By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: Last week, Matt Morgan saw through Kurt's machinations and lies, to which he responded by, um, tagging with Angle in a match. If you don't get it, you're not the only one. TNA also showed no signs of taking the title off an admitted criminal (last I checked even he wasn't denying the driving on a suspended license charge). I didn't get that either. Finally, TNA announced that every wrestler would get their own title, starting with the introduction of a Knockouts' Tag Team Championship. As random belts to make up go though, that's a pretty good one.

The Show: Mind Games

AJ Styles arrives with Sting, gear in hand and ready to work. Sting says that TNA will do some growing up today. Kip James comes by and offers to park his car. Sting says he doesn't have to. Kip tells Lauren that he used to have a car like that. She asks when—"when I was over". That's funny but mean.

[Opening Credits]

Daniels is on commentary for our opening X Division contest.

(1) SAMOA JOE vs. SUICIDE
Joe starts things off with a kick to Suicide's head and some quick strikes. He charges in the corner. I could be wrong, but I think the crowd is chanting for Lethal. Joe tries to toss Suicide, but he lands on his feet and floors Joe with a dropkick. Suicide drives Joe's head into the bottom turnbuckle, but D'Angelo Dinero comes down and distracts him. Joe knocks him to the outside, where he and Dinero get to brawling. Joe comes out after him. Daniels doesn't like the numbers, so he attacks Joe. The ref throws out the match, but announces that they'll pick things up as a tag match later tonight.

WINNER: N/A. When the hell did Earl Hebner get booking powers? I guess the new referee authority was a bit broader than we thought.

Lauren is in the back with Eric Young. She asks whether there's really a possibility Hernandez might join World Elite. He says there's no possibility—there's certainty. Tonight he guarantees he'll open Hernandez's eyes, since both of them are treated as second class citizens because they're foreign. I can't follow this—was Hernandez supposedly born in Mexico or Texas?

[Commercial Break]

Impact takes copying WWE to a new level when they give a fun fact about how awesome their viewership numbers are.

World Elite are in the ring. Young introduces his good friend Bashir, who wants to take this moment to talk about something very serious. Please tell me he's the new Lance Storm! He takes off his kafiyah so that we'll get rid of our preconceived notions and listen to his words. He wants to talk about the war in Iraq. He remembers when George W. Bush declared victory in 2003. The crowd boos, which is a little awkward. He then asks who, if the US has been done with the war for six years, is killing his innocent brothers and sisters? Now the crowd chants "USA", which is even more awkward. He says that we don't understand what it's like to live in a world where people are getting killed every day. That's probably fair. He also says that we've been brainwashed by the media to think that voting for an American Idol is more important than voting for an American President. The truth is that we don't want Iraq's land, we don't want to spread democracy, and we don't even really want to stop terrorism. We're junkies, who just want oil for our cheap flights, and we all f!@$ing know it. Eric thinks him for making us better people, but says that he had something else to talk about, specifically someone who's been handcuffed by his heritage. Hernandez comes out, and says that EY should say whatever he has to say to his face. Young claims that he wouldn't have it any other way. He talks about how Hernandez always came to the ring draped in the Mexican flag, but no one respected him for it. Actually the crowd turned LAX face at the expense of Team 3D, but okay. He says that all we'll ever see is another thug, another crook. Hernandez needs to come home to World Elite. Hernandez says that he is home, and that these people are his familia. This is his country. You can either love it, or not let the door hit your ass on the way out. He storms off. Taz suspects that Young has to be embarrassed, but EY is actually grinning slyly.

Lauren is in the back with Traci and Sharmell, where she points out that they have to regret the bad luck of facing Kong & Saeed in the first round of the tag tournament. Sharmell thinks that Lauren must be talking about Kong and Saeed's bad luck. She's Mafia, and gangsta through and through. Traci points out that they're no random women—they're the Mafia's first lady and it's Chosen One. They'll have no troubles handling the elephant and her trainer.

