By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist

Monday marks the one year anniversary of "Under The Microscope" and I am proud that my name was on the first one and I'm still around 12 months later. Not every observation has been proven true and certainly not every joke was successful, but I haven't missed a week of Raw.

I certainly appreciate all of the comments, corrections, and questions you have sent in during the past year and with this look back, I am featuring some of the sections which prompted the most attention. I will have comments throughout explaining either what I was thinking at the time, or my thoughts now after taking a closer look at taking a closer look.

Although I try to produce material which I think is entertaining, I never lose sight of the goal of posting something that you think is enjoyable. I know some of you have been loyal readers since the beginning. I can only say that you are very patient. Thank you for giving this experiment a chance even when the quality probably wasn't deserving of your praise.

If you're new to "The Microscope" part of The Torch neighborhood, welcome. I have no idea in what direction we'll go next, but I'll try to make the ride fun.

Happy Anniversary...and thank you.

Wade Keller had the idea for taking "a closer look" at Raw. Although he was gracious enough to give me the freedom to go in different directions, he suggested watching for mistakes or anything of note during the matches. I took my role seriously and stayed up until about 3:00 a.m. watching and rewatching the first show, as if I was studying the Zapruder film of the Kennedy assassination.

August 11, 2008

Welcome. My name is Lee Stevens and together we are going to examine Raw a bit closer. Starting today, we are going to put Monday night's show under the microscope to see what we can find.

First, a brief introduction as to who I am and what we hope to do. I have watched wrestling for three decades and actually enjoyed most of it. This will not be a cynical look at the show, nor will it be a recap. Wade and James do a fantastic job of recapping Raw and I encourage you to continue reading their work. This will be a different look at the show, hopefully from a different angle. I am not an insider, nor do I play one on TV. I don't claim to have all of the information and I will not dismiss you if you ask a silly question. No, the Ultimate Warrior is not dead. There is your insider information.

For example, after last night's show, we had an obvious "Family Ties" theme. The Valiants lost the title as the latest version of the Rhodes and DiBiase family watched, followed by our favorite family, The Highlanders. Throw in a medical update on Randy Orton and we could have had a lengthy discussion on why family is the easiest way to succeed or perhaps the hardest. As the son of "Cowboy" Bob Orton, does this mean Randy has to wear his cast for the rest of his career?

We could break down the match which featured a man named "Regal" fighting someone named "Noble," while "The King" commentated. Of course, a replay during the match was sponsored by "Street Kings" now on DVD.

After writing this, I was so worried that I would have enough material to do "The Microscope" for roughly three weeks. I was thrilled that Regal fought Noble that week and I was hoping they would debut a court jester or someone named "Arthur." Looking back, the first few weeks had promise, but were very rough.

August 18, 2008

Raw commissioner Mike Adamle has been associated with Chicago since his days in college as he attended Northwestern University and then later played in the NFL with the Bears. He also has worked for as a sportscaster in Chicago at various times since 1983. Mike also likes it "Chicago Style," which is the previously mentioned ingredients while reading from a clipboard.

Can you believe that it's been less than a year since Mike Adamle graced our screens? The "Chicago Style" reference was a callback to a previous comment from C.M. Punk who was playing up to the hometown fans and I compared his fighting style to a pizza. Yes, it was very rough in the early days. Although when you compare my work to Adamle, my technique was award-winning.

December 8, 2008

I'm glad we could meet like this

I understand that Raw is different from any other work environment, but just like the ESPN commercials take us behind the scenes of the ESPN studios to show us how life is like throughout the week, I look at the behind the scenes segments as a glimpse of their office. With that in mind, I enjoyed seeing Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, and Manu leaving Stephanie McMahon's office. Even in the strange world of wrestling, she is their boss. Despite this status, Rhodes and Manu weren't wearing shirts and Manu was looking very shiny. I'll assume it's sweat.

I met with my boss today about something which I felt was important. Before I went in, I made sure I was wearing a shirt. Just in case, I double checked to see that I was wearing pants. Finally, I checked to see if I was too shiny. After checking once again about the shirt, I entered his office. The meeting went well.

Casual Fridays at WWE Headquarters must be very interesting.

Around this time I started breaking up the column into sections, which made it easier to read, hence the title. In my very first paragraph written on PWtorch, I insisted that I would not be cynical and I can safely say that my work has been overwhelming positive, however this was an example where I felt something ridiculous had to be noted. Raw-land frequently picks details from "real-world" events, in this case a serious business meeting, but often misses one of the important ones, such as wearing shirts. I still check to see if I'm wearing pants before every meeting. I think it's a good policy.

December 29, 2008

Totally and completely 100 percent accurate, except for the part that's wrong

Several people commented, so I know it wasn't a hidden gem, but in case you missed it, yes, Michael Cole proclaimed Dolph Ziggler as "unbeaten." If you don't count his debut against Batista, perhaps he's correct. So, he's unbeaten, except for the time that he was beaten.

