By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

If something's old, I wanna put a bit of shine on it
When something's gone, I wanna fight to get it back again..."
When something's broke, I wanna put a bit of fixin on it
When something's bored, I wanna put a little exciting on it
If something's low, I wanna put a little high on it
When something's lost, I wanna fight to get it back again"
-"The Fixer" by Pearl Jam

-So after Trumpmania and guest hosts plugging their product, nothing has really changed. A new layer of paint, but the wood is still rotten. It's the same, insipid old Raw. Somebody put GPS tracking devices on Jack Swagger and Evan Bourne, because they are bound to get lost in the shuffle. (Although at one point Swagger did "misplace" his newly won ECW Title at one point, which was one of the dumbest booking ideas in the long, rich history of dumb booking ideas.)

Don't believe me about being lost on Raw? Just ask Brian Kendrick. Shoulda stayed on Smackdown, champ. But you didn't really have a choice in the matter. They're not protecting him; they're feeding him to the wolves. When you're losing to Hornswoggle and Jerry Lawler, it's time to re-evaluate your situation.

-Yes siree, at Night of Champions they're going to be a six-pack challenge. Last second decision? Seems like it. The six-pack challenge at Night of Champions resembles a typical X Division PPV match - random wrestlers with minuscule hype. Well, TNA used to have these types of matches. But you see, they had to scrap it to devote more time to Jenna vs. Sharmell. Of course.

-ZZ Top did a very nice job of convincing me that they truly didn't give a flying rat's ass on being on Raw. So far they have been a good job on guest hosts. Next week Shaq will face newly crowned champion Cena in the main event. And eat him. They could go with Shaq beating up Randy Orton, but that would just be a repeat on what happens to Orton on nearly every Raw. How much pride are people willing to sacrifice during these times? A lot. Just look at Randy Orton. Hard, hard times.

-Nice thing about Santino is that he's willing to do anything. "Want to play Guitar Hero with kids with fake beards?" "Sure, why the heck-a not? Should be lotsa fun."

-I applaud WWE for turning Randy Orton, a once psychotic evil spawn of Satan into a Saturday morning cartoon villain. Randy Orton's looking more and more like "The Shredder" from those Turtles cartoons I watched as a kid. Those lovable buffoons Bebop (the piggish one) and Rocksteady (the Rhino dude) are his sidekicks. Namely, Ted DiBiase is Bebop (because he looks kind of piggish) and Cody Rhodes is Rocksteady (the wimpy one who nobody likes). Shredder got those sharp blades, much like how Orton's got the punt. But you know that Shredder always going to be the chump and he'll berate his buddies for being knuckleheads. You'll laugh as once again the heroes foil his imbecile plans.

Comparison: Take the last screen shot from the last...well, hell, any Raw in the past three months:




Now see them as they truly are:




Instead of working on a storyline, let's just throw the same household names together and that is good enough. Can't blame them for running out of ideas. There's only so many times one can invade a fake mansion with a fake wife and fake people milling about. There are glimpses of greatness in Raw content, but in large part it's one big pile of muck.

Nowadays it is this: "Remember two years ago? Wasn't that epic? Wasn't it? Well, buy our PPV and see it again. And you'll buy the next PPV where we'll trot it out again, but slightly tweaked."

-Mark Henry is laughing because he can't believe WWE is so desperate for another face that they'll turn to him. Guess we should laugh along with him. Did WWE need to have Mark Henry beat up Chris Jericho? Who knows. Maybe Mark Henry will get down with a transvestite again.

-On ECW: So Shelton Benjamin first loses to the new guy because a kick to the head. Then he wins over the new guy. Then he beats the number one contender. Then next week he faces Goldust. Uh, what the hell happened here?

Case in point: I'm hoping that they go with Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin as the main ECW feud. I just don't get excited about watching Tommy Dreamer in action if all I'm promised is lame fat jokes by idiots and hardcore matches that involve plenty of trash can lid shots. It might seem callous to write, but trash can lids in "hardcore" matches...I feel like they are hitting each other with baby toys out there.

-Tired of seeing Raw limp towards Summerslam. Hey, I don't care who they hire for their writers, as long as their writers are, you know, wrestling fans that eat, breathe, and live for this stuff. I don't know how to make it any clearer, you bunch of Hollywood hacks. No more Triple H vs. Randy Orton in any shape or form. Not fatal four ways at Summerslam (Orton-Trips-Cena-HBK). The Trips-Orton-Cena feud is as cold as dead fish. Them "freezer burn feuds" are something special.

-That's one of the main complaints the Internet crowd is raging about right now, especially on the Raw side. Everything just feels too old, too stale. "The Age of Orton" will be a tiny blurb in the wrestling history books. Difficult to write more than a sentence about it. It's great and all that they gave Orton that ability to punt owners in the head and kiss unconscious women, but it doesn't hide that fact that Orton PPV matches so far in 2009 have been serviceable at best. Not great. Not mind-blowing. Hell, not even worth talking about the next day.

-But you can also see the bind that they are in. Triple H vs. Jack Swagger at a PPV would be indeed fresh, but would that sell the PPV? No. So at times they've got to stick with a sure bet...even though they've gone to that trick way too many times before.

-Also wrestling companies always try to market to new customers. That's the reason why seeing Taz and Bobby Lashley and MEM winning belts was the main focus at TNA's Victory Road instead of, you know, actually making it worth $30. Same reason why Monday Night Raw has become Saturday Night Live with "celebrity guest hosts." It's the "casual" market.

I have no qualms playing to the casual fan. Just ask Chavo. When WWE is paying you mucho money, you'll do anything. It's perfectly fine to have your ass handed to you by Horny 20 times. Hell, I'll do it if they gave me $100. It's because I'm like my ex, Randy Orton. I'll do anything for moola.

Oh, Randy Orton. You were the epitome of evil once. Now you're just a chump. Keep this on the down lo, but I wrote "You're A Whore" on Orton's car window. Take that, you liar! You cheater! I believed in you, but you were somebody else all along! You took my heart and you flushed it down the toilet! Wah...

(credit to i33.tinypic.com, wrestlingvalley.org, media.photobucket.com, 1.bp.blogspot.com, and x-entertainment.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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