[Commercial Break]

Lauren is in the back and about to talk about the tournament. Alex Shelley is operating the camera, and asks her to move the mic. She does, and he's able to zoom in on her boobs. She gets annoyed. Sabin says that he's doing the best he can. Dr. Stevie comes by and asks if they're ready to get serious and make some real money. Sabin thinks that he's being propositioned, and informs Dr. Stevie that he likes him but isn't in like with him. Dr. Stevie clarifies that he's talking about the $50,000 bounty on the career of Abyss. Shelley thinks that they can make that with their new line of MCMG tissue-box-holders, but supposes that $50,000 would be good seed money. They agree to get the easy money.

(2) RAESHA SAEED & AWESOME KONG vs. TRACI BROOKS & SHARMELL
Kong goes after Traci to start. Traci runs away and tags in Sharmell. The crowd thinks that Kong is gonna kill her. Sharmell doesn't want to go in—they argue over who will have to start. Kong gets bored and tags in Saeed. Sharmell is now fine with getting in the ring, but Saeed shoves her to the mat. Traci tags in. She withstands a shove a bit better, but gets taken down by a few chops and a Body Slam. An Elbow Drop gets two. What was either a very good or very bad, but definitely odd looking, Suplex gets two. Saeed bounces off the ropes, where Sharmell grabs her. That lets Traci yank her down to the mat. She puts Saeed against the middle rope and jumps on her back, but Saeed kicks out at one and tags in Kong. Kong squishes Traci in successive corners. Traci slips between her legs, but when she runs back at Kong she just bounces off. Kong hits a big Splash off the tope rope—I don't remember the last time she connected with that. Sharmell breaks up the cover at two, and Kong chases her out of the ring. Saeed has the presence of mind to tag herself in and make the cover on the still unconscious Traci for three.

WINNERS: Awesome Kong & Raesha Saeed in 3 minutes. I don't know I would have started off the tournament with a squash.

We see a video hyping Matt Morgan and his interactions with Kurt Angle.

JB is tracking Morgan in the back, who storms into the MEM locker room. Booker doesn't seem happy to see him, but Kurt is perfectly calm. He asks whether this has anything to do with last week, and Morgan asks if Kurt means his (Kurt's) Kurt's screwing up. Kurt admits that he did screw up, since it usually takes him three seconds to scale the ropes, not three minutes, and he expected Morgan to be similar. He asks how long Morgan's been in the business. Morgan tells him seven years, which Kurt says is nothing compared to his own almost-decade. Morgan understands his inexperience, and how he'll be teaming with Booker and Steiner later in order to learn the ropes. He also has some good news. He's heard that Kurt will be defending his title in a Fatal Four Way, and has successfully pitched himself to Dixie Carter as one of the participants. But Kurt shouldn't worry—Morgan will have his back at No Surrender, just like Kurt had his back last week and at Hard Justice. After he leaves, Kurt finally realizes that Morgan's just messing with his head, and makes sure Booker and Steiner have his back.

[Commercial Break]

We recap Rhino's training of Jesse Neal.

(3) RHINO vs. JESSE NEAL
I have the feeling this won't go well for Rhino. Poor, poor, Rhino. Neal goes to start things with a handshake, but Rhino hits a cheap shots and unloads on him in the corner. He Stomps a Mudhole, then chokes him out in the ropes. He breaks on four, then does it again. Neal fights back from his knees, but Rhino stops him with a whack to his back. Rhino kicks Neal in the head, but only gets two. Neal gets up fighting again, but walks into a Spine Buster for the kill.

WINNER: Rhino in two minutes. I wonder what the odds are that they have an endgame in mind for this plot.

After the match, Rhino Gores Neal as he gets up. That's enough for the ref to reverse the decision. Ha! I knew they always screw Rhino.

WINNER: Jesse Neal.

Rhino tries to continue, but Brother Devon runs down and scares Rhino away. That was random.

