By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"Overpopulation there's no room in jail
And most of you don't give a s---
That your daughters are porno stars
And your sons sell death to kids
So lost in your little worlds
Your little worlds you'll never feel"
-"Open Your Eyes" by Staind

-Did you see WWE Night of Champions? Where fans tried to attack Chris Jericho not because they hate him so much but because he chose the Big Show, who was last seen on a constant losing streak with John Cena and being the uninvited guest to Kofi Kingston's birthday party? Where C.M. Punk faced comedian and "Pineapple Express" star Seth Rogen? And where Hunter, John, and Randy faced millions of apathetic customers?

-It's been a rough time for wrestling fans, especially concerning wrestling PPVs. People have talked about how TNA's Victory Road was the worst wrestling PPV of all time. I wouldn't go that far. It wasn't worse than WCW's Halloween Havoc '97. But it felt like TNA couldn't be bothered to do a PPV that day.

There was one sole, redeeming factor of Victory Road: It was supremely better than the movie "G-Force," which I was dragged into watching, kicking and screaming. Horrible, even for a kiddie "screw quality, this is all about making money" movie. So when people look back at Victory Road '09, know that it was much better than "G-Force," which had three guinea pig farts, a transformers battle with a coffee machine for the hell of it, and dialogue that made the audience feel like they were guinea pigs themselves. It was kind of cool of how many times I was reminded of TNA programming while watching the movie (especially during a flashback where a father mole tells his young mole that he must destroy mankind). Mr. Russo would be proud.

-Let's get on with Night of Chumps. Jericho and Show as Unified tag champs is pretty much the "legal loophole" (as if that really matters in professional wrestling) for Smackdown superstar Jericho to be on Raw. Meanwhile Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes are apparently the world tag team champions for slathering baby oil on Randy Orton. It's what they do best.

WWE's tag team division is pretty much Seasame Street's Cryme Tyme vs. The Hart Foundation. I guess WWE feel that DiBiase and Rhodes will be better suited in six-man tag team matches...like Trips, Cena, and Shaq vs. Legacy on Raw? Eh? Eh?

-Not the best month for Chris Jericho. He lost some of his heel cred while C.M. Punk picked it up. Jericho vs. Edge in 2010 should be fun.

-I've been strugg-a-ling to keep watching ECW. Christian as the new ECW champ is nice, but the only feud I want to see is Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin. I'm developing an unnatural hatred of Kozlov. I'm sick of his face.

-Only thing I can see for Miz right now is him hooking up with Maryse and them going after Mickie's belt. Maybe bringing back that "hoorah" catchphrase. Or him getting a lap dance from Big Dick Johnson. Anything before he vanishes like my social security benefits.

-Kudos for McCool and Melina for brawling it out and being aggressive.

-Story of the Hunter-Cena-Orton match was that Orton tapped while he was in a "double submission." Considering how Orton loves to do long, deep, sensual submission holds, he probably got his wish fulfilled. Hell, he probably requested it. Orton got a "lucky" win. Why did WWE choose to execute the match in this way?

1. They want to continue to paint Orton as a lucky coward who gets lucky wins
2. They want to continue to paint Cena and Trips as the "true" champions
3. They want to continue to paint Orton as a baby who should be wearing diapers

This thing was as stupid as when Eagles QB Donovan McNabb confessed he didn't know the overtime rules. What are we going to do about it? Nothing. You too will pay $10 to see "G-Force" sooner or later. You cannot escape. You are helpless. Resistance is futile.

But we get it. The following Raws will show Cena and Trips bickering and blaming each other that they should be champion over that lucky Orton blah blah blah. Look for a fatal four-way at Summerslam starring the usual crew and a returning Shawn Michaels.

Match served its purpose and became the second reason to order the PPV (not necessarily the finish), but to many fans out there, it felt like the same old, same old. Another home invasion to spice things up, please. Or chasing Orton with a sledgehammer. Good times.

