By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
FEBRUARY 16, 2009
SPOKANE, WASH.

[Q1]

-They opened with a wide shot of the arena. Lilian Garcia introduced the G.M. of Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero. She walked out onto the stage to a chorus of boos. She introduced Edge as her husband and the new World Hvt. Champion. Edge walked her to the ring. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler said what the are seeing is in fact true - Edge is a Smackdown superstar holding Raw's World Hvt. Title. Lawler said it has been confirmed, and John Cena is no longer the champion.

Edge said the "R" in "Rated-R" stands for "Remarkable, Resplendent, or Really Really Smart." The crowd chanted, "You suck! You suck!" He said after losing his WWE Championship in the first Elimination Chamber he could have packed it up and gone home or looked for sympathy. He said that's what the fans would have done because they're "big fat failure turtles." He said he's not a loser like they are, but he heard them calling him a loser after he lost his title. "But guess what? You were all wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!" He made a lap around ringside and pointed at individual fans, including a boy around eight years old, and said they were each wrong. He said Jesus turned water into wine and he turned the WWE Title into the World Heavyweight Championship.

Vickie explained to those who did not see No Way Out that Stephanie accompanied Shane McMahon to the hospital after his match, so she became the highest ranking authority. She said when Kofi Kingston was unable to be an entrant in the Elimination Chamber match, she had to find a suitable, deserving replacement. She said nobody was more deserving than her husband, Edge. She said that after speaking to the WWE Board of Directors, Edge is the new World Heavyweight Champion. The crowd booed, so she let out a few "Excuse me!" exclamations. She said fans may not like it, but they will each accept it.

John Cena's music interrupted. He walked out to the ring and thanked the fans for their applause. He said they won't like what he says next. He congratulated Edge. He said nobody thought he could pull that off, but he did it. He said some wrestlers might come out and threaten a lawsuit and say "no WrestleMania," but he told the fans that once Edge was in the match, he won it fair and square. He said he doesn't like it, but he is out there to congratulate him as the new World Heavyweight Champion. Cena said the "R" in his nickname does stand for many things, such as "Really Lucky" and "Right Place, Right Time," and his favorite, "Rematch." Edge told him to hold his horses.

Edge explained to Cena that he competed in two Elimination Chamber matches and nobody has ever done that. He said he can't compete tonight, and maybe not for a week or even a month. He said they'll be on Smackdown if he wants to find him and his lovely wife in the future. Cena said he doesn't want Edge to have any excuses. He told him to go to Smackdown and tell Festus and Funaki hello, "and go do whatever it is you guys do together." He paused and said he just had some thoughts and threw up into his mouth a little bit. Cena said officially he does have a rematch. Edge sarcastically said he forgot about Cena's cute wit.

Edge reminded Cena of their past, including beating him to begin his first-ever world title reign and his going to Cena's father's home and slapping him. Edge said those were all good times. He said the new reality is that "the champ is here." He waved his hand in front of his face and strutted. Cena grabbed Edge by his shirt and turned him around toward him. Cena told him if he tries to hide, he will find him. He said if he tries to run, he'll catch him. "We're going to fight and I'm going to hurt you," he concluded, then he stared him down. Edge backed out of the ring as Cena's music played.

[Q2]

-Cole explained that Edge attacked Kingston from behind on his way to the Chamber, costing him his chance to compete in the match. He recapped Edge's subsequent entrance into the match and victory. Lawler interrupted Cole and said they had Shane McMahon standing by.

-Backstage Shane addressed Randy Orton. He told him to meet him in the ring where they can settle their issue with no interference in an unsanctioned fight. "One way or another, this ends tonight," said Super-Shane-O-Mac, who fears no man even though he's not a wrestler and Orton is a world class top former multi-time champion in WWE in his prime. I can't wait for David Stern's 42 year old son to challenge Amare Stoudemire to a slam dunk contest at next year's NBA All-Star game - and script it so he's his equal or even wins, even when Amare has some teammates throw marbles under his feet during his approach of the basket.

[Commercial Break]

-Clips aired of C.M. Punk beating William Regal last week on Raw in a very short match.

