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3/20 Impact Review by Wilkenfeld: Thrilling conclusion fails to save mediocre show
Mar 20, 2008 - 10:34:57 PM |
By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor
Where We've Been: Where we've been is conspicuously missing last week, as I'm spending my Spring Break in the hot getaway destination of Akron, Ohio (home of Willard Van Orman Quine and, um, rubber?). I did catch up on Impact though, and it seems that Tomko has been promoted over AJ Styles to field a Lethal Lockdown team against Christian. It annoys me that that's probably the right call—AJ is not at the point right now where he could be the front-man in a serious feud (though, as a bit of fantasy booking, AJ Styles vs. Christian could eventually be built up into a killer Bound For Glory main-event). Christian had Nash backing him, but Tomko recruited Team 3D to engage in a brutal assault on Nash's knee. I'm assuming he's written out of in-ring action for now, but I could be wrong [NOTE: I am, though they never explain why]. Christian's looking to recruit Rhino, and I assume the presence of Team 3D will be counter-balanced by another tag team, either the Motor City Machine Guns or #1 Contenders LAX. The other main event at Lockdown will be Angle vs. Joe—last week Joe announced that he would not appear in the Impact Zone again without the heavyweight title. TNA seems fond of this trick where the face disappears for a few weeks before his big shot, as they pulled a similar move with Sting in October 2006. I assume the point is to get the crowd extremely riled up to see his return, but I'm inclined to believe that the costs in lack of screen time for your #1 Contender outweigh the benefits. Also last week we had various bits of garbage involving Karen Angle, Steiner & Petey Williams, and VKM, none of which I will bother to discuss at greater length.
The Show
JB is outside Jim Cornette's office, where he announces that tonight will feature Angle's first "public workout." Christian leaves the office, followed by Cornette, who pauses to announce that Rhino will be going one-on-one with Tomko.
[Opening Credits]
AJ Styles apparently has a "special guest." I think I might send TNA a dollar if it's not Karen Angle.
Booker T comes out wearing a suit and a big smile. Wrestlers should wear suits more often—it makes them seem less comical. There's some sort of catering laid out in honor of Sharmell's return. She appears, still sporting the leather strap from Destination X. The Impact Zone joins Booker T in welcoming her back. He says he loves her and promises never to put her in harm's way again. Robert Roode and Payton Banks come out, much to the shock of Don West and anyone who has been sniffing glue for the last 38 years consecutively. Roode says that Sharmell is not in any danger—at least not tonight. Cornette comes out and tells Roode and "Piggy Banks" to shut up. He goes on to say that they have a problem, because he tries to be fair, and at Destination X an unscheduled guest whipped the referees, the ring announcer, and Cornette himself. He wants things finished, so he books Booker T and Sharmell in a tag match against Roode and Banks at Lockdown. Okay, when they booked her the first time it only made sense because she agreed—I'm not sure how it makes sense this time. Booker turns over the table in disgust, so Cornette observes that if he has energy to burn he might as well have a match against someone else with women issues—AJ Styles. Wow—TNA took my advice and traded barely hyping a main event for not hyping it at all and letting it be a surprise. Cool.
Crystal is in the back with AJ, who is not happy to be booked in a match tonight. She points out to him that it's already done, so they might as well focus on something else. Her writing gets better and better every week. She asks who the special guest is, and AJ starts to say that she already knows, when Team 3D interrupt to officially announce that they're aligned with Tomko at Lethal Lockdown. He says that the four of them will be a well-oiled machine bent on destroying Christian Cage and Nash. This confuses me, as so far neither AJ nor Nash is even in that match.
[Commercial Break]
JB is in the back with Eric Young and Kaz. Kaz congratulates EY on finding his alter-ego, but Young acts like he has no idea what he means, and can only hope that Super Eric is in the building tonight.
