By James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor

TNA Impact on Spike TV
May 7, 2009
Taped in Orlando, Fla.

Video opening: TNA is out of control. Chaos. Anarchy. TNA isn't boring. Stay tuned!

Tonight: the Anarchy grows and Main Event Mafia goes to war in an epic ten-man tag match. Can Team Jarrett stop this re-lent-le-ss force?

Impact Zone: Show starts with Kurt Angle leading the Main Event Mafia to the ring. Everyone is dressed to wrestle other than Angle, who was in a suit. Sting was at the back of the pack after jumping Mick Foley in his office last week. Don West pointed out Sting being part of the Mafia to start the show. Angle did the talking. Fans did the "What?" chants for no reason. Angle said the only reason why he didn't take out Foley last week was to save him some personal dignity.

Angle booked himself in the main event of Sacrifice...which means he's competing for the TNA Title. Kevin Nash did this sarcastic "oh, snap, I get it!" hand clap to show he's above this wrestling over-scripting. Angle said there are some rumors going around about a ten-man tag match tonight. He asked why this would be booked on free TV. And why wouldn't you tell the Mafia about it? So, Foley can book matches, but the Mafia runs the show. He told Foley to bring his out-of-shape self down to the ring to explain what's going on.

Tenay said Angle doesn't want second-hand info or Internet rumors. He wants it from the source. Haha, so ironic. Mick Foley came out on stage with Daniels and booked a ten-man tag tonight. Nash did his over-exaggerated clap again. Foley said he's giving away this match because they need a show...of power. He said he didn't expect to see Sting for a long, long time and he's a tougher man and better champ than he would have dreamed. Sting didn't react.

Foley reminded us about the 25 big ones over his eye. Angle said he doesn't care because he won an Olympic gold medal with a broken freakin' neck. Foley smiled and said he asked Daniels to come out here. See, he rocket shot TNA to the top, but Daniels created the platform for him to take off from. Foley booked himself, Daniels, A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe, and The Founder against Mafia. Angle said it will be their funeral. Speaking of which, Foley said May 24 at Sacrifice will be Angle's last day as the leader of the Mafia when he takes over.

Cue up Jeff Jarrett's theme music as Daniels continued to question Foley for some reason. Jarrett and A.J. Styles then walked out on stage asking Foley what the heck is going on. Foley and Jarrett argued while Daniels and Styles pantomimed concern. Remember, Jeff, this is business, not personal. Jeff snapped on Foley to kick his ass. Angle said before they commence the ass-kissing, they should try to get ready for the ten-man tag. "Can't we all just get along?" Angle asked sweetly with a heel laugh. Grumpy Gus Jarrett just stared back annoyed.

Backstage: Lauren caught up to Samoa Joe in the parking garage trying to get a word on who dropped Joe off at the building. So, Joe needs carpool to get to the building? Did he get his juicebox and bag of orange slices too? Booking of Joe continues to get worse and worse. Joe brushed off Lauren and stomped off into the building.

[Commercial Break]

Video recap: Last week, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin called out Daniels to explain the Suicide deal. Video package included footage of him doing a leap in the Ultimate X the exact same way as Daniels and Suicide. They actually made this Suicide gimmick seem pretty interesting. Great production work. Mystery continues...

Impact Zone: Consequences Creed came out with Jay Lethal for singles action. Creed up against Suicide in a non-title match. Lights went down, then Suicide appeared in the ring. Tenay said Suicide has been successful and with that, jealousy has arisen from the X Division ranks. West said it has nothing to do with jealousy; it's a charade.

1 -- X Division champion SUICIDE vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED (w/Jay Lethal)

Bell sounded and announcers instantly discussed star power in the TV main event ten-man tag. Suicide with an STO takedown and Don West huffed that Daniels always uses that move. Tenay played dumb about everyone using that hold. Cue up the ask.com question of which college Kevin Nash played b-ball. Paging Bruce Pearl. Back to the action where Creed fired up offense as West sarcastically said tongue-in-cheek that Daniels needed time to get into his suit after the opening segment that he didn't have time to prepare for the match. Suicide then made a comeback with a running head-smash into the middle turnbuckle. Crowd quiet as Suicide called for the end, but Creed flipped out and nailed a standing enziguiri kick for a two count. Suicide then blocked a corner smash and nailed a front-face Chris Jericho codebreaker for the pin and the win. Post-match: Lights went down and out and Suicide was gone.

WINNER: Suicide in 5:00. An above-average X Division match. West was solid on commentary building intrigue for the big reveal of Suicide, which will probably end with the ol' switcheroo that Kazarian is Suicide even though Daniels has been playing Suicide all along.

