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CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 4/10: Ongoing coverage of Spike TV show

Apr 10, 2008 - 9:59:53 PM
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By James Caldwell, Torch columnist

TNA Impact on Spike TV
April 10, 2008
Taped Mar. 30 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist


Opening: They started with the "Cross the Line" video, then recapped everything from last week. Tonight's theme: "It all Ends in the Cage".

Impact Zone: Team Tomko walked out on stage, with Tomko in work-out pants and a tank top to introduce his Lethal Lockdown team. Good to see he dressed up for the occasion. A.J. Styles was no better in jeans and a t-shirt. Tomko, Team 3D, Styles, James Storm, and Jacqueline entered the ring, then Brother Ray cut the opening promo. He said Christian Cage didn't get over on Team Tomko last week; all he did was piss them off. Ray said Christian and Matt Morgan's plot is going to blow up in their faces. He told Morgan not to show up at Lockdown because it will be the last time he ever laces up a pair of wrestling boots.

Ray then cut a promo on Kevin Nash and Sting. Five minutes into the show, TNA already trying to be relevant by Ray claiming Sting and Nash put WCW out of business. Ray said that for the first time ever, they will set foot in the ring against Team 3D. Ray tried to grab Tomko's TNA Tag Title belt for added effect, but Tomko kept it from him and asked what his problem is.

Christian's music hit, then Tenay talked more about WCW. Get over it, TNA. Christian cut the promo for the group that Ray needs to stop whining because he's like Hillary Clinton in a fat suit. Ray feigned charging Christian on the stage, then Christian said that must have been a bad analogy because Hillary has bigger balls than Ray. Christian tied up the loose ends of how each team added a fifth member - Morgan and Storm - then he said Team Cage will leave Team Tomko for dead at Lockdown.

Styles cut off Christian's catchphrase and told him to stop singing and start bringing it. Team Cage approached the ring, then Team Tomko bailed on Styles, who suddenly realized he was all alone. Ya know, because he's an idiot. Styles bailed from the ring before Team Cage could get their hands on him. They focused on Team Cage in the ring and Team Tomko on the floor jawing at each other.

Backstage: They suddenly went to the back where Samoa Joe was standing by with Crystal. Joe, in a finely-tailored suit, said he'll sign Angle's contract in blood. He said he'll walk away forever from wrestling if he doesn't win at Lockdown.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

Backstage: Borash found Kurt Angle in his office sitting on the couch. Borash recapped Joe's statement earlier that he's done with wrestling forever if he doesn't win at Lockdown. Angle chuckled and said Joe needs to sign on the dotted line to make it real. He laughed at Joe's confidence because he's won three out of their four meetings. Borash made a stupid look, then Angle asked him to explain himself. He said Samoa Joe looks like a badass training with top fighters. Angle scoffed at Borash buying into Joe, and said Joe can't learn in four weeks what he mastered in 30 years. He said someone is tapping out at Lockdown, and it's not him. Angle is so great as the confident heel without TNA's comedy b.s. weighing him down.

Video promo: They aired a video package on Consequences Creed ahead of his in-ring TV debut. ... In-ring: Rock 'n Rave came to the ring with Rave in an Ultimate Xscape qualifying match. Christy Hemme then did the Guitar Heroes intro for her team. Hoyt asked who wants to get infected tonight. Consequences Creed then came out as the opponent. He dropped the goofy Uncle Sam outfit for a more-athletic look. Nice upgrade.

1 -- CONSEQUENCES CREED vs. LANCE HOYT (w/Christy Hemme and Lance Hoyt) -- Ultimate Xscape qualifying match

Rave started on the offensive, taking advantage of the story of Creed being too excited about his TV debut and making mistakes. Rave slammed Creed into the corner, then rocked out on the air guitar. Creed came back with a leaping forearm, followed by a rolling thunder clothesline. Christy distracted the ref, then Hoyt yanked Creed's foot from the outside. Hoyt scored with a nearfall as a result, then Creed came back with Ron Killings's punch-combo on Rave. He followed with a hammerlock DDT for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Creed in 3:00. Fine debut match with good energy. Short and to the point to showcase some of Creed's offense. (*)

Backstage: Crystal brought in Jay Lethal and So Cal Val for an interview. Lethal hyped the Ultimate Xscape match at Lockdown while Val held his X Division Title belt. Lethal said he has lady luck on the outside and his best friend on the inside. Sonjay Dutt - that would be the best friend - then walked into the interview and held Val's hand while she did a twirl. Dutt then asked Val if she wants to go shopping. If there's one thing Val loves to do, it's shop. Dutt and Val walked off, leaving Lethal standing there like a goof. Dutt is a great man, on the other hand.

