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By James Caldwell, Torch columnist

WWE Raw Live Report
January 14, 2008
Mobile, Ala.

They opened with a video recap of Jeff Hardy beating Umaga in the cage match last week to get revenge on Randy Orton for his attack on Matt Hardy two weeks ago. They did a slow-motion video on the Whisper in the Wind from the top of the cage and Orton's shocked reaction.

Live in the arena, Jeff Hardy's music hit for the usual superstar reaction. Hardy came bouncing down to the ring with the IC Title belt in hand. He was favoring his back a little. Hardy took the mic, then waited for his music to stop to get the big babyface cheer. Jeff, speaking in the first person, said he's excited. He recapped his opportunity at the Royal Rumble to become WWE champion. Jeff said he's thrilled about the chance, but he's angry about not being able to take out Randy Orton yet. He said that didn't happen last week, but it will happen tonight. Jeff said Orton can show up now or he'd go to the back and find him. Nothing. Finally, Orton's music hit and he came out on stage dressed to wrestle with the WWE Title over his shoulder. Orton stood on stage and asked how badly Jeff wants him. He said Jeff can get a piece of him, but...with one condition. Orton said only two men in WWE history have ever held the WWE Title and IC Title at the same time. Orton said he wants to be the third. He made a proposition. At the Rumble, they fight for the WWE Title. Tonight, though, they fight for Hardy's IC Title. Hardy thought about it, then said, "done." Orton smiled and said that's good. He said he's fresh out of Hardy brothers to kick in the head, so now he gets his chance to take out Jeff. Jeff came back with his line that at the Rumble, he's taking the title, and tonight, he's taking Orton out. Orton remained confident on the stage. Hardy stared right at Orton from inside the ring. Nice opening segment.

They went back to two months ago when the Flair retirement angle began. Ross and Lawler plugged Flair vs. William Regal tonight.

Ashley Massaro then came out to the ring. Six-diva tag action coming up. Maria, then Mickie James came out. Mickie with another strong crowd reaction. Well, I guess she's Teflon of the women's division.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

Melina, then Jillian Hall made their ring entrances. Ross and Lawler plugged wwe.com to see what WWE wrestlers think about Britney Spears's recent meltdown. They showed Ross clicking on wwe.com's homepage. Maybe open a new tab on the browser for Caldwell's virtual time Raw report! Women's champion Beth Phoenix came out last. Time for her every-three-weeks appearance.

1 -- ASHLEY MASSARO & MARIA & MICKIE JAMES vs. MELINA & JILLIAN HALL & Women's champion BETH PHOENIX

They had a pretend wrestling match until Mickie and Beth took tags to pick up the pace and get the crowd involved. Mickie with a top rope splash, but she played to the crowd too much, allowing Beth to go for her finisher. Mickie slipped out, though, and nailed an enziguiri kick for a nearfall. Suddenly, the action broke down all over the place, with the divas spilling to the floor. Mickie and Beth were left in the ring where Mickie nailed a series of kicks before falling into the top rope. Beth then finished off Mickie with the fisherman buster for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Team Beth in 4:00. Beth vs. Mickie is all they have in the women's division on Raw right now. Everything else is pretend. (1/2*)

They went backstage where Ric Flair stared into William Regal's eyes before saying he has complete confidence in Regal ending Flair's career tonight. Regal said he will end Flair's career tonight in the most undignified way possible. McMahon then handed him a very weird gift. He said it's a good thing this isn't in HD. Snitsky then walked in and said he doesn't care about HD. Still as ugly as ever. Maybe I won't upgrade to HD in the office. In any event, Snitsky said he's sick of waiting around to have his chance to make an iMPACT. Snitsky huffed and puffed, then McMahon told him to make an Impact tonight ... against Triple H. Snitsky's eyes bulged out of his head in excitement.

[Commercial Break. A local commercial for Booker T's PWA promotion aired, featuring Team 3D. Same one that aired during Impact last week.]

Tomorrow night on ECW, Edge hosts Cutting Edge with guest, C.M. Punk.

They went back to a video clip from last year's Royal Rumble when it came down to Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker. Man, the crowd reaction live in San Antonio for that moment was off the charts.

