her dressed in muslim garb covering her head and face. Borash handled ring intros to give it a "big fight feel." They jump-started the= mach before he was finished. Kong took Kim down with a spinning backfist, which Tenay said she learned in the dojos of Japan. Kim grabbed her hair and kicked her to fight back, then dove onto her on the floor. Kong caught her and rammed her back-first into the ramp edge. Kong charged at Kim, but Kim moved, and Kong broke through the stage wall. They cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
Back in the ring, Kong set up Kim for a superplex. Kim came off instead with a spinning DDT for a near fall at 7:00. Kim hit a senton. Kim climbed to the top rope, but Kong caught her and chokeslammed her for a two count. Kong eventually finished Kim with an Awesome Bomb to win the title.
WINNER: Kong in 10:00 to capture the TNA Knockouts Title.
STAR RATING: **1/2 - Not their best match - not even close - but a good ten minute TV main event.
-A highlight video of the show closed out the program.
VIP member, check out the Daily Keller Hotline for my extended audio analysis of this show.
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