By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

Another habit says it's in love with you
Another habit says it's long overdue
Another habit like an unwanted friend
I'm so happy with my righteous self"
-"Habit" by Pearl Jam

-The straight-edge vegetarian C.M. Punk continues his mission to stop Jeff Hardy from eating meat. That's what this feud feels like to me. Punk standing outside Arby's with a megaphone screaming, "Meat is murder!" while Jeff is wolfing down a burger. Punk's character has that "holier than thou" thing going on.

Meanwhile WWE continues to prance around and talk about Jeff's "mistakes." To me, WWE is making a mountain of a molehill. Punk even went the length of talking about evil Jeff skipped classes. It feels like WWE is pulling "Reefer Madness" starring Jeff. Check out this site. Wrestlers are not exactly choir boys.

And why would Punk care so damn much about Jeff? Punk mentioned that he is concerned about the kids, but there's got to be something meaty, something for fans to sink their teeth. It's not easy to make feuds "realistic." I feel that they have only reached the tip of the iceberg of this feud and feel it's going to continue to Summerslam.

-There are things more awkward than the face turn of John "I love Michael Jackson!" Morrison, but they are few in number. JoMo has been sucking up to Teddy Long saying that he's the next one going to face the winner of Punk vs. Jeff like he's the next one to use the bouncy red ball at recess. "Remember! I'm next to use the whiffle bat!"

WWE is in love with JoMo, with him getting two victories recently over the world champion Punk. I see JoMo actually being Chris Jericho's partner at Night of Champions, JoMo getting his face on, Edge hobbling in and screwing Jericho, and Jericho and JoMo continuing their feud on Smackdown.

The other choice for Jericho's partner (other than Lance Storm, awww) would be Miz, but WWE hates Miz right now. Looks like they're going to put Miz with Maryse, and that's not such a bad idea. Considering how lately people are having trouble just remembering the damn names of those Divas. And hey, it worked for ... um...what's her name... that Glamazon lady...oh, Beth Phoenix.

-We crowned "Smackdown" to be the best wrestling show of the week, and Smackdown responded with "Pretty Ricky." Maybe comedy takes more than a fake set of hick teeth and a camera crew to impress me. Perhaps with the "Pretty Ricky" bits they're going for the "Borat" type of comedy, but it's another one of those wrestling bits that (a) won't make any money and (b) won't go anywhere. Why this idea was green-lighted in meetings? Hell, maybe it was R-Truth's idea all along.

We'll just chalk it up to heat damage and move on. And yeah, WWE ripped off the 1999 Martin Lawrence film "Blue Streak" for this bit. It ain't easy being cheesy. Know how you can make big money? Star costumes. I'm rolling in money, homes.

-I can do without Cryme Tyme's "Seasame Street" bit and I can do without Divas telling me about dating advice. I don't tune in for that crap. What I would tune in for is this: somebody to teach me how to make "Easy Mac." That thing is mad hard, yo.

-Oh yeah, Jericho is a Smackdown superstar. Sure see him a lot on Monday Night Raw...even though his partner is crippled...so he's one-half of the unified tag team...oh, whatever. It's a dumb pretense to begin with. So even if Jericho loses the tag team titles to Legacy, he'll still be on Raw joshing with Shaq and Jeremy Piven. And still losing to Mark Henry, probably.

Shaq would be happy about that. I wanted Shaq on that Denver Debacle Raw show. Instead I got ennis jokes. Ah, the trials and tribulations of a wrestling fan.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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