By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: Last week I gave Impact an A+, and was criticized a bit in the comments of the roundtable on the grounds that such grades should be reserved for only the best shows. To this I respond—well, yeah, and this was one of those. What more could it have had? Over an hour of wrestling? Check. Shocking title change? Check. Cool return? Check. Logical development on the previous night? Check. Ineffable big-night-feel factor? Double check. The only thing missing was a giant swerve, and frankly TNA does those too often for them to mean much anyway. Hell, they even went out of their way to avoid headshots in the garbage brawl. I also like that the show had essentially no hype, thus adding to the feel that anything can happen any given week. Tonight's 2010 Draft Lottery episode of Raw might be better in some respects, but since I'm expecting something huge it won't feel as big. Since last week, I've read that Dinero is hurt, which affects my views of last week's show both positively and negatively. On the plus side, it makes me feel less bad about him getting seemingly shafted. The only negative is that it makes me wonder whether last week was the product of panic-booking, but I suppose that if I couldn't tell at the time then there's no real difference. The only thing missing last week was the X Division, which could be fairly readily explained by the fact that the most interesting X Division wrestler was stranded by a Volcano. Assuming that they filmed most of this show last week, that problem should still be with us tonight, but it didn't hold things back too much last time. Tonight will see the debut of the new rankings system, which could potentially be all sorts of awesome.


The Show: Mr. Monday Night

Tonight we'll see AJ & Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy. I don't really know why. We'll also see Abyss vs. Ric Flair in a Ring vs. Ring match—and Ric Flair thought that if he came out of retirement his career would go down from his WrestleMania 24 high.

Hogan's out to start. He thinks that things are wide open, and really changing in TNA. He's still on a high from last week (which seems appropriate, given who won the title). Hogan says that it's always about being world champion, but being the TNA World Heavyweight Champion right now is even bigger than anything he could ever dreamed. Being RVD right now means you have a big target on your back, since everyone in the back is upping their game. That's why Eric Bischoff will be unveiling the new top 10 system tonight, in which we fans will have a major say. Last week Hogan was thrilled to watch RVD go tit for tat with one of the best of all time, Jeff Hardy. And when he was done, he did it again with AJ Styles. Say what you will and think what you will about AJ, he was phenomenal. Without further ado, here's our new TNA champion, Rob Van Dam. He hits the ring. I can't decide if his entrance non-music where someone just yells his name is horrible or brilliant—I'm leaning towards horrible. The crowd is thrilled to see him. RVD thanks "Hulky", and tells him to feel free to call him "Mr. TNA, Rob Van Dam". Hogan gives it a go. The reason RVD's in TNA, where every wrestler wants to be right now, is that he figured that Dixie Carter, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bischoff, would actually give him an opportunity to just be Rob Van Dam. He says that a lot of people will never understand his connection with the crowd, or with "mother earth's finest", which draws a brief "420" chant. They don't understand what it takes to strike such a balance between being a cool, laid back guy, and kicking so much ass. That's okay. All they need to understand is that he's one of the toughest guys we'll ever run into, that he's the best at what he does, and that from this day forward he'll continue to be the best champion TNA has ever had. And that's why he's the Whole F'n Show. I forgot how much I loved RVD promos. Apparently AJ disagrees, since he comes down to the ring, accompanied by Ric Flair. RVD doesn't know why they didn't like his promo. Hogan says that no one invited either of these ex-champions out here. The crowd gets an "ex-world champ" chant going. They're really organized tonight. AJ says that "you" sound like a hallmark greeting card, but I don't know whether he's talking to RVD or Hogan. AJ says that RVD is right that many people don't understand RVD—he's just a hippie from Southern California, and no one understands him. Did he say that he's going to be the best champion ever? Is he high right now? The crowd and Taz both say that he probably is. He must be high, since last week AJ had him beat when he slipped on the top rope. If he didn't know better, he'd think RVD lubed up the ropes, since we all know AJ can fly. And tonight he's in some BS tag match instead of getting his rematch? I was thinking the same thing. That's okay, cause he'll get his rematch, but not when RVD wants, and sure as hell not when the fans want. He tells RVD to put that in his pipe and smoke it. Taz: "subtle". Hogan starts to say something, but Flair wants a turn. He doesn't care about RVD's lifestyle. It is pretty cool being the champ—he should know, he's been world champion 16 times. But he and Hogan have a problem, having to do with who they are and where they're going to end up. Ric Flair takes off his jacket. I don't know why. Hogan gave his ring to Abyss. Flair made the mistake of trusting other people to do his work, so tonight he's going to do it himself. He swears to G-d—and not the wrestling god Ric Flair, but the actual deity—that he'll take out Abyss tonight and get that ring off his finger. Abyss, wherever he is, should know that Flair's made a lifetime out of beating big guys.

