By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist

Thank you for joining me this week as we put Smackdown "Under The Microscope." As a reminder, this is not a complete recap of the show. Instead of covering every detail, I like to examine random details of the broadcast. Sometimes they will be wrestling related and often will go in every possible random direction. Will it be funny? Maybe. Will it be thought-provoking? Possibly. Will I keep asking questions? Absolutely.

Dad, have you seen my "N?"

Add another piece of evidence to our ongoing case for the adoption of spellchecking devices for signs. The show opens with an excited Jeff Hardy fan holding a sign calling for a "SWATON BOMB." Hardy's Swanton Bomb was derived from the combination of Senton Bomb and a swan dive. I can only imagine that a "Swaton Bomb" combines a Senton Bomb with someone from the special-weapons-and-tactics unit of a law-enforcement agency (S.W.A.T.), or the same move from someone who wrestles as "The Fly Swatter" (probably under a mask), or a high-risk move from someone affiliated with the Scandinavian Workshop on Algorithm Theory. It could happen.

Sign here please

Other candidates for sign of the night include the worried Jeff Hardy fan who was imploring him, "Jeff Sign The Contract," an obvious reference to Hardy's unresolved contract status. If he does leave, whether it's a short hiatus or a farewell, I hope someone in WWE has the foresight to plan a storyline around it. I'm not upset that Mr. Kennedy, Umaga, and others have left WWE; I'm disappointed that they didn't take advantage of it with a stipulation attached to a match or a severe beating from another wrestler to promote that Superstar's toughness.

My favorite sign of the evening belongs to the Hardy fan who complained that "Punk Makes Me G.T.S." Assuming you know Punk's finishing maneuver and the related initials, it's a well-crafted insult. If you don't know the finishing move, you may still be confused as to why this wrestler is making foreign sports cars for random fans.

Your starting lineup

You didn't have to look too closely to see pro sports as a theme in this week's show. Former Miami Heat dancer Layla came to the ring wearing a modified jersey of Heat player Dwyane Wade. It did take a slightly more attentive viewer to see a sign of one of his former teammates. A low angle camera shot revealed some of Miami's championship banners and the retired number 33 of Alonzo Mourning. Mourning and Wade played alongside each other in 2006 when Miami won its only NBA Title, giving both the players and, according to Todd Grisham and Jim Ross, the dance team championship rings.

Mourning isn't the only person to have his number retired for the Heat, but in a rather interesting note, he is the only one who actually played for the team. Former Coach and now Executive Pat Riley retired Michael Jordan's #23 before MJ's final game in Miami as a tribute to his playing career. The team also honored NFL Hall of Fame Quarterback Dan Marino for his performance in Miami for the hometown Dolphins.

Another Dolphin played a brief part in the show as one of the fans in attendance sported a #99 Jason Taylor jersey. Not to be outdone, Jesse, a.k.a. Lame Gimmick, a.k.a. Desperately Trying To Hang On, a.k.a. Do You Know Who My Father Was?, proudly wore a Larry Fitzgerald jersey in an attempt to impress Cryme Tyme's special guest, Cardinals Defensive Back Antrel Rolle.

Rolle was a part of Cryme Tyme's Word Up segment featuring the word "championized." While I respect them for focusing on a positive word and surrounding yourself with everything about being a champion and I'm sure they worked with who was available to them, Rolle doesn't have as many qualifications as others. Rolle was an important part of the NFC Champion Cardinals, but they didn't win the Super Bowl. While with University of Miami, they didn't win a championship, but he was all Big East after his sophomore season and a consensus All-American after his junior year.

It's probably a step in the right direction that a member of the Cardinals would even be considered for a segment about champions. Arizona's last championship came in 1947 when the Cardinals were playing in Chicago. Since then, the Cards have played in St. Louis and Arizona with no additional titles. Their current Quarterback is Kurt Warner, who does have championship in St. Louis, but it was with the team who moved into Missouri after the Cardinals left. Warner was the Super Bowl XXXIV MVP with the Rams.

