By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JANUARY 22, 2010
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-The WWE opening vignette still features Ric Flair. With Mick Foley and Hulk Hogan being erased from that, will he be next? Shane McMahon's flying garbage can kick is also in there.

-A video preview aired hyping Rey Mysterio's victory over Batista to face Undertaker at Royal Rumble, portraying him "as the biggest underdog in sports entertainment." The hype is that he calls out Undertaker tonight, so will his dream become a nightmare.

-After the Smackdown opening, Todd Grisham introduced the show, hyping that they were just nine days away from the Royal Rumble. He also hyped that next week Drew McIntrye defends his IC Title against John Morrison, but first Morrison must face both Chris Jericho and McIntrye two-on-one.

1 -- BATISTA vs. FINLAY

As Batista made his ring entrance, they showed kids giving him a thumbs down. Matt Striker called it a "two hour star-studded extravaganza!" He so kisses up to Vince McMahon (or repeats what he's told to say) as that's such a McMahonism. Finlay cut off an early showboating moment by Batista with a slap and a kick to the face. Batista came back with an aggressive attack at ringside including gouging Finlay's eyes. The ref DQ'd him.

WINNER: Finlay via DQ in 2:00.

-After the DQ, Batista threw him into the announcers' desk and slammed him hard on the mat at ringside. Grisham said, "The Animal has awakened." Batista rammed Finlay into the ringpost and then the stairs. Grisham wondered what made him snap. Finlay must not have any friends in the back because the beating went on for several minutes. Batista grabbed the mic and said that will happen at the Rumble "times 29." He stomped Finlay repeatedly, each time saying it was John Cena, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H. He said one way or another he'll get his title back, and if that means he has to win the Rumble, he'll do it that way. He said his next title reign will begin at WrestleMania at the expense of his winning streak. [c]

-Todd Grisham plugged a way to donate to Haiti.

[Q2]

-A video clip aired of Rey Mysterio winning the Royal Rumble by eliminating Randy Orton.

-C.M. Punk and Luke Gallos walked out onto the stage. Punk said next week they'll become the new Unified Tag Team Champions and restore dignity to those titles because they are straight edge. He said they are winners and the WWE Universe is made up of losers. He walked up to fans and lectured them about beer and cigarettes. He called them a weak-minded majority setting bad examples for their kids, and he's the savior they've been waiting for to take them by the hand to the promised land. He said he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt he's better than each of them, and he knows he can save each of them if they pledge allegiance to his Straight Edge Society. He asked who the "brave, fortunate one is tonight who wants to be saved." A woman ran up to Punk and was hysterical. Security dragged her away, but Punk heard her shout, "I need you!" Punk told security to let her go. She entered the ring and Punk told her he can look into her eyes and see a lifetime of pain and suffering. It began to drag a bit at this point as Punk went on and on about her having enablers who don't care about her or themselves, but he's not like them. He said it takes bravery to draw an X on her fist and raise it in a show of commitment to him and his Straight Edge Society. He sat her down on a chair and performed an exorcism type of ritual. Too long by about five minutes, and it wasn't even over as they cut to a break as Gallos handed Punk an electric razor to shave her head. [c]

[Q3]

When they returned he was shaving her head. He shaved her bald. She seemed to be in a trance. Then he kissed her head and welcomed her into his society. That was among the longest non-match Smackdown segments ever. [c]

-Time for the two-on-one match. As Jericho came out, they showed Jericho on the cover of Men's Fitness magazine. Teddy Long stepped out before the bell rang and said Vickie Guerrero didn't consult with him before making this a two-on-one match, so he decided to expand it to a two-on-two match. Truth danced and sang his way to the ring as Morrison celebrated and Jericho and McIntrye threw a fit. [c]

[Q4]

2 -- DREW MCINTYRE & CHRIS JERICHO vs. JOHN MORRISON & R-TRUTH

The match was joined in progress after the break. Striker said Truth has "television-friendly charisma." Not sure how that differs from non-TV-friendly charisma. The heels dominated for several minutes. They cut to a break at 9:00. [c] Morrison remained in a McIntrye armbar after the break. Jericho tagged in and taunted Truth on the ring apron, who had been reaching for a tag. Morrison got very close to hot-tagging Truth at 14:00, but McIntrye tagged in and cut him off.

[Q5]

At 16:00 Truth finally got the hot-tag for a nice pop. They certainly milked it long enough, so there better have been one. McIntrye broke up a pin attempt by Truth. Morrison knocked McIntrye to the floor. Jericho kicked Truth in the head. Morrison rolled McIntrye into the ring. The ref-who-shall-not-be-named was distracted by that, so Morrison kicked Jericho from the ring apron. Truth then hit the scissors kick for the win. Striker was upset. Grisham said "turnabout is fair play."