The Beautiful People are backstage, complaining over the fact that Rayne has to defend her title against two former champions tonight in her very first defense and that she doesn't even have to be pinned to lose the title.. It's BPD. Lacey guesses "Boston Police Department", but apparently it means "Beautiful People Discrimination". Now that they've got things going their way, TNA Management is trying to find a way to screw them over. Lacey yells that they can't screw them, but Sky claims that the "over" at the end is an important part. Arrested Development "blew them away" gags this was not. Rayne's not worried though. As the "Rayne-ing" champion, she'll wait for Tara and Angelina Love to destroy each other, and then she'll just pick up the scraps.

[Commercial Break]

We recap Love—Tara.

(1)MADISON RAYNE (c) (w/LACEY VON ERICH &VELVET SKY) vs. TARA (w/POISON) vs. ANGELINA LOVE
Knockouts Championship Triple Threat Match

Referee Slick Johnson bans Von Erich & Sky from ringside before the opening bell. Rayne dives out of the ring to start, but Love chases her back in and into a clothesline from Tara. That gives her the chance to slide out as Love and Tara trade right hands. Love connects with some punches against the mat, and when the ref pulls her off Rayne slides in and goes for a cover. Tara kicks out, but Love pulls Rayne off and into the corner anyway. Tara attacks Love from behind, lifting her up by the hair. She goes for a cover, but Rayne quickly rolls her into a cover of her own for two. When Tara gets up Love kicks her in the side of the head.

[Commercial Break]

Love slams Rayne's head into one corner turnbuckle, then takes her into another. Rayne tries to burst out of the corner, but Love ducks and takes her down with a big clothesline for two. Rayne tries to flee again, but Love grabs her leg and hits a front slam for two. This time Rayne does get out of the ring. Love follows her as far as the apron when Tara comes up from behind and slams her head into the post. Rayne comes back in for a School Girl that only gets one. Tara nails a beautiful Suplex and transitions immediately into a Guillotine Choke—damnit, that's basically what my finisher was going to be! Anyhow, Rayne and Tara both grab for the hair at the same time, and both go down. As they get up they walk right into a double clothesline from Love. She hits a modified Jaw Breaker on Tara, then a Bicycle Kick on Rayne. Tara's up though, and she hits a big swinging slide slam. Before she can finish anything, Rayne shoves her into Love. They crack heads, and Rayne School Girls Love for the win. I think she also had the tights, but I'm not sure.

WINNER: Madison Rayne in 8 minutes, about half of which was during commercial.

After the match, Tara attacks Love. Security comes out to pull them apart pretty quickly. Standard TNA pull-apart-but-sometimes-break-loose-and-jump-on-the-opponent protocol applies. After Love gets pulled off Tara for the last time, Tara starts crying, saying that she's so sorry. Love starts to leave the ring, so Tara clotheslines the back of her head.

[Commercial Break]

(2)KAZARIAN (c) vs. SHANNON MOORE
X Division Championship Match

Is Moore sleeping with someone in order to keep getting title shots? (No Jeff Hardy jokes please)(unless they're really funny). Kazarian and Moore trade wrist locks and key locks to start. Kazarian takes control with a couple of Arm Drags and a Body Slam. He whiffs on an elbow drop though, which enables Moore to come back with Arm Drags and a slam of his own. He tries for a leg drop and misses, so the two share a look of mutual respect. Kazarian takes Moore up for a Power Bomb, but Moore reverses into a Hurricanrana and connects with the leg drop for two. Kaz dodges a charge in the corner, and re-enters the ring with a Slingshot Arm Drag. He follows up with a Swinging Neck Breaker for two. Moore whips Kazarian in the corner, but when he charges he gets elevated up and over. He lands on the apron and tries to reenter the ring with a Slingshot Sunset Flip. Kazarian catches him in an attempt at his new Reverse Pile Driver, but Moore escapes and runs right into the ref. Moore gets some distance with a back elbow and goes to the top rope. Kaz cuts him up with a leaping side kick, but Moore successfully blocks a Frankensteiner attempt. Matt Morgan runs down to the ring and shoves Moore off the top rope and down to the mat. This is not a feud I expected to continue. Morgan tosses Moore into the ring, where Kazarian connects with the Reverse Pile Driver. Referee Brian Hebner turns around just in time to make the count.