Shawn Michaels then came out for a Rumble qualifying match. Ross said it's rather ironic that Michaels even has to qualify for the Rumble. Lawler said Michaels wasn't in a happy mood earlier the day when faced with having to qualify for the Rumble. Before his opponent came out, Michaels took the mic and asked why he has to have a Rumble qualifying match. He said he didn't win last year, but he was runner-up, which has to count for something. Michaels said he has won the Rumble on two separate occasions, yet, still, he has to qualify. He said he wouldn't want to be someone to...usurp...the authority of WWE. Michaels said he has an idea. He wants to challenge Mr. Kennedy Kennedy to a Rumble qualifying match. That way, he can eliminate him tonight and not worry... instead, Trevor Murdoch's music interrupted and Murdoch walked out. Michaels quietly placed the mic down in the corner and prepared for the match.

[Q3]

2 -- SHAWN MICHAELS vs. TREVOR MURDOCH -- Royal Rumble qualifying match

Murdoch started things off with a few knee strikes and a glancing big boot to the face. Murdoch landed a few right hand blows to the noggin before scoring with a hard corner whip for a nearfall. Michaels came back with a kick strike to the stomach, then they went into an exchange of right hand blows. Michaels answered with a Thesz press and punches before nailing a flying forearm. Michaels then kipped up and landed an atomic drop leading to a series of right hand blows. Michaels with a scoop slam, then he went up top for an elbow drop to the heart. Michaels then warmed up the crowd and the band for Sweet Chin Music. Murdoch saw it coming, so he dropped flat on his back to avoid the move. Michaels then slapped on the grapevine portion of the Sharpshooter into an inside-grip figure four for the submission tap out.

WINNER: Michaels in 4:00. Basic TV match. It would have been nice to see a solid 10-minute back-and-forth match for Murdoch to show he's on the rise as a singles wrestler, but it wasn't to be. (*)

After the match, Mr. Kennedy showed up on the screen. There was a VCR timer clock on the bottom of the screen. Kennedy said Michaels just can't handle the fact that he beat him and has passed him by. Kennedy said Michaels's ego won't let him go. He talked about Michaels issuing a challenge for next week, but Kennedy doesn't have anything left to prove to him. Kennedy sarcastically said that out of the kindness of his heart, he's going to give him one more day in the sun. He needs a warm-up match for the Rumble anyways. Kennedy said next week, he'll give him his last great moment in wrestling when he steps into the ring with the future ... no... the present and the future of sports entertainment. Nice heel promo from Kennedy. Michaels stood his ground in the ring, not stirred by Kennedy's comments. Murdoch then tried to sneak into the ring behind Michaels, but Michaels saw him coming and nailed Sweet Chin Music square in the jaw. Murdoch dropped flat on his back in center ring. Michaels posed for the crowd before delivering a crotch chop.

[Commercial Break]

They aired a video package from WM 6 with the Ultimate Challenge of Hogan (World Title) vs. Warrior (IC Title). Segue to Orton vs. Hardy tonight with Hardy's IC Title on the line. Nice use of history to make tonight's match a big deal.

Ringside, Ross and Lawler plugged the Royal Rumble PPV card.

[Q4]

Backstage, Hornswoggle was all happy while Vince was a little concerned about something. Vince said Hornswoggle is one of 30 men in the Royal Rumble, so it's his first time. He has no experience, therefore, he wants to give him some experience tonight. Vince booked a mini-Rumble match tonight. No pun intended. Hahaha. Vince said Hornswoggle will be the first one in the ring, with Mr. Kennedy being in there first as well. Then, Mankind. Then, Batista. Maybe a surprise or two. But, if Hornswoggle is successful tonight, he has a chance at the Rumble match at the PPV. Vince quietly said that's not too likely to happen, is it? Hornswoggle paused, then Vince suddenly grabbed him around the throat and chucked him into the couch. "Your last name is McMahon. Anything can happen. Don't forget it!" He let go of Hornswoggle's throat, then returned to happy-go-lucky Vince. He said he's proud of him. Hornswoggle was too scared to talk.

They showed Triple H walking backstage.

