By Shane McKinkley, Torch specialist

"Like a Friday fashion show teenager
Freezing in the corner
Trying to look like you don't try
That's sugarcane that tasted good
That's cinnamon, that's Hollywood
C'mon, c'mon
No one can see you try"

-- "Imitation Of Life" by R.E.M.

WWE: We make movies. Yep, you sure do. You have thrown pretty much everything under the sun for the Trips-Orton feud, and like a rolling ball of crap it keeps accumulating and accumulating.

It's the Smackdown after the big bad bloated WWE draft. First match is Jeff Hardy vs. Raw's Big Show.

Some guys just can't work heel. It's hard to imagine Jeff as heel. If he was heel, probably lots more Day-Glo paint and tortured promos from the closet of shame. Backlash too looks like to be big, bad, and bloated. I'm liking Matt's current run, and I have faith that WWE won't drop him after his program with Jeff. Course that doesn't mean much.

Leg drops are probably my favorite offensive move. Which is your favorite offensive move? The move you hate the most? Nerve holds? Bah.

Wrestling internet writers are portrayed as lonely individuals who are bitter and angry about everything in wrestling. For example, you might expect me to rail against the whole absurdity of the Khali Kiss cam and how it's demeaning to women, that I really want to see Khail kiss Santino, make a ridiculous comparison or observation, and so forth. But I'm a better man and won't complain and negatively bash that Khali Kiss cam segment. It has to do with the fact that I fast-forwarded through that bad boy.

Wrestling fans are of another breed. We're used to disappointments on a weekly basis. By contrast, if your baseball team sucks, well there's always next year, a silver lining to find, a rival to hate, or another team to follow. The NBA playoffs don't force you to pay money to watch them. The NHL playoffs won't have dumb and confusing gimmick stipulations.

When Muhammad Ali was at the tail end of his career, he was getting beaten by younger, hungrier men. In wrestling, we have to swallow the fact that a younger Randy Orton just can't pin Triple H by himself. It's just not possible in the WWE Universe. Wrestling fans know that for every great match and/or feud, they have to wade through trivial garbage.

No, we have all of these "bogus stipulations" so WWE can appeal to their WWE Universe demographic and make sure that no heel ever wins just by themselves or by their own talent. Because that doesn't happen in the real world.

I wrote that Batista (and perhaps Shane) will screw Trips at Backlash. Thanks to WWE programming, we have to acknowledge the stupid possibility of Trips losing the belt...because one of his buddies gets DQed. If you're looking for a reason to "cross the line," this Team McMahon-Team Orton buildup and its bogus stipulations is a good reason to do so (credit to img2.scoop.co.nz for pic).

Next week's Raw is from London, England. I don't know where William Regal ended up. Maybe Santino can get some comedy zingers on the British. And maybe Trips can throw Orton through one of those British telephone boxes on the stage.

Wrestlers are like you and me. Sometimes you got to work with people you can't stand, you feel like your work is unappreciated, some people are valued over ya, there's constant pressure to perform, you worry at times about your job security, and so forth. And the drinking.

Hated the mood music for the Trips-Orton promo. WWE goes to all of the trouble of pretending that their pre-taped shows are "live." Even if fans know that they are watching a pre-taped Smackdown that was filmed Tuesday or two weeks ago, they don't want to be reminded of such matters. It's the same thing with people who talk in movie theaters. It ruins the experience.

With the "mood music" and "video packages" playing during the Trips-Orton promo, fans might as well be in the production truck. WWE might as well pull back the curtain and go, "Yeah. It's all pre-taped before. You're watching a movie. Forget trying to convince yourself that this is 'realistic.'" I'm not a big fan of it.

The concept can work with a single individual (Matt Hardy's WrestleMania build-up promo) but this was comical.

I understand that with the visuals and moody music it adds more oomph, but at the sake of realism. Turns out that their match is a no disqualification match. Why exactly? Don't ask why. Trips can command the cage to come down whenever he likes. I just want the stupid thing to end and get on to more emotionally intriguing feuds.

For such a psychotic heel Orton in 2009 has had to say some dumbass lines. "Remember, if you of you guys get counted out, I become champion!" Don't know why WWE is so crazy with this whole count-out business. The Orton-Trips feud is already flawed with this whole "Trips' partners can cost him the belt by getting DQed." That "special rule" didn't work with Trips-Orton at WrestleMania, and it won't work at Backlash. I hope I'm proven wrong, but I already hear Cole and Lawler in my head...nooo...

Why? Because it's vague what constitutes as a disqualification. We saw it at WrestleMania with people complaining that the match was ruined by WWE making up the ref rules as they went along. What this match needs is a special guest ref who has beef with both Trips and Orton.

Don't mind seeing Benjamin vs. Undertaker on a regular basis.

Ugly match with MVP vs. Dolph Ziggler. Had a feeling that WWE was going to get on the Ziggler train. A win over a true threat/near joke MVP? Yay? Got to start somewhere.

WWE does some "male models damage control" with Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes this week. If WWE is ever going to get around to truly pushing DiBiase and Rhodes as credible, now is the time to do it. Nothing wrong with Trips, Shane, Cena, Edge, Undertaker and all of the rest of the old dogs running the show, but the s--- is getting old. But whatevs. The feeling about WWE programming is summed up in one word: stagnant.

WWE should have pushed these young guys. Over the top. Over everybody. Plus Bam Neely should have become World Champ, John Morrison should be running the WWE now, and Triple H is by far the absolute worst wrestler I have ever seen. Wah (credit to img329.imageshack.us for pic).

Not much to tonight. Maybe after Backlash WWE can trim the fat and get back on the horse. And hey, if you're tired of WWE, there's always next month. Or next year. Or TNA. Or ROH. Or the NBA playoffs. (Go Cavs!) But we will stand tall and hey, maybe that Santino-Khali won't be so bad.

Maybe Trips-Orton at Backlash will actually be a rewarding payoff. The economy will recover, I won't be audited, it will rain gummy bears, this article will get a million hits, I'll become rich and famous, and everybody in the world can become better human beings by checking out the peaceful Lockdown on Sunday. Hope is a powerful thing.

SMACKDOWN'S VERDICT: Very Absurd

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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