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TNA Impact on Spike TV
March 13, 2008
Taped Mar. 10 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

Four hours of wrestling tonight! I'll have my ROH PPV Report posted two hours after the conclusion of Impact, as I'll be covering Impact, then the ROH PPV now that Comcast has fixed InDemand in my neighborhood ... for one night.

Opening video: They showed some video clips from the Destination X PPV with various "proverbs" in between clips of the matches. ... From the Impact zone, Tenay and West plugged Angle vs. Kaz tonight.

In-ring: With the lights turned down, Jim Cornette opened the show by plugging the Angle vs. Joe title match at the Lockdown PPV. Cornette then announced the Lethal Lockdown (War Games) match with all sorts of weapons available in the cage. Crowd is eerily quiet. No background noise. No constant chatter. I've never heard the Impact Zone this quiet in three years. Cornette then brought out Christian Cage as one of the Lethal Lockdown captains. Cornette brought out Tomko as the other captain.

Cornette asked for some civility between Christian and Tomko, then he laid out the rules and asked for each team's respective four-man roster to be turned in soon. Christian needed to get in a word before they could end the segment. He sarcastically asked Tomko what it's like being his own man. Christian told him he looks a little confused, especially after Joe choked him out at the PPV. He said Tomko is still a lap dog, just not his lap dog anymore, but Kurt Angle's. Christian called him a jacked-up, tattooed (bleep), which set off Tomko. A brawl broke out with A.J. Styles backing up Tomko before Kevin Nash made the save for Christian. JC: Fine segment. They toned down the noise and presented a good angle to start the Lockdown hype.

Backstage: Jeremy Borash found Karen Angle trying to sneak into the building. Borash asked about the text message regarding her bombshell announcement. Karen said she's going to respect Kurt's match tonight, then wait until after the match to address their issues.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

Backstage: Scott Steiner, his freak, and Petey Williams were with Crystal to talk about some sort of initiation. Steiner said he's going to end the confusion over the briefcases. Thank goodness. Steiner said he owns both the World Title and X Division title shots, so he controls the title picture. Steiner told Petey to win his match tonight to qualify for the Ultimate X-Scape match. They basically gave Steiner eighteen points to get over, and he had to connect all of these dots to make sense of the writing.

Ringside: They showed Joel Anderson sitting in the front row watching the show. ... In-ring: Petey Williams came to the ring with Rhaka Kahn for the qualifying match. Curry Man came out as his opponent.

1 -- CURRY MAN vs. PETEY WILLIAMS (w/Rhaka Kahn) -- Ultimate X-Scape qualifying match

The match started with a pose-down in center ring. Curry kept trying to turn it into a dance-off, which greatly excited the tourists in the building. Petey then knocked Curry to the outside and landed his slingshot huracanrana on the floor. Back in the ring, Curry made a comeback with a dropkick at 3:00. He followed with a clothesline and hip attack in the corner before going up top for a cross body block. Of course, Rhaka got on the apron to distract the referee when Curry had a pin. Curry then shoved Petey into Rhaka, and Curry bridge pinned Petey for the win.

WINNER: Curry Man in 5:00. Fine action, but they tried to do a half-way serious TV match featuring a guy who wears a mask with a never-changing goofy expression. (*)

Post-match: Scott Steiner came to the ring and called for Petey to meet him ringside. Petey dejectedly walked over to Petey and reluctantly accepted Steiner's hand cuffing. Kahn then placed a hood over Petey's head. Um, what is this all about? Is there some bondage angle we're not aware of?

Backstage: Borash was in Cornette's office to question Cornette's ability to keep things under control. Cornette shot him a look and told him he flunked the American Idol hosting audition. Cornette then booked a tag match for tonight based on the opening segment. Team 3D suddenly barged in and Brother Ray asked Cornette how it feels to be the captain of this sinking ship. He suggested Cornette grab a gun and shoot a hole through his head. Wow, that's just a great visual. Brother Ray then told Cornette he's allowing the inmates to run the asylum. He ripped on Shark Boy for being a jobber with an identity crisis who thinks he's an ass-kicker. He then asked about the reality stars walking around backstage trying to steal Team 3D's thunder. Ray said if he sees one of the Machine Guns, Shark Boy, Curry Man, or any of the reality stars running around, then they're dead. Don't make a promise you can't keep. Ray, with his voice inching higher and higher, said the only person who's not dead right now is a washed up manager of old tag teams. Ray left, and Cornette simply leaned back on his desk after sitting through Ray's monologue. He dreamed of a distant land where they grow corn.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

Video package: They showed a highlight video on Samoa Joe's career in TNA as a dominant ass-kicker. They focused on Joe having a void in his career by not being able to take the TNA Title from Kurt Angle.

