BY BRUCE MITCHELL, PWTORCH SENIOR COLUMNIST

We start with tonight's guest host Jeremy Piven, who plays a used car salesman in his new movie.

He ought to be right at home.

Henry's buddy Dr. Ed the pimp is in the trunk of Jeremy's car. They come out to Public Enemy.

Dr. Ed also introduces Piven, who returns the favor.

They play around, and then The Miz arrives for even more smarminess. The fans lose interest.

Is it Le Miz? (Short for a famed Broadway show). Piven starts kissing up to the Vegas crowd. They "have the goods."

Miz calls Dr. Ken a "Noid." The Noid was a failed Domino's Pizza marketing gimmick (Avoid the Noid) from twenty years ago.

John Cena arrives. He thanks Dr. Ken for the script.

John Cena buries Miz completely, then plugs Piven's movie. Miz just stands there. He's a 1979 Ford Pinto.

It's the cool kids versus the poor one.

Too much "entertainment" (stolen movie lines) and not enough entertainment...

Piven makes a lumberjack match for Miz and John Cena. If Miz loses he's banned from "Summerfest" and banned from the Staple Center in L.A. forever and permanently banned from WWE Raw for all eternity.

It's like watching a creative meeting.

Hey, John Cena, you chicken, how about you put something up too?

Evan Bourne faces Jack Swagger in a professional wrestling match. This is good enough to wake up some of the crowd. Even-Steven Jack Swagger wins with a power-bomb, since Bourne pinned him last week. Swagger continues to beat Borne until MVP shows up. Short high-flyers can't win.

Jeff Hardy defends against C.M. Punk on Smackdown. I pick Hardy.

Dr. Ken invokes the ire of big Show, who wants Shaq back. Me too.

Now Show wants Piven in the ring. Piven makes a match for Show to face Kofi Kingston for the U.S. Title instead.

Dr. Ken was funnier in that Raleigh bar fifteen years ago.

Mickie James & Gail Kim face Beth Phoenix & Mute Jillian Hall. The bad girls win, despite some "good moves" from Kim.

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase face Triple H. They corner him, tagging in and out, keeping themselves fresh, until the referee stops it because The Game can no longer defend himself.

Yeah, right.

The Game kicks ass before the commercial break. Cody Rhodes misses a beautiful moonsault.

Rhodes later does get a two-and-a-half count on Triple H. Hey, first Dream Street, then Cross Rhodes, and Legacy wins clean!

Wow! Triple H puts Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase half over each.

Not so fast.

"Alright, that hurt. That did not go as I planned. Is it that these guys are that good? Maybe they're too much for me. I used to pretty good at this gang warfare stuff. Maybe I should start another group. Maybe I bring one back. Maybe I bring back Evolution. Nah, Randy's a jerk. Batista's always hurt, Flair's signing autograph's at the VFW. Maybe I make one phone call."

It ain't Orton who's the jerk. Triple H buried, like, four guys at once there.   

It's Chavo's turn to stooge for Piven. Chavo thinks he's Joe Rogan (hmm) or Jon Favreau.

Carlito beats Primo. Not only is this not Bret vs. Owen, it's also not Ole vs. Lars. Nor is it the Beast vs. Rudy Kay. It is, however, Brie vs. Nikki.

Chavo is in the ring for the ritual weekly loss to Hornswoggle. No, wait, it's Smilin' Mark Henry who gets to kill him this week. Hornswoggle then squashes Chavo after the match, and Henry does a high kick dancing with Hornswoggle. Just tryin' to have fun, folks.

Randy Orton finally shows up. He's grouchy and doesn't want to ring announce for Piven. He's right.

Big Show (w/Chris Jericho) challenges Kofi Kingston for the U.S. Title.  Jericho joins the announcing team. He brags about the forty titles he and Show have won between them.

Hilariously, he asks Lawler how many titles he's won. Lawler, who's won over 600, uncomfortably says he's won a few.

Kofi almost beats Show, who gets up and whips his butt so bad that the ref DQs him. Jericho then trash talks the unconscious Kingston.

Triple H makes his phone call. He gets hung up on.

To quote the great Tommy Redd, "Don't hang up on me baybeee, I'm all hung up on you, don't hang up…"

John Cena faces The Miz in a lumberjack match. Legacy with Randy Orton shows up. Chris Masters captures Cena in the Masterlock. Cena struggles and breaks it.  Piven and Dr. Ken go heel.

Cena wins with the Attitude Adjustment anyway so Miz has to leave Earth or whatever the deal was.

Piven leaps off the top rope but Cena catches him and uses him as a battering ram to ward off the lesser lumberjacks. After Dr. Ken stooges some more, Cena throws him over the top rope and out of the ring.

Just tryin' to have fun, folks.

Final Thoughts (4.0): This was a little slack. Jeremy Piven and Dr. Ken were clearly slumming. The celebrity gimmick may have run its course, unless WWE can get Shaq to face Big Show at Summerfest. I wonder if Triple H could think of anything to say if he wasn't burying people. Poor Miz – there's potential there and he's stuck with the  'loser" gimmick. It could be worse. He could be Chavo Guerrero. Randy Orton and Chris Jericho also seemed like they weren't trying too hard.  

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