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TNA Impact on Spike TV
May 22, 2008
Taped May 13 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
They opened with Jeremy Borash sneaking up on Brother Ray and Brother Devon trying to have a word with someone in a secret locker room. They spotted Borash eavesdropping, then told him to scram. ... An opening video package focused on love (and hate) being in the air on last week's show.
In-ring: Brother Ray walked out by himself for the opening match. Homicide then came out with a purpose of getting revenge for Team 3D's beating on Hector Guerrero at the end of last week's show.
1 -- BROTHER RAY vs. HOMICIDE
Homicide quickly attacked Ray with revenge on his mind. Tenay said LAX left the building before the end of Impact last week, so they couldn't make the save for Hector. Homicide had the match won at 4:00 with an Ace Crusher, but Brother Devon jumped Homicide with a Kendo stick. Devon then brought out a table, but Hernandez made the save for Homicide. Before Hernandez could put Devon through the table, Booker T stormed out to help Team 3D take LAX apart. LAX took multiple belt shots to the head from the heels while Ray cut a promo on Hector into the hard camera. Devon finished off the deal with a powerbomb of Homicide through the table.
WINNER: Homicide via DQ in 4:00. LAX is a sympathetic group in TNA, so it makes sense to build sympathy for them as the babyface tag champs. Problem is that the chances are slim we'll see a follow-up promo from LAX vowing revenge. (1/2*)
Backstage: Borash caught up with Karen Angle backstage. Borash was very excited. Karen told Borash not to make a fool of himself, then she walked off. Suddenly, Kong and Raisha shoved Borash into the wall. Raisha handed him a note, then they walked off. Borash quickly read over it and muttered something about $25,000.
[Commercial Break]
[Q2]
Video package: They aired clips of Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in action. ... Backstage: Lauren brought in ODB for an interview. ODB took a swig from her flask, then said she hates big fake boobies and peroxide blondes like Angelina and Velvet. She grabbed Lauren's hands and placed them on her breasts to make the point that hers are 100 percent real. ODB vowed to shove her flask between their cheeks. Oh dear.
2 -- ANGELINA LOVE (w/Velvet Sky) vs. ODB
Tenay said an MRI on Gail Kim after last week's Women's Title match showed a strain of her MCL. We'll hear from her next week. West said he's daydreaming about boobies filled with vodka. The bell sounded and ODB spewed alcohol into Angelina's face to get the upper hand. Velvet turned the tables on ODB and smashed ODB in the face with the flask from the outside. Angelina then pinned ODB for the easy pin and the win.
WINNER: Angelina in 4:00. Basic knockouts match in the continued cooling off period for ODB. It's standard, unfortunately. (3/4*)
Post-match: Angelina and Velvet wanted to give ODB a haircut, but Roxxi made the save. She held a brief advantage before giving Angelina a spinebuster in center ring. Roxxi then picked up the shears and teased shaving Angelina, but referee Rudy Charles took the shears out of Roxxi's hands. Angelina then bailed to safer ground. Suddenly, Roxxi kicked Rudy in the gut and gave him the Voodoo Drop. Fans popped for one of those silly rule-enforcing refs taking a beating.
Backstage: They showed Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash walking down the hallway. Joe announces his KOTM picks next.
[Commercial Break]
Announcers: Tenay and West talked about Matt Morgan vs. Robert Roode as one of the King of the Mountain qualifying matches. They also talked about Karen Angle and Awesome Kong challenging anyone in the audience for a $25,000 bout. ... They aired a video package on past King of the Mountain matches. A little tease for Jeff Jarrett here. TNA's knock-off announcer broke down the over-complicated rules of the match.
[Q3]
In-ring: Samoa Joe walked out with Kevin Nash. Joe was holding the TNA Title belt over his shoulder instead of Nash. He said he'll give his four picks for the King of the Mountain match. Joe said him and Nash went through a list of potential candidates and had some tough calls to make. He put over A.J. Styles, then announced him as his first pick, which drew an "A.J." chant. Joe's next two picks were Rhino and Christian Cage. So, that leaves him with his fourth pick. He walked over to Nash and started talking up someone. Nash thought he was talking about him, but Joe said it's Booker T. Nash was left a little stunned. Joe then cut a promo on Booker while Nash slowly circled the ring.
Nash took a mic and asked what's going on. He asked Joe how he can watch his back if he's not in the match. Joe said the people don't pay to see someone have his back. He said they pay to see him beat people up and be a real World champ. Nash took a step back and asked Joe if he really knows how to be a World champion. He gave a verbal challenge to Joe about not doing what he's told. Nash equated their relationship to a machine and said when one part breaks down, the whole thing breaks down. Nash mumbled something to Joe, then left the ring.
