TV REPORTS CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 5/13: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV show
May 15, 2008 - 9:59:13 PM
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By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
May 15, 2008
Taped May 12 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
Opening: After telling us to cross the line, the show started with video clips from the Sacrifice PPV, starting with Booker T turning on Christian & Rhino. They showed Roxxi getting her head shaved to a "Roxxi" chant, LAX winning the tag straps, and Joe retaining the TNA Title. Tonight's theme: "What's up with Booker?"
Backstage: They showed Joe and Nash walking in the hallway leading to the tunnel. Joe smiled and shook hands with Nash while Don West did a voice-over. ...
Impact Zone: Tenay plugged a Sting interview and a disturbing Abyss video. They showed several men gathered around the ringside area prior to TNA champion Samoa Joe walking out for an important announcement. Joe held up the Title belt for the audience, then he addressed the men gathered for the open house. Rhino looks like he just woke up from a nap. Joe talked about the King of the Mountain deal where Cornette will pick four participants while he picks three others. Joe read a list of Cornette's first four: Robert Roode, James Storm, Tomko, and of course, Matt Morgan. Joe said the deal is that none of them have had their chance at the TNA Title. He looked at Tomko and said he's not giving out charity.
Joe said he's picking men who will try to kick ass and try to take the belt from him. Joe said he'll pick the men next week, but he wants to do some scouting tonight to find out who those badasses are. Joe capped off with an "army of one" line before Booker T's entrance music interrupted the proceedings. Booker walked out of the heel tunnel and told Joe to hold up. He wanted to know why he didn't get his invite. Booker asked why Cornette didn't pick him for the opportunity. He turned his attention to Joe and asked why they've never even exchanged words in six months. Booker stopped short of calling Joe a bitch, then said if he's not one of the three picked next week, then there will be heavy consequences.
After Joe wiped his brow, he told Booker he doesn't give a damn about his consequences. Joe smirked, then Booker punched him in the face. A brawl was on until Rhino and Christian made the save for Joe. Team 3D held Booker back on the outside while Joe screamed down at Booker. Booker then took a mic and said that's just what he's talking about. He told Joe, Christian, and Rhino to meet him back in the ring tonight when he finds his back-up. JC: Hot opening segment. Quality promo from Booker on Week 1 as a full-fledged heel.
Backstage: Borash was with Kurt Angle and Frank Trigg. They were in the middle of a discussion, so Trigg stopped talking and left. Borash then asked Angle about his neck. Angle started to talk about it, then Borash pulled the mic and asked about Team Angle. Borash said he heard through the grapevine that Kurt has a speech for Karen tonight. Kurt said that since he's injured and is being blackballed out of King of the Mountain, he figures he'll let Karen and the Kids back into his life. And he'll have that speech later tonight.
Backstage: Lauren was with an eclectic mix of individuals including Kaz, Sonjay, Lethal, and So Cal Val. Lauren asked Kaz something while the others goofed around in the background. Kaz tried to talk seriously about his accomplishments at Sacrifice, but Lethal just kept moving around all weird. Dutt interrupted and asked Lethal what's wrong with him. Lethal said he something on his mind that's bigger than their six-man tag match, bigger than Bundy, and bigger than Giant. He walked off, leaving Dutt and Val confused.
In-ring: Hemme led out her guitar hero wannabees, then Sonjay Dutt led out his team. Kaz came out and they showed Kaz climbing the monkey bars to win the gimmick deal at the PPV. Val then walked out with Lethal, who looked very nervous and distracted.
1 -- LANCE HOYT & JIMMY RAVE (w/Christy Hemme) & JOHNNY DEVINE vs. SONJAY DUTT & KAZ & JAY LETHAL (w/Val)
Devine somehow got mixed into this. Tenay received word from Cornette that he has approved the six-man tag with Joe & Christian & zzzzz Rhino vs. Booker & two peeps he finds in the back. Deal broke down, then Kaz and Lethal with a pretty sweet tag team combo on Hoyt setting up Kaz for a kick on Hoyt for the clean pin and the win.