[Commercial Break]

Announcers: Jim Cornette joined Tenay and West ringside wearing those huge headsets suitable for work at the airport. Tenay and West broke down the PPV card while Cornette remained mute. West said Lethal Lockdown will be brutal and vicious. But, will it be delicious? Tenay then asked Cornette to break down the Matt Morgan situation. Cornette said Morgan has been relieved of his duties as his admin assistant. He can't be office and talent.

Backstage: Crystal brought in Matt Morgan to discuss no longer being part of management. Morgan said Cornette is going his way, while he's going his way. He didn't care about it, as he got tired of sitting at the back of bus in management watching everyone else wrestle. Morgan, channeling Jeff Jarrett here, said he's better than 100 percent of the roster. Morgan called himself the most "genetically jacked, athletically stacked" giant going today. Darn if that's not the dumbest thing I've ever heard, yet it's amazingly catchy.

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

Video package: Apparently Scott Steiner is leading a new gang in TNA. And he walks amongst the shadows of the immortals, according to JEJRipoff. They showed clips of Steiner tormenting Petey Williams the past few weeks to be part of the gang. Petey must overcome being from Canada to be part of the gang. Tonight, it's Petey's final challenge to prove to Steiner that he's um...not Canadian anymore.

2 -- PETEY WILLIAMS & SCOTT STEINER vs. MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY)

Petey and Sabin exchanged co-operative flips and stuff, then Guns with some crisp tag team moves on Petey. They tricked Steiner into entering the ring, then they dumped him to the outside. Guns continued to dominate Petey until Steiner's freak slowly walked to the ring with a bag in hand. "What's in the bag?" Don West shouted as they cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with Steiner working on Sabin with chops. He did his wind-up elbow drop with the kiiiis (channeling Bill Raftery) before overhead tossing Sabin to the mat. Sabin came back with a bulldog on Petey, who can never maintain control for his team. Shelley then took a tag and did some fast-paced moves before Sabin flew off Shelley's back for a dropkick on Steiner. Shelley went up top and hit a frog splash on Petey, with Steiner breaking up the pin. The action broke down, then Guns with a double-team neckbreaker on Petey, who kicked out before three. Sabin then missed Steiner with a splash on the floor. Back in the ring, Petey with the Canadian Destroyer on Shelley for the win.

WINNERS: Petey & Steiner in 8:00. Good, high-energy match, although I won't remember any of the spots in about ten minutes. (*1/2)

[Q4]

After the match, Steiner said a lot of people wouldn't have made it through his initiation, but Petey making it through his deal means he's a crazy s.o.b. and he really wants to be a wrestler. Steiner said Petey has one more test, though, before he can enter his genetic freak club. Steiner then pulled out a pair of scissors from his freak's bag and pointed at Petey's hair. Laurinaitis held the scissors up to Kazarian. Petey complained, but then agreed to it. Steiner started with the ponytail and took a huge clump. Steiner then pulled out the big razor and took off all of Petey's hair. They showed various girls ringside near-tears. Is that Petey or Nikita Koloff in there? Petey was left with some crazy cornrows thanks to Steiner not finishing the haircut. Steiner then pulled out his Egyptian headdress and placed it on Petey's head. They posed together in the ring to close the hair shaving.

[Commercial Break]

Announcers: Tenay and West recapped the previous segment with Petey leaving with less hair than when he showed up in Orlando.

Video package: They aired a fast-paced video on the history between Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle, going back to the end of 2006 when Angle debuted with The Headbutt. They included clips of people talking about the match on Sunday. Christian said he believes Joe will win the belt. Frank Trigg said Kurt Angle is a real tough fighter. Jim Cornette said it's different for Joe inside the cage. Kevin Nash picked Joe without a doubt. They aired a promo from Joe during his training about his career being on the line on Sunday. He said the only resolution is Angle passed out in the middle of the ring and him victorious. Nice video.