History

Among the many words of wisdom offered by C.M. Punk to Jeff Hardy was a frequently used quote, "Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." The quote is originally from George Santayana and Punk now joins a growing group of people to actually have misquoted the remark. The writer actually said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

He had the right idea. Partial credit.

...and then British Lit.

Todd Grisham had a similar problem with another common saying. "Discretion is the better part of valor," insisted Grisham. The line comes from Shakespeare’s Henry IV as Prince Hal finds the less than brave Falstaff pretending to be dead on the battlefield. The prince leaves and Falstaff proclaims that "The better part of valor, is discretion."

Again, he was close. Partial credit, show your work, pencils down, did you bring enough for the entire class?...etc.

...and finally Modern Music

We talked about Jesse, a.k.a. "Where's the big guy who freaks out when the bell rings?" in the segment about athletes, but he gets another mention as he referenced Will Smith's song "Miami" as part of the reason he was visiting Cryme Tyme again this week. He insisted that Smith said "Miami is the place to be" in his song. While the man formerly known as The Fresh Prince extols the virtues of the M-I-A, he also makes sure to extend some love to other spots, such as Chicago as Smith insists that "Chi-Town got it goin' on," "New York is the city that we know don't sleep," and "L.A. and Philly stay jiggy."

Smith is far from the only singer to include several tour stops in a song. The Steve Miller Band's "Rock'n Me" takes us "from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A." Miller added "Northern California, where the girls are warm" just to make it an even better trip.

In the song "California Girls," we don't necessarily have as specific of an itinerary, but we do reference east coast girls, who are hip and "I really dig those styles they wear. The southern girls, with the way they talk, they knock me out when I'm down there. The mid-west farmer's daughters really make you feel alright and the northern girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriend's warm at night." In addition to the title role of the song, the only other specific place mentioned is the Hawaii island coast, with the French bikini included.

Perhaps the ultimate song, although a strenuous road trip, comes from a song Johnny Cash made famous. In "I've Been Everywhere," the "man in black" doesn't quite go "everywhere," but he certainly comes close. His story of a hitchhiker reminds us that he's been to (deep breath) Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota, Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota, Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma, Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, LaPaloma, Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo, Tocapillo, Barranquilla, and Padilla. He's been to: Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana, Washington, Houston, Kingstown, Texarkana, Monterey, Fairaday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa, Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa, Tennessee, Chicopee, Spirit Lake, Grand Lake, Devil's Lake, Crater Lake, Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika, Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rock, Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport, Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport, Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina, Pasadena, and Catalina. He's also been to: Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado, Ellensburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado, Larimore, Adimore, Haverstraw, Chatanika, Shasta, Nebraska, Alaska, Opalacka, Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City, Sioux City, Cedar City, and Dodge City.

Frequent Flier Miles? Yeah, I've got it covered.

The Greatest

The same show which featured Chris Jericho, the self-proclaimed "Best at what I do," also brought us plenty of mentions of the self-proclaimed "Greatest of all-time." During Kane's match with R-Truth, The Big Red Machine was compared to a heavyweight boxer, but the announcers insisted that R-Truth wouldn't be able to utilize any of Muhammad Ali's "rope-a-dope." Ali's used the tactic to help upset champion George Foreman in the famous "Rumble in the Jungle" in 1974. Ali consistently bounced off the ropes and covered up, absorbing punishing blows by the larger Foreman. Eventually, Foreman began to tire and Ali was able to knock him out in the eighth round.

Later, the announcers brought up other sporting events in Miami and included Ali's fight against Sonny Liston. In 1964, while still using his birth name of Cassius Clay, he won the title from the man he called "the big ugly bear" when Liston couldn't answer the bell for the seventh round. Soon after the fight, Clay converted to Islam and took the name Muhammad Ali. This was also the fight which brought the phrase "float like a butterfly and sting like a bee" to the mainstream.

