By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JANUARY 24, 2008
TAPED 1/21 IN ORLANDO, FLA.

-Clips aired from last week's show including James Mitchell's revelation, ODB's challenge of Awesome Kong, Shark Boy's imitation of Steve Austin, the Kevin Nash-Samoa Joe relationship, and Christian earning a TNA Title shot last week. The title of the show is "You Will Never Forget Samoa Joe."

-Jim Cornette addressed a group of wrestlers backstage, saying that "corporate" was all over him this week for the ref's bad decision to DQ Joe. He said if he's going to take the heat and lose his job, he's going out in a blaze of glory and book the greatest show ever. Does anyone really think "corporate" would blame Cornette for a ref mistake that's on the same level of what TNA books for almost every big match on PPV? Cornette announced Black Machismo vs. Johnny Devine in a street fight and Styles & Tomko vs. The Motor City Machine Gunns. Morgan had to keep everyone apart. Team 3D walked up to Cornette. Brother Ray first told Crystal to stop filling up his cell phone and said it was just a one night stand and she wasn't that good. Ray added that the big guy upstairs tipped them off to his booking that tag match. He complained that the deserve that title shot. Cornette said he'd add them to the match as long as they stayed out of his hair and made it a good match. Ray added, "Great, me and my brother love three-ways." Once again, Cornette's character is made to look like a pushover who rewards bad behavior by giving people who bother him their wishes to stay out of his hair.

-Kevin Nash headed to the ring. Nash said Cornette screwed up. He said that last week it was clear to everyone that Joe got screwed. Don West said, "Amen." Nash said he grew up in Detroit where there was the easy and hard way of doing things. He suggested to Cornette they do things the easy way - he come out and give Joe what's fair, or he can ignore him and Joe will come into the Impact Zone and he'll deal with him face-to-face in a couple of minutes. Matt Morgan walked out to a laser light show and music. TNA still hasn't addressed why he isn't wrestling. Morgan, "It's not the '90s anymore. Nobody cares what you have to say anymore, Kev." He said The Clique is dead, the NWO WolfPac is dead, and the NWO period hasn't had relevance since he was in fifth grade playing dodge ball. He said Nash's career is also dead, or on life support at best. He told Nash to turn up his hearing aid and called him "Grand Daddy Cool." He said he is bigger, younger, stronger, faster, and better than he is. "Matt Morgan is the law in TNA wrestling." He told him he can leave his ring peacefully or he can send him out of the ring permanently. Nash grabbed his neck and told him to never disrespect him. As he turned to leave the ring, Morgan jumped him. Samoa Joe ran into the ring and made the save, taking out Morgan with a flying leg. Morgan ripped off his shirt and threw a fit on the ramp. Joe said Nash asked him nicely to do things the easy way, but he said he and Kev would do things the hard way tonight. He said after tonight Cornette will never forget the name Samoa Joe.

-Back to Jeremy Borash, he said they'd be announcing the 2007 awards including the MVP. No more "Mr. TNA," I hope. Boy, that was an embarrassing title. Kurt Angle interrupted and said he needed Borash's full attention. Angle told Styles to get the house in order. Styles said he'd sit down and talk to Tomko. Angle said he'd give him an offer he can't refuse. Styles said Tomko has his own agenda. Karen told Kurt she'd talk to Styles privately. She sat with Styles on the couch and flirted with him. She said he'd do him a favor if she does what Kurt wants. She lowered her strap. Styles clapped, stood up, and told Angle he'd do what he wanted.

[Commercial Break]

-Crystal asked Christian if he was hoping to be named MVP. He said he has his acceptance speech ready. He shifted to talking about Tomko. He said he knows him better than he knows himself. He said it's okay if he picks a side. He wished Angle and Styles luck on trying to talk him to taking their side.

1 -- JAMES STORM (w/Miss Jackie) & ROBERT ROODE (w/Peyton Banks) vs. ERIC YOUNG & SONJAY DUTT

It bugs me every time Roode is announced from "Wallstreet in Manhattan, New York" because nobody on Wall Street has Roode's haircut. He has a generic '90s wrestler look with the arbitrarily long hair dripping with water and the sequined robe. At least with I.R.S., they made sure he had the look. But Roode's character is in some ways a reincarnation of Terry Taylor's character from 15 years ago in WCW, and he had long hair, but it was tied back in a tight pony tail which back then was supposed to make him seem more like Wall Street investors and bankers. Tenay thanked the TNA viewers for setting a record for viewership last week for Impact. West talked about how great Global Impact was last week, too. Why didn't they add, "We also had more viewers than one of the other group's prime time shows last week" or something along those lines?