ODB and Cody Deaner are in Foley's office. Foley is wearing a powdered wig for the sake of the trial. Abyss walks in to return Mr. Foley's bat. Foley tells Abyss to call him Mick. He's glad Abyss came by, since he has something for him. He hands Abyss a brown paper bag. Abyss is excited for another flannel, but this time it's groceries, since Abyss likes those. Mick asks Abyss to do him a favor and give Deaner one swing with his barbed-wire covered baseball bat, and Abyss is about to do it before Mick stops him. As Abyss leaves, Mick asks him to go easy on Shelley, since his kids love him. Mick starts his hearing. ODB says she should be the champ since she's a women. Deaner says that he should be the champ cause he knocked out Mike Tyson and Chuck Norris. Mick is skeptical of the latter claim, seeing as Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. In any event, Mick holds up the title till No Surrender, at which point ODB and Deaner will wrestle for it. You know how ODB/Deaner skits have generally been funny when they should always just be stupid? This one was exactly what it should be. After they leave, JB asks Mick if he's alright, mentioning that Mick has been keeping a low profile lately. Mick says that sometimes you have to take a step back before you take a step forward. JB wants to know what he's plotting, but we'll just have to wait and see.

(4) THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (w/DR. STEVIE) vs. ABYSS
So Raven and the women are out, but the Guns are in? We really are trying to figure out how many good people it takes to carry a really awful plot. Sabin grabs Abyss's leg, which allows Shelley to jump him. They hit Stereo Side Kicks and Stereo Elbows. When they look for a Double-Team Suplex, it's reversed into a Double Suplex by Abyss. Shelley gets up and into a Side Slam, and Sabin gets up into a Choke Slam onto a Shelley. The Guns roll into opposite corner. Abyss squishes Sabin, but Shelley gets out of the way and the two of them hit Hi/Lo style kicks. They hit a Poetry-in-Motion style dropkick to knock Abyss out of the ring. Shelley tries to follow him out with a Cross Body Block, Abyss catches him, but Sabin Suicide Dives both of them down. They roll back into the ring and hit the same spot—Cross Body Block, caught, Sabin knocks them down. The Guns try to both make the cover, but Abyss still kicks out. He hoists Shelley up for a Shock Treatment. Sabin tries to run at him, but gets floored by a Big Boot. Abyss then hits a simultaneous Shock Treament/Leg Drop. That was cool. Dr. Stevie tries to interfere behind the ref's back, but Abyss just takes him out. Sabin tries to come off the top rope but gets caught in a Black Hole Slam for three. That was cooler—and it shows that he can hit that move even if you don't charge him.

WINNER: Abyss in three minutes. [Sadly, this was probably the best match of the night].

After the match, Dr. Stevie takes issue with the Guns, so they beat the hell out of him. Abyss grabs a chair and hits the ring to help finish the job, when Kevin Nash's music hits. Nash walks out as we hit the hour mark—this is supposed to keep people tuned?

[Commercial Break]

Nash is on the ramp. He asks about the bounty. It sounds good to him, cause he has a couple problems. First, Abyss stuck his nose in Nash's business in Hard Justice. So he'll take out Abyss at No Surrender for the sake of the bounty. But since Abyss got involved in his business, b!tch, he made this personal. That's surprisingly logical.

Lauren, referring to Daffney's upcoming match with a debuting Hamada, asks her how she prepares for an opponent she's never seen. Daffney rants incoherently about counting sheep getting bled to death rather than jumping fences. It's disturbing, because she's disturbed.

(5) DAFFNEY vs. HAMADA
No DQ Match
Daffney jumps Hamada on her way into the ring. She brings her down by the hair, and leaps over her with a Neck Breaker. She kicks her down for two. Hamada gets up brawling, and eventually takes Daffney down with a high kick. She stomps Daffney in the corner, bounces her head off the top turnbuckle, and Back Body Drops her out of the ring. Wait, now we're going to a commercial? Seriously?

[Commercial Break]

Yep, seriously. Daffney's in control, dropping an elbow on Hamada off the top rope for two. During the break Hamada set up a table on the outside. Daffney charges Hamada in the corner, but right into a Superkick. Hamada hits a Standing Ensuguri, a series of headbutts, and a Jumping DDT. A non-chalant cover only gets two. Daffney gets up kicking, and nails Hamada with a Shining Wizard for a long two count. Daffney takes Hamada to the outside and grabs a chair. She whiffs and gets nothing but ring post. Hamada wraps the chair around Daffney's neck and slams her into the ring post. She sets her up on the table, goes to the top rope, and goes through her on the table. She rolls her back in and hits a Hamada (Michonoku) Driver.