WINNER: Kazarian in five minutes.

As Kazarian celebrates, Samoa Joe's music hits. Run? For whatever reason Kazarian chooses to stand his ground. Joe Superkicks him, Stomps a Mudhole, then Muscle Busts his head in. I hope this marks a brief return to the X Division, and isn't just a random, isolated attack.

[Commercial Break]

We get a documentary-style camera angle of Abyss. When Hulk gave him the ring, it wasn't just about the history. The ring doesn't have any magical powers—that would be stupid. It's about Hulk showing his confidence in him, and giving him confidence in himself. Even if he loses the ring that means so much to him, he will never lose the confidence that the ring has given to him. What's Flair gonna do when Abyss takes a ring from you?

Matt Morgan is trying to get Jesse Neal to be "our" tag partner against Team 3D. Neal thinks that he's crazy, since everyone saw what Morgan did to Red. Morgan claims that Neal is no Amazing Red. "We" didn't want to have to go here, but doesn't Neal remember the promise he made to his fallen brethren on the USS Cole to be a champion? Morgan's done asking people. Neal knows where to find him.

AJ & Sting vs. The Jeffs is up next.

[Commercial Break]

(3)AJ STYLES & STING vs. JEFF JARRETT & JEFF HARDY
Falls Count Anywhere No Disqualification Tag Match

I don't know when this became No-DQ either. Hardy and Jarrett go on the attack immediately. Hardy takes AJ to the ramp. Jarrett goes for mounted punches on Sting in the corner, but Sting takes him down with an Inverted Atomic Drop. AJ and Hardy jockey to nail a Suplex on the ramp, with Hardy eventually connecting for two. Jarrett takes Sting out to the crowd, where he whacks him on the back with a chair. Hardy gets AJ back in the ring. He looks for a Twist of Fate, but AJ shoves him off. Jeff connects with a clothesline instead, but AJ tosses him from the ring. Sting tosses Jarrett back into the ring, when he runs into a low dropkick from AJ. Double J gets up and cinches in a Sleeper, but AJ catches him with a low blow. Jarrett tries to tag in Hardy, but the ref didn't see it. Wait, what the hell? They have to tag in this match? With two referees and falls counting anywhere? Didn't the ref just count a cover by Hardy five seconds ago? Did I miss a tag to Jarrett? I'm so confused. Sting fakes a tag and connects with a Vertical Suplex on Jarrett. Both men look for shoulder blocks at the same time, and both go down. AJ distracts the ref so that he doesn't see the tag. But Hardy just ignores him the ref's attempt to keep him out. He connects with a series of clotheslines on AJ, his Inverted Suplex, then the delayed dropkick in the corner. Sting decides that this would be a good time to walk away. Hardy goes to the top rope, but AJ cuts him off with a right hand. Jarrett is trying to figure out where Sting is. He decides that Sting must be in the rafters. AJ and Hardy brawl onto the ramp, where Hardy tosses AJ off and into the guard rail. He follows up with a Flying Forearm, then sets AJ up on a table as Jarrett and Sting brawl on the ramp. Sting has gotten his baseball bat, so he's in control. Hardy sets up a ladder on the entrance stage, but Sting gets a cover in the rafter for the win before Jeff can do anything. It doesn't really matter that Sting covered first, if we really care about who was legal.

WINNERS: Sting & AJ Styles in six minutes.

Jesse Neal is in Team 3D's locker room, and he wants their blessing to team with Morgan tonight. Ray says that that's stupid, since he's just going to use him, then cut him loose. Devon says that he might not, since he'll probably need Neal for his rematch. Neal wants to become a champion for the first time, and he's going to do it by beating Team 3D. They're amused by his courage. Ray says that they need to "take care of that other thing".

The Pope is backstage, with his arm in a sling.