Webster's defines 'cole' as "any of various crop plants derived from wild cabbage." That somehow seems to fit. For a piece of wild cabbage, he's not nearly as bad as we thought.

Looking at the date, this is a good time to thank my wife for her support during the past year. Not many women feel that watching Raw to make a 'Michael Cole is a piece of cabbage' joke is a great idea for the holidays. She has been very patient. Plus, she has learned to understand that if she sees me rewinding a Divas match an uncomfortable amount of times, it's no longer called "perverted." Now, it's "research."

January 12, 2009

The sign of the night goes to the person holding up the words "Bailout Shawn." It makes sense within the storyline and bonus points for staying current. So far, the Bear Stearns Companies, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, AIG, Citigroup, GM, and Chrysler have all been a part of bailout discussions, whether it was through another corporation or from the federal government. Before you think that the idea of a wrestler getting bailout money is ridiculous, please consider that just last week Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler, and Joe Francis, the man behind "Girls Gone Wild," asked the government for five million dollars as a result of the poor economy's impact on their professions.

This seemingly innocent comment on a sign held in the stands led to one of my favorite e-mails of the year. Less than 24 hours after posting, I was contacted by the Media Relations Department of the company which produces "Girls Gone Wild." Yes, I was excited. No, I have not received any movies as of this writing. Nancy, if you're reading this, I believe the girls deserve "The Microscope," especially the ones with the tendency to go wild.

January 19, 2009

Sign here

If you can't laugh at your impeached Governor, who can you laugh at? I noticed the sign from the fan proclaiming that he "bought his seat from Gov. Blag." Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on corruption charges last month and The Illinois House of Representatives recently voted 114-1 in favor of impeachment. He is charged with several things including soliciting bribes to fill the seat recently vacated by new President Barack Obama. He also has what could politely be described as a "full head of hair." To me, it resembles that hair clicked securely onto the heads of my Lego characters when I was a child.




Many jokes are enjoyed by only me. I think this was one of them. I have seen the former Governor several times since then on TV, and I still think of Lego Man and I still laugh.

January 26, 2008

Obviously, Shawn Michaels should have stayed by ringside at The Royal Rumble if he truly wanted to make sure that JBL won, but partial credit for a further explanation on Raw. He superkicked JBL to cause a distraction and then went to get a second referee. Perhaps not the best reasoning, but it's better than no follow-up at all. By the way, if we want to distract our dog we simply fake throwing a ball. I didn't know that we should have been superkicking him in the jaw all this time. You live, you learn.

Yes, I received complaints from animal lovers who accused me of advising people to kick their pets. Kids, please don't superkick your dog.

A piledriver is much more effective. Bad dog.

Kids, please don't piledrive your dog. I'm sorry.

Your cat? Do want you want.

February 2, 2009

Sign of the night is "618 Loves 619"

618 is the area code for Illinois, while Rey Mysterio's 619 is for Southern California. If you continue the order, 620 serves Kansas. 420 serves everyone.

A silly joke about a certain number and its relation to a popular, illegal herb brought the next round of criticism. Kids, don't do drugs with your dog either.

February 2, 2009

Kane makes it happen

RedMachine93 -- Hey, can U B here next Monday?

DEADMAN -- Y?

RedMachine93 -- If U fight RKO, I'm in the chamber.

DEADMAN -- But there's a new Two and a Half Men

RedMachine93 -- TIVO?

DEADMAN -- No. I have Food Network and Gossip Girl

RedMachine93 -- LOL. I love that Blair

DEADMAN -- Me too.

RedMachine93 -- Please? I really enjoy the chamber. Please? Please?

DEADMAN -- Fine. More like the Big Whiny Machine j/k

RedMachine93 -- Sweet! I'll tell Steph

DEADMAN -- BTW you know I almost married her!

RedMachine93 -- Who didn't?! C U on Monday

This was written after seeing Kane backstage insist that he just spoke with 'his brother' and he would be here next week. I immediately wanted to see that conversation and how it went down. Looking back, I'm not sure if I went too far for a joke, but several people commented that they enjoyed it. I love that they would use text shorthand, both watched Gossip Girl and I enjoyed the Steph/marriage jab at the end.

February 9, 2009

"At my office, there will always be a place for such a beautiful and talented lady"--JBL

I am a firm believer that just before a pay-per-view, you need to give me another reason to spend my money. You've already told me the date and time and you've probably set most of the matches, but you still need to give me another reason. A line like that gives me the reason. This makes me not only want to see Shawn Michaels superkick the taste out of JBL's mouth, it also makes me NEED to see it. If I miss next Monday's show, I can watch either ECW or Smackdown and probably get a decent review of anything important. I shouldn't feel the same about a pay-per-view. This one sentence helps change that.