[Commercial Break]

Tonight, it's the "Career Threatening Match" between Flair and Regal. They couldn't come up with a better title than Career Threatening? Ross and Lawler then plugged a five-man mini-battle royale with the aforementioned Hornswoggle, Batista, Kennedy, Batista, and ???. I wonder if there will be a big show in that match.

Triple H made his entrance prior to facing Snitsky in non-HD. Ross can say Hunter can forget about the Royal Rumble this year. They keep saying he's not in the Rumble, but you still have that feeling he's going to get back in the match somehow, someway. Ross said this won't be Flair vs. Steamboat tonight, but more like a street fight in the Redneck Riviera of Mobile, Alabama. Snitsky then made his entrance. He looks less ugly with a little facial hair above his chin. Lawler said HD TV's are going to be put to the test next week with Snitsky in HD.

3 -- TRIPLE H vs. SNITSKY

The match started with an exchange of right hand blows. Snitsky then nailed some kicks to the gut in the corner. Hunter came running out of the opposite corner with a clothesline, though. Ross said the irony here is that Snitsky has already qualified for the Rumble. Snitsky then missed with a splash near the ropes and ate the floor.

[Commercial Break]

[Q5 -- second hour]

They returned with Hunter walking into a big boot to the face off the ropes. Both men took a moment to recover as Hunter regained his bearings. Snitsky then stomped Hunter into the corner with boots to the chest. He continued to work over Hunter with a methodical attack before landing a series of elbow smashes for a nearfall. Hunter brought the crowd back to life showing some fire in his comeback attempt, but Snitsky caught him in mid-air with a bear hug. Hunter channeled Warrior a little with his "shake and twist and pump his fist" attempt to escape the hold, before he landed a DDT in center ring. Hunter followed with a facebuster into a Double A spinebuster in center ring. Hunter then measured Snitsky for the Pedigree, but Snitsky dumped him over the top rope to the floor at 9:00. Snitsky followed out and chucked Hunter into the ring steps. He tried to smash Hunter with the ring steps, but Hunter moved just in time. He then grabbed a steel chair and smashed Snitsky with the chair to earn a DQ loss.

Afterward, Hunter shook and shivered before reaching under the ring to find Mr. Sledgehammer. With Snitsky back in the ring, Hunter measured Snitsky for a hammer blow to the gut. He then nailed the Pedigree in center ring for the impactful post-match statement. After Hunter celebrated, Vince McMahon showed up on the Titantron. He said Hunter has become more violent and angry ever since he failed to qualify for the Rumble match. Vince advised Hunter to take a chill pill, then Hunter took the sledgehammer and ripped apart the video screen. Vince disappeared from the video as they did some fireworks to signify the video exploding. Mac's 1984 commercial all over again, just nowhere near as good. So, that must be the end of the current Raw set in time for next week's HD debut.

WINNER: Snitsky via DQ in 10:00. Sluggish mid-portion of the match before Hunter made the big comeback. It seems like there has to be more to Hunter's program leading to the Rumble, but it's good that he's lurking in the shadows keeping himself strong, but not overshadowing the main program of Orton vs. Hardy. (*1/2)

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

They came back and focused on what's left of the Titantron. Smoke had filled the arena from where the Titantron used to be. They went backstage where Vince screamed at Hunter for trying to prove he's some big badass. Hunter just kept smirking. Vince asked what kind of havoc he's going to create later tonight or next week. He then booked Hunter back in the Rumble match. Just like that? Vince said it's not because he feels intimidated, but only as long as Hunter wins next week. "My match?" Hunter asked. Vince thought about it, smiled, then said, "Your match." They both smirked at each other's chess moves. No indication of who the opponent is. Maybe it will be a big show next week.

They showed a video package on the JBL vs. Jericho brawl two weeks ago. No clips from JBL almost hanging Jericho last week.

Live in the arena, the JBL limo pulled up and JBL stepped out after some lady with tons of steaks in her hair opened the door. JBL casually strolled to the ring as red and black balloons fell from the ceiling. Ross said JBL won't cry like Terrell Owens... Lawler cut him off before he could finish the sentence. JBL didn't seem too impressed with everything. He stood in center ring surrounded by balloons and the sounds of fans popping balloons all over the arena. JBL said there was a campaign for several months that someone was going to Save_us. He said the savior was Chris Jericho, who stuck his neck out to save us. JBL then rolled footage of him choking out Jericho with a TV cable last week.