Backstage: Borash excitedly talked up Kurt Angle and Frank Trigg while they walked into the men's restroom. Kurt and Trigg took a whiz in the urinal while Kurt suggested they go out for beers. Trigg said Kurt should spend some time with Karen tonight. Kurt laughed at that notion, then both men finished up their business. Trigg asked Borash why he's always in his face. Angle said that's just Borash being Borash.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Lauren caught up with Lethal, Val, and Dutt to talk about the wedding plans for Slammiversary. Dutt was not happy with anything. Val said Rock 'n Rave has asked to audition for the wedding band. Christy Hemme, in a slinky top, led out Hoyt and Rave. Val asked if they're in a strip club, or whether this is a wedding. Lethal commented on the lack of realness to the musical audition with a piano playing out of nowhere. This led to a giant argument that nowhere.
Video package: From that to Abyss in the padded wall room. Abyss said he's surprised the cameras back for a second week. He said he won't sleep until "it" is gone. Abyss said it's time to go home because that's best. Those two segments just about sum up TNA. Either comedy stupidity or very dark macabre content.
[Q4]
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Lauren brought in Robert Roode for a pre-match promo. Roode said maybe it's time to smile for once. He let the camera get a good look at his smile, then he cut that off and said that's not happening. Roode said he's spinning his wheels in TNA for four years, and he finally gets his TNA Title opportunity after the powers-that-be finally figured out they can't keep him down any longer. Roode said Booker finally figured out how things work in TNA, and he sarcastically told him he's welcome. Roode cut a promo on Morgan, then left to the ring.
3 -- MATT MORGAN vs. ROBERT ROODE -- King of the Mountain qualifying match
So, apparently, there are eight men in the mini-tournament to earn the four slots as challengers to Samoa Joe in the King of the Mountain match. It's difficult to look at Morgan and not think of skin cancer with his very unhealthy-looking tan. Roode controlled the early going, but Morgan Hulked Up and landed a sidewalk slam. Morgan choked out Roode in the corner, then he picked up Hebner and yelled at him for demanding a rope break. After putting Hebner down, Morgan turned around and found a roll up pin from Roode. Roode hooked his feet on the ropes to secure a pin for the win.
WINNER: Roode in 4:00. Morgan's character is just so unlikable. He got what he deserved after acting like a jerk, even if TNA established earlier in the show that referees are just weak-minded rule-enforcers that take beatings with nothing done to enforce a penalty or fine for putting hands on an official. (1/4*)
Backstage: They showed Kurt Angle adjusting his tie while walking backstage. He took several deep breaths ahead of the upcoming meeting with Karen.
[Commercial Break]
[Q5 -- second hour]
Video package: They start the top of the second hour with Eric Young asking a horse if he/she has seen Elvis. Nice call, TNA. Young spotted a cardboard cut-out of Elvis in a restaurant window and paused. Young then sat down to a bum on a street bench. They talked about the good 'ole days. Young said he's going to find Elvis.
Announcers: Tenay and West talked about the Kurt Angle angle from last week. They aired a "soap opera" video package on the Kurt and Karen and A.J. love triangle. Tonight, they start a new chapter. "Can their future survive their past?" the announcer asked.
In-ring: Kurt Angle walked out to the ring in a sharp suit. He cut right to the chase and welcomed out the most beautiful woman in the world, his wife 'til death do us part, Mrs. Karen Angle. Karen walked out and the fans chanted, "Karen Styles" before Kurt addressed their situation. Karen had a look of wanting Kurt to be sincere and emotionally connected to her. Kurt reiterated the sarcastic roles for their family, then Karen snapped back that Kurt doesn't realize the effect his words have on her. Kurt said he knows Karen gets caught up watching Dr. Phil, but this is who he is. Karen said that's why it will never work. She dropped the d-word on Kurt, but Kurt cut her off and said he can be the man she wants him to be. Karen screamed that Kurt is not capable of changing. "I'm telling you I can change!" Kurt shouted.
Kurt accused Karen of messing around with Styles, then Karen screamed that he is only her friend and he's there for her emotionally. Kurt got down on both knees and groveled for a second chance. He played the kids card while the fans chanted, "We want A.J." Karen thought it over while looking down at Kurt. She then turned and walked out of the ring while Kurt begged her to come back. Karen took one last look back into the ring, then walked through the tunnel. Kurt was left holding his head in his hands as they cut to break.
[Commercial Break]
[Q6]
Backstage: Borash brought in Raisha and Kong to discuss the $25,000 challenge. Borash said it's crazy for Kong to challenge someone in the audience because of the legal ramifications. Raisha pulled out a waiver for the person to sign before getting his or her ass kicked by Kong.
Video package: They focused on Petey Williams studying under Scott Steiner's tutelage. Voice-over man said he "rose from the ashes of mediocrity". Ouch. They showed Steiner's torture of Petey prior to him becoming little Petey Pump and winning the X Division Title. The video transitioned to a new enemy emerging from the bowels: Kaz. They called him a high-flying maverick. Not to be confused with the Maverick Matt Shane Bentley.
