By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLERS TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 4, 2009
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-After a video package on various storyline developments with shots of Bobby Lashley and new champ Mick Foley, they revealed the title of the show: "The Godfather's Revenge."

-At 10:37 a.m. Jeremy Borash asked Jeff Jarrett as he left a room backstage how the Board of Director's meeting went. Jarrett seemed peeved and stormed past him without comment. Then they went a clip from nearly 20 minutes later of Mick Foley smiling as he left the meeting. He said as executive shareholder he works with Jeff, not for him, so Jeff can't fire him. He said he's looking forward to working more with Jeff in the future. When Borash asked Foley about hitting Jarrett with a chair, Foley said friends fight. Borash said, "With chairs?" Foley said, "Uh, yes. What kind of house did you grow up in? A house of wimps?"

-The TNA Impact opening aired. Then Mike Tenay introduced the show.

-Kurt Angle led the Main Event Mafia to the ring. Tenay noted that Sting was conspicuous by his absence. Jennifer Morasca accompanied Kevin Nash. Angle said those closest to him since the formation of the MEM have referred to him as The Godfather. He said he's the main charge and he knows how to make things happen. He said to Foley that there will be consequences for hitting him in the back with a chair. He said when you mess with the MEM, there is a price to pay. He said he has an offer for Foley that he can't refuse.

He said if Jarrett puts him in the Four-Man Dance at Sacrifice, he'll put at stake what's most important to him. He said if he gets pinned, the person who pins him will take over as the leader of the MEM. Wouldn't Booker T, Scott Steiner, and Kevin Nash need to agree to follow the new leader? What incentive do they have to enforce that stip? He then told Foley that because of what he did to him las week, he's going to employ a hostile takeover. He said he's going to take over his office and his job and everything because when you screw with The Godfather, you get the thorn of the rose. He held up a rose.

-Tenay threw to Borash with Foley in the office. He asked for his thoughts. Jarrett walked in and asked Foley what he's doing at his desk. Jarrett said he should beat the hell out of him, but he's not going to. He said he wanted Foley out of his sight. Foley called Jarrett his partner and asked if he has his back against Angle. Jarrett said he got himself into the mess with Angle so now he has to get himself out of it.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Angle backstage about his vow to take over Foley's office. Angle said when he says something, he does it. Lauren asked what he's thinking about putting up MEM leadership. He said he's going to beat the hell out of Foley, so there's no worried. Steiner got irritated and said he wants to get at Jarrett. Angle said they need Jarrett to add him to the main event at Sacrifice, so after he does that, he's all his.

-Don West's voice showed up for the first time as they updated the 3D Tag Team Invitational Quarterfinals.

[Q2]

1 -- THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. AMAZING RED & SUICIDE

Tenay credited Red for helping to put the X Division on the map in TNA's early days. He said he and Jerry Lynn six years ago were World Tag Team Champions. Tenay said Suicide has been an instant success, but will he be able to communicate effectively with Red as a tag team. Tenay said Red is still young, in his late-20s. Tenay plugged that TNA has signed a three-year contract with a former champion, and all the details are provided via TNA Mobile. Red hot-tagged Suicide into the ring a 5:00. he went to work on both Guns, but the Guns soon took over. Sabin dropkicked Red on the ring apron, then waited for Suicide to stand and they delivered two sidekicks. Red jumped and kicked Shelley on the chin, then gave Sabin a huracanrana. Suicide and Red teamed together as Tenay and West argued about illegal double-teams. Suicide then finished Shelley with his Suicide Solution finisher, perhaps the most tasteless name for a finisher since, well, DWI. West said he's sick of Suicide's Act.

WINNERS: Red & Suicide in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Disappointing. There was enough talent in there to have a full-fledged tag match that told a story, not just four minutes of build leading to the chaos and the finish. Also surprising that the Guns lost, but that could play into a storyline. It should be considered a very big deal that an impromptu team beat an established team such as the Guns.

-Lauren interviewed The Beautiful People backstage. When Lauren said that on paper, she doesn't have a chance against Awesome Kong, Love made some awfully inaccurate pop culture references. She said on paper the New York Mets were supposed to win the NBA Championship last year and Steve O was supposed to win American Idol. She said she knows what she can do with her paper. She said, "We don't sweat Kong, do we Madison." Madison looked like a reluctant warrior. Velvet Sky stood up and showed off her cleavage and said they have to get ready to attend a funeral later. Lauren asked Madison if she was sure about getting in the ring against Kong. She said she hopes the funeral isn't hers. Not one of the better BP segments.