…
[I miss about 20 minutes here to the gremlins inside my in-laws' hi-def DVR. On the bright side I'm fairly confident that those fifteen minutes might have contained both Black Reign and Rellik, so it could be that they've finally figured out how to program DVRs to have good taste.]
…
Apparently we're in the middle of Tomko vs. Rhino. Rhino is in control, hitting a couple of big Shoulder Blocks and a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. When he sets up for the Gore AJ Styles comes out from under the ring and nails Rhino. He goes back underneath as Tomko hits Rhino with the Decapitator Clothesline for the win. The crowd, however, points out to referee Earl Hebner that AJ is still under the ring. Hebner starts a motion that might have indicated that he is going to reverse a decision when AJ and Tomko remember that they don't actually care and just start clubbing the War Machine. Christian comes out to make the save, though I'm not sure it counts as a save when you put him in that situation to start with. After tossing Styles & Tomko Christian extends his hand, and Rhino takes it. As they stare down Styles & Tomko Team 3D attack them from behind. It's a four-on-two assault until Kevin Nash comes out with a chair and Team Tomko, for reasons not readily comprehensible, scatter. Cornette comes out and announces that if Team 3D want to be involved tonight, they can wrestle Christian and Rhino later. Does anyone else feel like this would be an awesome time for a Rhino heel turn?
[Commercial Break]
We see a vignette of Jay Lethal dating SoCal Val at a seafood restaurant earlier this week. He tells her she can order anything she wants, but then looks at the menu and realizes that this might cost more than he had anticipated. He orders some waters, cause it's free. He says he has something he is about to ask her, when Sonjay Dutt brings them their waters. Apparently he works there in his off hours. Lethal asks if he can hook them up with a discount, but Sonjay's too busy complimenting Val to take much notice.
(3) Sonjay Dutt defeats Homicide
They lock up, after which Sonjay pauses to pose for SoCal Val. Homicide takes control and hits a T-Bone Suplex for two. Sonjay goes for a springboard, but "slips" and clutches his knee. He tells Slick Johnson not to call for the bell, but when he goes to lock-up his knee buckles. Homicide asks the ref to just declare him the victor, but while he's distracted Sonjay hits a Small Package for the quick win. He starts dancing, which I probably wouldn't have done till well after I got away from LAX. He tries to smooth things over with a hug, but eats a punch from Homicide and an amazing Border Toss from Hernandez. Homicide grabs the cash from Dutt's tambourine on his way out.
Crystal is in the back with Booker T and Sharmell, and she expresses shock that Cornette would book Sharmell in Six Sides of Steel against the man that broke her jaw. Booker says that he doesn't know what Cornette's problem is, but that if Robert Roode even thinks about touching Sharmell it won't go well for him. He tells AJ that tonight with him it's about business, so he better bring his A-game cause tonight he'll be in the ring with a "living legend." Hogan? Living legend. Flair? Living legend. Booker T? Not as much.
[Commercial Break]
We go to the Rough Cut, where BG says that the James Gang was a forced anachronism—the business had moved on but they hadn't. Kip says that he was willing to devote all his time to working out, and BG says that he's got kids now and can't do that. Kip says that it might be harsh to say that he carried BG, but that he definitely pulled at least 60% of the weight.
We review what happened earlier tonight, which I guess makes some sense at 10:01—though I would think people having people tune in to an exciting match would make even more sense.
AJ comes out and grabs a mic, inviting one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and elegant women he's ever known to the ring—Karen Angle. She comes out to her own music and takes a seat reserved for her at ringside. Why did they even bother making her a "mystery" guest?
(4) Booker T defeats AJ Styles
Booker starts things off a ball of intensity, just pounding AJ around the ring. AJ rallies just long enough to miss a big Splash in the corner. Booker hits a Spinning T kick for two. Roode appears in the entranceway, which gives AJ enough time to recover. He attempts a clothesline, which Booker ducks, but he comes back to nail a Pele for two anyway.
