By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
OCTOBER 2, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

WHAT HAPPENED

[Q1]

-The show opened with Abyss walking to the ring. This is a nice follow up to last week's big angle of Mick Foley turning on him. Abyss said doctors said he can't compete tonight (a nice touch to sell the consequences of Foley hitting him last week). He yelled that he's here for answers and he demanded Foley provide them to him. The crowd chanted, "We Want Answers!" Foley's music played and out he walked.

Foley walked into the ring with a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat. He asked Abyss what he owes him considering he took his look. He touted the decades he's put into wrestling, paving the way for guys like him to make a living. He even reminded him that he gave him a flannel shirt to carry on his hardcore tradition. Abyss said he came to the ring to save him from Kevin Nash. Abyss said what happened to the caricature of he and Jeremy Borash was an accident. He said he accidentally knocked the picture off the wall. He said it was his fault. Foley asked if he had an invitation to enter his private space. He asked if he asked him to mess up his title shot at the Legends Title. Foley said the caricature was his "most prized possession." It's tough to take this serious angle seriously when a silly obsession with that caricature is the centerpiece, and Foley's calling it his "most prized possession." It's just mixing something cute and lite with an attempt to get across an intense and serious angle and feud.

Foley showed off his ear that got ripped off and talked about needing to get his ear put in a plastic bag to take with him after the match. Abyss said: "Mick, you are... No, you were my hero. I idolized you." He said he wanted to be like him and got into wrestling because of him. He said what got him through taking beatings from his father while his mother turned a blind eye was watching Foley's blood, sweat, and tears. He said Mick repaid him by hitting him over the head and cutting him. He showed off a gash and stitches.

Foley said it's crossed his mind that his actions, while warranted, might have been a little extreme. Foley said he had spent a couple hours in the hospital himself having shards of a broken videocassette removed from his palm, so he's a victim too. Foley revealed that he had a gift for him - a new caricature of Foley and Borash. Foley, though, said it's not an original, it's a facsimile, a cheap rip-off. He said Abyss should know all about that. He said when it comes to comparisons, Abyss is a cheap low-rent copy, a wanna-be. Abyss hung his head in shame. Foley broke the framed caricature over Abyss's head. Taz said TNA is about to experience a Mick Foley the company had yet to see.

As Foley returned to the back, Abyss got up and went after him. Foley stood behind three security guards, but Abyss plowed his way through them and chokeslammed one of them on the stage. Foley, meanwhile, retreated. All in all, a good focused segment with a definitive babyface and heel. [c]

[Q2]

-Lauren tried to calm Abyss down backstage. He was freaking out. Lauren chased after him and asked someone else to cover interviews since she couldn't leave him alone.

1 -- KIYOSHI vs. SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED vs. "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL vs. AMAZING RED - Ladder Match to Earn An X Title Shot

The X Division Title shot contract hung on a clipboard above the ring. Red slid a ladder into the ring in the opening seconds. Red climbed the ladder at 2:00, but Lethal dove at him and knocked him hard to the mat. They cut to the back where Abyss was grabbing backstage workers demanding to know where Foley went. Bashir gave Creed a modified piledriver. Lethal knocked Bashir out of the ring and set up the ladder. He climbed the ladder, but Red knocked the ladder over. Red drove Creed's face into the mat with a head scissors and Creed spit out some foamy substance, which Taz called "blowing chunks." Red then climbed the ladder and grabbed the clip board.

WINNER: Amazing Red in 4:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* - A four minute five-person ladder match. Really?

-Borash interviewed Red at ringside. He asked him about his title shot next week. Red said he didn't want to think about that yet, he wanted to enjoy his victory. Lethal called him Red Rooster, shoved him, and said he stole the win. Creed pulled Lethal away and up the ramp. Borash plugged the Red shot at the X Title next week on Impact.

