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PARKS' ECW REPORT 8/18: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of the show, including Regal & Kozlov vs. Dreamer & Christian

Aug 18, 2009 - 10:05:18 PM
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by Greg Parks, PWTorch.com Contributor

ECW on SyFy
August 18, 2009
Taped earlier tonight in Kansas City, Mo.
Aired on SyFy Network


-WWE Open.

-ECW Open.

-Josh Mathews and Matt Striker led off the show by announcing Christian and Tommy Dreamer teaming up to take on William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov in the main event.

-A brief video package, complete with voice-over man and the words on the screen, led to the official return of the Hurricane.

1- HURRICANE HELMS vs. PAUL BURCHILL

Striker referred to this as “issue number one” for the Hurricane. Crowd was into the super hero early on- Burchill was all over him in the corner. Hard Irish whip sent Helms to the buckle as Burchill taunted the fans. Helms grabbed him by the throat, but nothing came of that; he was able to recover and hit a Thesz Press though. Hurricane low-bridged an overzealous Burchill, sending the Englishman to the outside. Off the top rope with a cross-body onto Burchill. They took a break at this point.

[Commercial Break]

Surprise, Burchill had Helms in a headlock upon return. They showed how Burchill gained control during the break, by knocking Helms off the top rope. Short clothesline from Burchill, one that garnered him a one-count. Burchill again worked the surgically-repaired neck of Hurricane. He came at Helms with a double-knee in the corner. Helms was set on the top by Burchill, but he struggled to suplex the masked crusader. Helms headbutted Burchill down, then landed a cross-body, but it took enough out of him that he couldn’t make the cover. Right hands by Helms, along with a flying clothesline took him down. Back-breaker of sorts for two. Burchill took over on offense and this time, he went to the top where Hurricane stopped him. Helms with a hurricanrana (hurricane-rana?) off the top that felt like it was in slow motion. Only two for that though. Eye of the Hurricane was successful, and led to the pin.

WINNER: Hurricane, at 11:00. I’m surprised they went so long in Hurricane’s return. It was a good match, but after a hurricanrana, it seemed kind of silly to end things with a finisher so simple as the Eye of the Hurricane.

-To the back to Courtney Taylor, the newest member of the ECW broadcast team. Also, the newest member of the blond diva squad. Tommy Dreamer was her interview, and Dreamer assured everyone he was still friends with Christian. He said he was looking forward to fighting someone he didn’t like tonight. He told Taylor to leave when he saw Regal walk up. Regal slapped Dreamer a couple times in the gut and Dreamer questioned if he really wanted to do that. Then Kozlov attacked from behind and headbutted Dreamer in the back of the head. He held Dreamer while Regal delivered a running knee to his skull, leaving Dreamer lying on the ground.

[Commercial Break]

-Backstage, trainers were tending to Dreamer while his tag partner tonight, Christian, knelt over him. Dreamer had trouble sitting up, as it hurt his head even more.

-It was time for the Abraham Washington Show. Washington again thanked the fans for their.....well....not walking out I guess. He referred to himself as “the new king of late-night television.” When he introduced himself, the “applause” sign flashed on the Titan-Tron. He insulted the fans for not following along with his sign. Washington referred to the fans as “illiterate,” then said he was “just playing.” He segued into talking about Summerslam. He said he’d get to rub shoulders with all his contemporaries in late-night. Washington finally asked the crowd to welcome his guest, the bizarre one, Goldust.

Goldust shook hands with Washington, who promptly wiped his hands off on his pants. Washington called Goldust one of the strangest individuals he has ever seen. Goldy admitted he was a bit different. Washington asked about the hostility between Goldust and Sheamus. Goldust tried to explain, but began to stutter and get the ticks he usually gets. Washington asked if an exorcism was going on out there. He told Goldust to take a breath. Goldust tried to take a sip of water, but struggled. Washington assumed he was being Punk’d by Ashton Kutcher. Goldust reminded everyone that 6 ½ years ago (has it been THAT long?), he was electrocuted, and he’s taking medication for it. Washington said he was probably taking a placebo. He said his other special guest for the evening was Sheamus, and he stuttered while he said it.