1 -- CRYME TYME & C.M. PUNK vs. WILLIAM REGAL (w/Layla) & CODY RHODES & TED DIBIASE

Lawler brought up how Rhodes and DiBiase didn't look so good last night when they interfered against Shane. Cole said both DiBiase and Rhodes have felt Shane's "Coast to Coast" leaping trash can dent move in the last week. The crowd loudly chanted "C.M. Punk" early, getting a bigger response already than Shane did last night. Punk hit an early GTS, but Regal interfered immediately and DiBiase yanked Rhodes out of the ring. They cut to an early break at 1:00.

[Commercial Break]

Back live Punk kicked Regal off he ring apron. DiBiase, the legal heel in the ring, kneed Punk from behind. Regal threw Punk's face into the ring apron and tossed him back into the ring. Rhodes tagged in and continued to work over Punk. Rhodes tagged in at 6:00 and Punk quickly kicked him in the head. Punk then tagged in J.T.G. who showed great fire as he went after DiBiase. Rhodes broke up J.T.G.'s pin attempt on DiBiase, Six-way action broke out. Rhodes and DiBIase doubled J.T.G. and DiBiase finished him off with his Dream Street finisher.

WINNERS: DiBiase & Rhodes & Regal in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- What it needed to be. Solid four minutes of airtime.

[Q3]

-Steph asked Shane backstage if he's crazy. She said he's not thinking clearly and he's not 100 percent. Shane said it's happening whether Orton likes it or not. He said Orton is hurting just as bad as he is.

-A commercial aired hyping the No Way Out PPV encore presentations.

[Commercial Break]

-WWE Fact: Last year WWE had the no. 1 DVD on the sports charts for 33 weeks.

-Lawler plugged that Beth Phoenix would challenge Melina for the Women's Title later.

-Chris Jericho walked to the ring. He implored the Academy not to give a Best Actor award to Mickey Rourke. He said if they do, it could spark a chain reaction that would encourage all of the has-been losers who are begging for one last run of success to surface. He said they are all just like the fans - weak, shallow, insecure human beings, hypocrites and liars who need to be shut down and shut up for their own good. He said the fans can boo him, but in doing so they're booing an honest man. Roddy Piper's music interrupted and Piper walked out onto the stage. Piper said, "You want the truth? I'm going to shoot with you on this one." Lame-o. He told Jericho he's watched him his entire career and he's liked him because he said what was on his mind and then he had the guts to come in the ring and back it up. He said he respected that because it reminded him of someone he knew. He said now he runs his mouth on TV and calls him and Flair and other legends out. "You used to be entertaining," he said. "What happened?" He said he wanted to take one of his quotes: "Please, shut the hell up."

Jericho said: "Sure, dance like a puppet on a string. Make all of these fans cheer for you." Piper interrupted and said he's not finished yet! He said Rourke is his friend and he watched his movie, "The Wrestler," and he cried. Piper is talking like Phil Donahue these days. Piper said the movie is about "the honor and respect we have for everyone." He said it's about the physical and emotional pain and why they do what they do - for the thrill of performing. He said Flair was right, they live for this. He said people come up to him and say, "Hey, Roddy, we remember when you slapped Mr. T." He said he people come up to him and say, "When my granddad was alive, we watched you shave Adrian Adonis's head." He said Jericho wants to bury those moments. Piper said those moments are to be celebrated.

Piper said last year at the Royal Rumble at MSG, 24,000 people jumped to their feet and just for one minute, he felt he was back at the first WrestleMania. He said that was a thrill of a lifetime for him. He said he has one hip and hurts all the time, but as long as the fans cheer him, he'll crawl to the ring on his hands and knees to give them one more memorable moment because "old school's cool." The crowd cheered. Piper extended his hand to Jericho. Jericho stared at it and then kicked him and shoved him to the mat. Jericho yelled, "Crawl around! You wanna crawl around, dance like a puppet on a string. You will respect me. Crawl! Crawl!" He kicked him in the ribs twice as he kept telling him to crawl. Lawler said that might be the worst thing he has ever seen anyone do in all of his years on Raw. He said he can't say what he's thinking about Jericho.

-Backstage Todd Grisham interviewed Randy Orton. Orton said he has no problem fighting Shane, but he resents the implication that he needs DiBiase and Rhodes to help him. He said they weren't there when he punt kicked Vince McMahon or RKO'd Shane. He said if Shane wants this fight to be over when someone isn't moving, he can make that happen.