-They showed Abyss searching for Foley backstage. [c]

-Borash plugged a backstage scoop about strange people hanging out backstage, available via text message. He then interviewed Daffney and Dr. Stevie. Borash asked if Stevie had anything to do with Foley's change in attitude. He said regarding Nash, he yelled at the top of his lungs that he stole his money because the deal was he had to end Abyss's career, not just beat him. Stevie vowed to end Nash's career tonight. Borash asked Daffney if he's mad. She said, "No, he's angry. I'm mad. Ha ha ha!" [c]

[Q3]

2 -- DR. STEVIE (w/Daffney) vs. KEVIN NASH

Daffney distracted Nash leading to Stevie getting an early advantage. Stevie applied a modified sleeper that he calls "General Anesthesia." Nash powered out by driving Stevie back-first into the corner. As Stevie swung a baton at Nash, Nash kicked him in the face. Nash then executed a Jackknife for the win.

WINNER: Nash in 3:00.

-Backstage Eric Young led the World Elite toward the Main Event Mafia locker room. Young said Kurt Angle owes him an apology.

-They showed a split screen of Christy Hemme and Traci Brooks heading toward the entrance tunnel for their match. [c]

-The MEM and World Elite were yelling at each other. Angle demanded silence and asked Young what he wanted. Young said he wants to make it easy for him - he apologize to him and it's water under the bridge. He said if he doesn't choose that option, they'll have a big problem. Booker T got in Young's fast yelling gibberish, for which he gets paid very well. Young said they're faster, younger, stronger, and hungrier than the Mafia. It's good that he made his case why they're in the Mafia's league because that really hasn't been established otherwise. Booker continued to act like a hot-head. Angle didn't apologize. Young said he's going to show Angle how they should have handled Matt Morgan from the beginning when they wrestle later. The World Elite left. Angle told his men he doesn't want them losing focus on the big picture.

3 -- TRACI BROOKS vs. CHRISTY HEMME

Tenay called this match a tribute to Hugh Heffner. Tenay plugged the photo spread available at Playboy.com/traci which takes the view immediately to topless pictures of Traci. I figure most people know what they're getting into at Playboy.com, but it was a bit surprising they'd plug on Spike TV a URL that went directly to nudity. Christy missed a top rope split-legged legdrop. Traci scored a two count. A minute later Christy rolled her out of the corner for the pin. Afterward, Traci jumped Christy from behind. Enough of Tenay conjuring up images of flipping through Playboys drooling like a horny old man.

WINNER: Christy Hemme in 2:00.

-They showed a teaser of a sitdown interview with Tenay, A.J. Styles, and Sting.

[Q4] [c]

-They showed Tenay and Taz ringside. Tenay quickly threw backstage where he said Abyss had finally found Foley. Foley hit him with a baseball bat. Abyss got up and threw Foley into staging equipment. Security ran in and pried Abyss off of Foley.

-They aired the Tenay interview with Styles and Sting. Tenay asked Styles what he was thinking during the four-day period between winning the title and giving Sting an opportunity at the title. Styles said he knew Sting could have pinned Angle, but he let Styles do it. Styles said he's not sure if he would have broken up the pin attempt by Sting. He said he needs to know if he can beat Sting. Sting said he doesn't know how many times he's been World Champion. but he's done it all. He said, "It seems to me that I've pretty much done it all, so as far as the World Title, passing the torch, it just is what it is, Mike." Styles interjected and said while he doesn't mean to be disrespectful, while he understands the "passing the torch" thing, it can be taken one of two ways. "Is it passing the torch or just not wanting it anymore?" Styles asked. He leaned in and asked Sting if he's ready. He said if he's not ready, maybe he shouldn't lace them up, and he said he meant it in a loving way. He told Sting he loved him a couple more times and walked away. [c]

-Tara's ring entrance took place and joined Tenay and Taz at ringside. Tenay said Tara might have the most impressive resume of all TNA Knockouts. She showed off her new t-shirt.

