By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist

Thank you for joining me as put Smackdown "Under The Microscope." This is not a complete recap of Friday's show. Instead, I'll be taking a closer, and sometimes offbeat, look at specific parts of the broadcast.

Fantastically average in a adequately phenomenal way

Jim Ross complimented Jeff Hardy's style early in the show, insisting that "what used to be unorthodox offense has become the norm for Jeff Hardy...and the norm is extraordinary." While Ross is correct, his line forced me to think of other extraordinary "norms."

5. Norm Abram--Carpenter, featured in "This Old House," one of the first televised "fix-it" shows. Before HGTV, Norm and Bob Vila brought remodeling to the masses. Part of the inspiration for the Al Borland sidekick character on "Home Improvement."

4. Norman Smiley--Former wrestler, current trainer in FCW. Became famous for the "Big Wiggle" and the "Smiley Spank."

3. Norman Bates--Motel Manager, very close to his mother, does some of his best work in showers.

2. Norm MacDonald--Comedian, former member of "Saturday Night Live." Cursed several times on live TV and made frequent O.J. Simpson, much to the dismay of one of his bosses at NBC who happened to be friends of Simpson which led to MacDonald being a former member of SNL.

1. Norm Peterson--Part-time accountant, full-time drinker and known associate of Cliff Clavin.

"What's shakin', Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

Extraordinary.

One Mississippi...

Ross went on to attempt to impress upon the audience how quickly someone's fate could change. "It only takes three seconds to culminate your business inside the squared circle," insisted Ross.

If you do "culminate your business" in just three seconds, doctors recommend that you distract yourself to prolong the "business," take breaks, or "take care of your business yourself" before stepping into the ring with someone else.

Too close of a look? Let's move on.

Ladies Night

Michelle McCool was getting into the Night of Champions mood a bit early on Friday as she listed some of the all-time greats, including The Fabulous Moolah, Sensational Sherri, Mae Young, Lita, and Trish Stratus, although she pretended to have trouble remembering Trish's last name.

Moolah held the WWF Women's Championship four times, including one title win under a mask as "The Spider Lady." Moolah entered the WWE Hall of Fame in 1995. Martel held the belt once, winning it from Moolah in 1987. She was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2006. Although Mae Young was mentioned in McCool's list, she was never an official titleholder in WWF/WWE. Young did claim titles in the NWA, but her only titles in WWF/WWE were "Miss Royal Rumble" in 2000 and Hall of Famer, upon her induction in 2004.

Lita was the Women's Champion four times and competed against the last person from McCool's list several times. Lita teamed up with Trish Stratus as part of the "Invasion" by WCW wrestlers Torrie Wilson and Stacy Kiebler. They eventually faced off, including a feud starting because Stratus claimed Lita looked "chubby" during her pregnancy. The pregnancy ended when Snitsky hit Kane with a chair knocking him Lita. The feud essentially ended when Lita tore her ACL during the match with Stratus.

Of everyone on this list, Stratus leads the way with seven different reigns as Women's Champion and even staking claim to a Hardcore Title when she pinned Crash Holly. She lost the title to Steven Richards.

Boooo! I mean, Whoo-hoo!!!

When Melina threw make-up into McCool's face to set up their title match at Night of Champions, it was a case of deja vu for viewers of Raw. Maryse taunted Mickie James before spraying her in the face to set up their title match. Slightly different accessory, but friendly advice for any titleholder, if you see the #1 contender for your title approaching you and they have make-up, hairspray, concealer, mascara, or a particularly ominous looking bottle of conditioner (You want more volume and body? I'll give you more volume and body! I got your Paul Mitchell right HERE!)...just walk away.

The ironic thing is that the actions were quite similar, but the roles were reversed. Maryse attempted to get more heat by the apparent blinding of her fallen opponent, while Melina attempted to get cheers by the apparent blinding of her fallen opponent. So, if you attempt to blind someone using something from your overnight bag, make sure they're mean.

Not bad

Cryme Tyme's Word Up segment brought GOAT to Friday night, as the Greatest Of All Time was the focus. They are the latest to use the phrase, but certainly not the first. LL Cool J's 2000 album was entitled G.O.A.T. and it debuted at number one on the Billboard album charts.

Hey, I know that address!

Although Jesse hasn't officially revealed that he is the son of former Freebird Terry Gordy, I enjoyed the quick reference to his heritage for those who were closely listening. As Jesse was bad-mouthing the Hart Dynasty, he insisted that he didn't need to back down from anyone because he was from "Badstreet, Atlanta G-A." "Badstreet U.S.A." replaced "Free Bird" as the theme song for the tag team and it included the following chorus.

Badstreet, Atlanta, GA
Baddest street in the whole U.S.A.
Badstreet nasty and hot
The further down the block you went, the badder it got.