[Commercial Break]

-A WrestleMania IX flashback aired with scenes from Caesar's Palace, known as "The World's Largest Toga Party" focused on the costumes and Hulk Hogan pinning Yokozuna.

-Jamie Noble stood mid-ring and said the day after No Way Out is a huge day. He said when he gets his WrestleMania Moment, he will not fumble. He said he is sure he can last more than the nine seconds Chavo Guerrero lasted. Kane began his walk out to the ring, Chavo's opponent at WrestleMania last year.

2 -- KANE vs. JAMIE NOBLE

Noble went after Kane at the start, but Kane caught him in mid-air and chokeslammed him for the win.

WINNER: Kane in 0:16.

-They showed Lawler and Cole on camera. Lawler said Shawn Michaels is now free of that overbearing boss, JBL. They showed JBL walking backstage. Cole said he was about to make a major announcement.

[Commercial Break]

-An ECW commercial aired advertising more of Christian tomorrow night.

[Q5]

-JBL made his way to the ring. Lawler said all of his money couldn't buy him a victory last night at No Way Out. JBL said a large check has been written out to Michaels and he is now financially stable again. He said, "And I could care less." (He meant "I couldn't care less.") He said fans may see Michaels as rich, but he's actually poor compared to him. He said he still believes he has a date with destiny to do something historical at WrestleMania. He wants to "End the Streak." He said Undertaker's 16-0 streak at WrestleMania must come to an end at his hands. He said when he ends it, fans will know he is the greatest wrestler of all-time. Shawn Michaels's music interrupted and danced onto the stage, looking like huge weight was off his shoulders for the first time since the stock market crash of October 2008. Lawler said he looks like himself for the first time in months.

Michaels told JBL last night he had an epiphany. "I can't spell it, but I had an epiphany, too." He said he's no longer a conflicted, struggling family man. He said fans are looking at the Headliner, the Show-Stopper, the Main Event, and Mr. WrestleMania. He said he has his life back. "Free at last, free at last, thank God I am free at last!" He forgot "almighty." He said standing there looking at him no longer working for him, as he looks ahead to WrestleMania, he is living heaven on Earth. He said there is no better person to face Undertaker than himself, the man who flew down from the rafters and wrestled over an hour and won the WWE Title at WrestleMania, innovated the Ladder Match at WrestleMania, and had the 2008 Match of the Year against Ric Flair at WrestleMania. He said if there's anyone who should face Undertaker at the (so-called) 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania, "you're looking at him." JBL shot back: "It looks like being able to pay your bills has given you a resurgence of your manhood." He said beating Undertaker at WrestleMania is his destiny, not Shawn's. Michaels said he can't tell him what to do anymore. He proposed to JBL that next week they face one another and the winner earns the right to challenge The Undertaker at WrestleMania and try to end his streak. JBL smiled and said, "I accept." Michaels said this time it's going to be a little bit different because when JBL pushes him, he's going to push back. He poked JBL in the chest to accentuate his closing words as he said JBL will be lucky to even make it to WrestleMania. He gave him a few extra chest pokes for good measure.

-A video package aired on the Orton vs. Super-Shane-O-Mac feud including clips from Sunday night at No Way Out.

-They showed Shane McMahon pacing backstage and chomping on gum as he warmed up for his match.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

-A WrestleMania vignette aired hyping WrestleMania 25. The narrator said, "After 24 years, it all leads to this... the 25th Anniversary."

3 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. MIKE KNOX

Cole said Rey put in a "WrestleMania-worthy" performance last night at No Way Out. Lawler said Rey has competed in 80 minutes of in-ring time in the last two PPVs. Another stat. In the first 5 minutes of Raw, there has been just five minutes of in-ring action. Rey ducked an early clothesline by Knox, but then ate a nasty clothesline a second later. Knox bowled Rey under the bottom rope to the floor as they cut to a break at 1:00.

[Commercial Break]

Back live, Knox was in control, but Rey was teasing a comeback. Knox remained in control and applied a chinlock. The crowd loudly chanted, "6-1-9!" At 6:00 Knox settled into a bearhug. Rey escaped and hit a bulldog at 7:00. He followed with an enzuigiri that conveniently left Knox right in position for a 619. Rey hit the 619 on target. Knox caught Rey mid-air and hung him upside down in the corner, but when Knox charged, Rey sat up and avoided him, then schoolboyed him for the win.

