By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

Don't trust me to show you the truth
When the truth may only be ashes and dust"
-"Trust Yourself" by Bob Dylan

On the next Impact...

Angle: You've been sleeping with my wife! I know it!

Jarrett: (strokes his chin) Well, from what I've heard, somebody's been putting her feet to sleep. I can't help it if JJ is one sexy founder of TNA.

Angle: It doesn't matter! Dixie Carter is gonna fire your ass! You're gone and there's nothing to stop that!

Jarrett: You know, Kurt, as Karen was whispering sweet nothings into my ear last night, I thought about that. I always knew that Dixie and I were going to have a falling out. So luckily I...(whips out a contract from his jeans pocket) have the right to challenge for the TNA World Heavyweight title at any given point. It's the "TNA Founder" special rule, Kurt. And I'm planning to challenge you, Kurt, at Hard Justice to once again become World Champion! The balance of power will shift forever...again! Unlike last month! And the month before that! And before that!

Angle: That's absurd! You can't do that!

Jarrett: Oh yes I can! Why...ugh...

Mike Tenay: Oh my! A masked superhero just hit Jarrett from behind with a waffling iron! Could it be...that's Super Eric! Damn you Super Eric! Damn you to hell!

Don West: Could this mean Super Eric wants to be part of MEM? We'll tease this for a month! Muhahahaha!

-I apologize for being excited about Tara vs. Angelina Love at Victory Road. But to be fair, I didn't know TNA would spend useless minutes having a ref be "distraught" over his bad mistakes. Well gee golly, you wouldn't have this problem if you had instant replay. I like it how they put the focus on the stuff fans don't want. It's a win-win situation. Classic example of a simple, good feud mucked up by people who think they have a PhD in booking. No, you don't need to put sardines and anchovies on a chocolate cake, thank you.

-"Hi, I'm Matt Morgan. My DNA has been shot into space. I steal other's people moves. And my push has been a decade in the making. 2010...wait...2011 will be the year of Matt Morgan. Mark my words."

-Concerning the Abyss-Stevie match, there should be more tazers in wrestling. And holograms. And arm-wrestling contests.

-Regarding the Sharmell vs. Jenna match...it was so horrendous that it was somewhat endearing. In case you missed it, Sharmell and Jenna took a big pile of fans's money and burned it. That's what it felt like. They took their own money and wiped their butts with it.

TNA Empty Suit #1: "Hey, can Jenna wrestle?"
TNA Empty Suit #2: "Hell if I know. Let's just take her word for it."

I have no idea why Jenna is still employed by TNA. She must have incriminating photos of Dixie or something. Or somebody is under the pretense that she belongs.

-Does MEM winning all the worthless TNA titles at Victory Road mean the apparent Frontline version 2.0 vs. MEM is looming? Meh. I did enjoy the farce of when they tried to convince their audience that ... phfff...Rhino could become...ha ha...the next TNA World Heavyweight champ at the start of the year...Frontline version 2.0 will consist of Jeff Jarrett, Mick Foley, Sting, A.J. Styles, and Mike Tenay. MEM will consist of Dixie Carter and her group of lawyers...

Maybe out of all of this they will change the name. TNA? I feel immature every time I have to write that. Although I have an immature mind. Like the majority of Americans.

-Hey, I'm just grateful that for Angle vs. Foley they didn't have a "truly great suitable replacement" a/k/a. Mr. Ass. I would applaud them for going with that particular delusion.

-No, Booker and Steiner should not have won the tag team belts over the hot Beer Money, considering how piss-poor Bookman/Steinman's work has been lately.

-Kevin Nash confuses me. On one hand I can applaud him for devoting more energy and thought into his work. But on the other hand all I've heard about The Nash is that he only wants The Cash. Nash is the "Legends Champion." Legend of Nash is this: he had some really stupid gimmicks and he failed as the "new Hogan." Does the term "under" ring a bell? Despite all that, I love the big goof.

-TNA is merely asking their fans to trust them. I mean, surely this will payoff. Surely one can trust TNA when all they do is change characters and feuds at the drop of a hat. Well we've got this WCW-NWO feud going on but WAIT here's another ex-WWE employee that came down! So screw what we had before, here's Mr. Kennedy!

See y'all next Impact, where Bobby Lashley's grand entrance will be this: "He's the black Brock Lesnar! And he's gonna square off against the TNA World Heavyweight Champion and MEM Godfather Dave Attell! Try to control your freakin' bowels!"

(credit to iwebie.com, binx101.files.wordpress.com and images.buddytv.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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