In-ring: Kurt Angle's music hit, and Angle walked out to the ring in a suit with his TNA World Title belt in hand. Angle stood center ring and was booed heavily. He said this Sunday will be the most important wrestling match of his career and Joe's career. Angle firstly mentioned the TNA World Title as the most-coveted prize in wrestling today. He said it's also important because of a document in his hands. Angle pulled out a freshly-Kinko'ed contract that he wants Joe to sign ahead of Lockdown. He told Joe to make it real, damn real.

Joe walked out dressed for the business meeting and paced the ring. Angle apologized for interrupting Joe's training session, but said he doesn't trust Joe, so he needed him to sign on the dotted line. Angle asked Joe if he's willing to put his entire career and livelihood on the line for this one main event match against the greatest wrestler of all-time.

[Q5 -- second hour]

The fans chanted Joe's name, then Joe said he came out here to reassure everyone that he will uphold his promises. Joe said his first promise is exactly what Angle said, but the second promise is that he will be standing over Angle as TNA World Champion at Lockdown. Angle smiled his Angle smile, then Joe took the contract and affixed his signature to the document. Joe then handed over the contract and Angle smiled. Angle extended his hand and Joe shook his hand. They had a staredown in center ring while Angle's music played. Oh, that was so great. No blows. No punches. No b.s. Just a good pro wrestling angle to hype a PPV match.

[Commercial Break]

Announcers: They recapped Joe and Angle's confrontation in the previous segment.

Backstage: Crystal brought in ODB and Gail Kim to talk about their tag match at the PPV. She asked if they're going to be on the same page at Lockdown. Gail said they've determined they are their own worst enemies because they want the Knockouts Title so badly. ODB then talked about that broad with the sheet over her face. She said she must be unbelievably ugly if she's hiding underneath that. I know it's a wrestling promo and all that and it fits ODB's gimmick, but that's so disrespectful if you know anything about the culture.

In-ring: Angelina Love and Velvet Sky came to the ring for a match. Sky did the crotch-grind on the ropes before entering the ring. Roxxi LaVeaux then came out as Angelina's opponent.

3 -- ANGELINA LOVE (w/Velvet Sky) vs. ROXXI LEVEAUX

Angelina started on the offensive with a chop to the chest. Tenay plugged TNA Mobile for all the Lockdown gossip. Roxxi fired back at Angelina with forearm blows at 2:00, then had a cover, but Velvet distracted the ref. Three matches. Three instances of female distraction of TNA referees. Roxxi knocked Sky off the apron, then gave Angelina a sit-down um...spinebuster for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Roxxi in 3:00. Basic divas match. (1/2*)

Backstage: Borash was with Eric Young, who was in costume as Super Eric. Borash casually called him Eric Young, then Young said he knows nothing about this Eric Young fellow. Super Eric said he has come to TNA to rid it of all evil villains. S.E. said fear is temporary while heroes are forever.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

TNA Rough Cut: B.G. said he sees the day when they'll be back on speaking terms, but Kip has to take the bigger step of talking to him. He said once they get the physicality out of the way, they can sit down and talk through their issues. Kip said there will be no more relationship when he's done with him at Lockdown so B.G. can go home and play with his kids and never set foot in the ring again. Kip was so excited about getting his hands on B.G., but B.G. said he's emotionally stressed about the match. Kip said when he's done with B.G., he'll set his sights on becoming World champ.

In-ring: Black Reign came to the ring holding the rat box for Misty. Super Eric came out as the opponent. Tenay said Eric Young is scared to death of monsters, but when he busts out the superhero costume, he gains confidence.