[Q5]

4 -- ODB vs. AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed) - TNA Knockouts Title match

This is a big match once again to just give away without any hype or built up anticipation. ODB swigged from her flask. Tenay told Tara he thinks Kong wants to knock her out of TNA. Tara said she's flattered that she sees her as such a threat. ODB gave Kong a Bronco Buster in the corner at 1:00. Tenay and Taz asked her about her MMA training. Taz talked about the online war between Tara and Kim Couture, Randy Couture's wife. Raisha poked Tara in the chest. Tara dropped her headset and walked toward Saeed. Kong grabbed Tara. Tara dropped Kong throat-first over the top rope. OBD seized the distraction and rolled up Kong for the win (Kong landed on her during the move, which didn't look fun).

WINNER: ODB in 2:00 to retain the TNA Knockout Title. I know they like to "keep the show moving," but a Knockout Title defense of less than three minutes? Really? They expect to sell PPVs full of similar matches when establishing over and over again that matches between top talent last two or three minutes? The Knockouts draw the best ratings week after week and they can't find a way to schedule eight or ten minutes for a match of this caliber, or even hype it for a couple weeks before it takes place? Once again the match itself just "got in the way" of the the angle they wanted to get across.

-Afterward, Kong bailed out, but Tara and ODB had an argument. They shoved each other, although even Tenay didn't know what was said to spark the dispute. They forearmed and punched each other until it turned into an all-out brawl. Kong then jumped them both from behind. Kong gave both ODB and Tara her Implant Buster.

-They showed Angle warming up backstage. [c]

5 -- KURT ANGLE vs. HERNANDEZ

Taz said if Hernandez can hang with Angle, it gives him instant credibility. Hernandez gave Angle a delayed drop vertical suplex. Angle came right back with a released German suplex. Angle dove off the ropes at Hernandez, but Hernandez caught him and slammed him hard to the mat with a powerbomb. He followed with a Border Toss attempt, but Angle slipped out. Hernandez tried a second time, but instead flipped him hard to the mat for a near fall at 3:00. They brawled to a double countout. They fought to the back where everyone from both factions got into the fray.

WINNER: Double countout in 4:00.

STAR RATING: * - Decent action, but once again TNA conditions viewers to think a one-on-one match between two top names might be just four minutes long with a non-finish. The match again seemed to be an inconvenience getting in the way of the angle the booker had planned, and there are other ways to do these angles without diminishing the value of actual marquee match-ups. The two hour format was supposed to lead to improvements in this particular area.

[Q6] [c]

-So Cal Val, replacing Lauren on interviews as she dealt with Abyss, interviewed the Motor City Machine Guns. Chris Sabin said Foley told them they have the worst entrance music in pro wrestling. He said he questions whether it's the worst. He said, though, that they've taken Foley's advice. Alex Shelley said next week on Impact they'll reveal their new entrance theme in the form of a music highlight video. He said they auditioned bands and next week the winner will be revealed.

-Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne walked to the ring with a somber, serious demeanor. Sky said she and Rayne are not proud of their actions over the last year. "We were nasty, rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate," she said. "Our behavior was largely due to Angelina." Rayne added, "Angelina turned us into monsters. She made us do things that we didn't want to do, but we were afraid to go against Angelina's orders because if we did, it definitely wasn't worth the consequences." She said now that Angelina is gone, they want to show the fans their true colors. She invited Taylor Wilde and Sarita to the ring so they can apologize to them face-to-face and wish them luck at Bound for Glory. Taz said that was very nice of them. Tenay was skeptical. Taylor and Sarita walked out smiling. Both teams shook hands. Taylor and Sarita turned around and the BPs attacked them, although it seemed Taylor and Sarita had a feeling. Another woman jumped into the ring. Tenay said he thinks that's Lacey Von Erich, the daughter of Kerry Von Erich. She gave Sarita the Von Erich Claw.

-So Cal Val interviewed Matt Morgan backstage. He said he doesn't care about the "lovers' quarrel" between the MEM and World Elite. He said he "could care less" (he meant he "couldn't care less.") He said all he cares about is hurting people. He said he will destroy Angle at Bound for Glory. He warned them that they've awoken a sleeping giant and pissed him off.