Video package: Give us a word or two, Mick Foley. Foley said sometimes you have to take risks and spill blood. That's the Sacrifice he made to become a big name and a champion. Foley said history is written by the winners...broken bones and all.

Foley's Office: Foley addressed Matt Morgan in his office about the Main Event Mafia offer. Morgan tried to break the ice with some acronym discussion. Morgan asked Foley to book him against anyone on the TNA roster to prove himself to the Mafia. Foley said Morgan should just take out the Mafia Security. Yay! Morgan wasn't sold. Foley sold him a piece of land in the ocean and Morgan decided to muscle up and take them out. Jeremy Borash then talked to Foley about problem-solving some other items. Foley told him to go away while he picked up the phone. "Give me someone. Anyone!" Ah, greatness. Channeling the Chevy Chase "Vacation" scene where Clark W. Griswold is no-sold by his boss after giving him his Christmas present.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Beautiful People discussed problems with Awesome Kong after Madison Rayne was KO'ed by Kong last week. Velvet Sky said she's super scared about facing Kong tonight. Angelina Love was in a different state of bliss holding the Knockouts Title. Oh, no big worries, Velvet.

Tenay sit-down interview: Tenay was with the entire Main Event Mafia. Angle said not every family is perfect. Sometimes guys have egos get in the way, but they love and respect each other. Angle said sometimes bad things happen when everyone is gunning for the TNA Title. Angle said the Mafia needs to go after every title. Asked about the differences between Sharmell and Jenna, Sting interjected. He said there are some very strong-willed individuals in this group. The goal is still in tact. Nash then talked about Jenna and Sharmell working together as a team last week with Jenna running interference and them helping Book and himself get a win.

Angle talked about Foley's TNA Title win last month. He said he needs to defend Sting's honor by beating the crap out of Foley at Sacrifice. Steiner, how about the deal with Jeff Jarrett? Steiner said their friendship is history. What he did was personal. He said the Mafia thing isn't going to be over with until they take over TNA.

Backstage: Lauren bought in all-dolled-up Taylor Wilde, who was all giggly. Lauren asked about her "secret admirer." They texted and emailed last night. Got a gift. She said the person wants to meet her on Tuesday night for dinner. Lauren suggested it was a rib from the boys, but Taylor shot that down. She asked Lauren to show up on Tuesday to help her out. Voices trailed off as they walked away to discuss the date. It's not Santina is it?

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Borash was with Grumpy Gus Jeff Jarrett to talk about the torn hamstring. Jeff said he'll deal with Mick Foley on his own time. Borash said Foley is nuts for booking security guards in matches when they have a locker room full of wrestlers. Jeff didn't want to hear about it. Ostrich putting his head in the sand. Borash questioned the locker room as his new office. Jarrett finally told Borash to get the heck out.

Impact Zone: Rocco and Sal from Mafia Security came to the ring for a handicap match. Matt Morgan then came out on stage sporting some silly-looking cape. Goodness, why? Morgan, apparently channeling Chris Masters, dropped the cape/robe on stage and came to the ring for the match.

2 -- MATT MORGAN vs. MAIN EVENT MAFIA SECURITY (SAL & ROCCO) -- handicap match

Bell sounded and Morgan went against Sal. Crowd supposed to be cheering Morgan? Who knows. His character is so ambiguous that no one knows how to react to him. Sal grabbed a headlock, but Morgan shoved him off and landed a shoulder tackle. Sal then came in for a test of strength against Morgan. The big 450-lb. Rocco then took a chokeslam from Morgan. Morgan wanted a powerbomb, but Sal smashed him from behind. Security then went after the previously injured shoulder. Rocco wanted a top rope dive, but Morgan blocked and stacked up Security in the corner. Morgan dropkicked Rocco to the outside before giving Sal the big bicycle kick for the win.

WINNER: Morgan in 3:00. Just a match. Morgan's character is so ambiguous as a "shades of gray" wrestler that the audience has no idea how to react to him. (1/2*)

Backstage: Borash found Foley staring into the TNA Title belt. He wasn't even paying attention to Morgan's win. Foley wanted to tweak the main event. "Perfect. I'll put out a tweet on Twitter about your tweak," Borash said. "Shut your mouth!" Foley shouted while entering promo. Foley said he needs to get the word out that Jarrett's guitar is banned from ringside. And he's not taking any calls or seeing anyone until the main event. He wants to be alone. Do it!

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Lauren brought in Eric Young and Jethro Holliday. Young said he was given scraps by TNA and he did the most with it. Lauren thought he was being a bit harsh. He said "they" made it personal, not him. As for tonight, he has PPV victories over Beer Money in singles action, so they're going to exploit them to advance in the tag tournament. Jethro just blew his nose in Lauren's direction. Yuck.

