KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT - HOUR THREE
DECEMBER 14, 2009
LIVE FROM CORPUS CHRISTY, TEX.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

[Q9]

-They showed Chris Jericho throwing a hissy fit over being forced out the door backstage. [c]

-Lawler thanked "Switchfoot" for their theme song for the TLC PPV. Cole plugged the WWE Title change story at the WWE website.

-No Miller for the next Slammy Award presentation. Instead, out walked Carlito, Chris Masters, and Eve. Cole called it the "Chris & Carly Show at the Slammy Awards." Masters took off his suit coat and showed off his pecs. Masters drew laughs at Carlito spoke by making his pecs dance. Carlito got upset, but said he could do it, too. He asked Eve if she could do it. Eve smiled and said he'll never find out. Extreme Moment of the Year nominees: Kingston's legdropping Orton through a table at MSG, Big Show slamming Cena through the search light (that should win; that was a hell of a special effect), Hardy's flip off a ladder onto Punk, or Triple H's home invasion on Orton and his wife. Winner: Hardy's dive. Man, WWE sure continues to support this pending-potential drug felon. They must be confident the outstanding charges will be dropped. Or they're just pushing his DVD. Matt Hardy came out to accept on behalf of his brother. Carlito interrupted and asked why Matt is accepting an award he didn't win. Matt told him it's not his moment. As he began talking again, Carlito jumped him and knocked him down. Carlito then said, "I'm going to go ahead and accept the award on behalf of myself." He thanked Jesus, others, and himself. Masters put the Masterlock on Carlito and threw him into Hardy's grip. Hardy knocked him down. Masters and Hardy shook hands. Striker said, "This is more like the Source Awards." Hardy held up Jeff's trophy. Isn't that the story of his life. [c]

[Q10]

-They went to Cole, Striker, and Lawler at ringside. They hyped the Cena vs. Orton match. Lawler thanked Miller. He said he can't wait to listen to his radio show talking about his WWE experience. Striker threw to a trailer for "The Marine II."

6 -- THE MIZ & DREW MCINTYRE & ZACH RYDER vs. JOHN MORRISON & YOSHI TATSU & MARK HENRY

This is quite an eclectic mix of a six-man tag match. It's also sure to be less than three minutes given there's no top draw in it. Striker gave a shout-out to a nine year old fan who pointed out a mistake he made on IC Title history. Lawler asked what the mistake was. Striker said he wouldn't say, but he did thank the fan by name. Cole said Morrison admitted he went up against a buzzsaw i McIntrye last night and the better man that night won. Everyone got in a few seconds of spots before Tatsu pinned Ryder after Ryder called him into the ring. Tatso KO'd him with a roundhouse kick to the face. Cole said, "What a Monday Night Raw debut for Yoshi Tatsu."

WINNERS: Tatsu & Henry & Morrison in 2:00. [c]

[Q11]

-WWE Fact: Raw is the longest running weekly entertainment program in television hstory - featuring more episodes than Cheers and The Simpson's combined. (If Striker can admit mistakes, I must also. In my Smackdown report this weekend, I mistakenly said "Law & Order" was long off the air. I was thinking of "L.A. Law" when I wrote that. Thanks to those of you who kindly pointed out my mistake, and even that one guy who was really rude about it!)

7 -- MICKIE JAMES & KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM & MARIA & Divas champion MELINA & BELLA TWINS vs. ROSA MENDES & Women's champion MICHELLE MCCOOL & NATALYA & ALICIA FOX & BETH PHOENIX & LAYLA & MARYSE

Lots of banter during ring intros and the short match by the announcers, as you'd expect. Mickie finished off Rosa Mendez with a DDT.

WINNERS: Mickie's Team of Seven in 1:00. I will never complain about three minute women's matches again. Well, that's probably not true. I won't at least until next week.