Backstage: Lauren brought in A.J. Styles for an interview. Lauren said life is tough for Styles right now. Styles said him and Karen are just friends. He said he could tell Kurt that 100 times, but he'll never believe it. Styles said Tomko bailed on him, so he had to find a partner in Deuces Wild. Suddenly, Tomko walked in and cut a promo on Styles. Styles screamed that he's tired of listening to Tomko and Kurt's bullying tactics. Tomko said he can respect that, then he quickly shook Styles's hand and told him he can be his own man by...him...self.
Wrestling match, anyone?
[Commercial Break]
Video package: Part 2 of Sting's interview with Mike Tenay, which included Sting's thoughts on Jeff Jarrett not being on the show lately. Asked if he's talked to Jarrett in the last year, Sting casually said no. He then qualified that by saying, well, he's had a few conversations with Jarrett. Sting talked about running around with Jeff in Jerry Jarrett's TV studio back in the day. More talk of Ultimate Warrior to cap off the random interview.
In-ring: Borash was standing in front of a ladder to hype the King of the Mountain match. He broke down the rules again. Geez man, get on with this. Borash announced another qualifying match, but Awesome Kong and Raisha interrupted. Borash tried to explain why this idea sucks, but Raisha cut him off and opened a briefcase with plenty of dollar bills. Raisha threatened to have Kong destroy Borash if he didn't put out the invite. Borash took a deep breath, then he asked the crowd if there's any females over the age of 18 who want to take the challenge. Some guy raised his hand. He's confused by this bush league angle. Suddenly, a very fit woman raised her hand. Well, you know she's a plant because she's in shape. Borash brought her to ringside. To make it seem "more real," she pretended like she was nervous and had no idea what Borash was talking about. Kong just stared her down as they cut to break.
[Q7]
[Commercial Break]
4 -- AWESOME KONG vs. MELISSA from Erie, PA
They returned with the random woman in a fighting stance circling the ring before Kong smacked her in the face. The woman, named Melissa from Erie, Pa., took a beating. Don West said maybe the $25,000 isn't worth the beating considering gas prices these days. Oh-kay. Kong continued to beat on her until delivering an Awesome Bomb. Masters...er...Kong made the cover for the win.
WINNER: Kong in 1:00. We'll see where this goes. (n/a)
Backstage: Lauren brought in Team 3D to talk about their actions against LAX. Ray said they got screwed out of the tag titles at the PPV, so this is just old school retribution. He said they put LAX through a table tonight, and Lauren seemed to like that a little. 3D moved out of camera range to show Booker T sitting on a bench staring at the ground. He said he wants some respect around here. Booker asked why he should hang out with kiss-asses like Styles and Joe. He then said Styles will be a mere stepping stone on the way to King of the Mountain. Booker cut a promo on the poor locker room conditions he's being subjected to by TNA management. He said he's sick and tired of this treatment. Booker then over-turned a free-standing locker prop before telling Lauren to leave.
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: Booker T walked out for the main event KOTM qualifying match. West said we'll hear from Kevin Nash on next week's show about how upset he is with Joe. A.J. Styles came out next and tossed the crown into the crowd to signify he's done with the stupid gimmick.
[Q8]
5 -- BOOKER T vs. A.J. STYLES -- King of the Mountain qualifying match
Crowd chanted A.J.'s name after the opening bell sounded. Tenay plugged Sting Part 3 next week on his WCW feud with Ric Flair and Flair's recent retirement. Also, two more KOTM qualifying matches. Tomko walked out to ringside four minutes into the match to watch Styles gain control. Tenay said there's "heat" between Styles and Tomko. Styles wanted the springboard dive on Booker, but Tomko tripped him from the outside. Booker then took advantage with the book-end on Styles for the win. Post-match: Tomko walked into the ring and talked smack to Styles, who shoved him back. Referees stormed the ring to separate them before they cut to break.
WINNER: Booker in 5:00. Not much to the match. Just a forgettable TV main event setting up the show-ending angle. (3/4*)
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: They returned with Styles and Tomko brawling in the ring. Suddenly, Team 3D and Booker stormed the ring to beat down Styles, who tried to fight them all off by himself. The numbers game finally caught up to Styles, who took a pounding while refs tried to intervene. To no avail, as Tomko gave Styles a chain shot to the head. Booker choked out Earl and told him to stay down. More abuse of those sad referees. Styles came up bleeding from the forehead and the heels continued to beat him down. Karen had enough and ran to the ring to check on Styles, who was flat on his back in center ring. The heels backed off while Karen cradled Styles's head. Karen then slapped Ray across the face before Ray called her names and told her to get out of his ring. Can't have an Impact without a helping of misogyny.
Karen left the ring and went to the back while the heels went back on the attack. Suddenly, Kurt Angle stormed the ring with a chair in hand. The heels left the ring while Karen checked on Styles. Kurt then looked down at Styles and Karen. He grabbed her by the hair and shoved her around the ring. Styles slowly came to his knees while Karen tried to talk some sense into Kurt. Kurt then looked at Styles and gave him a wicked chair shot to the side of the head. Team 3D then held a visibly upset Karen while Kurt screamed at her that this - the beating on Styles - is her fault. End show.
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