By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"There's a gap in between
There's a gap where we meet
Where I end and you begin
And I'm sorry for us
The dinosaurs roam the earth
The sky turns green
Where I end and you begin"
-"Where I End And You Begin" by Radiohead

-Regarding the four hours of wrestling on Thursday Night Thunder, the thing that stood out to me on the WWE side was Vince McMahon on Superstars. "You see, it's going to be Randy Orton vs. Triple H ... AND John Cena! I know! Wild! We're going to call it...A 'TRIPLE THREAT' match! I just shat myself!"

This is a S.O.S. I'm sending out. We need new main event talent on Raw. Anybody. It's like Jurassic Park over there.

Vince was also pleased with himself as he announced that the main event of Superstars was gonna be Hornswoggle vs. Chavo. Content, he then swaggered out and walked to his limo. Which promptly blew up.

-If you haven't caught Abraham Washington's act, here's the only thing you need to know: "Jenny Craig." I know it's tough trying to do WWE humor without resorting to dressing up like a cross-dresser or pretending to be mentally challenged. Take away those things and...well...Jenny Craig. Here was the gist of Washington's bit: Snoop Dogg likes to smoke weed. Tommy Dreamer is fat. And the sky is blue. Next week on ECW, Washington will point out more obvious things. Much like watching ECW to experience the Mike Adamle announcing disaster, Washington's bit got that "train wreck" aspect to it.

He's got the character, but the material...what's brown and sticky? A stick. Ha ha. Is it WWE's fault for hindering what Washington can do? Or did Washington always suck this bad down in FCW? I was kind of hoping Dreamer would wrap barbwire around Washington's head and give him a DDT.

How about "Tommy Dreamer is fatter than Kim Kardiashan's ass?" Nope, wouldn't fly with the WWE. Instead they'll do what they always do: rip jokes from movies like "Ernest Goes To Jail," "Ernest Goes To Africa," and "Ernest Makes Sweet Love To Triple H."

Abraham Washington's comedy = Dane Cook's comedy? Pretty much. Can they bring in Dane Cook in? That would be some kind of horrible. More I think of it, I hope that Washington stays employed. He's sure giving me a lot to rip on. Don't fire Washington!

-The one bit that really stood out to me on Impact was when Sting came out to do his promo with Joe and had Kurt Angle's World Heavyweight Championship with him. Sting told Angle that he had it and if he wanted it, come get it. At no point whatsoever during the bit did Kurt Angle come out and knock Sting's block off.

Sorry for asking, but what was the point of having Sting have Angle's belt over his shoulder?

Typically in wrestling a World Heavyweight belt means the world. A wrestler will say that he fought long and hard to get that belt, and is very protective of it. The belt is to signify that they are the best in the business, and the wrestler will typically cherish it.

They do so because it's always smart to have your belts as prestigious as possible, be it for PPV buy rates or just general "This is our TNA World Heavyweight Championship and he's the best in the world."

But in TNA, belts don't matter. They have as much significance as pocket lint. On Impact, we have Tara in tears after winning the Knockout championship and we have the current TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle too preoccupied with combing his beard than caring about where his belt is. "Oh, you took it? Just make sure you give it back."

To recap: Sting gave a fiery promo with Joe with the World Heavyweight belt slung over his shoulder. At first I was confused and found myself grasping in just who was TNA World Heavyweight champion. That's a real bad sign on TNA's part if I'm having trouble remembering who the damn world heavyweight champ is.

-The "Mystery Mentor" of Joe is played up. Yay. Yet another TNA mystery. Is it Taz? Is it Hulk Hogan? Is it Jeff Jarrett? Is it Prick, the evil twin of Sting? Buy Victory Road to find out.

You're right, Kevin Nash. TNA is too much of a smartly written show for me to grasp all of the nuances. I cannot grasp it. I liked it when you rubbed your nipples (The Longest Yard) and ate that bag of Doritos (Grandma's Boy).

-The opening of the show had Mick Foley said that he was "pretty stupid" in getting all heelish with Jeff Jarrett. You shouldn't feel stupid, Foley. It is obvious that you already consider your audience to be down with shoddy, schizophrenic character changes from out of nowhere.

"Oh, I was just kidding about blowing up the world and creating a new world under the sea, Mr. Bond. I was pretty stupid. Can we be friends now? I want to be a good guy. Until next month, when I'm going to kidnap Q. Or maybe I won't! Ha ha!"

In order to save time, I urge TNA to have wrestlers go out there and say, "I'm heel now/I'm face now." I would appreciate it, at least.

-I don't care what's on the mind of Suicide. But they'll keep on doing it. Maybe just to appease Tenay. So that he can pretend he's the Dan Rather's of professional wrestling. "I'm going to get down deep into the mind of a guy who dresses up in spandex."

-Stevie: "I've just stopped your muscles from functioning. At Victory Road, I will gas the entire arena with nerve gas! You'll never stop me, Super Janitor! Bwahahahaha!"

Kind of funny that they actually went to all of this trouble of more Abyss acting (which is tremendous, by the way). I guess nobody informed them that people stopped caring about what Abyss does lately and merely wait till somebody takes a "glass shards on fire on a bed full of fire ants" bump. With an Abyss, feud TNA merely pushes the "repeat" button.

I like how Dr. Stevie knows about muscle relaxants and other types of pills. Bonus points will be awarded if you can name the computer game from which this sound clip comes from (It's one of the best games of all time! No fooling!) LISTEN/DOWNLOAD

I bet these guys could name the game. Maybe one of these guys surrounding Joe in this picture is Joe's mystery mentor!

-Jenna vs. Sharmell at Victory Road. Kong comes in and tears off their heads. Everybody wins.

-Nice moment in the sun for Tara. I'll say that she's faring much better than Gail Kim at the moment.

-I get it how TNA doesn't usually play by the "wrestling handbook." Ladder TV matches that last as long as waiting for the red light to turn green. Extended post-match beat downs that go on way too long, then a beat down in the parking lot, then an extended post-match beat down involving plastic barbwire. Impact sometimes reminds me of a car that has a lot of useless and annoying features about it. You get the sense of instead of trying to cut back, the only question they ask themselves is this: "How much more can we cram in there?"

-Go, Taylor Reks! You're my homeboy!

VERDICT FOR WWE/TNA THURSDAY NIGHT WRESTLING: WCW Thunder Has Returned!

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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