Impact Zone: Team 3D came to the ring holding the TNA tag title belts. They cut to a shot of the giant check ringside to promote the winner's purse. West then tried to kissass to Team 3D when they joined them at the broadcast table. Beer Money came out for the semi-final match. Ray said they definitely have respect for Beer Money after they brought out of Team 3D at Lockdown. He said they are the tag team of the future. Young and Jethro then came out for the match.

3 -- BEER MONEY, INC. (ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM) vs. ERIC YOUNG & JETHRO HOLLIDAY

Bell sounded and Young faced off against Roode. Ray said they are the last of the legit tag teams. He said when they are gone, tag wrestling might not be what it once was. They booked this tournament so tag wrestling can thrive. He said they are proud to be in a company where tag wrestling is alive and well. Tenay then referenced "well-known commentator" Jim Ross saying he doesn't see red-hot tag wrestling will ever return to wrestling. Ray said if tag wrestling is not a priority in Ross's company, then shame on them. He said tag wrestling is a priority for them in TNA. Some of the other talking points were British Invasion debuting, BI's Rob Terry being a monster, BI taking out Hernandez two weeks ago, and other solid tag teams in TNA.

Back to the action where ref was distracted by a melee in the ring. Jethro then lost his cool and argued with Young. Beer Money took advantage by doubling up for a superkick and DWI - Driving While Investing - on Young for the pin and the win. Post-match: Ray stood up with Devon and applauded Beer Money. He told them to keep gunning for the check and title shot.

WINNERS: Beer Money in 5:00. Match was just there to fill some time while Ray talked about tag wrestling. Beer Money faces winner of Amazing Red/Suicide vs. British Invasion at Sacrifice in the tournament finals. (*)

Backstage: Raisha Saeed took the mic from Lauren to speak on behalf of Awesome Kong. She said Angelina Love's friends will be destroyed one-by-one until she is the only one left standing for the Ultimate Sacrifice. Kong then took the mic for her first words: "Dumb blonde. Grrrrr. Dead blonde." Eh.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- VELVET SKY (w/TNA Knockouts champion Angelina Love) vs. AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed) -- Stretcher match

Velvet wanted no part of the action in-ring. Angelina finally convinced her to wrestle, then Kong blasted her with multiple face-busters and an Awesomebomb. She put Velvet on the stretcher and TNA security dragged her out to give Kong the win.

WINNER: Kong in 1:00. Just a squash to continue the build-up to Kong getting her hands on Angelina for the title. Fine chase to the title. (n/a)

[Commercial Break]

Dr. Stevie's Office: Abyss was on the couch with Stevie Richards listening to him talk in vague terms about Michael Scott from "The Office." Stevie said no talk about that; he has a surprise. Daffney then barged in and sat down on the couch. They need to transfer Abyss's aggression onto Daffney. "How did we do that?" Abyss asked. Richards said he talked to Foley about a first-ever Knockout Monsters Ball. Abyss said that's his match. Richards said he needs Abyss to teach Daffney his aggression and be in his corner. Abyss thought it over, then Richards stood up and took off his belt. He threatened to blast Abyss with his belt (or do something else), so Abyss said he would. Richards then sat down. Another weird deal.

Impact Zone: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal came to the ring dressed to talk. Creed called out "Chris Daniels" because they have something to say to them. Daniels then came out looking all confused by what's going on. Lethal held open the ring ropes for Daniels to enter for a chat. Creed said they don't know each other that well...Lethal interjected they have a question to ask. Creed danced around the issue, then wanted to know what's up with him the past few months. "Yeah, you're Suicide!" Lethal interjected. Creed said they can't stand the Motor City Machineguns, but they're onto something..."You're Kabuki!" Lethal interjected.

Creed said Daniels is coming out here dressed like a video game character, so just admit it, man. Just do it. "Out widdit!" Lethal said in his Savage voice. Daniels said they need to worry more about beating Suicide, not worrying about who's under the mask. He told Creed to get his head on straight. Lethal yanked Daniels back and name-dropped Savio Vega, which upset Daniels. He doesn't have time for jokes. He called Lethal the biggest joke there is. Daniels shoved Daniels's Savage hat away, then Lethal slapped him.

Before a brawl could break out, Guns's music hit. Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin stood on stage and said this is a family show, so let's keep it cool. Shelley said some families like to play video games for fun. The morons in the crowd play video games. Jay and Creed play video games. Much like life, they aren't very good, but he must give them credit for toeing off face-to-face instead of dressing up like a video game character. Shelley told Daniels it's ... "Game Over." They laughed to themselves over the dumb line. Sabin said they're going to de-mask Daniels next week and give the people what they want...Tickets to the Gun Show. Classic. Daniels was frustrated.

