KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
FEBRUARY 15, 2010
LIVE FROM DES MOINES, IOWA
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
-A local 15 year old girl stood on the Raw stage and sang the United States National Anthem in honor of Presidents Day. The local National Guard held up American flags, too.
-After the Raw opening, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and touted that Jerry Springer was the guest host, Bret Hart would address the WWE Universe, and Batista was on his way "to react to John Cena's threats from last week."
1 -- SHEAMUS vs. RANDY ORTON
As Sheamus walked out, clips aired of the Sheamus-Randy Orton conflicts last week. Sheamus held his WWE Title belt in the air. Orton then made his ring entrance. Lawler talked about the odds being stacked against Sheamus on Sunday. Not much happened the first two minutes, as they pretty much avoided each other's early moves. [c] Ted DiBIase and Cody Rhodes walked to ringside. Lawler and Cole wondered if it made Orton more or less confident to have them out there.
At 8:00 Orton pounded the mat with is fists as Cole called him "WWE's Apex Predator." Sheamus avoided the RKO. The action spilled to the floor. Orton reversed Sheamus into the ringpost. DiBiase went after Sheamus at ringside. Sheamus fought him off. Cody hit Sheamus. The ref DQ'd Orton. Cody reacted like he knew he blew it again. Orton wasn't happy at all. DiBiase got into the ring and blamed Cody. Cody trailed behind and blamed DiBiase. Orton held his head in frustration, trying to control his Samoan temper. Orton apparently blamed Cody as he gave him a sudden RKO. Sheamus knocked DiBiase out of the ring a second later. Orton then gave Sheamus an RKO. Orton then pounded the mat and gathered his thoughts. Cole said he pitied the other men in the Chamber on Sunday.
WINNER: Sheamus in 9:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Not a ton of the match, but nothing wrong with it, either. It was there as a set-up for the angle afterward, establishing more tension between Orton, Rhodes, and DiBiase. The question is whether Orton would have gone after DiBiase in addition to Rhodes had Sheamus not gotten to DiBiase first. The announcers, though, didn't express the same curiosity. They did point out Orton was in control of the match.
-They showed Bret Hart walking backstage. Lawler said his statement was up next. [c]
-WWE Fact: "Last Monday, Raw was watched by more people than both NBA games on TNT - combined!" How long are these types of bragging going to last when TNA Impact starts going head-to-head with Raw starting March 8? Especially if TNA has its act together and chips away at Raw viewership (although if both shows are good, the wrestling audience should simply expand).
-They went to Cole and Lawler at ringside. When speaking about Bret's return to WWE, Lawler said it hasn't gone how he envisioned as it's become one painful humiliation after another. They threw to a video package on Bret-Vince-Cena-Batista.
-Bret Hart came out to his full ring intro. He said it's no real shock that Vince McMahon is not at the arena tonight. He said if he had flown in "I've have been waiting for him at the airport. I'd have been waiting for him to get in or out of his car. I'd have been waiting for him at his hotel. I'd have been waiting for him right at the building." He said he wants to finish things once and for all. The crowd chanted, "Bret! Bret! Bret!" He said he came back to WWE with really good intentions to make peace with Vince McMahon, but it wasn't to be. He said when he thinks of things and tries to put things in perspective, he realizes that Vince lied to him, kicked his gut, spit in his face, lied to him some more, and had his good Batista beat him up.
He said what he hears most of all in his head are the words "Bret deserved to be screwed." Bret said, "Well, I think Vince McMahon deserves to have the holy hell beat out of him." He said he had his heart set on how things would happen, but Vince is the world's greatest liar. He said not even at the bottom of the barrel, he's actually under the barrel. He said he had his heart set on having one last victory at WrestleMania and get to beat Vince in the process. He said it's not to be, though, since he also lied about that. "Victory will last a lifetime, but excellence will last forever," he said.
He said he wanted to thank all WWE Superstars for welcoming him and thanked the WWE Universe for being so kind in having him back. He said he especially wanted to thank John Cena. Some cheers turned to boos among the deep-voiced fans. He also thanked the fans from the bottom of his heart (but not under it) for all they're support. He then said goodbye and waved to them. His music didn't play. Everyone gets their music played as they leave the ring. When he got to the stage it finally played.
-Backstage Kofi Kingston told Bret he's sorry to see him go, but it's been an honor. Jack Swagger and Alicia Fox also wished him luck. Primo said it sucks that he's leaving. Bret told him to say hi to his dad for him. Gail Kim and Evan Bourne also wished him well. John Cena then walked with Bret toward his car. Cena said he thinks he can make something happen at WrestleMania. Cena told him to take care of himself as he got into a limo. As Cena walked away, the sound of a car crash could be heard. The camera turned back to Bret and a car had run into the door and crushed his leg. Bourne, Kim, and Alicia ran up to the scene. Someone called for medics as Cena chewed out the lady show drove into the car. Bret winced as they pulled him out of the limo and put him on a stretcher with his leg wrapped. I'm suspicious that the woman was paid by McMahon to run into him! Bret was driven out in an ambulance. [c]
-Cole recapped a video package on what happened to him. Cole said they'd try to keep everyone updated on his condition. Lawler said, "It can't be any worse than this." Well...