WINNERS: Roode & Young in 4:00 with a fisherman's suplex.

STAR RATING: * -- Good pace.

-Afterward, Traci Brooks jumped Banks and slammed her head to the mat repeatedly. Young yanked Brooks off of Banks as Roode helped Banks scurry to ringside. Tenay said they just received word that Booker T has arrived in the Impact Zone.

-Crystal interviewed Booker regarding Sharmell's condition. He refused to answer.

[Commercial Break]

-They announced the 2007 X Division Superstar of the Year finalists were Black Machismo, Chris Sabin, and Kaz.

-They went to the ring for the announcement. Jeremy Borash stood mid-ring with So Cal Val. (What is she doing there? Have they ever explained?) He quickly announced Machismo as the winner. It's sad that a tag wrestler like Sabin and a late-arrival on the scene like Kaz were two of three. TNA's X Division should be producing match of the year candidates each month, and instead the only 2007 memories that stand out for Machismo and Kaz were their matches against Angle. They were not put in a position to shine much at all last year. Machismo accepted his trophy, began saying, "Oh, yeahhh!" Then he set the trophy down and talked in a normal voice. He said he puts his body on the line each week because he loves the fans. He said as of late, with the mental and physical abuse from Team 3D lately, he's lost his smile. He said he can honestly say for the first time he is mad as hell and doesn't plan on taking it anymore. He said he's going to start tonight with Johnny Devine. He said he will dish out the ass beating Team 3D deserve. He said he'll do it for himself and all of the fans. Tenay said he's the youngest man on entire roster. There was no context at all given to him breaking from his character other than Tenay saying that's a side of Jay Lethal they hadn't seen in a while.

-Crystal interviewed Black Reign backstage. She said Kaz is playing mind games with him now. Joe jumped him and rammed him into a table. Kaz showed up, grabbed Reign's weapon, and walked away.

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired on Shark Boy last week.

2 -- "PRIME TIME" ELIX SKIPPER vs. SHARK BOY

Shark Boy jump-started the match including a Thesz Press. Skipper came back a minute in, but the missed a dive in the corner. Shark Boy stomped away at Skipper in the corner, imitating Austin. At least they're following up on last week's imitation of Austin by having Shark Boy wrestle like him this week. I admit I had no faith they'd go anywhere with that other than it was unexpected and funny in their eyes for Shark Boy to channel Stone Cold. Skipper came back and went for a top rope legdrop a 2:00. Shark moved, then finished Skipper with the Stunner for the win. A variation of Austin's music played afterward including a glass breaking noise. Can they legally do that, even under the guise of satire? Shark said in Austin's voice, he's revealing the new and improved Shark Boy. The crowd chanted "What?" between each of his sentences. For quarter hour insight, this match and promo came late in quarter hour number three. Say what you will about this, but it doesn't counter the argument that TNA's creative team lives largely in 1997-'98. Shark Boy opened a can of clam juice and took a swig afterward. "Shark Boy 24:7 says I just bit your, and that's the fishing line because Shark Boy said so."

WINNER: Shark Boy in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Nothing wrong with it. Just very short. Doesn't say much for the plans for Skipper early this year.

[Commercial Break]

-The candidates for the TNA Knockout Woman of the Year were Ms. Brooks, Christy Hemme, and Gail Kim.

-Borash announced the winner, via online fan voting, was Gail Kim. Tenay noted she was the first-ever TNA Knockout Champion. She said she's still recovering from the concussion Awesome Kong gave her two weeks ago. She said the Knockout Title means everything to her and to women's wrestling. She said Kong is a disgrace to the title. She said she couldn't care less that they bust their butts and break their backs to get to that position. She just wants to take out other wrestlers permanently. She said she may have put her down, but she hasn't taken her out. Awesome Kong's music played. Kim jumped her as she entered the ring, but Kong soon fought back with a headbutt to floor her followed by a spinning backfist to the head. Kong was about to execute a powerbomb, but ODB stepped out to make the save. She took a swig from his flask, then ran to the ring. Kong met her as she entered with a boot to the face and several stomps. The crowd chanted "ODB, ODB." ODB fought back with chops, but Kong leveled her with a clothesline and then a powerbomb attempt. ODB escaped and dropkicked her three times to knock Kong to the floor. Kong's handler, Saeed, stopped Kong from returning to the ring. It was risky to give that much away between those two on TV as they could have built up and sold PPV buys on the intrigue of how they'd fare against one another, but if you were going to have them mix it up, that was well done as it created a genuine sense of hope for fans that Kong may have met her physical match.