[Commercial Break]
We come back just in time to see AJ hit a Cross Body Block; seemingly Roode was kicked out of the ring-area during the break. AJ hits another Pele, which I never remember seeing him hit twice on the same person in a single match before. Booker retakes control with a Vertical Suplex and a Side Slam. He goes for the Scissors Kick, but it's reversed into yet another Pele—I guess that's the story of the match? Payton Banks tries to jump Sharmell at ringside, but Sharmell chases her off with the leather strap. AJ tries to see what's happening, but turns around into a Small Package by Booker T for the loss. The camera reveals that Karen Angle is mysteriously missing from her seat.
[Commercial Break]
Crystal is in the back with Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong. Saeed reads a message from Kong saying that Gail Kim and ODB's plan at Destination X failed, because Kong is strong and always prepared. They are women marked for destruction, and will suffer "the wrath of Kong." They're totally trying to get that over as a t-shirt. Actually, I might buy that shirt, so I guess it's not such a bad idea. They bleep out something she says next, but I don't quite get the context. Saeed wishes them both peace.
(5) ODB & Gail Kim defeat Angelina Love & Velvet Sky
ODB locks up with Angelina Love to start. She knocks Love down, but Love trips her up. They kip-up at the exact same time. They trade glares in the ring, but Love just tags in Velvet Sky. ODB lets in Kim, who lays in with a European Uppercut and some strikes in the corner. Kim goes for an Arm Drag, but Love holds Velvet Sky and giggles as Kim just falls backward. Love then foolishly tags in, only to eat an Arm Drag and a couple cool flip moves before Velvet Sky finally distracts Kim from the outside. Sky comes in and they hit a Double Elbow. Love comes back as they hit a Snapmare/knee-to-the-back/dropkick-to-the-face combo. Love goes for a dropkick but Kim slams her down to the mat. The crowd chants for ODB, who gets the tag and is a house of fire. She gets an X Factor on Velvet Sky, but Love breaks it up at two. Kim takes out Love with a big Spear as Velvet Sky retakes control with a Jaw Breaker in the ring. When she goes to follow up, however, ODB hoists her onto her shoulder for a Running Powerslam for three.
After the match Roxxi Leveaux comes down to (one would assume) attack Velvet Sky and Angelina Love, but they bail out.
JB is in Kurt's locker room, and he wants Kurt's thoughts on Karen showing up with AJ. Kurt gets mad, because he's sick of all the distractions. At Lockdown Joe has said he'll quit if he loses, and eliminating Joe has been Angle's goal ever since he came to TNA. He says that Joe is training his hardest, but it won't matter because Kurt has never been better. He'll be proving that by beating and bloodying four people after the break.
[Commercial Break]
We check in with some MMA fighters and wrestlers regarding Joe's training. He'll be bringing some MMA style to Lockdown.
Kurt Angle hits the ring for his sparring session. He starts things off against amateur wrestler Everett Simms, who makes a decent showing before getting caught in a Double Leg Takedown. Angle cinches in a Side Headlock and gets the submission. Next up is MMA fighter John Davis, who gets in some strikes before falling prey to the Single Leg Takedown and a Leg Lock for the win. Third comes a New York boxer, who gets caught in a Guillotine Choke pretty much instantly. The last one is a martial artist, who eats a head butt and a series of forearms on the ground before the ref calls the match. Angle grabs a mic, and says that he knows Joe is training his ass off, which is what Kurt wants, since it's not going to help anyway. He says that it's damn real, showing his fist, bloodied on the face of his last opponent.
JB is in the back with Team Tomko. Tomko draws attention to the fact that he's the real leader, since he has his team assembled with a week to spare, whereas Christian just has Rhino and a washed up veteran. Tomko says that while Christian talked about making Tomko, he should have been worried about Tomko breaking him. Devon grabs the mic, and says that whether Christian finds a partner in the Motor City Machine Guns, Curry Man, or even Shark Boy, they're not that concerned. He tells his opponents: "beat us, if you can; survive, if we let you." Err…Tazz is still employed—I don't think it's cool to steal his catchphrases yet.