WINNERS: Morrison & Truth in 17:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Long time milking that hot-tag to Truth. It worked, but it made for a bit of a monotonous body of the match since it was so one-sided for so-long.

-A clip aired of Rey Mysterio winning the World Title at WrestleMania. [c]

-Grisham plugged the new line of Mattel WWE action figures. Striker wondered why there was no El Gigante figure.

-Michelle McCool and Layla stood in the ring together. McCool said she had good news, that Mickie James was leaving Smackdown forever after tonight. Layla played her sidekick, celebrating the news. McCool noted a sad fan at ringside. She said they planned a nice going-away party for her. They said they had lots of food for Piggy James. A banner hanging on the ropes said, "Bum-Bye Piggy James."

Maria came out to her entrance music and then said McCool and Layla are "annoying." (Not more annoying than Maria's entrance song.) She said the only people who should be leaving Smackdown are those two, "Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb." Mickie came out and told McCool and Layla to "look at me!" McCool said, "We can't miss you!" Hilarious comeback, especially because of her delivery.

[Q6]

Mickie continued: "This is what a real woman looks like." She pointed to the women in the crowd and said they're all real women, too. "We're short, we'll tall, we're skinny, we're curvy, we're gorgeous, we're sexy," she said. Mickie said she is the way God intended her to be and she's proud of it. This would all work better if Mickie was the least bit overweight by any standard other than WWE's la-la land. Mickie said she's not going anywhere. McCool said when she's in the ring, "not only do the fans get to see WWE, but also Animal Planet all at the same time." Mickie asked McCool if she's smarter than a fifth grader. Mickie said it's time she embarrass both of them, so at the Royal Rumble she'll teach them some manners. A brawl broke out with all four. Beth Phoenix ran out and seemed conflicted regarding which side to take. She then attacked Maria, throwing her into the ringpost. With Phoenix's help, the heels knocked Maria out of the ring and then shoved a pig-shaped cake in Mickie's face. Then, to help wash it down, she poured punch over her head. Maria was left crying in the ring. [c]

3 -- MIKE KNOX & CHARLIE HAAS vs. CRYME TYME

Haas's facial hair and shaved head works for him. A minute into the match, Kane walked out and threw all four over the top rope. Striker said he thinks he knows what that was all about. "This is all about the Royal Rumble!" he declared. Striker said Kane has to be a favorite in that match.

WINNERS: No contest in 1:00.

[Q7] [c]

-Striker and Grisham were shown at ringside as they ran down the line-up for the Royal Rumble.

-The Great Khali and Matt Hardy came out to the ring. [c]

4 -- THE HART DYNASTY (w/Natalya) vs. THE GREAT KHALI & MATT HARDY

Hardy danced with Khali in center-ring as they came back from the break. Striker speculated that Natalya was smitted with Khali. She distracted Khali and lured him to ringside at 2:00. However, despite a double-team attempt by THD, Hardy surprised Smith with a small package for the win.

WINNER: Hardy & Khali in 2:00.

[Q8] [c]

-Rey Mysterio's full ring into aired. He entered the ring and said he's heard what people are saying, wondering why he's crazy enough to call out the Undertaker. He said four years ago he won his first and only World Championship, and it was a dream come true. He said the only thing standing between him and his dream is a "walking nightmare called the Undertaker." So he called him out. Taker's full ring intro then took place. When they stood next to each other, it confirmed there is a height difference between them, but it might be Taker's hat - hard to tell. Rey said last time they were in a match, Taker did not see an ounce of fear in his eyes and this time he'll do whatever it takes to win, but this time there will be no Batista or Shawn Michaels. Rey said Michaels said he'll win the Rumble and choose to face Taker, but the problem is Taker won't be champion after the Rumble. He said he's had dreams and he's had nightmares, but he's conquered his nightmares because of his dreams.

Taker acknowledged that Rey has made a career out of doing the impossible. He said there's one thing he needs to be aware of, though. "You, or no one else for that matter, triumphs over the grave," he said. He said he admires his gallantry in seeking out the World Hvt. Championship, but in fact what he's doing is digging his own grave. Rey gulped and shook his head, as if he was trying to convince himself Taker was wrong. Taker said he will suffer the same fate everyone else has suffered when trying to make a name for themselves at his expense. He said at the Royal Rumble he will rest in peace. He walked up to Rey and towered over him when he said (it's not just the hat, by the way). The lights flickered as Striker asked viewers whose words do they believe to be more true. Grisham said Rey shocked the world by beating Batista in a cage, so does he have another shocker in him. As Taker walked away, Rey shouted for Taker. The lights came back on and Taker's music stopped. Taker turned around. Rey said, "I am not like the rest." Batista then jumped Rey from behind and gave him a sidewalk slam. Taker walked back toward the ring as Batista delivered a Batista Bomb. Batista rolled out of the ring as Taker got near. He retreated into the crowd.

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