In-ring: Right on cue, Samoa Joe came to the ring. Oh...my...goodness. He's wearing a suit. He's finally dressing the part of a main eventer. Joe stood in the ring and said he finally gets his fair shot at the TNA Title at Lockdown. He then gave a shout-out to Kevin Nash. Joe said it takes a real man to admit he's wrong; and he was wrong about Nash, who taught him "the game". Joe then thanked the TNA fans. He said when the world said Joe isn't right for TV, the fans said no, "Joe's gonna kill you". When the world said Joe's brand of wrestling isn't right for today's wrestling, the fans stood up and said yes, it is.

Joe said Angle needs to realize that when they're locked in the cage at Lockdown, he will do anything and everything to win the TNA Title. Joe guaranteed that he will be leaving as TNA champion. He then closed by saying if he doesn't leave Lockdown with the TNA Title, he'll never set foot in an Impact ring again. Joe said people want a new champion, and he is that champion. Joe paused for some "Joe, Joe" chants. He said the next time he's in the Impact Zone, he will be the TNA champion. "My name is Samoa Joe, and I am pro wrestling," he said. No interruptions here, as Joe's music hit to end the segment. JC: Now that's a promo to set up a PPV title match main event. This was 18,000 times better than the typical scream-and-shout backstage promo from Joe. He controlled the interview; he didn't allow the bullet points to control him.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Crystal found Christian in the locker room to ask him about his partner for the main event tonight. Christian kept quiet, then walked over to Rhino to talk to him. He said people need to take care of business face-to-face like a man. Christian said he needs to talk to Rhino now. Rhino got up from his chair, chucked the chair into a locker room, and got all mad about Christian deciding now he wants to talk. Rhino said there's nothing to talk about, then he stormed off. That segment's an example of art imitating backstage life.

2 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN) vs. RELLIK & BLACK REIGN

The monsters took control, then they cut to a break.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, Shelley scored with a double DDT in center ring. He then mustered enough energy to pound the mat before rolling over to his corner for a hot tag to Sabin. Sabin then did some rapid-fire moves before Shelley ran off Sabin's back for a corner smash onto Rellik. They landed a double superkick on Rellik for a nearfall. The monsters dumped Shelley to the floor, leaving Sabin in the ring by himself. Rellik took off Sabin's head with a clotheslin, then he covered him for the win.

WINNERS: Monsters in 6:00.

Post-match: Reign took the mic and asked Eric Young if he wants to play games. He told Young that they're standing right here, right now. Some generic Superman music hit, then Super Eric stormed the ring sporting his shiny red and canary yellow outfit. Young cleared the ring, then posed in the ring like the Hurricane Shane Helms.

Backstage: Jeremy Borash brought A.J. Styles to a locker room door. He told Styles to put his crown on, then Borash opened the door revealing Karen sitting on the couch. They hugged, then Karen tried to assure Styles that everything will be OK. "Just trust me," she told him. Karen left, then Styles said that was awesome. Tomko found the scene and told Styles to get his head out of his ass and not worry about Karen. Tomko then ripped off Styles's crown and left. Styles called him an idiot. JC: There was a slight, subtle change in Styles's character in that segment, with him a little more serious than usual. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a complete goofball who can't be taken seriously, he progressed from 10 to about 6.

In-ring: Kaz came to the ring for a match, then Kurt Angle came out. They showed Karen Angle pacing around backstage.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- TNA World Hvt. champion KURT ANGLE vs. KAZ -- non-title match

A minute into the match, Angle gave Kaz an overhead toss over the top rope to the floor. Angle then rolled Kaz back into the ring, and landed a suplex for a nearfall.

[Q5 -- second-hour]

At the top of the hour, Angle went for three German suplexes, but Kaz escaped the third and knocked down Angle to the mat. Both men recovered, then Angle came up firing with a right hand blow that Kaz blocked before making his comeback with forearms and clotheslines. Kaz then hit a slingshot blow of some sorts from the apron. Angle tried to surprise him with the ankle lock, but Kaz slipped out and hit the Wave of the Future for another close nearfall. He went up top for the Flux Capacitor, but Angle knocked him down to the mat. Kaz recovered and ran back up top to hit the FC. He made a cover and the ref's hand hit the mat for a third time, but Angle had kicked out in time. Kaz made the mistake of not continuing his attack, allowing Angle to slap on the ankle lock. Angle grapevined it in center ring and Kaz was forced to tap out.

