By Dominick Mayer, Torch ECW specialist

ECW on Sci-Fi TV report
March 17, 2009
Report by Dominick Mayer, PWTorch contributor

Right at the beginning of the show, Hornswoggle is walking down a hallway screaming. Meanwhile, Teddy Long is in the worst leprechaun costume ever. Finlay says that apparently Hornswoggle's drunk. He's missing now. That was an interesting way to open the show. Title sequence.

Tonight: Live edition of the Dirt Sheet. This could go either way.

Christian comes out to a huge, huge pop. Tag team action on the way. Recap of Christian qualifying for Money In The Bank last week. MVP is here on ECW as his partner. He gets sort of a tweener reaction, which is appropriate given that he hasn't really been established as a face just yet. Shelton Benjamin is out next, so this'll be another MITB showcase match. And, Mark Henry as his partner. That should throw off the speed in this match.

1 -- CHRISTIAN & MVP vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN & MARK HENRY (w/Tony Atlas)

Fireman takedown by Shelton to start things off against MVP. Exchange off the ropes that ends in a hip toss by MVP. Striker on commentary doing his best to put over the "importance" of the U.S. Title. Thanks for playing. MVP goes into the heel corner and Henry takes him down. Two count by Shelton.

[Commercial Break]

Out of the break, MVP is in a bear hug courtesy of Henry. Vertical suplex by Shelton. Shelton grounds MVP in center ring. MVP comes off the ropes, but gets a knee to the gut. Christian still hasn't tagged in at any point. Shelton goes for the Pay Dirt, but MVP counters into a belly to belly suplex. He gets the hot tag to Christian, who gets right on Shelton, countering a spinning heel kick attempt. He hits Henry, and then gets a monkey flip on Shelton. Christian gets the same momentum kick off the ropes as last week. He gets a tornado DDT on Shelton, but Henry breaks up the count. MVP and Christian join together to take Henry down, and MVP goes after him on the outside. Christian knocks Atlas off the apron, but walks right into the Pay Dirt from Shelton for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Shelton & Henry in 9:00. Good tag team match. Surprising to see Shelton go over Christian clean-ish, but I guess they're trying not to make Christian look like the obvious front runner in the MITB.

In other news, a "12 Rounds" promo, this time focusing on John Cena's wife in the film. If they keep doing these promos, there'll be no mystery left to the film. You know, based on what little mystery a film directed by the man behind "Deep Blue Sea" could get going. (No offense to "Deep Blue Sea," I love that movie.)

[Q2]

Backstage, Finlay is looking for Hornswoggle. He runs into a dancing D.J. Gabriel and Alicia Fox backstage, who haven't seen him.

Rewind: A clip reel of Evan Bourne doing awesome things. He's back, next.

[Commercial Break]: Is it just me, or does "The Haunting In Connecticut" look absolutely terrifying, especially for a PG-13 flick?

A video package on WrestleMania 20 airs. It's weird to see Jericho with long hair, honestly. They focus on Cena's U.S. Title win and Eddie Guerrero outsmarting Kurt Angle. Unsurprisingly, no Chris Benoit victory as part of the proceedings.

Afterwards, Jamie Noble is already in the ring. Good to see him back on his feet after what happened with Mike Knox a few weeks ago. Massive pop for Evan Bourne as the opposition.

2 -- EVAN BOURNE vs. JAMIE NOBLE

Bourne goes for his snap armdrags right away. Spinning heel kick for two. Backstage, Tyson Kidd and Natalya are watching Bourne go. That could be a pretty sweet WrestleMania opener. Noble takes over with a clothesline and some stomps for a short two count. Noble locks in a modified camel clutch to get the crowd going. Bourne gets a knee to Noble's face, so hard that the crowd gasps. Bourne gets an unbelievable huricanrana off the top rope. He gets a standing moonsault right after for a close two count. Bourne sends Noble into the corner, but Noble gets a boot up. Bourne takes Noble down, and the crowd pops big as Bourne goes up top. He gets the AirBourne for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Bourne in 3:00. No steps lost in his return. He reminded everybody of his old offensive maneuvers while debuting a couple new ones (that huricanrana was absolutely sick) and is right back as a reason to watch ECW week to week.

Backstage, Finlay finds Hornswoggle flinging corned beef and cabbage at Katie Lea. An anticlimactic ending to that mini-story, I'd say.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

Did You Know: Smackdown is the fastest episodic show in television history to get to 500 episodes.

The ECW Champion, Jack Swagger, is on his way out. I was wondering when we'd figure out where the ECW Title was headed, WrestleMania-wise. He knows we missed him last week, and he's not competing tonight. As a service to the fans, and because he's so good-looking, he wanted to grace the fans with his presence. He's really becoming comfortable at cutting a promo. However, Swagger introducing himself is it. Cue his music. That's really weird. Plus, that answers no questions about the ECW main event, if there's even going to be one at this point. That'd be a really poor showing, if after last year's eight-second match there was just nothing at all.

Backstage, Tiffany wants to do an all-Divas edition of ECW next week. Paul Burchill stomps in demanding a match with Finlay. Long tells him to go out to the ring, and Finlay will be right behind.

[Commercial Break]

Raw Recap: Edge forgives Vickie. Big Show further confuses her. Vickie tries to choke out Cena. I remind myself that Shawn and Undertaker have a Mania match to talk myself back into buying the show.

In-ring: I just noticed Paul Burchill has his hair in a bun. That looks ridiculous.

3 -- PAUL BURCHILL (w/Katie Lea) vs. FINLAY (w/Hornswoggle)

Finlay takes Burchill down early on. Hornswoggle is on the announcer table, babbling.

[Q4]

Burchill tries to catch Finlay off guard, but gets tossed outside. Back in the ring, Burchill slams Finlay and locks in a chinlock in center ring. Nearfall by Burchill. Back to the chinlock. Finlay grabs onto Burchill's bun and gets a jawbreaker. He goes off the ropes, but Burchill slams him right back down. A strange move ensues when Finlay trips Burchill using the ring apron. Finlay gets a seated senton, but Burchill fights back. Burchill goes for the reverse neckbreaker finish, but Finlay brushes him off and hits the Emerald Fusion for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Finlay in 4:00. Filler, more or less. Fine for pushing Finlay as a MITB contender, but Hornswoggle has really outstayed his welcome.

[Commercial Break]

The Dirt Sheet begins, with only seven minutes left in the hour. The Bella twins are with them, but only one of the two actually looks happy to be there. One of them is reluctant and the other chose Miz and Morrison because they're winners. Morrison throws to a recap of the very good Smackdown match between them and the Colons last Friday. The Colons are their guests tonight. Or, rather, Miz and Morrison in butt masks are their guests tonight. They proceed to rap, poorly. It really bums me out (pun perhaps intended) to see such talented guys get put in such a lamely written feud.

The real Colons then come out, bringing the set for Carlito's Cabana with them. Carlito tells them they're here for something big. They bicker about their "shows." At WrestleMania, the Colons challenge Miz and Morrison to unify the tag team titles. Miz says it's on, and they will prove why they are the greatest tag team of the 21st century. Be Jealous. Carlito then spits apple on the heel Bella twin. She shoves the good one down, and Brie tackles her pretty hard.

Despite the lame Miz/Morrison bit to start, I really, really like that this match's announcement was regarded with an entire segment to build the feud. They're setting up for the best tag match in quite a while at Mania.

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