I would never exaggerate in a kajillion years

While I appreciate Todd Grisham getting behind The Hart Dynasty, his raving of Natalya's power by claiming "You'll never see a more vicious clothesline that the one you just saw!" deserves a closer look.

Other candidates: Stan Hansen, JBL (bonus points for acquiring it from Hell), Nikita Koloff, Rick Steiner, Legion of Doom, and, of course, The Hart Foundation.

My final two choices for most vicious clothesline are as follows. The first is more historical and the second is probably the most vicious, I mean, he ends up as a baby. That's a vicious clothesline.





That's vicious.

The People Have Spoken!

Thank you to everyone who voted in this week's Smackdown Microscope poll. In the highest vote total of any poll, the majority decided they wanted to take a closer look at "Edge, gone but not forgotten."

Friday night's show featured Edge, who was recovering from his recent surgery to repair a torn Achilles tendon. Keeping a wrestler on WWE TV during an injury break isn't a guarantee as executives often use the time to give the viewers a break with the possible hope of making the characters fresh again upon their return. Lately it seems that they are going a different direction.

When Mr. Kennedy was still rehabbing an injury to his shoulder, he returned to television for several weeks to not only promote his movie, "Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia," but also to antagonize MVP. The idea behind it was solid as it would have been a perfect lead-in to a feud upon Kennedy's return. By the time Kennedy was healthy, MVP was on the same side as Kennedy so any altercations were scrapped. Actually, in Kennedy's final match, he was injured again not going against MVP, but teaming with him in the match which featured five wrestlers in Denver Nuggets jerseys and five in Los Angeles Lakers jerseys as Vince McMahon aired his grievances with Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke over having to move Raw for a Denver playoff game.

Evan Bourne damaged his ankle in a match on ECW. After discovering that his recovery would take longer than expected, he returned to the air only to be attacked by Mark Henry. The attack helped solidify Henry's nasty reputation and did lead to Bourne trying to extract revenge upon his return to the ring.

Even more recently, we saw the rehabbing Dave Batista serve as the first guest host of Raw, reminding fans that he was still around and to give them a reminder of the storyline reason why he is gone. Ideally, this will give him an automatic feud when he returns as he goes after Legacy and Randy Orton.

As for Edge, Chris Jericho would argue that his former partner is weak, fragile, and injury-prone, but it seems that Edge could take his title of "The Ultimate Opportunist" and apply it to his injuries too. When he suffered a torn pectoral muscle in late 2005, he didn't lose his spot on TV. Instead, he started his interview show "The Cutting Edge" and insisted on being called "The Rated-R Superstar," a nickname which has continued to be identified with him. During this time, he also entered his feud with Ric Flair, including the video footage of Edge mocking Flair's alleged road rage, featuring Edge, dressed as Flair, complete with a feathered robe, throwing a temper tantrum on the highway.



Despite the fact that recovery from an Achilles injury isn't guaranteed and the timeframe is just as questionable, it's obvious that WWE is taking a proactive approach to the situation as they have Jericho already attacking his former partner's toughness. The surgery footage isn't new as "vacation photos" from surgeries for Batista, Triple H, and John Cena have made their way to the small screen in the past. It will be interesting to see how creative they will be with keeping Edge in front of us during the next months and what role he'll have.

Someone forever linked to Edge by way of Lita is Matt Hardy, who fought through a recent injury to his third metacarpal, but has been forced out due to a torn abdominal muscle. Granted the injuries are quite different, but his hand injury became a focal point of his matches, while there hasn't been much mention of his surgery.

Although the absences aren't directly related to injuries, it's interesting to compare this situation to Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker who haven't been seen and have barely been mentioned since WrestleMania. Undertaker helped the premiere of Superstars and then has been taking a well-deserved rest, while Michaels beat the rush and has been away since losing to The Phenom at 'Mania. Neither came out to acknowledge the epic match and both are likely to return, so it's been fascinating to see that nothing was done with them after their battle.

Meanwhile, I'm out until next week with carpal tunnel. For storyline purposes, I'm blaming it on Caldwell.

Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." He misses the comments section. E-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

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