[Commercial Break]

-A video packaged aired on Abyss and Dr. Stevie Richards. Abyss talked about the rush he gets from getting cut. Then backstage Lauren angrily asked if she needs to go back to another session with Dr. Stevie. Abyss justified Stevie hitting him over and over. ODB and her boyfriend The Deiter walked up to Abyss and said they have a score to settle. He offered to scuffle and throw down with him. ODB told him just hanging out with him doesn't make him a wrestler. He said when the Monster grows a set of balls, he'll be ready for him. Abyss threw him against the wall and grunted and groaned. Lauren asked him to put him down. Deiter flinched as Abyss set him down. ODB dragged The Deiter away.

[Q3]

-They showed West and Tenay at ringside. They ran down the rest of the line-up on Impact, including Madison Rayne vs. Awesome Kong, another tag tourney match, and Kevin Nash & Booker T vs. Samoa Joe & A.J. Styles. They also hyped the Angle promise to take over Foley's office.

-A video clip aired on Kurt Angle including his first appearance on TNA Impact and the crowd reaction to his arrival.

-Foley walked up to the Guns backstage. He asked for their help. He said Angle has threatened a hostile takeover of his office, and normally that wouldn't be something that he'd be concerned about, but the 25 stitches he has are affecting his peripheral vision. He said what he needs is a couple of guys with "pizazz, fire, spunk." Sabin said, "That's gross and inappropriate right now." Foley said he wants to be sure he has their back. Sabin and Shelley said they have their own issue. Shelley said Suicide is under a mask and they want to know who he is. Foley said he knows who it is. He whispered it was "Al Snow." He said he hasn't seen him since that one show. The Guns told him to keep researching that theory.

[Commercial Break]

-As LAX's ring intro music played, they cut backstage to Hernandez KO'd in the back with Rob Ferry, Brutus Magnus, and Doug Williams standing over him as Terry Taylor tried to keep Homicide and the Brits separated.

2 -- LAX (Homicide & Hernandez) vs. BRUTUS MAGNUS & DOUG WILLIAMS (w/Rob Terry)

Terry flexed his ridiculously overmusculed physique as if it were 1989 and fans were impressed rather than instantly associating it with a slug who can't work who take steroids and would never make in real fighting (MMA) where nobody looks like that. Homicide came out alone for the match and went after Doug Williams at the start of the match. Tenay said Magnus realized that he wouldn't survive TNA on his own where it's Americans-first, so he went back to the UK and brought back Terry and Williams to help him. He said they are the British Invasion. Good news. Magnus's original Gladiator gimmick is dead. West made the argument that there's no proof the Brits had anything to do with Hernandez being knocked out backstage.

[Q4]

West said he thinks the Guns will find out who Suicide is and reveal that later in a blockbuster revelation. Since we're dumping bad gimmicks (Gladiator), how about they dump Suicide. Magnus went for a top rope splash, but Homicide moved. Magnus tagged Williams back in. When Homicide took control, Magnus interfered. Homicide gave him a tornado DDT. He then set Williams up for a top rope move. Terry interfered, and then Williams leaped off the top rope with an European uppercut as Magus held him in the air.

WINNERS: Williams & Magnus in 5:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- At least they built in an excuse for LAX losing to the new tag team. The beatdown backstage sets up a feud between LAX and the Brits.

-Another brief video feature aired on Angle.

3 -- MADISON RAYNE (w/Angelina Love, Velvet Sky) vs. AWESOME KONG (w/Ryesha Saeed) - Stretcher Match

The Beautiful People's big screen intro says: "Cleansing the World... One Ugly Person At A Time." Rayne looked petrified on her way to the ring. She was badly overacting here, though. Tenay and West argued some more about how the BP cheated when Love won the title. The ref sent Love, Sky, and Saeed to the back. Rayne wasn't happy about that. Kong gave her an Implant Buster in the opening minute. She puer her on the stretcher, but when the ref got near a ten count, Kong shoved him away and gave her the Awesome Bomb. West said, "Call the funeral director." He added, "She doesn't need a stretcher, she needs a spatula." When the crowd chanted "One more time!" West asked if the crowd has any decency. "I can't believe some of the twisted people who show up here." Kong gave her another Awesome Bomb. The crowd chanted "One more time" yet again. Kong put Rayne on the stretcher and counted to ten.