[Commercial Break]

The Pope hits the ring. He's also sporting an eye-patch, selling the pen shot from AJ. He says that we might be confused by the bling on his belt, but it's not the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. AJ stuck a pen in his eye. He tried to end his career, to take food off his table, but he's nothing more than a bubble of gas in Pope's upset stomach. AJ doesn't have the title, but he shouldn't think that means Pope has forgotten about him. The Pope's gospel says that he shouldn't complain, but it also says that he gets an eye for an eye. People have asked what he's going to do now, whether he's going to regroup. A hell-to-the-no. When you fall down, you get back up. Can he get an amen? Let's say that again—when any member of The Congregation gets knocked down, [this time the crowd chants "they get back up"]. Can he get an amen? And nobody should think that The Congregation will be getting any smaller now, cause they're here, and they're representing. Because The Pope [the crowd supplies the "is Pimp'n"]. Amen. Mr. Kennedy comes out. He knows, he'll call The Pope the Kool Aid man—and not the cool bust through the wall Kool Aid man, but the Jim Jones bad kind. Kennedy tells the crowd that they should shut up, since they're the cultists. It looks like Pope got a booboo at Lockdown. You know who else got a booboo? Kurt Angle. And now he's home licking his wounds. Pope tells Kennedy to either get to his point or shut the hell up. The point is that he wants to know whether Pope will stay home and lick his wounds too, or whether he's willing to fight Anderson at Sacrifice. Can he get an amen, or instead does he get a bock-bock [he makes chicken noises for a minute]. Pope says that his arm might be in a sling, but the pimp hand is still strong—he backhands Anderson with his left. Anderson explodes with right hands, and drives his thumb into Pope's injured eye till security pulls him off.

[Commercial Break]

Team 3D's music hits. They're busy backstage though, where Sean Waltman (or someone else with a similar haircut) is lying on a broken table in a pool of blood. They say that he never should have come back. I would not think immediately before a tag title match would be the time to piss off Kevin Nash, but okay.

(4)MATT MORGAN (c) & JESSE NEAL vs. TEAM 3D
Tag Team Championship Match

Neal and Devon lock up to start. The crowd is busy entertaining themselves—I think it's "Jesse Neal yay! Matt Morgan boo!" Ray tags in and locks in a bear hug, when The Band's music starts. In a nice touch, Tenay explains that Nash asked to have their music played so that 3D would see them coming. 3D run up the ramp, and the two teams brawl. That gets the bell.

WINNER: No-Contest in about a minute.

Jess Neal goes to help out Team 3D, but Matt Morgan whacks him from behind and takes him back into the ring. He hits a Choke Slam, then takes his belt. He says that Neal will never be a tag team champion.

[Commercial Break]

Team 3D are in the ring trying to talk down Jesse Neal, but he's intent on calling out Matt Morgan. He wants Morgan to come out so he (Neal) can kick his (Morgan's) ass. Christy finds Morgan backstage, but he's already forgotten Jesse Neal's name. "We're" still the tag champs, and "we're" off the clock. Morgan starts to leave, but runs into Hulk Hogan. Hogan says that Morgan has the option of going out and dealing with "superstar Jesse Neal", or he can stay in the back and deal with Hogan. Morgan goes back out. Neal meets him on the ramp with some right hands and a head butt. Morgan rolls back into the ring as Neal grabs one of the belts. Morgan begs off in the ring, and Neal hesitates. That buys Morgan enough time to hit a low blow, and he pastes Neal with the belt. Shannon Moore's music hits, but Morgan doesn't seem to notice. Moore comes up behind Morgan and hits a dropkick off the top rope. Morgan runs away, ticked. Neal gets up, and he and Moore shake hands.

We cut to Bischoff, who says that we can vote for who deserves a shot at the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Like Chicago politics, we should vote early and often. Before he can explain any of the details, Jay Lethal bursts into the office ready to give his top ten. It starts with Andre the Giant, and goes on from there.

[Commercial Break]

Orlando Jordan is in the back, wearing some sort of flowered skirt, saying that his art has been misrepresented and misunderstood. Speaking of art in TNA, there's one person in TNA who's art he's been keeping his eye on. Rob Terry has been dominating and destructive. That's why for the premier edition of his talk show The Ozone next week, his first guest will be Rob Terry.

We cut to a Reaction style interview with Ric Flair. Comically, they give him subtitles (unless they always do that). He knows he's retired, but he's in a bad mood. Hogan took something that very few people ever achieve, that Flair earned in front of 80,000 people. Abyss having that ring represents everything he hates, since Abyss can work another 20 years and not deserve it. So tonight the crowd will see the greatest wrestler of all time enter the building, and that's the bottom line, cause Ric Flair said so—and he was saying that before Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Great promo--does anyone know if that last bit is true?