-Backstage Angle offered Tomko all of the perks that Styles gets. Tomko asked what that was. Angle said it included fancy cars, private jets, fine wine and food, "and Karen." Tomko asked what Karen is supposed to do for him. Angle asked him to use his imagination. Tomko said he's a married man with a wife and kid. He said he gets all the inspiration he needs from them. Angle said, "You don't understand me. This is Karen Angle, not some girl you picked up at the strip club." Tomko jumped Angle as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

-Back from the break, Tomko was brawling with Angle in the stage area. He dragged him to ringside and threw him into the ring. Security broke them up. Angle yelled from ringside, "You blew it, Tomko. That's it, you and me last week." He said his stripper wife better be ready to take him to the hospital. Tomko leaped to ringside and jumped Angle again. Security intervened. Angle broke through and went after Tomko. They cut away to Crystal backstage.

-Crystal interviewed Devine and Team 3D. Devine said tonight he will make a name at Machismo's expense and everyone will find out why he went to the dark side. Brother Ray said Devon has never been in better shape and tonight they're going to win the tag titles, then take those belts to Against All Odds in the street fight against the Motor City Machine Guns.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

3 -- BLACK MACHISMO vs. JOHNNY DEVINE - X Division Title Street Fight

They brawled from the start. Machismo wrapped a chair around Devine's head and shoved him into the ringpost. Going into the break, Machismo DDT'd Devine onto a chair on the mat.

[Commercial Break]

Back to the match, Machismo hit Devine with a trash can. Devine bled from the forehead. When Team 3D came to ringside, Machismo leaped onto both of them at ringside. When he returned to the ring, Devine dropped an unsuspecting Machismo throat-first over the chair in the ring and scored a near fall. Machismo slammed Devine across the skull with an unprotected chairshot. Brother Ray entered the ring and hit Machismo with a kendo stick, then dragged Devine onto Machismo for the win.

WINNER: Devine in 9:00 to capture the X Division Title.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- I still can't believe everyone's so gung ho in TNA about blunt, unprotected chairshots to the skull. I don't remember a period in any promotion in years with this many in such a short span.

-Joe entered the ring and put Devine in his rear naked choke. Team 3D didn't make the save, leaving Devine to fend against Joe on his own. Joe got up and stared down Team 3D.

-A sitdown interview aired with Tenay and Abyss. Abyss said he hides behind his mask every day of his life because he ashamed of the blood that runs through his body. He said James Mitchell is his father, but only biologically. He said the scars on his skin have healed, but the scars he inflicts on Judas Mesias and Mitchell at Against All Odds will never heal.

[Commercial Break]

-Most Memorable Moment Finalists: Booker T and Sharmell come to TNA, Kurt Angle wins every TNA Title, or Sting regains the TNA World Title.

-Kendall Gill joined Borash in the ring. Gill, a former NBA player, was part of "Pros vs. Joes" up next on Spike TV. Gill announced that Booker T's arrival was the Most Memorable Moment. Booker T walked out. Booker sent his wishes to Sharmell at home. He said it's been a tough time for him. He said he will get over it real, real soon. Borash asked when he'd return to the ring. Booker said he can't answer that right now because Sharmell is first and foremost on his mind. On the big screen, Robert Roode showed up and said it is his fault. He said when Roode threw out the challenge at Final Resolution, he never dreamed that he'd accept. He asked what kind of human being or husband would ever put his lovely wife in that sort of situation. He told Booker to get back to his wife and give her his best. Tenay called it one of the sickest moments in TNA when Roode shattered Sharmell's jaw. Considering it was a total accident and Roode expressed remorse at first, or at least a reaction that indicated he didn't do it on purpose and was scared about Booker's reaction, that's a rewriting of history. Tenay should have said the sickest moment was when Roode blamed Booker for his actions and laughed about it.

-Crystal interviewed B.G. James and Bullet Bob Armstrong. She asked how they're preparing for the tag match. He said he and his father will be challenging the winners of tonight's TV main event at Against All Odds. (Not if Team 3D wins, presumably.) Armstrong said they're going to do hard training the next three weeks. He said they'll get up at 5 a.m. ad train until 8. James said he knew his dad was going to do that, then he whined, "Dad, dad!"