WINNER: Kong in 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed Love and Sky trying to revive Rayne backstage.

-They showed Tenay and West at ringside recapping the show so far.

[Q5]

-The Machine Guns walked out. West said everyone will be surprised at who they point the finger at regarding Suicide's identity. Shelley called out Christopher Daniels, saying he is Suicide. West said it makes so much sense. Daniels' music plaed and he walked out onto the stage. Sabin and Shelly smugly waved him into the ring, holding the ropes open for him. West said Daniels looked guilty. "Good call, Guns," he said. Shelley asked if he has a fear of heights suddenly regarding his walking to the ring. He said Daniels, since losing the Feast or Fired match, has been "in indy wrestling pergatory doing small shows in VFW halls, getting paid n pizza and Japanese wrestling t-shirts, begging you friends in TNA to get your job back." He said t-shirts and pizza don't pay the bills for his wife and two kids. Sabin said he and Shelley are as smart as they look, so they have a few questions for him. He asked why he and Suicide have the same build. "Let's face it, that ass is unmistakable," Sabin said. He asked why is it that he and Suicide move the same way in the ring. He asked why when Suicide slides his way to the ring, why do fans chant his name. He said, "You're nothing but a low down dirty filthy stinking liar." He said he has been Suicide since Day One as a loophole to return and find a way to steal his partner's X Title. He said they don't care if Jarrett had anything to do with it. He said he wanted him to admit it. This is like Ellen Parsons confronting Patty Hewes. The tension was gripping. Sabin shoved his mic into Daniels' chest. Shelley said, "He already has a mic." Sabin said, "I just wanted to hit him."

Daniels spoke and said he doesn't owe them an explanation. He shoved Sabin when he moved in toward him. He said Jarrett brought him back to TNA. Sabin got in his space again, so Daniels threatened to "break his face." He said now that he's back, he's going to do what he does best, which is wrestle. He said he doesn't have time for video games, masks, or rappelling. He said they should ask Suicide who he is. Shelley said that sounds like a good idea. He looked at Daniels and asked, "Who are you, Suicide?" Daniels said, "I'm Daniels, and more important than that, now I'm pissed off." He attacked the Guns. The Guns fled the ring. West contended Daniels was indeed Suicide.

-They went backstage to Foley trying to talk to Samoa Joe. He pulled the towel away from Joe's head. He said he wants to be sure he has his back. Foley took credit for talking him up when he was wrestling in the indy scene, carrying is 8-by-10 around and pitching jobs for him. Joe pulled the towel down and walked away. Foley said, "Looks like I'm going to have to go to plan C."

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

4 -- CODY DEANER vs. ABYSS

Deaner cut Abyss's forehead with a kendo stick shot early. Abyss grabbed it away from him. Deaner's slapstick overacting is really embarrassingly bad. His whole act would fit in with GLOW from the 1980s, which is not a good thing. Deaner hit Abyss with a trash can a couple times. Abyss didn't go down. He hit him with the kendo stick several times. Abyss still wouldn't go down. Tenay said this is all because Dr. Stevie had the stip added that Deaner could use weapons, but Abyss could not. Deaner gave Abyss a chairshot to the head. Would someone in TNA please step in and stop him from taking chairshots. Any health problems he has later in life are square on the shoulders of Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett for letting this poor guy continue to allow this to be done to himself as part of his character on a regular basis. It's quite serious and it amazes me they just let this go on knowing everything we know about post-concussion syndrome. It's also sad, of course, that Chris Parks continues to do this as if he's not talented enough to keep his job without that singular move that could give him headaches for life and long-term depression and all sorts of other problems. Abyss hit a Black Hole Slam out of nowhere for the win.

WINNER: Abyss in 3:00.

STAR RATING: Neg. ** -- Stupid and bad.

-A brief video package aired on the Main Event Mafia.

-Lauren interviewed Daffney backstage. She asked for an update on her counseling sessions with Dr. Stevie. Daffney said Dr. Stevie is the best psychiatrist she's ever been to. She said the aggression she has on the inside she has to let loose on the outside. She said she and Lauren have something in common. She said a certain someone who is very close to each of them. Lauren said Abyss isn't interested in her. Daffney was upset by that, then laughed maniacally.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Booker and Nash backstage about the main event match. He asked if the issues between Booker and Nash and their women are resolved. Sharmell got in Jenna's face again. Booker dragged a protesting Sharmell out of the room. Angle apologized to Jena. Nash took a deep breath and walked away with Jenna.