Post-match: Lethal took the mic and asked for Val to enter the ring. He handed the mic to Kaz before reaching into his fanny pack for something. He took off Val's arm sleeve thingie and got down on one knee. He did his Savage voice to ask Val if she will marry him... at Slammiversary. West, "You better think this through, son!" Val then did her "oooh yeah" to confirm the question. Dutt freaked out in the background.
WINNERS: Team Kaz in 4:00. Match meant nothing. Dutt's reaction and West flashing back to previous relationships with women made this entire thing comedy gold.
Video teaser: Someone was in a padded wall sporting a straightjacket. Apparently that's Abyss going insane at a booking meeting.
Ringside: Tenay and West plugged some happenings later in the show. 30 minutes into the show, they plugged Kong vs. Gail tonight. West then tried to get serious talking about the disturbing footage of Abyss. Mike Tenay's facial reactions made this comedy gold.
Video package: They recapped Abyss's gimmick match history of self-mutilation. In the end, who did he ultimately destroy? His victims... or is he the victim? They showed the disturbing video of Abyss in a "padded wall" room talking about the last several months. Looks like they just put some dark lighting on the back of a basketball gym. Hey, Bob, stop dribbling the ball during the shot! OK, I'll get serious. Abyss said no matter how much blood or pain, it was never enough. Abyss, while rocking back and forth as if he were doing a Mankind promo, said the doctors say that he's almost cured; that he can go home soon.
Backstage: Lauren was in Joe and Nash's locker room to talk about their misunderstanding at Sacrifice. Nash said there was no misunderstanding on his behalf. He said he thinks this business is 90 percent mental and 10 percent physical while Joe thinks the opposite. Nash said they just need to find a common ground. Lauren then asked Joe about his picks for next week. He's not looking ahead, as he's focused on Booker tonight. Joe said Booker is trying to recapture a glory he lost a long time ago because he's holding the glory in the form of the TNA Title. He said he sees a jealous former champ who wishes he has what he once had. Joe asked Booker if he can dig that.
Video package: They focused on the Kong vs. Gail feud, going back to Bound for Glory in October 2007 when Gail won the first Knockouts Title. More quality video on the feud, which begs the question of why this can't be applied to feuds in the men's division.
In-ring: Gail Kim walked out to challenge Kong for the belt. Kong walked out with Raisha and stared down everyone in the crowd. She's such a great heel.
2 -- TNA Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed) vs. GAIL KIM -- Knockouts Title match
Gail tried to be the aggressor with a series of leaping forearms, but Kong didn't move. Gail then tried a top rope huracanrana, but it didn't work out too well. Kong tried a powerbomb, but Gail floated over into a roll up for a nearfall. Raisha then tripped Gail from the outside to set up Kong's offensive attack. Meanwhile, ODB came to ringside presumably to even the odds. Suddenly, Salinas and Velvet Sky walked out to ringside. OK? And now Christy Hemme, followed by Traci Brooks and Angelina Love. What is this a WWE divas lumberjack match? Cut to a break.
They returned with Kong giving Gail the Khali chokebomb while the knockouts chattered on the outside. Gail tried to come back with a cross body smash, but Kong stuck her chest out and Gail fell hard to the mat. Kong landed an implant buster for a close nearfall, then she went up top but missed with a big splash. Gail tried to fire back with drop kicks, but Kong wouldn't budge from her feet. Gail suddenly built a full head of steam for a big spear that led to a close nearfall. Kong suddenly nailed a spinning back fist to the mush for a nearfall before walking into a blockbuster from the second rope for a nearfall for Gail.
Gail went up top and nailed a leaping sentaun bomb for another nearfall. Raisha got on the apron, but ODB yanked her down and a brawl broke out on the floor. Gail was distracted, but she caught Kong with a roll up for a close count. Gail went up top one more time, but Angelina shoved her off the top turnbuckle. Gail sold a knee injury, then Kong's eyes lit up. She gave Gail a huge Awesome bomb for the pin and the win.
Post-match: The heel knockouts laughed at the misfortune of Gail, who writhed in pain on the mat. The babyface knockouts checked on Gail while asking for medical help. Kong and Raisha left ringside with the focus on Gail possibly being injured.