4 -- SUPER ERIC vs. BLACK REIGN

Reign yanked Young to the floor to start the match. Tenay announced a six-team gimmick match for Lockdown. Something about there being 11 handcuffs and 12 wrestlers, with the winner being the one who isn't cuffed. Where does TNA come up with this stuff? Anyways, Young came back at 2:00 with a top rope dropkick. He then measured Reign and dropped him with a Death Valley Driver for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Young in 3:00. I thought they would continue the female interference theme by having Misty interfere, but to no avail. Match was just a match. No reason to be afraid of the monsters. (1/2*)

Post-match: Rellik stormed the ring and jumped Young. He kicked Young in the face, then Reign and Rellik cuffed Young to the ropes. Kaz tried to make the save, bit Rock and Rave hit the ring to make it four-on-two. A brawl erupted, then Young broke the gimmicked handcuffs to start cleaning house on the heel tag teams. Young and Kaz stood tall in the ring to close the deal.

Video package: They showed Booker T's debut last year, with Robert Roode welcoming Booker with a stern word and a punch to the face. Voice-over man said the feud started as a flicker, then turned into a full-blown fire. More clips on the hatred being taken to a higher level over the course of time.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

TNA: Cross the Line. Geez, stop being so pushy.

Video package: They hyped Queen of the Cage featuring the freak, Rocka Kahn, the sexy veteran, Traci Brooks, the rocker, Christy Hemme, the hungry rookie, Peyton Banks, the voodoo queen, Roxxi LeVeax, the Mean Girls, Velvet and Angelina, the Latin Bombshell, Salinas, and of course, the brawler, Jacqueline. Winner by pinfall on Sunday.

Video package: They hyped Lethal Lockdown as one-half of the double main event at Lockdown, along with Joe vs. Angle.

Backstage: Crystal brought in Sting and Kevin Nash to talk about Brother Ray making things personal earlier. Sting said he came back to TNA because he's with family in the form of Kevin Nash. He said this is his home and the only thing that he knows. Yes, TNA = the ghost of WCW. Sting said Ray is "marking out" for himself. Just shaking my head on that line being written for him. "Marking out" has no context on a wrestling show. Sting finished, then Nash said Sting's intentions are honorable, but he's here for the money. He said he'd rather be over-paid then under-paid. Nash said you get paid by winning main events, like tonight. He said he'll keep advancing to where the money's at.

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: Team 3D came to the ring for the main event. Time to give away another first-time-ever on free TV. Kevin Nash came out first for Team Cage. Sting then followed out.

[Q8]

5 -- STING & KEVIN NASH vs. TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON)

The bell sounded, then Sting and Nash did the Wolfpack too-sweet for yet another WCW reference. Tenay plugged a sneak peek at TNA's first video game tomorrow night at midnight on Spike TV. After Nash and Devon started things off, Sting and Ray had a face-to-face confrontation. Ray talked trash and slapped him, so Sting responded with a spit to the face and punches to the head. Ray tried to come back with a Splash, but Sting no-sold, posed, and then smashed Ray with right hand blows. Sting then missed with a Stinger Splash and 3D went on the attack.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with Team 3D still working over Sting to prevent a tag to Nash. Sting ducked a double clothesline and nailed a clothesline before tagging in Nash, who cleaned house. The action broke down at 8:00, then Sting nailed a double Stinger Splash in the corner. Sting had Devon in the Scorpion deathlock while Nash nailed a chokeslam on Ray. He had the pin, but Styles and Tomko stormed the ring, causing a DQ.

Post-match: Christian and Rhino evened up the numbers. James Storm then hit the ring to make it five-on-four. Matt Morgan then came out and cleaned house. Morgan cleared Ray from the ring, then he clotheslined Tomko and his track pants over the top rope to the floor. Jacqueline suddenly jumped in the ring and tried to tackle Morgan, but Morgan flipped her down to the mat. He then picked up Jacqueline and press-slammed her over the top rope onto Team Tomko below. Team Cage dominated the brawl that moved to the floor and continued for a few minutes to close the Impact Zone portion of the show.

WINNERS: Nash & Sting via DQ in 10:00. Not worth giving away the first-ever match, as TNA's focus was on the post-match brawl rather than anything that happened during the match. Some people will be excited for Lockdown after this brawl, but some will have seen enough of the babyfaces in control the last four weeks to where they don't need to spend $30 to see a glorified TV brawl inside a cage. Fortunately, there's Joe vs. Angle to make up for that. (*)

Video package: They closed with a Lockdown hype video as the final send-off to Sunday's PPV.

We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for an "Impact Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Impact, click here.


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