By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist

Thank you for joining me as put Raw "Under The Microscope." Just as a reminder, this is not a complete recap of the show. Instead, this is a closer, usually offbeat, look at Monday's broadcast.

Chaos in a nice coat

After the opening segment of Raw featuring a manic Dr. Ken, I had the same feeling my grandmother gets when someone tells her about sending an e-mail. There's confusion, some embarrassment, and an overall sense of exhaustion. Minutes later, you're not sure what happened and you're not sure if you want to ask. If you enjoyed Jeremy Piven and Dr. Ken in these roles, please don't let me ruin that moment for you. I thought Piven was solid. I thought Dr. Ken was...also present in the ring.

Here's what we did learn from the opening segment:
-- Piven stars in "The Goods"
-- Dr. Ken has a great stylist, who obviously has "The Goods"
-- John Cena is up for any challenge, because he also has "The Goods"
-- The Great Observatories Origins Deep Survey obviously supports "The Goods"

(In theaters on August 14)

Victor Hugo is Raw

For the second week in a row, the guest host took liberties with a WWE Superstars's name. Last week, Chris Jericho became Christina and this week The Miz became Les Mis, an apparent homage to the musical Les Miserables. Although Piven and Dr. Ken clearly meant it as an insult to The Miz's masculinity, similar to the Christina jab last week, Les Miserables does feature "harder" content such as convict who had previously tried to escape, street gangs and revolution. Granted, he originally went to prison for stealing bread and there's plenty of singing throughout, so perhaps the insult stands.

Les Mis won 8 Tony Awards in 1987.
The Miz has won 2 Slammy Awards.

Stay out of Wisconsin!

It wasn't a good night overall for The Miz as he was banned from Raw, The Staples Center, Summerslam, and because of Piven's mistake in the first segment, The Miz cannot attend the 11-day long music festival in Milwaukee. SummerFest bills itself as "The World's Largest Music Festival" and they have been recognized by The Guiness Book of World Records as such. In the past, the concert has been headlined by celebrities as wide ranging as Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, Dave Matthews Band, and The Go Go's. The Doors headlined the event in 1972, but this was after lead singer Jim Morrison's death. Of course, The Miz parted ways with partner John Morrison during the past year.

George Carlin performed his famous "Seven Words You Can't Say On Television" routine at the 1972 event and was arrested soon after for public indecency.

So much to say

Amidst Dr. Ken's backstage ramblings were two hidden gems, which I hope you caught. After Piven insisted that he become an "Asian Assassin" or a "Young Bruce Lee," Dr. Ken proceeded to rattle off several Asian related phrases, including "kimchee, Korean barbecue."

Kimchee, or kimchi or even kim chee, if you prefer, is actually a Korean pickled dish made of vegetables and assorted seasonings. It's so popular that the Korea Aerospace Research Institute actually developed space kimchee for the first Korean astronaut.

Wrestling fans should recognize the name in a much different form as Kim Chee was the handler of Kamala, often portrayed by Steve Lombardi, under a mask.

Hey (repeat)

Dr. Ken went on to mock Big Show's size and dropped in a "hey, hey, hey" for good measure, in an obvious salute to one of the most famous husky cartoon characters, Fat Albert. You can have Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin, but Fat Albert was not only the title character of Fat Albert and The Cosby Kids, he's also one of the few people to ever get a good tune out of a radiator with an air bag attached.

Assuming that The Big Show is Fat Albert, let's take a closer look at the cast in regards to WWE talent.

Rudy is the sharp-dressed, smooth talking character who always seems to get in trouble with his mouth. Chris Jericho, please step forward. He's also the only character to play an actual instrument in the Junkyard Band, a guitar. Jericho's experience with Fozzy will serve him well.

Bucky is the cruelly named friend with the unfortunate dental work. Just before he is forced to leave Raw, we'll give this role to The Miz.

Mushmouth doesn't quite have the same speech impediment, but I believe Jack Swagger is versatile enough to take on the character.