4 -- ROCK & RAVE CONNECTION (w/Jimmy Rave & Lance Hoyt w/Christy Hemme) vs. TIGER MASK & CURRY MAN (Christopher Daniels)

-The Rock & Rave Infection came out first. They brought Guitar Hero guitars to the ring. Christy did the rock band type of obnoxious intro for them as they pretended to play guitar. For quarter hour ratings tracking, this match began late in Q6. Tenay explained that both Japan wrestlers' characters were based on cartoon characters out of Japan. Tenay said he got official word that Tomko vs. Angle was signed, plus Awesome Kong would speak for the first time on TV. At 3:00 Tiger superplexed Rave off the top rope for a two count. Tiger flip-kicked Rave. Hoyt ran and interfered. Tiger dove at Hoyt, but was caught and slammed to the mat. In the ring, Curry slammed Rave with is spicy rack finisher, but Hoyt broke up the pin. Tiger finished off Rave with a diving headbutt off the top rope a minute later.

WINNER: Tiger Mask & Curry Man in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- There may be too many "cult" comedy figures in TNA right now with these two being added to Shark Boy and Eric Young (oh, and Jeremy Borash, too, of course).

[Commercial Break]

-A Brock Lesnar training video aired. He said the people are starving for a real heavyweight. Angle said he's sparred with him and he's training hard. Dana White said he is dedicated to becoming the heavyweight champion of UFC. Lesnar said Frank Mir thinks he's a badass, but he's not. He said he can't wait to dump him on his ass and look at his eggs bug out. Angle said he was world class level in wrestling and he will be in MMA. "I can tell you he's the real deal," he said. Good cross-promotion for both groups. Just having Lesnar show up on Impact and to have Angle and White on the same video package together gives a dual rub to both groups with each other's fan base.

-The TNA MVP Finalists are Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, and Samoa Joe.

-Borash announced the winner was Samoa Joe. Joe came out and asked for Borash to explain to all of the fans why he hasn't gotten his heavyweight title shot. He put his arm around Borash. Borash said the truth is, he got a shot a couple months ago against Angle and didn't win the title that night. "That might have something to do with it," Borash said. Joe said it was the right answer, but unfortunately tonight it's the wrong answer. He took Borash down with a clothesline/forearm, then smashed the trophy. Cornette ran out and asked him to calm down. Nash followed and tried to keep Joe restrained. Cornette said he understands Joe being upset with the call last week, but bad calls happen in all sports. He said there's nothing they can do about it now. He said he's going to make him the special guest enforcer in the Christian vs. Angle match. He said if he does that, he will give him a shot at the winner at the March PPV, Destination X. Nash whispered something to Joe. Joe shook his head no with a smile. Cornette asked him what he wants. Joe said he wants a five year completely exclusive contract in TNA, and for every year he's there, he gets paid 50 percent more than Kurt Angle. He said if he gives him that, maybe he'll stop acting the way he doesn't like him to act. Cornette asked for a little time to think about it. He said he was going to, but it sounds like the fans want the answer now. Cornette told him he'd have it for him next week. Nas and Joe high-fived each other. Joe sounds so much like Tim Duncan, its uncanny.

-Crystal interviewed Tomko and Styles. Tomko yelled at Styles, saying he's close to becoming a big problem himself. Styles desperately asked what he meant and wondered if it had anything to do with Karen.

-Ring intros took place for the Machine Guns.

-Another commercial aired for Lesnar vs. Mir. It included a brief clip of Lesnar executing a powerbomb in a WWE ring. How'd they get rights to do that? They went to a wideshot of a WWE ring and then faded into an image of the octagon. White said Lesnar could become the biggest name in MMA.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) vs. TEAM 3D vs. A.J. STYLES & TOMKO - TNA Tag Team Title mach

Tenay explained that you can't tag in your own partner or wrestle your own partner in this match. That's a logical rule to always have in this type of three-team-or-more match. Lots of big spots early including a flip dive by Styles over the top rope to the floor. When Karen flirted with and kissed Ray, Styles broke it up. Ray shoved Styles into Karen, knocking Styles onto her on the floor. Styles tagged Devon in quickly, then rolled to ringside to check on Karen's condition. A disgusted Tomko looked o, asking what he was doing. Sabin tagged in Tomko by slapping his back. Team 3D gave him the 3D finisher as Styles carried Karen to the back. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Tomko beat on Devon in the corner. Ray hit a flying clothesline on Tomko off of Devon's shoulders for a near fall. The Guns broke up the pin. Ray cut off the Guns comeback with clotheslines, then Tomko caught Ray with a big boot and Devon with a clothesline that led to a pin.

WINNERS: Tomko & Styles at 9:00 to retain the TNA Tag Titles.

STAR RATING: **

-After the match, Styles ran back to ringside and hugged Tomko. Tomko shoved him hard to the mat for abandoning him. Christian stepped out onto the stage and smiled and clapped. Tenay plugged Angle vs. Tomko was next week's main event.

-A video recap aired of the show.

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