WINNER: Hamada in ten minutes. The crowd was rocking, but outside of the one high spot I thought it was somewhat slow—that could be the fault of the annoyingly placed commercial break. Despite the extra four minutes, Sarita-Flash this was not. *

The Beautiful People are looking for Madison Rayne in the back.

[Commercial Break]

JB has caught up with The Beautiful People in the back, who he follows into the make-up room to go after Madison Rayne. They comment on the "beautiful" Madison Rayne who cost Love her title. Rayne reiterates that she didn't mean to. They've heard she's gotten a mystery partner for the tag tournament, and they've "somehow" drawn her for the first round. Are they implying that they slept with Dixie Carter to get the brackets set up? I'm confused. I guess Earl Hebner now has booking powers, so maybe they slept with him. They start taunting Rayne, then decide "the hell with it" and just beat her down and hair spray her face.

They show us the brackets for the tournament. In addition to the announced teams, Hamada will be teaming with Sojourner Bolt.

(6) D'ANGELO DINERO & SAMOA JOE vs. DANIELS & SUICIDE
Suicide comes from the bottom of the TitanTron again. Pretty soon he'll just be ambling out slowly. Joe starts off with an Arm Drag on Suicide. He tags in Dinero. Suicide flips over him, hip tosses him down, dropkicks him, and tags in Daniels. They double-team Dinero in the corner then hit a Poetry in Motion dropkick. Taz calls the "Arm Drag" with which Joe started the match by its real name—I guess it's some sort of Japanese shoulder toss. Damnit—having a competent color commentator is making me look bad. Daniels takes D'Angelo down with a Body Slam, and follows up with a Springboard Moonsault that barely gets two. Daniels hits a few right hands, but Joe whacks him from the corner and D'Angelo takes advantage with an STO.

[Commercial Break]

Joe is teeing off on Daniels in the ring. When he comes off the rope Daniels ducks below a clothesline, hits a Standing Ensuguri, a kick, and then an STO that finally gets Joe off his feet (Taz has a fancy jujitsu name for that one too, but it sure looked like an STO to me). Both men make tags. Suicide hits a quick clothesline and his weird Inverted Neck Breaker for two. He follows up with an Oklahoma Roll that Joe breaks up at two. Joe's interference draws in Daniels, and things break down. Joe floors Suicide with a clothesline, and Dinero follows up with a German Suplex that takes Daniels to the outside. Joe looks for a Suicide Dive, but Daniels sidesteps. Joe sort of lands on his feet, but Daniels takes him down with a Split-Legged Moonsault. Suicide misses with a Springboard Cross Body Block and rolls into the corner. When Dinero looks for the Move Formerly Known as the Elijah Express Suicide slips aside and hits a quick roll-up for three.

WINNERS: Daniels & Suicide in 9 minutes. This was a bit better than the other multi-minute match. *1/4

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back "The Boss" Bobby Lashley and Dixie Carter. She's here to announce that TNA has just signed a new, three year deal with Spike TV. JB hypes Bobby Lashley, who for some reason they keep letting talk. They talk about working out a schedule so that he could do MMA and TNA 100% each, since he doesn't want to do anything half-assed. Dixie Carter says that it's now in TNA's interest to make Bobby Lashley the biggest name in MMA. That might be interesting down the road. Lashley says that he's here to get his title, and she agrees that she wants to see him with both titles around his neck. She also announces his in-ring debut against Rhino at No Surrender. Poor Rhino—at least he'll be on a PPV. This was a colossal waste of Dixe's first "appearance".

Kurt, apparently at Taz's invitation, joins the commentary booth.