The two rivals stared at each other before Sheamus picked up a microphone. Sheamus told Goldust he got lucky last week, and lightning doesn’t strike him twice. He then called Goldust a gold freak. Goldust got nose-to-nose with him and drank in the moment, then his Tourette’s got him again before he could say anything. Washington thanked his guests for coming out and said he’d see everyone this Sunday. I doubt he’ll see anyone this Sunday.

-Courtney Taylor was backstage with Tiffany, scouring for an update on Dreamer. Tiffany said Dreamer suffered a concussion and can’t compete tonight. She said the tag match would still take place if Christian could find a partner. Ezekiel?

[Commercial Break]

2- ZACK RYDER vs. YOSHI TATSU

Tatsu took Ryder down and worked the arm. To the top, Zack was stopped up there by Tatsu (the third time in two matches tonight), but Ryder brought him down with his arm across the ropes. It was clear he was going to spend the match trying to weaken that left extremity. Yoshi spun out of a back-breaker attempt and locked in an arm-bar. Ryder got to his feet and threw Tatsu out of the ring. He came back though and got a running knee to the chest in the corner. Rolling snap-mare, then a kick to the chest for two. Zack Attack attempt, but Tatsu countered and took Ryder’s leg out from under him. Rolling senton, shades of Dick Togo according to Striker. He tried to jump over the top and into the ring with an elbow, but Ryder got the knees up on the move, and got the win off of that.

WINNER: Ryder, at 3:01. Fine match to enhance Ryder a bit more. I think Tatsu’s big push is over.

-They hyped the main event tag match, still to come.

[Commercial Break- included, an ad for the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD]

-A video aired, hyping Floyd Mayweather’s appearance as guest host of Raw next week.

-Striker and Mathews talked on camera about the reunion of DX last night, then we got the Raw Rebound.

-The announcers dissected the Summerslam card.

-Christian told Tiffany backstage that he’d go two-on-one tonight. Tiffany said she couldn’t let him do that. Christian asked if she could buy him some time, but she said the match was next. There was a loud knock on her door and then it sounded like someone tore the door off the hinges. We didn’t see who it was, but Christian pointed to him and said, “that’ll work.”

-William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov made their entrances. Christian did as well....we’ll find out who his partner is after break.

[Commercial Break]

-Christian’s partner was revealed to be Ezekiel Jackson. I was interested to see the pop Jackson got. Medium-ish.

3- WILLIAM REGAL & VLADIMIR KOZLOV vs. CHRISTIAN & EZEKIEL JACKSON

Christian and Regal locked up to start things, about one minute shy of the top of the hour. “Regal sucks” chant from the fans. Wrist-lock by Regal sent the ECW Champion down to one knee. But Christian got out of it and hit a flying European uppercut off the second rope. Kozlov tagged in and Christian tagged him with some right hands. Kozlov just picked Christian up and put him in a back-breaker submission on his shoulder. Kozlov charged, but Christian pulled the top rope down and Kozlov fell to ringside. A distraction by Regal allowed Kozlov to come back and nail Christian in the back. “The Balkan Butcher” Striker called him, obviously a fan of alliteration. Regal worked over Christian on the outside of the ring as the legal man. The heels cornered Christian and tried to prevent him from getting close to making the tag. Rear chin-lock from Kozlov and more punishment in the corner. Christian attempted a backslide on Regal and succeeded, but didn’t get anywhere with it. Springboard sunset flip, but the pin was broken up by Kozlov, who was chased out of the ring by Jackson. As Jackson went back to his corner, he turned Christian around and gave him a uranage. Regal made the pin.

WINNERS: Regal & Kozlov, at 5:10. Ah, I wanted to see the big Kozlov vs. Jackson match-up.

After the match, Kozlov gave his finisher to Christian and Regal begged Zeke to do his again. So he did. Well, Jackson and Kozlov as a tag team makes more sense than having them feud. All three stood in the middle of the ring with their hands raised as the show went off the air.

Greg Parks has been covering Smackdown for PWTorch.com since January of 2007. You can also read his all-new blog in the VIP forum. Check out his column each week in the PDF-exclusive version of the Torch Newsletter. Comments, questions and feedback are welcome, and can be sent to g_man9784@yahoo.com.


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