WINNER: Angle in 6:00 via submission. Very nice TV match. They took out the first four minutes of a ten-minute TV match and went straight to second gear, but they made it work. (**)

Post-match: Angle took the mic and said Joe made the biggest mistake of his life because he just pissed him off. Angle said when it's on the line, he just wins. He said he's the best ever...today... but in order to be the best ever, he needs to beat Joe. Angle told Joe to take his fat ass home to train and get ready.

Before Angle could finish, Karen Angle interrupted. She walked to the ring while Kurt shot her a puzzled look. Karen asked what she wants. She got right to the point and matter-of-factly said, "I want a separation". Kurt was initially dumbfounded, but then said that's a great idea because he can focus completely on beating Joe so he doesn't have to deal with Karen's high maintenance. Kurt said they can sit down afterward and sort out their issues. Kurt was all excited, while Karen realized he called her bluff and started to cry. Kurt tried to shake on the agreement, but Karen turned and walked away. Kurt did a "whoo" and raised his arms in victory. JC: This came across like a hidden message about TNA putting the Angle Family Drama Hour on hold while they focus on building up Angle vs. Joe for one big PPV payday. Then, they'll go back to trying to write a drama show.

[Commercial Break]

TNA Ruff Cut: They picked up the B.G. and Kip "shoot interviews". B.G. said he was fired from "the other company" due to drug use. He said he's not perfect, but he's recovered. Kip said he had enough of being "in New York", and TNA offered him a new chance. (I thought TNA advanced beyond pigeonholing themselves a Southern promotion, especially when they just had a very successful house show tour in New York.) B.G. talked loosely about trying to re-create the New Age Outlaws act (without ever mentioning NAO), but he knew they couldn't live up to it. Kip said the bond of getting back together was tough to re-form, especially with Killings and Konnan in the picture. Kip said he was all-excited about the re-formation, but B.G. said he felt like it was forced on him.

Backstage: Crystal brought in Rock 'n Rave for a promo. Christy Hemme cut a promo about LAX being nothing. She started to sing "We are the champions." ... Ringside: Joel Zumaya and Curtis Granderson of the Detroit Tigers were shown ringside.

[Q6]

4 -- LANCE HOYT & JIMMY RAVE & CHRISTY HEMME vs. LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ & SALINAS)

They cut to a break after a minute of action.

[Commercial Break]

Out of the break, Hernandez and his facial hair tossed folks around the ring. He then clotheslined Hoyt and his ripped jeans over the top rope to the floor. Hernandez flew over the top rope with a big dive. Back in the ring, Homicide went for the Cop Killah, but Rave slipped out and tagged out to Christy. Salinas then tagged herself into the match. She gave Christy a reverse DDT and made a cover for a nearfall. Christy then grabbed the Guitar Hero guitar and smashed it over Salinas's back with the ref distracted. Christy covered Salinas for the win.

WINNERS: Rock n' Rave in 7:00. A waste of LAX when they should be in a meaningful role, not mixing it up with the comedy tag team. (1/2*)

Video package: They showed Jay Lethal and So Cal Val on their first date. He took her to Universal Studios and won her a basketball. They sampled the rides, then walked into a tent where Sonjay Dutt showed up. He's working a second job. Dutt led Val away to find a ride that Lethal missed. Lethal called out after them. To Be Continued...

Backstage: Crystal joined the make-over session with Angelina and Velvet trying to fix up Roxxi. Suddenly, Roxxi got upset and put up a stink about the make-over. Angelina then chucked Roxxi into the wall and slammed her into a table. They threw down on the floor, then painted her face with intent of making her look like an idiot. Pointless excuse to get T&A on the TV.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

Backstage: Borash brought in Gail Kim for an interview. Borash asked Gail about being put on the back burner. Gail took exception to that and said the thing between her and Awesome Kong is far from over. She said the issue is between them, and no one else. Gail told Kong to find her first or face some serious consequences.

In-ring: Velvet Sky and Angelina Love came to the ring. No crotch-burn ring entrance this week. Gail Kim then came out to face Sky.