WINNER: Kong in 10:00 to retain the Knockouts Title. All of the outside non-sense was unnecessary, but this was a heck of a TV match. Believable nearfalls and great action between two of the top women's wrestlers in the States. Great TV drama, as expected when these two hook up in the ring. (**3/4)
Announcers: Immediately back from commercial, Tenay and West recapped the end of the Knockouts Title match. They focused on Gail grabbing her knee in pain. Tenay said they will stay on top of this situation and provide an update on Gail.
Video package - "As the Angles Turn": They recapped all of the craziness we've endured with Kurt, Karen, and A.J. over the last several months. The question is whether Kurt and Karen's future can survive their past. And now we're back to As the Angles Turn. Oh joy.
In-ring: Kurt Angle walked out a few minutes short of the top of the hour to deliver his speech. He was handed a bunch of red balloons from a stagehand before entering the ring. West talked about Kurt's career being in jeopardy, which means it's time for him to make some career decisions.
[Q5 -- second hour]
Kurt made it clear Karen did not kick him out of the house, but she left him. He then asked for full support and co-operation considering he injured his neck in Korea. The fans chanted "Karen Styles" instead. Kurt began his speech, which was written on a few pieces of loose paper, while looking into the camera. Karen said he knows Karen's life is miserable without him, and he apologizes for that. Fans chanted at Kurt that he sucks. He simply failed to pay attention to the chants from the crowd and continued with his tongue-in-cheek promo. He said he must make it clear that it's (1) TNA World Title, (2) Olympic gold medals, (3) kids, and (4) Karen. Kurt said he hopes Karen can buy into the order of things so they can move on from Karen's mistakes. Suddenly, Kurt's promo was interrupted by a slew of local commercials. Um...ok? They returned to the Impact Zone where Kurt was standing in front of the balloons after apparently wrapping up. I believe the gist is that he wants Karen to show up next week to apologize for her mistakes.
Backstage: Borash was with LAX for a big fiesta after winning the TNA Tag Titles at Sacrifice. Homicide said they are the number one tag team after no one believed in them. He said they just needed a little spice from Hector Guerrero. Salinas appears to have taken a few sips of an adult beverage prior to this promo. Hector caught Borash's wandering eyes on Salinas, then Hector cut an excited promo. Borash signed off while LAX continued to celebrate.
3 -- TNA tag team champions LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ w/Hector Guerrero and Salinas) vs. CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY -- non-title match
Fast-paced action to start this off.
Hernandez took a hot tag and cleaned house until Sabin nailed Hernandez with a flying kick to the face. Guns with combo moves on Hernandez before trying a double suplex until Hernandez countered with a double suplex. Hernandez then put Sabin in the electric chair setting up Homicide with a top rope Ace Crusher for the pin and the win.
WINNERS: LAX in 5:00. Hot ending with the LAX push starting to pick up steam. Sabin and Shelley have absolutely nothing going for them, unless you subscribe to the theory that being on TV is better than not being on TV. (*)
Backstage: Borash caught up with Booker T about not being the same guy he was from several months ago. Booker smirked, then Team 3D entered the shot and shoved Borash aside. Ray handed the mic to Booker, who said it's not what's wrong with him, but what's wrong with everyone else. He said TNA signed the biggest champ in the business, but he's been shown nothing but disrespect since he set foot in TNA. Booker said he will prove tonight why he is still heir to the throne. Devon took the mic and said Joe just pissed a brother off. He said when Booker came to them about making examples out of Rhino & Christian, they jumped at the opportunity to put them in their places.
Video package: Day one of Eric Young's journey to find Elvis Presley included him pissing on the side of a barren road. My brother checks in: "About time they got serious." Suddenly, a man in a Lucha mask pulled up and Young hopped in the vehicle. That was Day Two. Apparently TNA couldn't afford airfare for Young. Young said he would shut up, but on Day 3, he was still talking. Young said he will prove heroes still exist. Apparently Elvis is a hero? Young reached a crossroads of Nashville or Memphis by Day Four. To Be Continued...