(7) MATT MORGAN, SCOTT STEINER, & BOOKER T vs. AJ STYLES, STING, & HERNANDEZ
Sting comes out last, and the crowd is entirely behind him. He locks up with Booker T to start. Booker backs him into a corner, and hits a cheap shot during the break. Sting comes back swinging and takes Booker down with a hip toss. AJ tags in—Booker grabs him and makes the tag to Steiner. Steiner whips AJ into the ropes, and AJ comes off weirdly. Steiner whacks his head against the top turnbuckle (I mean AJ's head…though Steiner whacking his own head against the top turnbuckle would have been way more awesome). AJ looks for the high dropkick—Steiner stops himself against the ropes, but AJ stops himself too; when Steiner starts to move again AJ hits it. Hernandez and Morgan tag in. Hernandez fails to faze Morgan with a pair of shoulder blocks, then gets floored with a clothesline. Hernandez gets up swinging, and HOLY SHIT hits the Delayed Vertical Suplex on Morgan. Morgan rolls to the outside, and while he confers with Steiner & Booker Hernendez leaps out and floors all three of them.

[Commercial Break]

Steiner is somehow in control of AJ when we get back. AJ powers out, but walks right into an Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Morgan tags in. He looks for a Running Power Slam, but AJ slips out and rolls to Hernandez for the tag. Hernadnez comes in with a Slingshot Shoulder Block that takes down Morgan. Booker runs in, so Hernandez floors him with a Spine Buster, then pops Steiner for good measure. Morgan pokes Hernandez's eyes, but when he tries to follow up with a Carbon Footprint Hernendez Pounces him down. Steiner breaks up the ensuing cover at two. Everything breaks down. Morgan ends up alone in the ring with Hernandez. He's about to hit the Hellevator when Steiner comes in with a steel chair. Steiner signals that he wants to whack Hernandez, but Morgan's not buying it. While they argue, Hernandez slips out and drives Morgan into Steiner and the chair. AJ comes back with a Flying Forearm, which, after the chair shot, is enough for the 1-2-3. Angle on commentary calls Morgan a big disappointment.

WINNERS: Hernandez, AJ Styles, & Sting in eleven minutes. The people who you'd expect to deliver did, and those who you wouldn't, didn't.

After the match Booker and a chair-wielding Steiner get back into the ring to argue with Morgan. Booker gets in his face, so Morgan snaps and takes them both down. He jaws with Angle to close the show.

Where We're Going: Morgan-Angle is pretty much the only feud worth anything in TNA right now, which is a bit unfortunate when you consider that AJ and Hernadnez are the two most interesting wrestlers. I guess we're supposed to be intrigued by Morgan's mind games, but it's hard to care when I really don't see what they're getting him. Other things I don't care about include Rhino-Neal-Devon, ODB-Deaner, Nash-Abyss (though Nash and Foley might sell me on this one), Joe-Daniels (though the match will at least be awesome), and Suicide-Dinero (ditto). That covers just about everything else, save Angelina Love-Madison Rayne, which might actually have potential if they get Rayne a cool enough partner. I thought last week's show was a set-up for big developments this week, but the defining feature of tonight's episode was the complete absence of any developments whatsoever.

Star of the Night: Hernandez. No one really shone through tonight, which generally means this goes to whoever is more their awesome self between Hernandez and AJ. Tonight Super-Mex gets the nod. Kip James also gets an honorable mention.

Overall: Of the three matches that went over three minutes, none were very good. They were all decent, but nothing you'll remember in the morning. That might not be the fault of the performers, but an effect of the fact that someone has gone back to the theory that it's always a good idea to break for a commercial 43 seconds into a match; rather than making me stick around, that makes me want to see what else is on. That left TNA to make up for weak matches with big plot developments, of which there weren't any. Dixie Carter's first on-camera appearance was wasted on hyping Lashley. This show had nothing cringe-worthy, but, outside of maybe two good spots, had absolutely nothing to recommend it. Coming off a relatively good run of Impacts recently, that doesn't cut it. D+

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He is getting over a case of Shingles, which he still thinks sounds like an STD but apparently isn't one. Well-wishes can be sent to dawilk316@gmail.com

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