5 -- GAIL KIM vs. VELVET SKY (w/Angelina Love)

Gail dominated in the early going. Velvet begged off, but caught Gail with a drop toe hold into the bottom rope. Velvet followed with a DDT at 2:00 for a nearfall. She tried to follow with a corner splash, but Gail moved and Velvet ate the turnbuckles. Gail went on the offensive as the girls in the crowd kept screaming. Angelina then hopped on the apron to distract Gail, but Gail finished off Velvet with a Celtic Cross for the win.

WINNER: Gail in 4:00. Basic match. Post-match took precedence... (*)

Post-match: Gail and Angelina had a shouting match, which led to a shoving match. They tried to double-team Gail, but she smartly bailed to the outside. Or maybe not. Awesome Kong jumped Gail from behind and smashed her into the ring apron. Kong then gave her a two-hand Khali bomb in center ring. Kong tried to finish her off with an Awesome Bomb, but Gail slipped out and nailed a jawbreaker. She then speared Kong and mounted her for right hand blows. From behind, though, Raisha jumped Gail with the Knockouts Title belt. She then gave Gail a Curb Stomp. Kong picked up Gail and set her up for the Awesome Bomb, but ODB's music hit and she stormed the ring with chair in hand. Kong and Raisha bailed from the ring and ODB stood tall in the ring.

Backstage: Crystal brought in Christian Cage to see who he's going to turn to next after Rhino shot him down. Nash interrupted and sarcastically asked Christian what he's going to do next. He said he still has some Diesel left in his body and asked Christian why he went to Rhino and not him. Nash asked if he's going out there alone or if he's coming down with him. Christian paused and did his trademark grin, then threw up a Wolfpac signal. Nash met the "Too sweet" and they walked off together.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

In-ring: Christian Cage came out first for the main event. The old graybeard Kevin Nash came out next and the girls just kept screaming. Styles and Tomko came out together, then a brawl broke out on the floor.

6 -- CHRISTIAN CAGE & KEVIN NASH vs. TNA tag team champions A.J. STYLES & TOMKO -- non-title grudge match

Christian eventually tossed Styles into the ring and they traded blows. Styles then scored an early nearfall. Tenay said the captains have until March 27 to set their rosters for Lethal Lockdown. He said Cornette is planning a very special show for that date. No mention of the show being live. I don't see any point in holding off on that announcement two weeks away from the first live TV episode. Kurt Angle came to ringside at 3:00 and they cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with clips from during the break of Angle trying to interfere in the match, then getting the boot from Jim Cornette. Back to real-time action with Styles working on Christian with fist blows to the forehead. Tomko tagged in and lost control of the match when Christian nailed a tornado DDT at 8:00. Christian then crawled in the desert to Nash and made the hot tag. Nash cleaned house, then the action broke down. Tomko tried to bounce off the ropes, but Christian pulled down the top rope and Tomko spilled to the floor. Styles suddenly went for the Clash on Nash, but he back flipped Styles to the mat. Nash then gave him a Jacknife powerbomb and Christian came off the top with a frogsplash. He had the pin, but Tomko pulled the ref to the floor. Suddenly, Team 3D stormed the ring and the ref called for the bell.

WINNERS: Nash & Christian via DQ in 10:00. Basic TV main event featuring the main event players where the wrestling didn't matter at the end of the day. Post-match took precedence... (*1/2)

Post-match: Team 3D tried to clothesline Nash to the outside, but Nash blocked and landed a double clothesline. Tomko came to 3D's aid, though, and the numbers game caught up to Nash and Christian. Devon brought a chair into the ring and Team Tomko smashed Nash's surgically-repaired knee with chair shots. Christian tried to protect Nash, but they threw him aside and set up a chair shot. Security intervened before Christian could take a chair shot to the throat, and 3D stood off with security. Eventually, 3D and the tag champs had enough for one night and left the ring. On the way out, Ray mixed it up with Joel Anderson, who was standing ringside. Ray flipped him over the guardrail and beat him up while Styles and Tomko smiled from the entrance ramp, apparently happy with their pick for tag partners at Lethal Lockdown. End show. JC: Good final segment to set up a stacked deck for Christian & Nash going forward to Lockdown. They established six of the eight key players, set up a reason for Team Christian to seek revenge, and also planted seeds for Joel's involvement in the show down the line.

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