Sit-down interview: Tenay brought in Sting to recap his career in part one of a three-parter. Sting, who was out of character, said Rick Bassman found him at his gym, then he went to a wrestling camp with Jim Hellwig. No mention that Hellwig is Ultimate Warrior. Sting then talked about Jerry Jarrett giving him his first break in the biz with Hellwig. Tenay filled in the blanks that Hellwig is Ultimate Warrior. Sting said it was a very tense time in his career. They ultimately parted ways and it wasn't a very friendly split. End part one.
Backstage: They showed the back of Roxxi and her shaved head while she was moping around on the way to the entrance tunnel.
Backstage: Lauren brought in Angelina and Velvet to comment about what they did to Roxxi at Sacrifice. Lauren editorialized about their poor treatment of Roxxi, then Velvet cut a promo about people just being jealous because they're always featured on the show. Angelina suggested they put a bag over Roxxi's head because she's so ugly. They turned their attention to Lauren and suggested a trim of her Barbie hair.
4 -- ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY vs. ROXXI LEVEAUX & ODB
Roxxi immediately stormed the ring and tackled Angelina. Tenay and West were right there on what I was thinking that Roxxi looks like Sinead O'Connor. Flashbacks to some classic Phil Hartman skits on SNL. In any event, Roxxi went for a dropkick, but Angelina moved and started landing right hand blows. Tenay provided an update that Gail has been taken to a hospital for an MRI on her knee. They'll have an update next week. Heels ganged up on Roxxi until she made the hot tag to ODB at 3:00. ODB came off the top with a clothesline then she cleaned house. Action broke down, then Angelina shoved Roxxi into the bottom turnbuckle. Angelina then kicked ODB in the chest to give Velvet a pin on ODB for the win.
WINNERS: Angelina & Velvet in 4:00. Big push for Angelina and Velvet continues. Not exactly the best way to capitalize on the sympathy for Roxxi at the PPV a few days ago. The haircut is pretty much a waste if they're not going to give Roxxi a credible push. (1/2*)
Backstage: Lauren was with Christian Cage and Rhino to talk about the six-man tag coming up. Christian sarcastically asked if people actually thought Booker was a good guy. He said he's known Booker for years and the same thing holds true that he will never respect him. Christian said Booker used to turn his down on Booker, but now the whole world knows Booker is nothing more than a complete piece of s-(bleep). Rhino took the mic then told Lauren to let go. He addressed Team 3D that they built a company based on extreme, but they are not brothers anymore. What a bunch of jerks. And these men are supposed to be babyfaces?
In-ring: Team 3D came out first for the main event six-man tag match. Booker T then came out to join them. Rhino came out first for the babyface team and he stood ringside looking frightened. Christian Cage came out next, followed by Samoa Joe without Kevin Nash by his side.
5 -- TNA champion SAMOA JOE & CHRISTIAN CAGE & RHINO vs. TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON) & BOOKER T
Action spilled to the outside in the opening minute. Ray approached Hector Guerrero at the Spanish announce table and screamed in his face before they cut to a break.
Action returned with the heels ganging up on Rhino in their corner. This went on for several agonizing minutes. First rule of six-man tag match on TV: don't have the least likable man in the match take a heel beat down forever. Finally, Joe took a hot tag at 9:00 and cleaned house on 3D. He then called out Booker, which set off a brawl mid-ring. Joe ended the sequence with a leg whip on Booker that sent him to the floor. All six men found themselves in the ring at 10:00, then Booker dumped Rhino to the floor. 3D and Joe kinda paused in the ring waiting for Christian to do something. Awkward. Eventually, Joe caught Devon with a snap powerslam for the pin and the win.
WINNERS: Team Joe in 11:00. Seriously, Rhino taking a long beating while Christian and Joe stood on the apron forever in a six-man tag match? C'mon. There should be a constant flow to keep people tuned in and not flipping over to the Spurs vs. Hornets game. Match was an afterthought anyways, as post-match took precedence. (1/4*)
Post-match: Team 3D stormed the Spanish announce table and attacked Hector Guerrero. Team 3D beat Hector into the LAX entrance set and Tenay called it "heat" with what happened at Sacrifice. Meanwhile, Booker picked up a chair. He stared down Joe and Co. until Joe finally stormed the heels. Um... where's LAX to make the save? Joe checked on Hector, who was bleeding from the forehead. End show.
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