By Hubert O'Hearn, Torch specialist

I have to admit, I was relieved that the first Impact I'm reviewing was a good one. Oh, I was worried. This is TNA after all. We might have had reverse battle royals with - I dunno - midgets holding briefcases on top of a pole. But that didn't happen. This was a good show with many more Hits than Misses.

IMPACT HITS

Mick Foley Has a Nice Day. Let's face it, you either love Mick Foley's shtick or you hate it. Me? I love it. Why? Because Foley is so clearly loving it. Oh granted he really can't wrestle anymore, but he didn't have to on Thursday night. Instead he got to roam around the halls shooting the breeze with his tongue stuck very firmly in his cheek (missing several teeth helps with that). The whole business about "Kurt Angle taking over the office" was as much a McGuffin as anything Hitchcock ever used, but it gave an excuse for Foley to be Foley: crazy as a fruit bat and happy as a pig in poop while doing it.

Amazing Red's Return is Actually Amazing. When I read that Amazing Red was returning to TNA I was positive that he was going to be given the No Limit treatment: jobbed out to whomever he faced. But no! They actually let Amazing red and Suicide beat the Motor City Machine Guns in the Team 3D Tournament quarter-finals. I mean, jeez, Eric Young wins a match last week and Amazing Red this week. There might be life in the X Division yet, seeing as...

Motor City Machine Guns Not Missing in Action. I actually wasn't pleased that the Guns lost, as I figured that would be the last we'd see of them for another month or so. The waste of Shelley and Sabin has been a sore point with many a TNA critic and God knows we still might not see them again before Memorial Day, but here they were actually doing an entertaining in-ring with Christopher Daniels. And while it may rile some fans that TNA referenced something that had been written about on the *gasp* Internet...I liked that they teased Daniels about being Suicide. One thing I actually agree with Vince Russo about (and I am now soooo doomed to attacks by bloggers) is that wrestling fans are smarter than they're given credit for. I mean, hell, serious football fans know everything about their favorite players down to the size of their necks and their favorite brands of lunch meat, so why wouldn't a wrestling fan be curious as to who was "playing" Suicide. And Daniels played off the teasing great - getting pissed off and cleaning house.

Abyss is a Bloody Ladies's Man? The Cody Deaner-Abyss match was hilarious. It brought back fond memories of Jamie "We're gonna go to Applebees!" Noble and Nidia. I actually had a laugh out loud moment when ODB (who needs to stop taking hairstyling tips from Sideshow Bob) poured the flask into Deaner's mouth to begin his comeback. I would have killed - killed I tell you!, killed! - if TNA had licensed Popeye's theme song to play at that moment. Abyss naturally bled. I mean, it's Abyss. He bleeds. He must cut himself shaving every morning just to stay in practice. But lo and behold, chicks go crazy for guys who blade.

It turns out that both Daffney and Lauren (who improves leaps and bounds every week) are both hot for the big crazy lug. Where is this going? How will it resolve itself? I'm not sure, but I know one thing. Abyss will bleed.

IMPACT MISSES

But sadly, not all sweetness and light in the little kingdom of TNA...

Joe Vadis? Yeah, that's a pretty unconscionable pun but I refuse to apologize for it. I know they're just marking time until Taz(z) shows up as Samoa Joe's latest mentor, but holy crap Joe must have pissed in Dixie Carter's grits or something. Absolutely nothing he is doing right now makes any sense. None of it. From that Trick or Treat knife to proclaiming a Nation of Violence when there's just like, um, Joe alone, to those pretty girl's jammie pants he's wearing in the ring to...

Oh it makes my head hurt. For instance: Joe and A.J. are booked to face Booker and Nash. Fine. Name me one good reason - name me one poor reason even why Joe would not want to pound away on Kevin Nash. Didn't Nash use and abuse Joe for the better part of 2008? If Joe's so damn pissed off, who better to take the piss out on than, say, Kevin Nash? But instead, he's late for the match. Then again, maybe he was watching the Celtics and the Bulls. No wait, TNA is taped. See? There are no reasons.

Beautiful People Just Chillin.' This is a Miss that could turn into a Hit eventually. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are the two best talkers in women's wrestling today ... yeah I know, faint praise that. But I do miss when they aren't given much to do in a week, and serving up Madison Rayne as a side order of squash to Awesome Kong doesn't do much for me either. But, if they do this for the next several weeks with poor old Madison being tossed out there as the junior member of the BP, that could be absolute meat and drink for them.

Kevin Nash: two Minutes for Elbowing. In a pretty flaaahhh main event - we've already discussed Joe's involvement or lack thereof - it really bothers me that Kevin Nash is wrestling with that staph-infected elbow. It would be like watching Kurt Angle wrestle in a neck brace. Put Nash on the mic, where he's great. If the NWO could have Nick Patrick as their personal referee, why can't the MEM have Chet Lemon as their personal color guy?

Jim Cornette IS The Invisible Man. So who in hell is in charge here? No matter how bizarre a universe wrestling presents, I do likes my internal logics. So who's in charge of TNA? Let's see, we have Founder (and renowned fashion expert and goatee-stroker), Jeff Jarrett. We have Executive Shareholder (whatever the eff that is), Mick Foley. We have, or at least had, James E. Cornette. And now we have Foley speaking to an unseen Dixie. And didn't Sting have a contract? Did it expire at Lockdown? Is that why he wasn't on last week? And did somebody shoot Traci Brooks? I thought she was in charge of the Knockers, er, Knockouts? Please, please, can somebody show me an organizational chart.

Okay, that's it. As Number Six used to say on The Prisoner: Be seeing you.

Hubert O'Hearn is a new PWTorch Specialist covering TNA Impact with a weekly Hits & Misses column. You can read Hubert's Hits & Misses column and Chris Reed's new TNA Hits & Misses column weekly on PWTorch.com

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