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PARKS' TNA IMPACT REPORT 5/28: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of the show, including new and returning faces

May 28, 2009 - 10:00:24 PM
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by Greg Parks, PWTorch.com Contributor

May 28, 2009
Orlando, Fla.
Aired on SpikeTV



-TNA Open.

-Stills of the various Sacrifice matches aired, culminating with the Ultimate Sacrifice match. Tonight: “Shake-up within the ranks.”

-Impact Open.

1- AMAZING RED vs. SUICIDE- X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

What has Red done since his return to earn a title shot? Red went for his first pin attempt of the match off a bodyslam from Suicide. Suicide though turned him inside-out with a clothesline. They went to a split-screen to show the Main Event Mafia arriving earlier in the day. Sting headed the line as Sharmell and Jenna were continuing their argument, and Kurt Angle was last, with his head hung in disappointment. At 2:00, Suicide signaled for the end, but Red dodged a move in the corner and Suicide hit him with a dropkick. Red hit a DDT after countering a tilt-a-whirl and both men were down. He caught fire at 4:00, with a dropkick in the corner and a pin attempt. He set up for Code Red but Suicide flipped him over in a nice move, but only got two. Red rolled Suicide up for a near-fall. Crowd was chanting “Let’s Go Red.” Out of nowhere, Suicide landed the Suicide Solution for the win.

WINNER: Suicide, at 5:18. An OK match, but with no hype and no reason given for Red to have the shot, this just felt like a throw-away.

-The Mafia was walking backstage and were headed to the ring next.

[Commercial Break]

-The Main Event Mafia made their entrance to that all-too-familiar theme music. Order of entrance: Sting, Scott Steiner, Sharmell, Booker T, Kevin Nash and Jenna, Kurt Angle and security. The first two King of The Mountain Qualifying matches will take place tonight, according to Mike Tenay. Sting spoke first of course, and said there have been a lot of questions about what moves he might make within the family. He said everyone’s job is secure, but changes need to be made. Angle did not stand in line with the rest of the group as Sting said some people have lost focus and forgotten that the group comes first and individual egos come second. He was talking directly to Angle at this point. Sting said he knows he’s lived up to his end of the deal. Then he asked them, as a group, if they’ve lived up to their end. He asked if anyone has strayed from their mission statement. Angle’s got a little stubble growing.

Sting addressed Nash and Booker specifically, saying they’ve allowed animosity between Sharmell and Jenna to come between the group. Therefore, starting tonight, the women are banned from the Mafia. Sting shouted that he was just getting started. He said “it doesn’t end with the women, does it Kurt?” Sting wasn’t happy about Angle’s personal security team as they haven’t helped out the Mafia and they were hired without permission from the rest of the Mafia. So Sting fired Sal and Rocco. Another good move. Angle was upset at that. Sting insisted anyone who has a problem with what he’s said to step forward and say their piece. Samoa Joe’s music hit.

Joe said that he can appreciate Sting bringing honor back to his organization. He said he was putting them on notice that he’s been ordered to take out the Mafia, one-by-one. Nash was laughing at this prospect in the ring. I don’t think that’s the reaction TNA was looking for from this. Joe said he had been ordered to kill Angle. Uh.....what? That’s a bit too over-the-top for a wrestling angle.

-Jeremy Borash was in Mick Foley’s office. Foley told Borash to send out a Tweet for an auction item- it was a sign that said “Jeff Jarrett, TNA Founder.” Foley said he has engaged in talks in the Nashville offices that didn’t go particularly well. He’ll address those later tonight. In King of The Mountain Qualifying Matches, Jeff Jarrett will take on Eric Young and AJ Styles will face Daniels.

[Commercial Break]

-The British Invasion were backstage with JB. Brutus Magnus took issue with Borash saying the briefcases they have are “stolen.” It’s the American way, he said. Doug Williams said they’d have a ladder match with anyone in the company putting the X-Division Title briefcase on the line. Why would TNA management allow them to put briefcases they don’t even own on the line? And if you stole them, what do you have to gain by putting them on the line?

-Tenay and West plugged that match, as well as Team 3D presenting the check for winning the tag tournament to Beer Money Inc. Also, Sojo Bolt takes on Angelina Love for the Knockouts Title, Mic Foley talks about the meeting he had in Nashville, and two K.O.T.M qualifying matches also. Phew! They blew through that faster than I could type it.

-Lauren was backstage with Jenna and she asked why she threw in the towel on Sunday. Jenna said she was only doing it for Booker and Sharmell couldn’t even see that she was trying to save him by throwing in the towel. Sharmell then barged in and attacked Jenna until Booker pulled her off.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren said she had an interview with Sojo Bolt coming up....but then Dr. Stevie came from behind and said he was invading HER “office” this week. Stevie said he’s not the joke- the joke is going to be on Abyss when he gives him a live therapy session in the ring tonight. Stevie said it’s about mind control- “I own Abyss.” He then suggested Lauren make an appointment with his secretary and he would teach her mind control sometime.

2- DOUG WILLIAMS vs. CODY DEANER- LADDER MATCH WITH X-DIVISION TITLE BRIEFCASE AT STAKE

Williams took Deaner down immediately, then started to climb the ladder. Deaner hooked his leg as Tenay sent out condolences to Homicide, who had a death in the family and wasn’t in the arena to accept this challenge and try to get his briefcase back. Williams had Deaner in a head-lock, then landed a European Uppercut. ODB was at ringside cheering on her man. Williams toyed with Deaner caught in the corner. Williams again climbed the ladder, but Deaner leaped off the second rope and nailed Williams in the back, knocking him off the ladder. Deaner couldn’t take advantage though and Williams was back on offense in no time. Williams slammed Deaner right on the ladder. The Brit missed a knee-drop though and Deaner attempted to set up the ladder, but Williams cross-bodied himself onto Deaner and the ladder. Williams got back-dropped onto the ladder. Magnus and Rob Terry took hold of the ladder at ringside and Deaner dropped Williams over the top rope and onto them. ODB slipped the ladder in to Deaner and Deaner got hold of the case, but Williams made it in in time to push the ladder over and Deaner took a scary bump off the ropes and to the outside. Williams got to the case with ease.

WINNER: Williams, at 5:12. Match featured a couple big bumps but Deaner isn’t a serious threat anyway.

After the match, Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir came to the ring to celebrate with the British Invasion.

-JB was in the locker room with Jeff Jarrett. JB said Jarrett still has his shares in the company, but Jarrett shot back that Foley still has the TNA Title. JB switched gears to talking about Eric Young. Borash said maybe Young has a right to feel as he does. Jarrett said maybe he didn’t pay attention to Eric in the past, but he will tonight. He said it’s time Young grows up and they need to leave it all in the ring, come backstage and start all over. JB tried to pry into what happened at the meeting earlier in the week that Foley was talking about, but Jarrett said he wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer.

[Commercial Break]

-Dr. Stevie was in the ring and he called out his patient (and friend), Abyss. Stevie said the reason he’s doing this now is that he felt it was time to bring it to a public forum. He said Abyss and him have similar addictions: pain, violence and for the flowing of blood. Richards brought up what Abyss did to him Sunday, slamming into a pile of thumbtacks. Richards was aghast that Abyss would do that to his therapist. He said he’s a civilized human being, but Abyss is unfit for society. Ouch. But based on an earlier segment, I’d say that applies to Samoa Joe as well. Stevie said the therapy process must now start back at the beginning. He told “Chris” to put the straightjacket back on. “It’s the only way, Mike,” dead-panned Don West. Richards finally lost it and yelled for Abyss to put the damn jacket on when he hesitated. Somebody in the crowd must keep swearing because there’s been two bleeps in this segment and it wasn’t anything said by Stevie. He got Abyss in the jacket and said what he’s about to do is going to hurt him more than it hurts Abyss. “Let the therapy begin,” he said as he retrieved a kendo stick.

Lauren ran out to the ring, nearly in tears, putting herself between Abyss and Stevie. Stevie then threatened Lauren. Before he could hit her, Raven came out over the guardrail. He came into the ring and backed down Stevie. Then he took the kendo stick and hit Abyss right in the head with it. Raven still has a bit of a pot-belly, the same as when he left, if I recall correctly. Stevie yelled at Lauren as Raven gave Abyss another shot in the back of the head. Stevie got the mic and with Abyss face-down on the mat, said that’s all the time they have for this week. Raven and Stevie hugged in the ring. I’m intrigued as to what Raven will add to this angle.

-The Beautiful People and Kip James were walking backstage....Love defends her title next.

[Commercial Break]

-JB was backstage with Raven. He asked why Raven was back. Raven gave a bunch of reasons as to why he might have done it, then ended with “maybe I did it because I can.” Quote the Raven indeed. Oh, and Daffney was to JB’s left and Richards was to Raven’s right as the interview took place.

3- ANGELINA LOVE vs. SOJOURNER BOLT- KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Bolt went for a few quick pins to no avail. Drop-toe hold into the middle turnbuckle went Bolt. Love did some choking in the corner. Bicycle kick by Love right to Bolt’s face for two. Nice move. Bolt fought back with right hands, then a slap. Face-first went Love to the mat as Bolt appeared to be losing her pants. Madison Rayne got on the apron to distract Earl Hebner while Love sprayed what I presume is hair spray in Bolt’s face, then hit her finisher for the win.

WINNER: Love, at 2:33.

Love got on the mic and complimented herself for another outstanding performance. Love asked why Kip was still around since she fired him weeks ago. She reminded Kip that he didn’t take care of Awesome Kong like she asked and she called him an embarrassment to TNA and himself. Love told security to take him away. Kip took off his shirt and threw it to the ground, then left the ring laughing. After he left, she wondered how long she had to beat up the same Knockouts over and over again. She asked if there was anyone else that wanted to take her on. Victoria made her TNA debut and fought off The Beautiful People one-by-one, including giving her spinning side-slam move to Velvet Sky. Love missed with a belt shot and the two traded punches back and forth, then Victoria gave her the Widow’s Peak. She got the mic and told Love to consider her challenge accepted. Nice debut for Victoria.

-Eric Young and JB were backstage. Borash asked if Young was a bit hard on Jarrett. Young said what about him? When people want to make something out of nothing, they come to him. And when the job is done, they turn their back on him. EY said tonight is a night Double J will never forget.

-Mick Foley was walking backstage. He’ll tell-all next.

[Commercial Break]

-JB was standing by with the Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences. Lethal said they were together because of Suicide. Lethal went off calling the Guns Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels and said he wanted to know who Kim-Chee was. Creed took over and said they’re going to get to the bottom of the Suicide quandary.

-Mick Foley came out. He said it’s been a tough week for him, and perhaps the honeymoon between he and TNA management may be over. Foley wanted to touch on next week’s K.O.T.M qualifying matches before he got to the bad news. He said it would be Samoa Joe vs. Kevin Nash in a Lethal Lockdown match. That barely even got a pop from the fans. Foley said TNA has put on championship matches for years that are second to none. He talked about retaining his title at Sacrifice. He was frustrated at how he perceived TNA management rewarding him for doing so. He said the odds were stacked in Jarrett’s favor, since the K.O.T.M match is named after him. Foley said he can only overcome the odds so often (ha- ask John Cena about that!) because he’s only human. He said his body isn’t willing to take the constant punishment anymore. He said the only way to ensure the legacy he desires is to not defend the belt very often. Foley compromised by saying he’d put the belt on the line against staggering odds at Slammiversary.....and then he’ll only defend the title once-a-year.

-JB brought in Daniels and Styles backstage. Styles said he knew the time would come when they’d lock-up in the ring once again. He said the best is what the people are going to get tonight. Daniels said he’s getting a second chance in life and he’s out to prove that he’s among the best in the business. Joe butted in and Styles told Joe to go talk to his friend. Joe apologized and said he was right in the head now and he wanted to get back to the way things were when they started their opposition of the Mafia. Styles told him to see him after the match. Well, that’s a step in the right direction.

[Commercial Break]

4- ERIC YOUNG vs. JEFF JARRETT- KING OF THE MOUNTAIN QUALIFYING MATCH

Jarrett landed a dropkick at the outset, then Young came back and did the same. Inverted atomic drop and a flying forearm by Young as I had visions of Shawn Michaels’ finishing sequence. Roll-up by Jarrett for two. Flip sell in the corner by Young but Jarrett got the best of him and went for a figure-four. Young instead got a small package for two. Young caught Jarrett in a powerbomb for two. Young missed a moonsault and Jarrett came back with The Stroke, but Eric put his foot on the rope. Wheelbarrow attempt by Young but Jarrett turned it into a roll-up for the win.

WINNER: Jarrett, at 3:25.

Young was visibly upset after the match but he offered a handshake. You can see where this one is going. Jarrett shook hands and Young left. I guess not. Jarrett called him back in and prompted the fans to cheer for him. They hugged then Young went after the leg. Ah, I was right. Young focused his attack on the leg and went to the top rope, elbowdropping that leg. He stood over Jarrett and seemed to be in some sort of trance.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed what happened before the break, with Young attacking Jarrett.

-JB tried to catch up to Young in the parking lot. Young said he told Jarrett he wouldn’t forget tonight and that if Borash wanted answers to go talk to Jarrett.

-Team 3D was in the ring with the trophies and giant check to give away to Beer Money Inc. for their victory in the Team 3D Invitational Tag Team Tournament. Beer Money came out. Brother Ray congratulated Beer Money for their win at the PPV. He said they should be proud as every TNA fan is proud of them. Ray said they should be proud of the fact that they work in a company that shows off the greatest tag-team division in pro wrestling today. Ray presented them with their trophies and check for $100,000. Ray reminded them that the most important thing they earned was a shot at the most prestigious set of tag titles in the world. Robert Roode got on the mic and thanked Team 3D for giving them the opportunity to show they are the greatest tag team on the planet today. Roode said if anyone doesn’t believe that, wait ‘til after Slammiversary. They will believe it then. Beer was handed to Brother Ray and all four looked to share some beer. Roode and Storm poured them into the trophy and they drank. Good to see them hold off on a swerve. This storyline is pretty straight-forward and it’s probably the best in TNA right now.

-Tenay and West plugged Jesse Neal’s in-ring debut next week, as well as a Lethal Lockdown match between Kevin Nash and Samoa Joe.

-Two guys were in the ring performing AJ Styles’ theme (I didn’t catch their name) as he made his way to the ring. Styles did a bit of dancing as the show went to break.

[Commercial Break]

5- AJ STYLES vs. DANIELS- KING OF THE MOUNTAIN QUALIFYING MATCH

West played up these two knowing a lot about each other and having a long history during the match. Nice dropkick by Styles sent Daniels crawling to the apron. Styles caught Daniels on the outside of the ring, then they went to break about 2:00 in.

[Commercial Break]

Styles with a neck-breaker for two on Daniels. Rear chin-lock on Daniels as the crowd did dueling chants for Styles and Daniels. Styles was hung over the second rope and given a neck-breaker right into it in a sweet looking move. Daniels rolled Styles back into the ring but missed a cross-body off the top rope. Springboard flying forearm from Styles. Hard clothesline by AJ and a spinning back kick (and a beauty). Powerbomb by Daniels for two. “This is awesome” chant from the crowd for that. Daniels said it was over. BME was no good but he landed on his feet, only to be greeted with the Pele kick. Styles tried the Styles Clash, but it was reversed. Angels Wings attempt, but Styles turned it into a hurricanrana with a roll-up for the pin.

WINNER: Styles, at 8:43. Good, but ultimately forgettable match.

Through the crowd came Shane Douglas after Styles left the ring. He wrapped a chain around his hand and belted Daniels with it. Douglas left through the crowd as Styles made his way back to the ring to check on Daniels, who was bleeding from the mouth.

Greg Parks has been covering Smackdown for PWTorch.com since January of 2007. You can also hear him every-other-week in the post-Raw audio show in the Torch VIP audio section and read his all-new blog in the VIP forum. Check out his column each week in the PDF-exclusive version of the Torch Newsletter. Comments, questions and feedback are welcome, and can be sent to g_man9784@yahoo.com.


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