[Q7] [c]

-Don West hyped upcoming TNA live events.

-So Cal Val interviewed the new Beautiful People. Sky called Val "Carrot Top" and then introduced Lacey Von Erich, calling her the heir apparent to the Von Erich throne. Sky said she'll pick up where Angelina Love left off. She said the BPs will be more fabulous than ever. Von Erich thanked everyone for the opportunity to take the ugly out of TNA. Will this be like when Farrah Fawcet left the cast of "Charlie's Angels"?

6 -- MATT MORGAN vs. ERIC YOUNG

Morgan out-powered Young from the start. He backed him into the corner and threw a series of elbows and then a Stinger Splash. He followed with a set-up for a side slam, checking his watch before just dropping him. Young took a Ray Stevens flip into the corner and ran to climb the top rope and came off with a flying dropkick. Morgan caught Young with a boot to the chin. Morgan nailed Young with a clothesline and then a running knee from behind. From the crowd an Abyss look-alike attacked Morgan with a chair. Tenay said he was "dressed like a fan." Angle unmasked to reveal it was himself. The rest of the Mafia ran out. The World Elite ran out and attacked MEM.

WINNER: No contest in 3:00. [c]

-After the break, the brawl continued in the ring. TNA agents including Simon Diamond (Pat Kenney) and security staff entered the ring to pull everyone apart.

[Q8]

-Borash interviewed Team 3D and Bobby Lashley who were scheduled to wrestle in the main event against Rhino & The British Invasion. Nice of TNA to let us know this was the main event. Ray said Devon was right about Rhyno and he said he owes Devon an apology. He said he's going to take it out on him by reaching down his throat, pulling out his heart, and feeding it to "that big fairy Rob." He said they've got a big X on their backs tonight. [c]

7 -- TEAM 3D & "THE BOSS" BOBBY LASHLEY vs. THE BRITISH INVASION & RHINO

Team 3D joined Tenay and West at ringside. They made Taz happy by handing him a beer. The crowd chanted for a Lashley hot-tag and he tagged in at 2;00 and went to work on Doug Williams. He followed with a hard clothesline sending him over the top rope to the floor. Williams slipped into the ring tagged in a reluctant Rhino. Devon also tagged right in. The Brits interfered with a low blow to stop Devon's momentum. At 5:00 Devon hot-tagged Lashley in. He went to work on all three heels at once. Six-way action broke out. The babyface trio cleared the ring of the Brits and then set up Rhino for the headbutt to the crowd. Rob Terry distracted the referee during this. Lashley then finished Magnus with his inverted facelock.

WINNERS: Team 3D & Lashley in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- High-energy and high-impact six-man main event.

-Lashley slapped hands with fans at ringside. Team 3D and Beer Money drank beer together. Samoa Joe jumped Lashley from behind and put him out with the rear naked choke as the show ended.

QUOTEBOOK

Taz on a Jackknife by Kevin Nash: "It looked like Stevie fell out of a building."

Mike Tenay: "I've seen some memorable pictorials through the years courtesy of Playboy. I have that Rolodex in my mind which keeps flashing back to the Traci Brooks photo spread. Have you seen it, Taz?"

Taz in response: "No, I'm a married man."

Mike Tenay regarding Hugh Heffner: "Thank you for all you've done for mankind, sir."

Taz in response: "Spoken like a true male chauvenist pig."

Sting: "I don't know how many times I've been World Champion."

Taz to Mike Tenay regarding Tara's new t-shirt: "It looks like ladies small. Perfect for you, Mike."

Mike Tenay, taking the sexy out of sexy: "What? No butt close-up? No rope straddle."

James Storm: "Me and Bobby Lashley have a little something in common. We both carry six packs."

Taz: "Lifting Devon is like lifting a small foreign car."

James Storm in response: "Lifting Bubba's even worse."

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