Backstage: Borash found Jarrett in his locker room. Jarrett not even dressed yet. Borash sat down with some notes. Booking security guards instead of wrestlers - locker room upset. Booking female monster's ball. Hit by a chair. Already booked Jeff to wrestle Scott Steiner. How's the hammy? Well, you have a ten-man tag. And, no guitar. Jarrett asked Borash what he's supposed to do about having a crazy lunatic booking the show. Sting then barged in and said he's not complaining about not having his one-on-one re-match against Foley. Jarrett, you did what you had to do booking a four-way at the PPV, but he wants in if he pins Foley tonight. Jarrett reminded Sting he has to Sacrifice something at Sacrifice if he Sacrifices tonight. Sting said he's ready to Sacrifice for the Ultimate Sacrifice at Sacrifice.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Lauren laughed about Angelina Love being the last one left of the Beautiful People. Someone was rolling tape in the background. Angelina's phone rang and she told the person to hurry up and get here next week. She doesn't care about man-on-woman violence. Just be here! 1:2 odds it's Kip James. 100:1 odds it's Santina.

Mafia video: Re-live Main Event Mafia history once again. Good call to remind us about the Mafia on the show. After all, it has been five minutes since a Mafia-related segment. That's just too long in between Mafia segments. Can't have that.

Impact Zone: Main Event Mafia came to the ring for the TV main event. Angle had a rose tucked inside his singlet wrestling gear. Samoa Joe then came out first for the TV main event. Absolutely zero follow-up this week on Joe no-showing Styles last week for the TV main event. Ya know, because they needed to fit in eight Mafia propaganda videos on the show. Daniels then came out second. A.J. Styles out third, then Jeff Jarrett, then Mick Foley out fifth interrupting Jarrett's pyro. Foley had a barbed wire bat in hand, Jarrett complained about not having his pyro, Foley wasn't paying attention and didn't care, then Jarrett's pyro went off. Foley messing with Jarrett. Cut to break before the main event.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- MAIN EVENT MAFIA (KURT ANGLE & STING & SCOTT STEINER & KEVIN NASH w/Jenna Morasca & BOOKER T w/Sharmell) vs. JEFF JARRETT & TNA World champion MICK FOLEY & SAMOA JOE & Legends Champion A.J. STYLES & DANIELS

Action joined in progress with Joe going after Steiner. Daniels then tagged in and measured Steiner for a cross-body splash. Steiner blocked a whip to the ropes and kicked Daniels in the back before tagging in Angle. Styles then tagged in and drove Angle's stomach across Daniels's knees. Innovative tag team move. Angle with control and he tagged in Booker to go against Styles. Styles with control and they cut to break after Nash smashed Styles from behind from the apron.

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, Styles was still isolated by the Mafia with Sting in control. Angle back in there as West talked about Jarrett "pouting" on the ring apron. West continued to rip Jarrett for the "injured" hamstring. Styles then came back on Angle with the Pele soccer kick and Mafia teased him to make the tag in their corner. Foley and Sting took respective tags and battled mid-ring. Angle then grappled Foley from behind for a suplex. Jarrett smashed Angle, then Nash stepped in and Joe kicked him in the face. Joe took out Nash on the floor, then Styles and Daniels nailed a double splash on Mafia on the floor. Angle then picked up the barbed wire bat, but Jarrett kicked it out of his hands. Jarrett picked it up, then Foley argued about it. "Mine, mine, mine!" Jarrett then kicked Foley in the gut and gave him the Stroke into the barbed wire bat. Jarrett was distracted from making a pin, then Sting snuck in the back door and covered Foley for the pin and the win.

Post-match: Jarrett was stunned he was one-upped by Sting to sneak in the Sacrifice four-way title match. Joe, Daniels, and Styles then questioned Jarrett about him losing the match. Grumpy Gus didn't have an answer.

WINNERS: Team Mafia in 10:00. Just an excuse to get Mafia members Booker, Nash, and Steiner in the ring without them needing to do much of anything. Styles and Joe were pushed to the side, considered after-thoughts, and booked like second-rate talent here. Not everyone can be given star treatment, but after they looked like chumps last week, TNA did them no favors with the booking this week. (*1/2)

[Commercial Break]

Impact Zone: Sting was alone in the ring. He has some good and bad news. See, Mick, the good news is that because of his deal with Grumpy Gus, he's in the four-way title match for the TNA Title. But, bad news, Mick, is that he has to Sacrifice something, Mick. Well, Mick, if anyone pins him at Sacrifice...pause...deep breath...he'll retire from the ring.

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