The song was written and performed by another Freebird, Michael P.S. Hayes.

Jesse was actually born in Chattanooga, Tennessee and lives in Louisville, Kentucky. I'm sure some streets are bad there too.

Badstreet also was the name used by Brad Armstrong, when he wrestled under a mask in WCW.

Backstreet was the name used by the boys Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, Brian Littrell, A.J. McLean, and Kevin Richardson. Some felt they qualified for a literal definition of "bad," although that would have been "Badstreet FLA" as the band originated out of Orlando.

That's a club, bub.

Todd Grisham gets credit for his research this week as he informed us that a shillelagh is "Irish blackthorn wood hollowed out, filled with lead."

What he didn't tell us is that traditionally the wood was covered in butter and placed in a chimney to cure and give the shiny, black appearance.

A jeweled version of the shillelagh is given to the winner of the USC vs. Notre Dame football game.

The Boston Celtics logo features a leprechaun leaning on a shillelagh.

The stick is mentioned in the folk song "Finnegan's Wake" where the phrase "Shillelagh Law" is used in reference to a fight. Finlay likes that.

Thanks, Dad

The announcers also referred to Finlay as a "third generation competitor," something not always given much air-time since his father wasn't a WWF/WWE superstar. Finlay's first professional match was actually for his father's promotion in Ireland when another wrestler failed to show.

This message brought to you by the Stereotype Institute of America

Jim Ross brings us our quote of the week as he lumped Finlay into a nice cookie-cutter version of a character. "I never met an Irishman that wasn't combative," insisted Ross.

While I certainly grant Ross his opinion and perhaps his review is accurate, Ireland has produced "less than combative" people along with the rowdier citizens. Sean McBride won the 1974 Nobel Peace Prize as did Mairead Corrigan, who took home the prize the next year. John Hume also claimed the peaceful honor in 1998.

Actually, our staff didn't see that

Science was in the spotlight and on the mind of the announce team on Friday as deoxyribonucleic acid received some well overdue publicity. The Hart Dynasty was described as "they have this business in their DNA," while Grisham insisted that Jeff Hardy "had extreme in his DNA."

DNA actually carries the genetic code which makes up all known living organisms. It's made up of two long polymers known as nucleotides. Chromosomes, sugars, phosphate groups and bases are all a part of DNA, however I have not found any science textbook which lists "this business" or "extreme" as components in DNA.

The People Have Spoken!

Thank you to everyone who voted in this week's Smackdown Microscope poll. This week, the majority of people wanted to see me take a closer look at other "Punks" in honor of the champion going into this weekend's pay-per-view.

C.M. Punk took the name, along with his tag team partner C.M. Venom, while performing in a backyard wrestling federation called Lunatic Wrestling Federation. They wrestled as the "Chick Magnets" producing the CM in each of their names.

As for other famous "punks," The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, and The Clash led the early Punk Rock movement, with Suicidal Tendencies, Black Flag, and Iggy Pop & The Stooges deserving a place on the list.

Although punk rock was also designed to run counter to the establishment, recently Pop's song "Lust For Life" was licensed to a cruise line for a commercial campaign and the Subaru Impreza was marketed as "just like punk rock."

The musical genre influenced punk fashion, punk art and even Punk, a magazine in the 1970s.

Although the punk movement was popularized in London, for the U.S., the punk movement
started in New York. Years later, the show "I Love New York" would produce another "Punk," the nickname given to David Otunga, who was eliminated on Episode 10 of "I Love New York 2." Otunga is now engaged to former "American Idol" contestant Jennifer Hudson and he competes in Florida Championship Wrestling as Dawson Alexander.

While "I Love New York" appears on VH-1, a few channels over on MTV is the show "Punk'd," which stars Ashton Kutcher as he attempts to fool or "punk" his celebrity friends and view the results with hidden cameras. Kutcher attempted to punk Goldberg in 2003 by having a truck run over a replica of his motorcycle. The truck clearly missed its target, but the motorcycle exploded anyone, giving away the prank to Goldberg. He responded with the cordial, "who do I get to kill first?"

Stone Cold Steve Austin, John Cena, and Triple H also fell victim to Kutcher. Austin's prank featured a lost cell phone, while Cena's joke involved a hearse and poor treatment of a coffin. Triple H was led to believe that he ruined someone's wedding by accidentally hitting the bride in the face with a door. Stacy Keibler was involved in the set-up for Triple H.

Finally, no study of "punks" would be complete without quite possibly the greatest punk of all-time. Penelope Brewster was a precocious, pony-tailed little girl who, along with foster father Henry, handled all of life's problems in 30 minutes or less.

Punky Brewster, The Microscope salutes you.

Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." He misses the comments section. E-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

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