Back in the ring, JBL asked where the savior is now. He said Jericho is at home where he should have stayed. JBL said Jericho realized how much JBL loves power and domination. He said it was as if he was dragging every single fan in the arena when he dragged Jericho around the building last week. JBL asked for a tight camera shot, then told Jericho to move over so he can talk to Jericho's children. JBL told them to look at his dad where the marks around his neck show the damage he did. He said their daddy is gutless and spineless. He had all the fight taken out of him. JBL said he doesn't want to make this personal. He told him to look at his kids right now and tell them that he's just better than him. JBL said that if Jericho comes to the Rumble, he will need to be saved from him. Cue up JBL's music and another long, drawn-out fireworks show. A classic JBL heel promo, but the segment came across too strong against Jericho, who isn't strong enough of a babyface to take that much of a verbal beat down without a chance to retort.

They showed Jeff Hardy lacing up his boots backstage to prepare to face Orton. Mini-Rumble match is next.

[Commercial Break]

They showed footage from No Mercy 2002 when Triple H was WWE champion vs. Kane (with mask) as IC champion in title vs. title. Hunter won to leave as WWE and IC champion. I'm sure Hunter loves being grouped together with Ultimate Warrior in the same sentence.

[Q7]

The arena was completely covered in smoke after the pyro show. I thought Vince took wrestling out of smoky buildings into the big-time arenas. In any event, Hornswoggle came out first for the mini-Rumble. Suddenly, a midget Mr. Kennedy came out second. Looked like Low-Ki with blonde hair. Mini-Kennedy tried to do his mic entrance, but he couldn't reach the ceiling mic.

4 -- FIVE-MAN MINI-ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH

Hornswoggle kicked mini Kennedy in the gut, then tried to eliminate him, but to no avail. After 30 seconds, mini Mankind came out to his old WWF c. 1996 music. Looked like a duck with a brown beak. Crowd wasn't sure what to make of this. Mini Mankind had about five inches on the other two in this one. He then reached in for a mini Socko, but Hornswoggle blocked and nailed a kick to the nuts before eliminating him. Hornswoggle then press slammed mini Kennedy to the floor. Out next was mini Batista. He was gassed just hopping to the ring. Once in the ring, Hornswoggle accepted a spear. He then did the Batista rope shake before Hornswoggle nearly eliminated himself. The final participant was mini Kane. He landed a series of uppercuts before taking a belly-to-belly suplex from Batista. Lawler said that if Michael Cole were here, he'd be screaming spinebuster. Oh goodness. Hornswoggle then kicked mini B. in the nuts and tossed him out. Mini Kane almost sat up. Ross said it was like him trying to sit up at the gym. Mini K. then landed uppercuts before slowly climbing the ropes. He came off the top with a clothesline before measuring him for a chokeslam. Hornswoggle blocked, though, and elbowed out. He then dropped mini Kane with the Celtic Cross and kicked him out of the ring.

Oh wait, a sixth entrant. Great Khali's music hit, but it wasn't a mini Khali. The real Khali slowly came to the ring where he grabbed Hornswoggle by the ring jacket. Suddenly, Finlay hit the ring in a suit. He smashed Khali with the shillelagh and took him to the floor. Finlay then ripped the shillelagh away from Singh before landing a left-arm lariat. Khali bailed to the stage as Finlay helped Hornswoggle to his feet. They did a mini jig in center ring afterward.

WINNER: ??? in 6:00. OK, let me first say that I laughed at least twice. Let me next say that if the Royal Rumble PPV buyrate bombs like Survivor Series, Vince has no one to blame but himself for allowing this on his show to make light of the Rumble match. They had done a great job of building up the Rumble match throughout the show, but this was like TNA booking four gauntlet matches before a PPV.

Backstage where Randy Orton was taping his wrists to prepare for Hardy tonight.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

They returned to dead air for a few seconds before a graphic came on that they're experiencing technical difficulties. Which, laughably, segued to WWE in HD next week. Oh boy, this is going to be rough next week.