2 -- THE MIZ & BIG SHOW vs. MVP & MARK HENRY
If the tag titles are truly Unified, why are there still two sets of belts? Miz held up both tag belts while wearing his U.S. Title. A clip aired of DX losing the tag belts last week. After a minute of offense by Henry & MVP, they cut to a break. [c] Lawler hyped that tomorrow night is the final ECW program ever. Henry powerslammed Miz and went for the win, but Show legdropped him from behind to break up the pin. MVP tagged in and went on a flurry against Show, including a big kick in the corner. Show caught MVP with is boot on a second charge into the corner. Miz tagged in and went for the pin, but MVP reversed him into a leverage three count.
WINNERS: MVP & Henry in 7:00.
STAR RATING: Not much aired, so no grade given. It was about what you'd expect out of these two teams, though.
-Cole and Lawler plugged that Jerry Springer would be revealing intimiate relationships in WWE up next. [c]
-Elimination Chamber Fact: "No WWE Superstars has ever won more than one Elimination Chamber match - except Triple H, who has won an astounding four chamber matches."
-Jerry Spring ermade his way to the ring with a Joe the Plumber's twin brother. They booed him and he said: "Thank you. How nice you are." He stood in front of a flat screen with is signature graphic. He introduced Kelly Kelly. As she walked out, Lawler might have had his best line EVER: "Way to go, God!" She revealed she is pregnant. He asked who the father is. She said she's not sure because she's been in a lot of relationships. Springer said, "Where do I sign up?" Kelly said she thinks she knows. Out came Santino Marella. Lawler said he's a proud papa. Kelly said Santino isn't the father because while he was sleeping, she needed someone to finish the job with more stamina and experience. Michael Cole interrupted as Santino claimed the baby will be born with a unibrow. "That was our little secret, you loose-lipped little secret!" Cole said. Lawler said he's talking about him, not Cole. Lawler entered the ring. The crowd chanted "Jerry, Jerry." Springer said that chant makes him nervous. He asked Lawler if Kelly is too old for him. "You usually pick up your girls during recess," he said, taking a dig at Lawler's past tendencies. Out walked the Bella Twins.
The Bellas said they have their own shocking treatment. I never realized how much Springer sounds like Jerry Lewis before. Nikki said Bri is a man. They had a brief scuffle over that comment. Chris Masters then walked out. Spring said, "Oh, this is absurd." Kelly smiled when his pecs danced. Springer told him to put a bra on. Next in the circus parade came Eve. She confronted Kelly, who was upset that Masters cheated on her. Masters said obviously she wasn't getting the job done. Eve said she had a secret, too. She said she's been cheating on Chris with someone who is a whole lot more man. Masters told her to bring that person out. The Great Khali then came out with Ranjin Singh. Santino demanded to know who the father is. Springer said he has the results of the paternity test. Santino asked how that's possible when that happened three days ago. Springer said, "Because I'm Jerry Springer... Eat your heart out, Maury." He couldn't pronounce the name. Santino's eyes bugged out when he saw what it said: "Hornswoggle!" He ran out and hugged Kelly. Springer said this is crazier than his own show and he walked to the back.
Lawler then shouted from the ring to Springer. He said when they heard he was going to be there, they couldn't stop themselves. He said the put together this charade. He said Kelly's not pregnant, Bri's not a man, and he's pretty sure Khali has no idea what's going on. The crowd laughed. Singh said that like the audience, Khali feels this has been a gigantic waste of time. Lawler said they have one real surprise to reveal, though. He revealed Jerry's intimate relationship with Mae Young. She walked out and hugged him and kissed him all over his face. Everyone in the ring chanted "Jerry! Jerry!" Well, that quarter hour rating will be interesting. The good news WWE probably won't be ballsy enough to try that circus stuff starting March 8. Or maybe they'll feel the need to do more of it. Either way, we'll find out then if it works.
-Cole plugged the Cena-Triple H main event. [c]
-A commercial aired for the new John Morrison DVD which comes out tomorrow.
-Lawler told Cole that he hopes Springer had fun.
3 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. TED DIBIASE
After Kingston dropped DiBiase a couple times with clotheslines, Lawler told DiBiase to stay down because he wouldn't have as far to fall. After Kingston dominated the entire match, DiBiase slipped the Dream Street on Kofi from behind as he climbed the ropes and scored the clean win. It was an abbreviated version of the booking of The Pope beating Mr. Anderson at TNA Against All Odds last night.