[Commercial Break]
We recap the history between Rhino and Christian. Normally I don't like recaps, but it's been long enough since these two interacted that it makes some sense to remind the old fans and inform the new.
(6) Christian Cage & Rhino defeat Team 3D (w/Johnny Devine)
They show footage of Team 3D attacking Joel Anderson at Destination X, which has me extremely worried about him becoming involved at Lethal Lockdown. Christian tries to start things off, but Rhino immediately comes in off a blind tag. Devon takes control for a second until Rhino reverses an Irish Whip into the corner turnbuckle. He tags in Christian, which makes me wonder why he blind-tagged himself in in the first place. Devon hits a nice right hand, but when he whips Christian, The Instance Classic slides out of the ring and come back with a Corkscrew Elbow off the top rope. Johnny Devine creates a distraction on the outside that allows Devon to take control, so Rhino chases Devine around the ring a bit.
[Commercial Break]
Team 3D are dominating Christian as we come back, as Devon hits a big Body Slam. He goes for a head butt off the top rope, but Christian rolls away. Brother Ray hits Rhino to prevent the tag, and then distracts the ref as Christian hits a Small Package. Devon lifts Cage up for another slam, but he slips out and lands an Inverted DDT. Both teams make tags, and Rhino decimates both members of Team 3D. He hits a Spine Buster on Brother Ray, but Devon breaks up the count at two. They toss Rhino from the ring, but Christian is back in on the attack. He goes for some punches in the corner, only to get lifted up for a Doomsday Device by Brother Ray. He reverses with a Victory Roll just as Rhino recovers on the outside enough to shove Devon off the top rope, causing him to hit Ray with an inadvertent Wuzzup. Christian hits a Slingshot Body Block to take out Johnny Devine on the outside as Rhino Gores Ray in the ring. Tomko comes down and takes out the ref at two, leading to the disqualification of Team 3D.
Tomko and AJ try to attack Rhino; Christian holds them off briefly, but eventually the numbers game catches up to him. Nash tries to make the save, but this time Team 3D remember that they're Team 3D and he's Kevin Nash, so it doesn't work out very well. Curry Man and Shark Boy try to make the save too, but similar logic applies. The MCMG attack as well, but even they are similarly ineffective. Team Tomko: 1. TNA roster: 0. Suddenly—holy shit, that's Sting's music! And of course, my DVR takes that as the sign to go out again. I'm pretty sure we won't actually see him till next week though anyway.
Where We're Going: So I was already halfway through a long spiel here about who the last member of Team Christian should be when the show ended with Sting's music—that's probably just as well, since I hadn't yet decided whether my official guess was going to be him or Jeff Jarrett. Anyway, assuming for the moment that they didn't actually have him appear after the DVR gave way, I do think they found a nice balance between having a dramatic surprise return to excite the regular viewing audience and having an announced comeback to draw in ratings for their big live show next week. The entrance music is sufficiently familiar to the TNA audience that at that dramatic crescendo of the show it had all the force of a return while still enabling TNA to save his official comeback till next week. This actually served a dual purpose, as it both made tonight's show seem special and provided a context that makes his return next week more intriguing. I was a bit skeptical when Cornette announced that Lockdown was going to have a "double main event", but if it really marks both Sting's return to TNA and Joe's first shot to actually win the heavyweight title, I think it will fully qualify.
Overall: I'm not sure what this show did wrong—it seemed to have reasonable in-ring action and logical progression towards big PPV matches, but for some reason, I was still bored. It could just be that the technological glitches took me out of the game, and my review is thus overly harsh. However, it seems to me that if you have a show with AJ Styles vs. Booker T and Christian & Rhino vs. Team 3D, at least one of them should feel like a main event. Instead, they both just felt like throwaway matches. This show was cruising towards the D range before the post-main event brawl and return of the Stinger brought it back up to a C-.
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