-Goldust and MVP walked out to announce the Diva of the Year as voted by the fans. No Miller once again. Goldust said he's been known as a Diva, so maybe he should take the Slammy himself. He asked the "girls" in the ring. They shook their heads no. Goldust complained about them being so sensitive. He said they've got MVP on the stage and PMS in the ring. Goldust then left the stage. MVP announced Maria was the winner. She walked out to that horrible theme song of hers. She thanked the fans for being so awesome. Batista, wearing a pink shirt, interrupted and said he should be up for the Superstar of the Year Award. He said he was screwed. He said he was robbed last week. He wanted a Screwjob of the Year Awards. Two police officers walked out and talked him off of the stage. Cole said he just embarrassed himself. [c]

-Miller returned to the podium. He introduced Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson. The music interrupted him as he said Big Dick Johnson. He seemed perturbed by that. Johnson walked out in a speedo. Lawler said he's a perfect candidate for a body transplant. Atlas laughed on and on as Johnson shook his stuff. Washington looked disgusted. Miller was long off the stage. They presented the "Oh My! Moment of the Year" nominees: Masters's Dancing Pecs, Michaels working at the Cafeteria and kicking a young girl for being rude, Cole drunk at the Smackdown anniversary party, and Santino's Thanksgiving pie-face incident. Masters's pecs is the only one that got them any pub ("The Soup"), so it deserves it. It went to "Michael Cole Vomits." Cole celebrated by leaping to his feet, hugging Lawler, and running to the stage hooping and hollering. He even hugged Johnson. He said, "In all due respect to my mentor, good ol' J.R., slobberknocker and 'My God!' are passe because it's a new era. It's an era of 'vintage' and 'oh, my!'" They kept it short. Cole plays the fool with enthusiasm, even if it's more uncomfortable than funny. Miller walked right out and said, "I have to be going because after seeing Big Dick Johnson, I have to go take my freaking eyes out with a power drill." He told fans about USACares.org and asked for donations. He thanked WWE for being kind to him and said the Superstar of the Year would be next.

-Lawler plugged Cena vs. Orton was up next. He said Cena also is going to challenge Sheamus for the WWE Title after the match.

[Q12] [c]

-DX did a zany skit pushing merchandise, including the WWE toy ring. Triple H mistakenly destroyed his set-up. Michaels fake cried. It's so hard to watch this stuff. Comedy is hard, and slapstick comedy is about as difficult to pull off with dignity as anything. Hunter pushed a new DX Snuggie and told Michaels to watch the new "History of the World Championship DVD" in his snuggle while sipping a drink. Hunter put up a clip of Michaels getting beat up. Hornswoggle appears and handed them tiny wrapped gifts. They were "WWE Shop Zone" gift cards. They said that didn't get Hornswoggle off the hook. Michaels attacked him. They brawled under the Snuggie. Hunter joined in, but Hornswoggle appeared behind him, revealing to Hunter that he was actually beating on Michaels under the Snuggie.

-Next week's guest host - Johnny Damon of the New York Yankees.

-Randy Orton's ring intro took place. [c]

-Cena's ring intro took place.

[Q13]

8 -- RANDY ORTON vs. JOHN CENA -- Superstar of the Year Match

Cena went after Orton aggressively at the start. Orton blocked a bulldog attempt at 1:00 and shoved Cena to ringside. He threw Cena head-first into the ringpost. Orton dominated for two minutes. Cena fought back at 3:00 with that bulldog he tried earlier. Then he climbed to the top rope and hit a legdrop to the back of Orton's neck for a two count. Orton came back and scored some near falls of his own. At 6:00 Cena hit an Attitude Adjustment, but Orton put his foot on the bottom rope to stop the count. Orton then DDT'd Cena off the ring apron onto the floor. Orton told the impact, also. Orton rolled Cena into the ring for a cover, but Cena kicked out at 8:00. Cena avoided a punt kick and then hit a quick Attitude Adjustment for the win. Cole said that is the definition of gut-check. Cena celebrated his consolation prize after losing his WWE Title last night. Sheamus stepped out onto the stage with a gloating broad smile holding up the WWE Title belt. No challenge by Cena was Lawler suggested would happen.

WINNER: Cena in 9:00 to become Superstar of the Year.

STAR RATING: **1/2

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