WINNER: DiBiase in 3:00. Whatever push Kofi is going to get isn't going to be all that big in the immediate future, but he's still good enough to be elevated once Vince McMahon decides to get behind him. DiBiase is the one who is clearly getting a strong push right now, continuing to build the case he'll end up against Orton at WrestleMania one way or another.
-The next Hall of Fame inductee was announced: Antonio Inoki.
It included a rare clip of "Dr. D" David Shults on WWE TV. It also showed him against Hulk Hogan and standing next to Vince McMahon Jr. and Vince McMahon Sr. They also detailed "the world's first mixed martial arts superfight" between Inoki and Ali. They didn't talk about what a disaster it turned out to be, merely showing a still shot of Inoki kicking at Ali's legs. Extended clips aired of Inoki vs. Ric Flair in North Korea in front of an announced 190,000. The chapter in Eric Bischoff's book on that experience is definitely worth reading. [c]
-They showed Cole and Lawler at ringside, who recapped the Bret Hart angle earlier. Then they showed security camera footage of the incident. Cole said all arenas have those cameras in the garages. It's nice to see WWE going to the trouble of explaining why a camera filmed it from another angle. It didn't reveal any new detail, but it was cool to see what happened off camera.
-A video package aired on the Elimination Chamber. Cole and Lawler hyped the participants in the Chamber matches.
-Jerry Springer gave his "Final Thoughts" including a list of things that could happen at the Chamber in terms of feuds being advanced or new champions being crowned. He said a lot of questions regarding the Road to WrestleMania will be answered. Then in walked Mae Young. Springer told viewers not to judge him. [c]
-A clip aired of Josh Matthews attempting to interview Batista on Smackdown on Friday. Batista dropped the mic and kicked it.
-Justin Roberts introduced someone named "Geee-yawn-ceeee-nawwww." John Cena came out instead. Then a video package aired of Batista beating up Cena on Raw. Cena stared up at the big screen as the video concluded. The crowd chanted, "Cena! Cena! Cena!" Cena said first things first, he's not sure of Bret's condition, but everyone is pulling for him. He then said he's a one-man welcoming committee for Batista. He called for Batista. No Batista. Then he showed up "via satellite" on the big screen. He waved and said, "Hi John." Cena said he knows how this works. He turned his back and welcomed him to attack him from behind. Batista said, "Trust me, I'm doing you a huge favor by not being there tonight. You don't me in the same building. You definitely don't want me in the same ring as you." He said the next time they're in the ring together, he'll wish it was a bad dream.
Cena said those are the words of a tough guy. Cena told him he's not a dentist, but he'll take care of that smile on his face if he comes to the ring right now. Batista said he's laughing because Cena keep running his mouth when he's not there. Batista said next week he'll be at Raw in person, not 2,000 miles away. "Let's see how much you run your mouth then. Batista wished him luck on Sunday. Cena said he's not afraid of him, so next Monday, "You want some, you come get some!" Triple H's ring entrance then took place. [c]
-Next week's guest hosts are musician Jewel and Ty Murray, who is apparently the greatest bull rider ever.
4 -- TRIPLE H vs. JOHN CENA
Triple H dominated early. When it spilled to ringside, Triple H moved out of Cena's path and Cena went ribs-first into the security barrier. Triple H went for a Pedigree, but Cena backdropped out of it. They cut to a break at 3:00. [c] Cena made a comeback at 7:00 and went into his You Can't See Me routine.
Cena reset the main event for new viewers at the very top of the hour. Triple H made a comeback and hit a clothesline for a two count. Lawler touted how great it is that Cena vs. Triple H is the main event free on Raw. Cena headbutted Triple H off the ropes to counter a superplex attempt. He then flew off the top rope with a legdrop to the back of Hunter's neck. Cena set up an STF. Hunter twisted out of it. Triple H countered with a half crab. Cena flipped out and immediately applied an STF. Hunter grabbed the top rope. Cena tried to lift Hunter, who had what appeared to be a 15 inch string of snot hanging from his nose, into an STF position. Hunter escaped and gave Cena the knee driver and spinebuster. He then set up the Pedigree, but Sheamus interfered with a Pump Kick (front thrust kick) to Hunter's head.
WINNER: No contest in 11:00.
STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Nice match. The finish was fine for a TV match when it's being used to obviously promote Elimination Chamber.
-Sheamus attacked both Cena and Hunter afterward, both of whom were beaten down from the match. Sheamus gave Hunter his running released Razor's Edge. The crowd chanted "You suck! You suck!" as the show ended.
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