It's pretty amazing the change in cartoons during the last 30 years. Now, every cartoon makes sure that everyone is happy, emotionally fulfilled and everyone gets a trophy. This cartoon said, "you have bucked teeth, fine you're bucky." You can certainly add in Mushmouth and this educationally challenged young man, Dumb Donald.

Dumb Donald is so dumb that he actually wears his hat all the way over his face. In light of his recent blindfold match and other less than intelligent dealings, Chavo Guerrero, please see if this hat fits.

Russell is very short, very vocal and is often mocked for his outfit. The Champ is here.

I know he's not on Raw, but Fat Albert always had a bumbling superhero named The Brown Hornet. Gregory Helms, we finally have something for you to do.

I know I left out Weird Harold and Bill. Several Superstars came close, but I didn't think any of them worked well enough. Tall, clumsy, weirdly dressed...The Great Khail as Weird Harold?

Hey, hey, hey.

What's in a name?

Chavo Guerrero provided an interesting comparison by claiming that he loved his work on "Fear Factor," obviously confusing him with Joe Rogan and then following that up with a reference to him being "so money," a line from Jon Favreau's film "Swingers."

Rogan and Favreau do have ties to physical action, although not in WWE, as Rogan has served as a commentator for UFC and Favreau played a character on the TV show "Friends", who is a millionaire and decides to join UFC, while courting Monica. He loses at both.

Meanwhile, Piven countered by referring to Chavo as "Charo." Charo is a Spanish actress famous for her skimpy dresses and trademark saying "cuchi-cuchi." She would frequently be a guest on various variety shows and game shows in the '70s and routinely guest starred on "The Love Boat."

Although her stage name is the very easy "Charo," her real name is the much lengthier, María Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Moquiere de les Esperades Santa Ana Romanguera y de la Najosa Rasten.

If you plan on buying her something monogrammed, please save up.

Be specific

Chris Jericho on commentary led to several interesting moments, including this exchange with Jerry Lawler about credentials.

CJ: "How many championships have you won?"
JL: "Here in the WWE?"
CJ: "Anywhere"
JL: "I've had a few in my day."

If Lawler's specific question of "here in the WWE?" held true, then the answer is a quick, zero. With Jericho expanding our choices to anywhere, then Lawler has more than his humble "a few."

If you like AWA Southern Heavyweight Championship reigns, then "The King" has 35 of them that he could share with you.

NWA Polynesian Pacific Heavyweight Championship? Who wouldn't want one of those!?!?

As for tag belts, Lawler has held various titles with Mongolian Stomper, Bill Dundee, and Austin Idol among others.

He has held championships in AWA, NWA, CWA, USWA, SMW, Memphis, Maryland, Georgia, Jersey, Virginia, and Tennessee.

He's held "a few."

The People Have Spoken

Thank you to everyone who voted in this week's Raw Microscope poll. Apparently you didn't want to take a closer look at Ari Gold or Haystacks Calhoun and the winner was "words that rhyme with orange."

If you're a strict linguist, the short answer is probably "there are none," which would make for a very short closing section. If you expand your horizons to include proper names, orange rhymes with Blorenge, a hill in Wales.

Orange isn't the only word difficult to rhyme as the words 'angst,' 'heighth,' 'kiln,' and 'wolf' also leave little room for similar sounds, which is why you don't hear many rappers talk about their angst over kilns. That's not how they roll.

Toilet is another word which has the reputation of not having a suitable rhyme, but the word oillet (often spelled oylet) fits the bill. No, it's not often used, but perhaps this is where the movement begins.

"Rhymes with Orange" is also the name of a popular comic strip featuring cats and dogs in random situations. Two books of the strip have been published, including "Rhymes with Orange" and "Reigning Cats and Dogs."

NEXT WEEK

Next week's Raw will mark the one year anniversary of "Under The Microscope." We will have our usual closer look at the show, plus please look for a special look back at some of the best Microscope moments from the past year. Thanks for the support during the last 12 months.

Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." You can e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

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