TV REPORTS KELLER'S ECW REPORT 5/12: Dreamer vs. Henry and Finlay vs. Kidd bore viewers into channel switching
May 14, 2009 - 7:30:33 PM
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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor
KELLER'S ECW REPORT
MAY 12, 2009
AIRED ON SCI-FI
-The show opened with a close-up of Christian and Jack Swagger backstage. Tiffany said Swagger would be a guest on Christian's Peep Show later. She said they can talk about whatever they want, but they are ECW's main event at Judgment Day and they can steal the show, and she won't let anything jeopardize that. She said if either of them come in physical contact with one another, there will be consequences. She asked if she made herself clear. Christian said yes. Swagger didn't answer at first. She said she was serious. He said, "I heard you the first time."
-The ECW opening aired. Hurricane Helms is still in the opening as a wrestler. Josh Matthews and Matt Striker introduced the show and hyped the return of "The Peep Show."
1 -- MARK HENRY (w/Tony Atlas) vs. TOMMY DREAMER
This will not be pretty. They showed Matthews and Striker on camera during Henry's ring entrance. They talked about Dreamer's vow to quit if he doesn't win the ECW Title by the time his contract expires in a few weeks. Henry overpowered Dreamer at first, but Dreamer came back at 1:00 briefly with some forearms. Henry rebounded and took Dreamer to the mat with a deliberate, methodical, lumbering beatdown. At 4:00 Dreamer made a full-fledged comeback and hit a basement dropkick. When he went for a schoolboy, Henry sat out on it and then hit a powerbomb for the win.
WINNER: Henry in 6:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Not pretty. How could it have been? This is among the least appealing match-ups WWE could present from an aesthetic, athletic standpoint.
-Gregory Helms interviewed Tyson Kidd and Natalya. Natalya said Kidd doesn't need her help to win. Kidd said he is from the Hart Dungeon and learned how to fight. Helms suggested Natalya watch the match in the back with him. She shrugged and laughed. He spread his arms and squeaked, "What's up with that?" It's the type of thing that eight year olds laugh at, but by age nine or ten you're groaning and embarrassed.
2 -- FINLAY vs. TYSON KIDD
Finlay controlled early with headlocks and armbars. Kidd applied a brief toe hold, but Finlay took control again and had Kidd trapped between the ring and ring apron on the floor. Kidd slidekicked Finlay and then dropkicked him on the floor into the ring steps.
Kidd stomped on Finlay's hand after the break. Finlay chopped Kidd, but Kidd took him down with an armbar. Too many mat holds once after another to hold the 2009 wrestling audience. At 9:00 the pace finally picked up. Finlay nailed Kidd with three hard clotheslines and then hit the Rolling Hills for a two count. Seconds later he set up the Celtic Cross, but David Hart Smith attacked Finlay with a big boot. Matthews said he was drafted to ECW.
WINNER: Finlay via DQ in 10:00.
-Smith beat up Finlay for a minute. When Finlay made a comeback, Kidd hit him with a shillelagh. Smith and Kidd double-teamed Finlay for a couple minutes. Striker said, "look at the size of Smith." He's taken on a Mike Awesome-like physique. He actually looks more like Awesome than Davey Boy in the face and demeanor, too. They hit Finlay with the Hart Attack clothesline made famous by the Hart Foundation. Natalya joined them in celebrating in the ring.
-A recap aired of the Randy Orton-Batista angle on Raw. Then the announcers hyped the Judgment Day line-up.
-Backstage, Zach Ryder - who's skin is an odd shade of orange - bragged about "looking strong." He begged permission to leave and go to the gym since he's not wrestling. She gave him permission. He turned and told Paul Burchill "woo woo woo" and told Katie Lea "you know it." Burchill complained to Tiffany that he wasn't wrestling this week or last week. She said not everyone can be on TV every week. She should have told him one must not have dreadfully boring matches and then ask to get on TV. Katie warned her that when her brother has too much time on his hands, he tends to get into trouble.
-A video package aired on the training of Vladimir Kozlov.
3 -- VLADIMIR KOZLOV vs. CHAD COLLYER
WINNER: Kozlov in 1:00. Just a squash.
-Matthews interviewed Kozlov mid-ring. He asked what he thinks sets him apart from other WWE Superstars. He said his martial art of sambo from Russia is superior to all others. He said that's why he will eliminate everyone in ECW. He then made mean faces.
-Striker plugged that the first Peep Show in almost four years was up next.
-Christian walked out and said he is excited because this is his first Peep Show as the ECW Champion. He introduced his guest, Jack Swagger. Swagger walked out. Christian welcomed Jack to the "championship edition of the Peep Show." Swagger said, "This is so stupid." Christian said people are going to start to think he's a sore loser rather than just his usual self of being a loser. Swagger said he wants to talk about Backlash, not Judgment Day, and how he cheated to steal his ECW Championship. He said just like every other A-list celebrity who comes on "these lame talk shows, I brought a clip." The clip showed Christian exposing a corner turnbuckle and then Christian using that against Swagger leading to his Kill Switch finisher for the win.
Swagger asked what he thought of that. Christian said it was pretty awesome that he showed him beating him for the title. He said he left out the footage of him doing the same thing first. He said he was outsmarted and he needs to accept it. He then threw to his own video package. It was a series of clips of Swagger bragging himself up and claiming things aren't fair with circus-like music in the background. It especially made fun of his lisp with repeated clips of it. Making fun of lisps still seems lame. If WWE is going to overtly market to the 2-10 year old audience, they deserve heat for making it seem like having a lisp - which many kids do - is something to be mocked.
Swagger asked what that proved. He said in six months Christian will be back sitting on his couch, just a regular guy with no cameras and no peeps and no ECW Championship. Swagger interrupted Christian's rebuttal and said he has no witty comeback and he can't respond physically, either, or there will be punishment. Christian declared the Peep Show over and punched Swagger in the face anyway. Swagger tumbled to the floor. Matthews said Sunday at Judgment Day, Christian would be tested in an ECW Title defense against Swagger. The show ended with Christian staring at his belt.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I can see why this was such a low rated program (0.9). You should have to pay people to watch Henry vs. Dreamer. Kidd vs. Finlay was dragged down by Finlay's insistence on wrestling like he's on the mid-card of a 1979 house show, and Kidd didn't show off any of his signature kicks. Kozlov in a squash isn't going to save things. The appearances by Kozlov, Zach, and Burchill hardly set off the star power meter. Swagger-Christian in the final segment was fine, but not enough to save this one.
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