Back live backstage, Finlay grabbed Vince McMahon around the throat and Vince said he had nothing to do with Khali in the segment. Finlay told him not to break their deal. Vince cut him off and said never make that threat again. He told Finlay to blow off some steam on Smackdown against Khali. Vince told him never to put his hands on him again. Finlay said that if he backs off the deal... Vince said he's not a bad guy, he won't back out. Finlay called him a liar. Vince said, "No, no I'm not. Go take care of your own business."

OK, so they're 12 minutes from the top of the hour with two main event matches left. Um...someone mistimed this show or they're cutting some corners tonight. Flair came out for the first of two main events. William Regal then came out with an extra bounce to his step. Flair, with his left knee taped, stood his ground before the match started. They cut to a break. Either this show is going way over the over-run period or they're having two really short main event matches.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- RIC FLAIR vs. WILLIAM REGAL -- Career Threatening match

They rejoined the action in progress with Regal working over Flair's taped left knee. Lawler equated the smoke hovering over the arena to a dark cloud hanging over Flair's career tonight. Ross did a quick job of setting the stage for Flair's career on the line. Flair came back with work of his own on Regal's left leg. Flair nailed a chop block in center ring before slapping on the figure four. Regal tried to block, but Flair locked the hold in. Regal just did reach the bottom rope to force a break. Regal then caught Flair with a roll up, but he hooked the tights and the ref stopped his count. After a brief argument with the ref, Regal got caught with a roll up. Flair hooked the tights out of the ref's eyes and scored a three count for the win.

WINNER: Flair in 3:00 of TV time. Too short to get a feel for the match, but the story was simple. Flair survives with his classic, yet dummied down tactics that don't work for others. (1/2*)

[Commercial Break]

[Q9 -- over-run]

Ross and Lawler plugged Michaels vs. Kennedy and Triple H vs. ??? on next week's show in HD.

Randy Orton came out first for the main event. They showed footage from a few weeks ago when Orton punted Matt Hardy in the head during one of Jeff's matches. Jeff Hardy's music hit and he came out to defend his title.

6 -- IC champion JEFF HARDY vs. WWE champion RANDY ORTON -- Intercontinental Title match

They rushed to ring the bell, then Orton kicked Hardy right in the nuts to earn a DQ. What the? All these nut shots on the show remind me of reading Bret Hart's book talking about Bruce Hart's Stampede booking.

WINNER: Hardy via DQ in 0:02. (n/a)

After the second bell sounded, Orton grabbed the mic and told us not to turn the channel. Orton then grabbed Hardy and chucked him to the floor. He tore away the ringside padding to reveal the concrete floor. Orton went for the RKO on the concrete, but Hardy blocked and they brawled up the entrance ramp to the stage area. Orton chucked Hardy into one of the video walls on the stage. He then measured Hardy for a punt to the head, but Hardy blocked and flipped him off the stage into the padded area below. The camera didn't show Orton landing. Another camera came to the floor and showed Orton flat on his back below the stage. Hardy then looked at Orton and posed. He climbed down the stage stairs, then watched as refs spilled out to check on Orton. Hardy then ripped off his t-shirt and went climbing up one of the light towers on the floor. Refs told him to get down as he climbed to the scaffolding on the light tower. He then measured Orton, but decided to climb a little higher. He went to the second scaffold and looked down, while still selling the nut show.

Hardy did his pose before leaping off the second scaffold with a Swanton Bomb onto Orton. There was a big thud as Hardy crashed down. Suddenly, medics spilled onto the scene to strap both men onto back braces. The announcers went silent as the cameras picked up the audio of both men KO'ed on the ground area below the stage. Both men had pulses. They stayed with this for a while before showing footage of Orton taking the flat back bump off the stage. They showed a faraway shot of Hardy hitting the Swanton Bomb in the general area where Orton was. Orton was the first one wheeled off on a stretcher. They continued to work on Hardy while replaying the big Swanton Bomb spot a few more times. They eventually dragged Hardy onto a stretcher as he slowly lifted his right arm in the air to do the V.1 signal. The recognizable sports scene of a guy on a stretcher giving some sort of inspiring signal to show he's OK. I thought that was a bit much for the angle.

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