WINNER: Rey in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Passable big man/small man TV match. The crowd ate up Rey's spots and his comeback.

[Q7]

-Backstage Santino, Phoenix, and Rosa Mendez walked toward the entrance tunnel. Santino was strutting as if on a fashion runway. Phoenix said tonight was a big night for her and she wanted them to listen to her.

-A commercial aired for the Saturday Night's Main Event DVD.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- MELINA vs. "GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX (w/Santino Marella, Rosa Mendez) - Women's Title

Lawler noticed that Santino shaved his unibrow and got highlights in his hair. He said it appeared he got a make-over. Phoenix dominated Melina in the opening minutes. Lawler: "I finally figured out what Divas want in a relationship. Security. Whenever I approach them backstage, that's what they yell." Mendez took a cheapshot at Melina at ringside, drawing Mickie James, Candice Michelle, and Kelly Kelly. They jumped Rosa and Santino. Melina rolled up a distracted Phoenix for the win.

WINNER: Melina in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Good intensity by Beth at the start. If you had never watched wrestling before that opening minute, you'd believe it was real.

-Cole plugged that Steve Austin would be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year. The next announcement was then made: Terry & Dory Funk. Vintage clips aired of each of their first NWA World Title belts. They said they could also "get hardcore when needed." Dusty Rhodes will induct them.

[Q8]

[Commercial Break]

-An ECW commercial hyped Jack Swagger & Mark Henry vs. Finlay & Christian.

-A recap aired of the Edge-Cena segment earlier.

-Steph was on her cell phone again. She said she tried to talk Shane out of it, but his mind is set. She told the person to get to the arena as soon as possible. Then she lost her connection and threw her cell phone to the ground.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- SHANE MCMAHON vs. RANDY ORTON - Non-sanctioned match

Shane danced his way to the ring, but seemed a bit more serious and a little less happy-go-lucky confident. Orton then came out looking determined and focused. They exchanged punches at ringside. Shane held his own and knocked Orton into the crowd with a big right. Shane leaped of the security railing and hit Orton wiht a clothesline. It's increasingly ridiculous that Shane continues to be portrayed as Orton's equal in terms of anything fight-related - wrestling, brawling, toughness, resilience, punching, etc. They brawled to the edge of the floor seating near the production set-up. Orton fought back at 3:00 and knocked Shane back to ringside. He threw him head-first into the announce table, causing Cole and Lawler to flee the scene briefly. Orton then threw Shane head-first into the steps. Orton dominated for the next two minutes. Shane knocked Orton backwards over the announce table and pounced on him with a barrage of punches where Cole and Lawler usually rest their feet. He awkward bashed him with the padded announcer chairs, then hit him over the head with the ring bell. Shane dragged Orton back into the ring and then leaned Orton in the corner. He grabbed the ring bell again and rammed it into Orton's head. He then walked away casually and grabbed a chair. He wedged it into the corner where Orton lay motionless. Cole's speech was broken as he contemplated his intention to hit the Coast to Coast. Rhodes and DiBiase jumped Shane and stomped away at him mid-ring. Shane flailed in his red-bottomed tennis shoes. This time they managed to beat Shane down. Orton crawled over and stood. He looked at Rhodes and DiBiase and pated them on the shoulder, then asked them to back away. As Shane struggled to get up, Orton baked up and set up the punt. He charged and kicked Shane in the face.

WINNER: No contest in 8:00 of unsanctioned action.

-Steph ran out and checked on Shane, who wasn't moving. Steph began crying again as security called for paramedics. They put Shane in a neck brace as Orton, DiBiase, and Rhodes looked on. Steph got up and began pleading with Orton to leave her family alone. He gave her an RKO. Then he backed up and seemed shocked at his own actions. Triple H ran out to the ring for an actual babyface pop. Orton fled the scene as Triple H shook with anger as he checked on Steph's condition. A "Triple H" chant rang out. Triple H's brow almost exploded in anger. Orton acting was spot on solid while Triple H's bodered on cartoonish, but probably appropriate in this case for pro wrestling and the situation. Triple H stood and hugged and puffed red-faced as the show ended.

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