[Commercial Break]

JB (I think) catches up with Hall & Nash on their way out. He asks what's next. Nash asks what the hell he's thinking asking that with Syxx-Pac in a pool of his own blood—they're going to check on Pac, that's what's next. Scott says to back off, that he's the nice one, and now's not the time to mess with Kevin. Nash says that they're not stupid, and he knows they're a man down. Maybe they should get someone else? That's what they'll do. Next week, there will be three of them again. Are they the heels in this feud?

We recap Flair—Abyss.

(5)ABYSS vs. RIC FLAIR
Ring vs. Ring Match

Abyss shoves Flair down to start. Flair gets up and kicks a knee, then unloads with rights and chops in the corner. Abyss forces his way out of the corner and connects with a Back Body Drop. They tell us to go vote on the rankings, but still don't tell us how they'll be decided or what they'll do. Flair rolls out of the ring, and Abyss follows him, slamming him onto the guard rail. Flair is busted open. He rolls back into the ring, and when Abyss follows him he pokes Abyss's eyes. Flair goes to the top rope, so Abyss does his part by tossing Flair off. Abyss Big Boots Flair down, then connects with a side slam. Abyss squishes Flair in the corner, and that gets the Flair Flop. Flair gets up in the corner, and when Abyss goes over to him Flair low blows both him and the referee. Flair grabs brass 'nuks and punches Abyss in the face. Abyss no-sells it, so Flair punches him in the crotch instead. Flair holds the 'nuks out of sight as Earl Hebner turns around and counts the three.

Flair's music starts to play, but Hebner now sees the 'nuks and waves off the match. The bell rings again. Flair goes right to work on Abyss, but Abyss no sells all his offense, Hulks Up, and Black Hole Slams Flair for three.

WINNER: Abyss in six minutes.

After the match Hulk Hogan's music hits, and he comes down to the ring. He and Abyss share a hug, then Abyss holds Flair down as Hogan rips off the ring and puts it on himself. Hogan says that he knows exactly who he's going to present this ring to, right here next week.

Where We're Going: Since we were told essentially nothing about the rankings system [CORRECTION:there's at least some meaningful info on their website], it's hard to know. One would think AJ should just get a rematch at Sacrifice without complicating matters, but it doesn't look like that'll happen. They did however conveniently book another match for Dinero, and Joe isn't especially focused on the title, so about the only people who could be in the main event are AJ and Jeff Hardy. I'm guessing we'll have a triple threat, which could also be cool.

Star of the Night: Rob Van Dam. The highlights of the show were RVD's promo and Dinero/Anderson's, and I'd give the former a slight nod. Ric Flair worked his tail off, but that final segment was just too much of a clunker to be rewarded.

Overall: This show started off very promisingly, capitalizing on last week's big finish by letting RVD cut his second real promo in just about a decade (the other one was at the first ECW One Night Stand). AJ struck the right cord in his response, even if it was a bit generic. The women's action was good, and I actually really like the interplay between Morgan and the X Division wrestlers—it's nice when story-lines span the typical domains. Then we got to the big mid-show tag match, and everything just sort of collapsed. The match itself was a mess. It seemed like three separate matches—a Falls Count Anywhere, a regular one, and then another Falls Count Anywhere—and only the first of those three was any good. Things picked up dramatically for Dinero's promo. He was able to get his Congregation to chant along to two relatively new catch-phrases—not quite as easily as, say, The Rock, but pretty damn close. Anderson gets better and better every week, especially now that they've distanced themselves from the stupid unpatriotic angle. The team of Neal & Moore has a bit of potential—certainly more than either of them had as single's wrestlers. I have absolutely no clue where they're going with The Band—Team 3D, so it's a bit soon to comment, and while I'm fairly certain they are going somewhere stupid with Orlando Jordan, I'll hold out on that one too. The rankings announcement was a huge letdown, as we got no actual information. Then we got to the main event, about which the best that can be said is that they really tried. The match itself was slow and no selling brass 'nuks is just silly. All of that would have been fine if the dramatic culmination of the show hadn't been Hogan announcing that he would be giving Ric Flair's ring to, um, someone next week. I don't know where to go with that, so we'll play "choose your own snarky comment":
A) RVD winning the title this was not.
B) That'll put asses in the seats.
C) Please be Rob Terry! Please be Rob Terry!
D) Williams Jennings Bryant.
In short, the show did a lot of little things right, but the three advertised main event angles all fell almost amazingly flat. B-

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He has to go to a concert next week in honor of someone's birthday. Ideas about how to get out of it, or about wrestling, can be sent to dawilk316@gmail.com.

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