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KELLER'S ECW ON SCI-FI REPORT
JANUARY 15, 2008
BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

-After the ECW opening, Joey Styles and Tazz introduced the show. Tazz was especially excited about the first-ever "The Cutting Edge" interview segment with Edge. A little too excited, almost.

-Edge made his full ring intro, then grabbed the mic and looked around at this strange land with strange fans that is ECW, oh so different than his Friday's on Smackdown. He said he is excited to be on ECW, just like he's excited for the Royal Rumble where he'll defend against Rey Mysterio. He said, "For those of you who are looking for a competitive match, you might want to look elsewhere." His inflection was perfect and hilarious. He threw to a clip from last week's Smackdown of Edge and the Edgeheads beating up Rey after the match. Back live, Edge laughed and said that's what happens when you mess with him, the Rated R Superstar.

He said his scheduled guest must have sweaty palms, "and who can blame him." He introdcued C.M. Punk, who made that inimitable wide stride with a big smile on his way to the ring. Edge said it's a pleasure to have him on the show. Punk thanked him for having him. Edge said he's watched his career really closely and he reminds him of himself years ago. "You remind me of a 'Punk' version of me," he said, making air quote marks when he said "Punk." He asked him who he's really beaten since he's become ECW Champion. He said he's defeated Chavo Guerrero twice; what if he challenged him a third time? Punk said the difference between he and Edge is he respects his opponents. He said he respects Chavo Guerrero, too, and he'd gladly defend against him a third time. Edge called that a bold statement. Punk said that's not a bold statement, this is: "I could beat you, too." The ECW fans chanted "C.M. Punk, C.M. Punk." Edge laughed and said, "I'm going to let that slide." He said he was young and stupid like him once. Punk said he didn't say that to make him laugh. "I'm the ECW Champion. Take a look around. This ain't Smackdown." Yeah, not even close. Smackdown is absolutely nothing like ECW. Different ring apron. Different lighting colors. Different entrance ramp. Different... uh... logo in the corner of the screen.

Chavo Guerrero walked out. He said, "Consider this a challenge for tonight." Punk said he has a feeling they'll probably be here next week, "same Punk time, same Punk channel, having the same [Punk?] conversation after I beat you for a third [Punk?] time." Chavo pie-faced Punk into Edge, who shoved Punk to the mat. Edge threw Punk shoulder-first into the ringpost and then Chavo repeated it himself. They left him clutching his shoulder on the mat. Styles said Punk still has to defend his title against Chavo in the main event.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed Edge leaving the arena. Tazz seemed really disappointed. Almost too much.

1 -- MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. THE HIGHLANDERS

During Morrison's ring entrance, Tazz asked if Styles was dressed as Morrison strutting around the airport earlier that day. Styles laughed and said he doesn't know what to say in response to him anymore. The Highlanders made their ECW debut, part of the unannounced ECW-Raw working agreement, apparently. Styles brushed right past it. The Highlanders had to be thrilled to be in a situation where they wouldn't be squashed in 90 seconds. Styles and Tazz talked about how surprising it is Miz and Morrison have gotten along this well this long.

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Decent action for a short tag team title match. Served it's purpose suitably, although it was barely a step up for the Highlanders from their usual Raw treatment.

-Styles plugged the Punk vs. Chavo match with the no. 1 contendership at stake for Chavo. He would leapfrog the other two ECW singles wrestler roster members with a win.

[Commercial Break]

-Kelly Kelly came out with a big smile. When Styles noted how happy she always seems, Tazz said he'd be happy all the time if he looked like her. Styles said that was really awkward and made him uncomfortable. Kelly said she'll be in high-def next week. Styles said she'd look great in a 1950s black and white televison, "quite frankly." Next week, a high-def "Best Body Contest."

-Tazz entered the ring and interviewed Colin Delaney in mid-ring. Clips aired of Mark Henry, Big Daddy V, and Shelton Benjamin destroying him in recent weeks. Styles said it's a wonder he can still walk. The pale, homely Colin's ribs were all taped up. His arms, too. Colin said, "I'm still here, barely." Tazz asked him how he thinks his career is going to turn out. He said he doesn't know, but he's here to fight another week. Tazz introduced his opponent, Kane. Colin shuddered at the pyro. Styles said, "Oh my God."

2 -- KANE vs. COLIN DELANEY

WINNER: Kane in 1:00.

STAR RATING: The post-match replays lasted longer than the match itself. Two refs checked on him afterward. Tazz said it looked like he was hit by a bus.

-Punk was getting his shoulder iced by a trainer backstage. G.M. Armando Estrada demanded to know whether he'd be ready for the main event. Punk said he'd be there.

-A clip aired of Jeff Hardy's leap onto Randy Orton on Raw. Styles said after the break they'd have an update on their condition.

[Commercial Break]

-Extended highlights aired of the final segment on Raw. They went to Styles and Tazz at ringside. Styles said Orton spent the night in a Mobile medical facility with only neck and back trauma. He said Hardy managed to stagger out of the same medical facility on his own last night. He said in two weeks they'd face off once again.

3 -- NUNZIO vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN

Styles noted that WWE.com reported that Shelton Benjamin was entered in the Royal Rumble. Shelton tossed Nunzio over his head T-Bone style while remaining standing himself. Styles and Tazz were impressed. Styles said Shelton now refers to himself as "The Gold Standard" of WWE. After Shelton scored the pin, he shouted into the house mic, "Ain't no stoppin' me noooowwww!" Between that new nickname and his catchphrase, there's no stopping him now.

WINNER: Shelton in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- A virtual squash. Shelton looked good. Still not sure about his signature catchphrase. "The Gold Standard" is good nickname for him, though.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- C.M. PUNK vs. CHAVO GUERRERO

After ring intros as the match was about to begin, Edge's music played. He didn't leave after all. "Didn't Edge leave?" asked Styles. Tazz, insightfully, said, "Apparently not." Edge talked about Punk saying he could beat him. He wasn't happy about it. He took offense to Styles calling Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder his "flunkies." Punk knocked Guerrero to ringside, clutched his shoulder, and they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Chavo had Punk on the mat with an armbar after the break. Edge watched intently. Edge complained about Styles claiming earlier he stole the World Championship, but he reminded him he never lost the title in the first place. Styles said he is correct and apologized if he offended him. He said he was just raising a point fans have brought up. Chavo methodically beat on Punk for a few minutes as Edge, with a hoarse voice, added his sardonic commentary, focused much of the time on mocking Styles for using the term "umbrage." When Punk made a comeback, he climbed to the top rope, but continued to protect his shoulder. Chavo knocked him off the top rope. Edge then hit Punk from behind with his title belt. He quickly - very quickly - returned to his seat at the announce table and said, dryly, "Oh, what a match. Great match." He said regarding Punk, "He's full of guts. He should be able to get back into the ring." Meanwhile, the ref counted out Punk. Chavo was named the new no. 1 contender. Edge is funnier when he's sick.

WINNER: Chavo via countout in 12:00 to become no. 1 contender.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Not a memorable match. Seriviceable and par for the course for Chavo, kept entertaining by Edge.

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