-Work in-progress for Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler has a nice push and a nice valet/manager/girlfriend, but Mysterio vs. Ziggler was not going to convince people to order the PPV, considering how little hype Ziggler has with the fans. But like with Jack Swagger, you got to start somewhere.

-Nice to see that John Morrison, the man who pinned world champion C.M. Punk twice in the last month, was nowhere to be found.

-Big news out of tonight is that Jeff Hardy is the new champ. Great match with Punk. I'm happy that it looks like the Punk-Jeff feud will continue to Summerslam.

-As far as Jeff Hardy's contract and all of that, it seems that Jeff does what Jeff wants. I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff is gone by Labor Day, but deep in my heart I'm rooting that he sticks around.

-WWE did hint that JoMo would face C.M. Punk after Night of Champions, and that would be one odd feud. The character of John Morrison screams "excess." The way how he dresses. His catchphrases. His shaking of his sexy abs. He's not actually humble.

So if WWE rolled out C.M. Punk with his "preacher" character to face John Morrison, I would be confused into who I exactly root for. Both are pricks.

-Liking how Jim Ross agrees with what Punk is saying, even though logic from Punk like "If you buy a Jeff Hardy T-Shirt, the next day your kids are gonna be taking shots of JB on top of a dead hooker" is groan-inducing.

A lot of people have pointed out that Punk's character and promos are somewhat muddled. Punk abhors drug users and preaches a straight-edge lifestyle. Okay. Violence is wrong, but Punk gets paid to commit violent actions on other human beings. Should kids get tattoos like the ones adorning Punk's arms and stomach? Is that the right example to promote? A parent shouldn't buy a Hardy T-shirt for their kid lest little Johnny becomes a pill popper, but should they instead buy a Punk T-shirt which in turns signifies that they do not want to conform to the society that provides to them?

You see, most wrestling feuds have a "good vs. evil" type of deal. With Punk, it is dealing with different shades of gray.

In regarding Punk's "anti-drug" message (which Jim Ross has pointed out that he agrees with, which adds a nice touch, while Todd Grisham wants to remain lighting up doobies apparently), it is something that I agree with. I have gone through detox myself and have worked with people who have said that they will quit but never do. I guess Punk's character is saving the United States of America from drugs by force. The Punk vs. Jeff feud is probably one of the weirdest wrestling feuds out there, because there are no clear-cut things to latch on here.

WWE sure likes to paint Jeff Hardy as a drug abuser. "Well he made some 'mistakes' we all make mistakes, like going to go see 'G-Force,' but Jeff doesn't uses drugs anymore blah blah blah."

Recommendations for Punk? Watch the 1955 film "Night of the Hunter" and study the bad guy. Also get some Jericho advice. Punk is kinda like South Park's Cartman right now: he hates hippies.

Of course, you'll never hear from Punk that kids watching wrestling will most likely turn them into maladjusted social deviants who have been taught viable lessons such as sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, racism, and that violence is always a respectable answer.

In the following months we'll find out that Mr. Straight-Edge Punk has a dark, terrible secret: he collects G.I. Joe action figures. I wouldn't be surprised if Smackdown bit featured a photo of Punk with a big grin on his face holding up a "G.I. Joe" movie ticket. Punk is also a Pepsi spokesman, considering his tattoo.

All in all, Night of Champions was a stepping stone to Summerslam. Worth the money? Not at all.

-See y'all later, where Shaq will slam dunk Randy Orton. Yeah!

(credit to midwestsportsfans.com and thumbnails.hulu.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

We suggest these recent related articles...

10/5 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Natalya vs. Paige, Owens vs. Cara, Stephanie McMahon, Sasha Banks, Xavier Woods

COLLECTIBLES COLUMN: The History of Foam Hands in Pro Wrestling

9/28 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Kane's Split Personality, Divas Revolution, Heyman & Big Show, Reigns vs. Wyatt