-They showed Tenay and West on camera. They hyped the main event tag match again. Then West hyped upcoming house show dates.

-Matt Morgan walked out and said he's about to drop a bombshell on Impact. He made an offer to the MEM. He said he is currently available. He said he is the future of the business and he said the future is now. He said this offer is available for a limited time only and the ball is in their court. Tenay said he wondered how the MEM would respond. That's good to know.

[Q7]

-Lauren interviewed A.J. Styles regarding the apparent tension between he and Joe. Styles said Joe has come back from his few months away a different person. He said he and Daniels have tried to talk to him, but they just get a blank stare. He told Joe to bring the Samoan Submission Machine, not the Nation of Violence.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay threw to a training video of Rhino working out with the Marine training to become a wrestler. Rhino yelled at him to do push-ups. Rhino said he loves him like a brother and they've become really close. He said everybody in the locker room has gone through similar tough love.

5 -- BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) & KEVIN NASH (w/Jennifer Morasca) vs. A.J. STYLES & SAMOA JOE

After Nash, Booker, and Styles came to the ring, there was no sign of Joe. West said Joe doesn't care about anyone but himself. The bell rang and Styles was left to fight alone, the second tag match on the show with that set-up. Styles caught Booker with an early high dropkick for a two count. Nash tagged in. Styles shoved Nash into the corner with some shoulder drives. Nash reversed Styles into the corner, but Styles avoided an elbow and then went for a sunset flip. Nash held on and then shoved Styles into the corner where he went into his signature routine of knees and elbows. Styles ducked a charging Booker and then springboarded at Nash with a flying forearm. He then knocked Nash to the floor. They cut to a split screen of Bobby Lashley walking into the Impact Zone making a Lashley Face. Joe then walked onto the stage and toward the ring as they cut to a break. West said, "His partner A.J. Styles is pissed."

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

They showed that during the break, Styles and Joe shoved each other. Nash hit Joe from behind. Booker then threw Styles into the guard rail. Back to the action in the ring, Nash and Booker double-teamed Styles. Joe interjected himself and took on both Nash and Booker. Tenay mentioned that they haven't seen Sting since Lockdown. Jenna slid the Legends Title belt to Booker as Jenna distracted the ref. Booker hit Styles with it. The ref turned and counted to three.

WINNERS: Booker & Nash in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Afterward, Styles got in Joe's face and asked, "What are you doing!?"

-Foley was shown talking to someone asking for a contract. He said he's working on it. He said he deserves it. He said he's controversial and not everyone gets him, but he's headlined WrestleMania. He said Angle is after him. He referred to his 25 stitches yet again. He said he needs him to help him. He told him to hide in the closet over there, and when he yells "Now!" when Angle enters his office, he'll know what to do. They never showed if Lashley was actually there.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash followed Angle as he charged into Foley's office. Foley bent back in his chair and asked Angle for a chance to explain himself. He asked him for a chance to finalize the contract, then they could discuss whatever is bothering him. Foley shouted the key word "Now!" Lashley didn't show up. Angle knocked him out of his chair and vowed to take that title and shove it up his ass. Foley said, "It's not going to fit." He asked why Angle is so upset. Angle said because he hit him with a chair. Foley asked where he hit him. Angle shoved Borash away as Foley began to stand up. Foley asked if he wanted to hit him in the back with a chair, because then it'd be even. And then they can fight even-steven at Sacrifice. Foley offered up his desk chair. Angle wanted a steel chair. Foley said how about Jarrett's guitar.

Angle grabbed the guitar. Foley told him he could even hit him over the head. He told him to avoid his stitches. Foley braced for it, but then told Angle not to do it because that's Jeff's thing. He said he could get on the phone and get a steel chair delivered. He said he took 11 chairshots once and he can do it again. Nice to see him still drawing from that ATM which he's previously expressed deep regret about. Foley then surprised Angle with his cell phone and then went into the storage closet and grabbed Mr. Socko. The punchline to the joke was that the person he was talking to who headlined WrestleMania wasn't Lashley, but it was Mr. Socko. Foley said Mr. Socko should earn his money and called him overrated. Foley put on the Mandible Claw. The lights went out. When they came back on, Sting was standing there in a hooded mask, which he took off after he hit Foley from behind.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax