By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: Last week, Raven and Shane Douglas came back, just in time to do absolutely nothing of value. Conversely, Victoria immediately inserted herself into the Knockouts title picture. Eric Young finally pulled the trigger on the heel turn, which is good. Foley announced that he'd be losing the title at Slammiversary, unless TNA bookers are slightly more clever than I give them credit for.

The Show: You Can Go Back Home

Lauren catches up with Shane Douglass, who says that he plans to leave his mark on TNA for a long time to come.

[Opening Credits]

(1) KIYOSHI & SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. DANIELS & SUICIDE

Several quick points: 1) Stacker 2 Six Hour Power now sponsors the ring. 2) Christopher Daniels has, at some point in the recent past, lost his first name. It's always in the last place you look for it. 3) Suicide is getting lazier and lazier with his entrances. 4) I like that we're starting the show off with X Division wrestling two weeks in a row, and 5) Suicide will be defending his title in a King of the Mountain Match against The Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences at Slammiversary. Daniels starts things off with a Gut Wrench Suplex on Bashir. Suicide tags in and hits a Leg Drop off the top rope, but loses control when Kiyoshi kicks him from the apron. Bashir & Kiyoshi trade tags, teeing off on Suicide. When Kiyoshi goes for a Back Suplex, Suicide lands on his feet and comes back with a T-Bone. He gets in the tag to Daniels, who is a house of fire. He takes down Kiyoshi with a Leg Lariat. When Bashir tries to interfere, Daniels hits a simultaneous Bulldog/Clothesline on both members of the opposing team. Daniels hits a Springboard Moonsault on Kiyoshi, but Bashir breaks things up. Suicide takes him to the outside, where he fakes a leg injury. While Suicide is on the outside, The Guns and Lethal Consequences ambush him and take him to the back. I don't know why that didn't make this a No Contest. Meanwhile, while the ref is dealing with Bashir, Shane Douglas comes out of the crowd and whacks Daniels with a chain. Kiyoshi gets the cover and the win. He and Bashir celebrate with The British Invasion (sans Feast or Fired briefcases) on the ramp way.

WINNER: Kiyoshi & Bashir in seven minutes. They packed a lot into this segment, but the match was still decent. *1/4

[Commercial Break]

Douglas is sitting in the ring. He says that Daniels shouldn't be upset, cause this isn't personal—it's just business. He's been watching TNA religiously, and a few weeks ago Jeff Jarrett gave Daniels a second chance. Well it's been three years that Douglas been gone from TNA—where's his second chance? Maybe someone upstairs doesn't like him. So now he's here to put Foley and Jarrett on notice—he wants his second chance. He'll be making Daniels and TNA miserable till he gets it. Get it? Got it.

JB is in Foley's office. JB asks Mick if he's really trying to get the rules changed so that he only has to defend the title once a year. Mick explains that the title is the World Heavyweight Championship, not a menstrual cycle. He asks JB how often the Super Bowl is played. Once a year—and it wouldn't be special if they played it every month. He asks about the World Series—JB points out that that's seven games (potentially), but Mick counters that it's only one time of year. Mick asks about the Grand Slam tennis tournaments, which JB explains are four totally distinct events. Mick says that's a bad example, but that he supposes he might consider four big title defenses a year. Kip James walks in, reminding Mick of their history and begging for a spot on the roster to support his family. He says he'll do anything. Mick says he'll see what he can do., but things are tight. Kip on his way out bumps into Nash & Jenna on their way in—they have a nice, genuine seeming exchange. Nash asks Mick what's up with booking him a Lethal Lockdown style match. Mick says that he was annoyed at TNA management, and took it out on Nash. He already announced the match though. Nash says that it's bullshit, and that he isn't doing it. Mick points out the potential ratings, but Nash isn't in it for the ratings—he's in it for the money. So Mick offers him triple his normal rate, and eventually quadruple. Nash agrees. After Nash leaves, JB reminds Mick that he just told Kip that things were tight; Mick says that things are tight—for Kip. That could be interesting.

[Commercial Break]

Lauren is in the back with Lethal Consequences and the Guns. Sabin says that he and Consequences Creed will be proving they can work together by tagging together to face Beer Money. Does he like Creed? Of course not. Does Creed like him? Of course—everyone loves The Guns. But they'll prove they can work together, as long as Lethal shuts the hell up. That way, the four of them will beat and unmask Suicide at Slammiversary. Lethal wants to know why Sabin talks so slowly. Creed corrects the record, pointing out that he can't stand The Guns, but they have a common enemy in Suicide. He should take off his mask and enter the X Division like everyone else.

(2) CHRIS SABIN & CONSEQUENCES CREED vs. BEER MONEY INC.

If you had told me a year ago that Sabin & Creed would be the heels in this match, I would probably have been annoyed at the insult to my intelligence. Here we are though. Beer Money bring their trophies to the ring. Storm is still chugging beer out of his. Sabin rolls around Roode to start, then pokes his eyes. Roode still knocks him down with a shoulder, then catches him with an Arm Drag. Sabin goes for a Tornado DDT, but Storm has tagged in and catches him in a Beer Money Suplex. Creed tags in, but Storm cuts him off with a brutal Yurinagi. Creed takes control when Sabin grabs Roode's hair. Creed doesn't seem thrilled with the assist, but still takes it. A Rolling Clothesline gets two. Sabin & Creed trade some quick tags, and take turns running into Storm in the corner. Sabin and Creed then try to Slingshot back in at the same time, and end up hitting each other. That must have been very hard to time. Storm makes the tag. Roode knocks Sabin and floors Creed with a Spine Buster. Sabin breaks up the count at two, so Storm takes him out of the ring. Roode and Creed knock heads. The British Invasion try to come down to the ring, but Team 3D cut them off. The Guns try to isolate Roode in the ring, but Creed and Sabin have a miscommunication and Sabin ends up kicking Creed. Storm takes out Sabin with a Superkick, and then they finish off Creed with a DWI.

WINNER: Beer Money Inc in seven minutes. Another good outing, where the story-telling interference actually cancelled out in such a way as to leave us a clean match in the ring. Neat. *1/2

The Beautiful People are up to something in the back, but what exactly it is gets bleeped out.

[Commercial Break]

Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky are attacking Victoria, but she turns the tables on them. Angelina Love flees.

Lauren will be taking on Daffney later tonight.

[Commercial Break—wait, seriously?]

Lauren is grudgingly interviewing Daffney. She asks why, if she has an issue with Taylor, she doesn't just talk to her about it. Dude—do you watch the program? Daffney says that, as a crazy person, she has no logic. Wow—that's quite possibly the best booking device ever. Why is this happening? No reason. She doesn't know where she is right now. Anyway, Daffney rants about how Taylor wasn't there for her, so she won't be there for Lauren. Who's really the crazy one? "They" told her to attack Wilde, and she can't say no to "them".

Tenay is interviewing the MEM about Joe's hit list. Nash admits that Joe is on a roll, but says that he won't get through him tonight. He wants the title, but he still wouldn't be doing this if he wasn't getting heavily compensated tonight. Wait—that decision was only made earlier tonight, and Tenay's been at the broadcast table since then. When the hell did this interview supposedly take place? I guess the bookers are crazy, so they have no logic. That really does work for anything. Booker rants against Joe. Steiner asks who some fatso is to be threatening former world champions. Angle tries to calm him down, but he just yells "he's fat!" as if that explains everything. I really love Steiner promos. Angle says that tonight they're going to beat up Joe so bad that even his own mother won't recognize him. Sting begs to differ. Everyone seems to be forgetting just who exactly they are—they'll be dealing with Joe, but they'll be doing it Sting's way.

[Commercial Break]

We recap the Abyss-Dr. Stevie-Lauren-Daffney-Raven-Boston Red Sox-Taylor Wilde feud.

(3) TAYLOR WILDE vs. DAFFNEY

Wilde kicks Daffney's leg out from under her as she tries to get into the ring. She slams Daffney into the barricade and whips her into the steel steps. When she gets her back into the ring though, a cover barely gets two. Dr. Stevie and Raven start coming down to the ring, kendo stick in hand. Taylor gets distracted, and Daffney rakes her back. She charges Wilde in the corner, but whiffs on an attempted elbow drop. Taylor comes back with a dropkick off the top rope. A Butterfly Pin gets two. Wilde tries to climb the top rope, but Dr. Stevie distracts her. Daffney yanks her down and hits "The Lobotomy" (it's what The Thrilla from Wasilla used to be) for the win.

WINNER: Daffney in 3 minutes. That was an okay few minutes, but I'm still not sure why this is a good use of Raven's time.

Daffney continues the beat down on Taylor Wilde. Lauren runs down to help, but Daffney takes her down too. Raven gets a mic, and says that for a decade every wrestling purists' wet dream was a reunion of Raven and Richards. Why Abyss, and why now? Why not Abyss, and why not now? He disobeyed doctor's orders. Everyone knows that the better the medicine, the worse it tastes, and this prescription will make Abyss retch. Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

[Commercial Break]

We recap EY's heel turn.

Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring, mic in hand. He says that at this time, he'd like to introduce to us his good friend, Eric Young. EY accepts the invitation. In a nice touch, his reaction to his pyro is annoyance. Jarrett says that they go back too far to let things come to this. He knows that he's had a bit of a short fuse lately, but that's only cause he's been trying to hold this zoo together. Last week EY got what he's been asking for, a shot at the main event. Eric Young put in his best, but Jarrett won. Who knows—on another night things might have gone differently, but last week Jarrett was the better man. Rather than just accept that fact, Young spit in his face. So now they have two options. They can either put last week behind them, chalking it up to immaturity or some such, or they could take this as far as Young wants to go. Young asks if he's supposed to apologize now. Is Jeff going to turn things around, and make Young see the light? Maybe he should give him some fatherly advice. Jeff knows EY's father wasn't there for him, so when he got here he did look to Jarrett as a father figure. He was the champion in the ring. As a businessman, he used his own money to start a new company, giving us "maggots" a choice of what to watch—a better choice. His home life was perfect, with a beautiful family and a giant house. Now EY knows why they become such fast friends. Jarrett's father was a busy wrestling promoter, and he didn't have time for Jeff either. They're both playing the same game, fighting against themselves, vowing to be better than their fathers. But now something happened, and Jeff is losing his battle. He's becoming just like his father. If you look around TNA today, it's always Jeff first, everyone else second. He might not want to hear it, but it's the truth. But Young's not worried about himself, he's worried about three little girls, who now have to settle for second place—just like Jeff. Jarrett's heard enough—he slaps EY in the face, and we have a pull apart brawl. Somewhere in the middle, Jarrett socks Earl Hebner. I guess I don't mind Jarrett's kids being brought into a plot, so long as they're not being threatened or used for sympathy. Who knew?

JB is back with Mick Foley, who thinks that Jarrett must be out of his mind to manhandle a TNA official. He's seen it in Jeff's eyes for a while now, that the pressure was getting to him. He knew he'd crack eventually. Now he'll need to call security. There's a knock on the door, and Mick says that even as a best-selling author, he couldn't have scripted this any better. Rocko & Sally walk in.

[Commercial Break]

Jesse Neal is set to debut. We recap his history on the USS Cole.

Lauren is in the back with Neal and Rhino. She asks if he's ready to face Matt Morgan. He says that he's been training hard with Rhino, and he'll have the support of his fallen best friend.

(4) JESSE NEAL (w/RHINO) vs. MATT MORGAN

Morgan wants a Test of Strength, but Neal kicks him in the gut instead. Morgan misses a charge, so Neal gets a quick School Boy. He tries to work a side headlock, but Morgan squishes him with a Back Drop. Morgan works the back elbows in the corner, then follows it up with a Stinger Splash. He drops Neal, who looks like he's dead, with a Side Slam. Morgan lifts up Neal and tosses him headfirst into the corner turnbuckle. Wow. Morgan stands Neal up in the middle of the ring, and floors him with a high dropkick. Morgan breaks his own cover at two. He takes a second to taunt Rhino, which lets Neal get up and launch a few punches. Morgan floors him with a Carbon Footprint for the kill. Rhino looks disappointed.

WINNER: Matt Morgan in three minutes. I don't know where this is going, so I can't really judge it.

[Commercial Break]

Cody Deaner is in TN for wrestling training with ODB. I don't think this will go well. She has him bench press paint cans and hoist kegs. They play cool montage music as he works the punching bag and runs after her on a tractor. Okay, that was a little funny.

Mick Foley hits the ring, flanked by Rocco and Sally Boy. He says that next week Samoa Joe will take on both Booker T and Scott Steiner in a "Nation of Violence First Blood Match". Also, in a King of the Ring Qualifier match, Sting will face off with the former godfather of the Main Event Mafia, Kurt Angle. Speaking of Sting being in charge of the MEM, sometimes things work out for the best, since he let go Rocco and Sally. We've all seen Mick wrestle in crazy, barbed wire matches, but for the first time he's really scared and needs security. He also made Mick look like a liar, since just a few weeks ago he promised Earl Hebner that he'll have a job in TNA for a long time, and now he might not ever be able to referee again. Mick says that every action has a reaction, and next week Mick's reaction to Jarrett's assault on Earl Hebner will be hardcore.

JB is in the back with Sting, who thinks that the MEM is stronger than it's ever been. Nothing's going to upset their balance now that he's in charge. He and Kurt are both professionals. Matt Morgan storms in, wanting to know where his MEM contract is. He beat up that "sailor boy" in a matter of seconds. Sting says that the Mafia is a family, who've known each other for decades. He also points out that that "sailor boy" defended our country for four years. Matt doesn't see why that's relevant, but Sting reminds him that the Mafia is supposed to be about respect. Matt should learn what that means, then come back to him. Sting leaves. Matt says that this has nothing to do with respect, and everything to do with the Mafia members' egos, and not wanting to let in someone who's never been a world champion. Nevertheless, he assures JB that he's getting in.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the MEM locker room with Scott Steiner & Booker T. He explains the rules for their match next week—basically, Joe will face Steiner and Booker in successive First Blood matches. Booker says that life isn't a movie, so he doesn't know why Joe's running around threatening people. Steiner doesn't get how Joe could possibly bust open him and then Booker T both. He says that after he and Booker carve Joe up, they'll stuff an apple in his mouth like a fat little big. Sharmell knocks and enters. She's annoyed by the fact that she now has to knock, and that Jenna has been hogging the make-up chair all night. Booker calms her down some.

(5) KEVIN NASH vs. SAMOA JOE
King of the Ring Qualifying Lethal Lockdown Match

Joe's late coming down to the ring, because he's chatting with his mystery advisor. Both Nash and Joe grab Kendo sticks off the cage roof. Nash tries to use a garbage can lid as a shield, but Joe whacks it away and knocks Nash's leg. Nash shoots back from the canvas, gaining the advantage. He chokes Joe in the corner, then works him over with the kendo stick. The crowd is torn about 60-40, which is pretty bad when you consider where Joe was just one year ago. Joe suddenly powers out of the corner and hits a series of quick jabs.

[Commercial Break]

It's four minutes to eleven as we come back. That can't be good. Joe is still hitting the quick rights. He floors Nash with a haymaker, but then gets nailed by a low blow. Nash grabs another garbage can lid, with which he blasts Joe in the head three times. A trio of covers get two each. As Joe gets to his knees he grabs the lid and swats Nash's head. Joe gives Nash a bit too much space though, which enables Nash to hit a huge shot in with the lid in return. He grabs a kendo stick, but Joe ducks below it and nails him with a dropkick. A Senton Splash and a Knee Drop get two. Joe locks in the Rear Naked Choke, which I still think looks suspiciously similar to a Tazzmission. He lets it go and grabs a hockey stick, which he breaks across Nash's back. That's enough for three. Joe tells the camera that that's one down. He grabs a mic and says that it is done.

WINNER: Samoa Joe in 10 minutes. It's hard to rate this match, since almost half of it took place during a break. What we saw was a decent brawl though.

Where We're Going: Joe will keep on "destroying" the MEM, which apparently means "beating them in medium-level gimmick matches". Meanwhile, the crowd continues to abandon him, since he hasn't said anything that made a lick of sense since he got back. Hopefully the reveal of his advisor will breathe some fresh life into the character. Otherwise I think they need to just give up and turn him heel for a while. His joining the MEM after months of trying to randomly attack it would actually make him fairly detestable, and then his turning back in six months would be somewhat cool. What they're doing now sure isn't working.

Star of the Night: Eric Young. This one's not a hard call; his promo was extremely psychologically compelling.

Overall: This show had some decent wrestling, even if nothing really stood out. I really liked Young's promo, and Raven's trying to make the best of a bad situation. Mick is still bringing awesomeness on the mic. This was a good show, even if nothing pushed it from good to great. B

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He's grading 24 12-page ethics papers. Sympathies can be expressed to dawilk316@gmail.com

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