No, it's not particularly clever or remarkable, but it's a line that provokes a response. If this was said at your local bar, it would get a reaction and most people would want to go outside and see how bad the reaction was. That's what a heel should do just before a big event; set up the good guy for revenge.

I don't believe the build-up for the remainder of the card has reached the same level, but I think that's typical with certain gimmicks. If you like The Elimination Chamber, it's probably not because of the storylines and subtle intrigue. You probably want to see the carnage and who is left standing. As a result, I'm not sure if I could name all 12 competitors in the two Chamber matches without looking up their names. With JBL and Michaels, I know who they are and what the issues are surrounding this fight. I've heard criticism from readers throughout this feud about realism, JBL's wrestling ability and where the two should go next, but for me, they have set us up for a worth payoff.

One final note, since Layfield Energy's signature product is Mamajuana Energy, a drink featuring an herb normally used as an aphrodisiac and to increase sexual performance in men, plus several natural sexual stimulants including something called Horny Goat Weed, I'm not sure if I want to see the place you have reserved for my wife at your office. By the way, there have never been any winners of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show named Horny Goat Weed. At least, not yet.

I don't think many writers take the time to compliment WWE when they get something correct. This was in the heart of the JBL feud with Shawn Michaels and I felt that they were hitting most of the right notes, even when touching on delicate subjects such as family.

It's also interesting to see the section take a decidedly different turn when I bring Layfield Energy into the mix and tie it into an earlier discussion about the Dog Show. Plus, I got to say Horny Goat Weed and nobody complained.

Horny Goat Weed.

February 16, 2009

Your call, Dead Man

The Undertaker must feel pretty special today as two main event wrestlers are fighting just for the chance to face him at WrestleMania. The Microscope has covered Taker's WM winning streak, so it's perfectly understandable why someone would want to challenge that record. I hope they'll have comments from him next week, since it seems that everyone else is determining his fate without any consideration for what he wants. Dead people have feelings too.

"Dead people have feelings too" still makes me chuckle and makes me think of the world's worst Afterschool Special or a very interesting Hallmark card. Either way, it still made me laugh.

March 9, 2009

Lucy, I'm home!

Near the end of the Vickie, Edge, Big Show, Cena "love rectangle," Cena insisted "Vickie, you got some 'splaining to do." Fans of older TV shows recognize this is as a version of the classic line from "I Love Lucy." In the middle of one of Lucy's crazy schemes, her frustrated husband Ricky would insist that she has some explaining to do, but with his thick Cuban accent, it usually sounded similar to Cena's delivery. Then, Ricky would throw his hat into the crowd and insist that Fred Mertz "couldn't see him." Some things never change.

Whenever I have the chance to mix wrestling with pop culture in any way, I enjoy doing it. I think this one really worked and I can picture Ricky waving his hand in front of Fred's face. Now that I'm thinking about it, Ethel could have tagged with Mae Young as the 1950's version of the Bella Twins. The Microscope wins again.

March 16, 2009

Jim Ross also called on his football knowledge for another reference. After Miz yelled out "All day long!," J.R. insisted that Miz must think he's Adrian Peterson. The Vikings RB is known as "A.D." and "All Day," not to be confused with Chicago Bears RB Adrian Peterson, who is most commonly known as "No, I meant the other one."

How was your week?

Ross obviously had the college game on his mind this week as he mentioned that Michele McCool wasn't doing well and it hasn't been a good week overall for her alma mater, Florida State. In case you're not aware of the bad week on the Seminole side, the NCAA has ruled that FSU must forfeit all of the games in which 61 ineligible athletes competed. It covers a total of 10 Florida State sports throughout 2006 and 2007. The school is appealing. Michelle McCool was appealing too, until she changed her hair.

The other great combination is sports and wrestling, plus I think both sections were tagged with decent lines. I can't imagine sharing someone's name in the same profession at the same position and then have the other one be so much better than you. Years ago, there were two Charles Smith's in the NBA and a pair of Greg Myers in Major League Baseball.

I still don't like McCool's hair.

March 16, 2009

Slight of hand

Triple H has now successfully hidden a sledgehammer behind his back and surprised Legacy with a steel cage. Before the match at WrestleMania 25, I would ask the referee to check to see if he has an Elimination Chamber hidden in his trunks.

"Is that an Elimination Chamber in your trunks?" didn't catch on like I thought it would. I'll try to do better this year.

March 30, 2009

Finally

"So, you'd like to work security?"

"Yes, it's always been a dream of mine."

"Can you stand up?"

"Yes."

"Can you stand up with your arms folded?"

"Absolutely."

"How do you feel about wearing matching shirts?"

"I love it."

"Okay, what would you do if someone attacked you?"

"I don't understand."

"What if someone confronted you and tried to punch you?"

"Who is it?"

"Hypothetically, it's a guy in his late thirties who is in charge of our Global Media Division, plus he's probably with his 65-year-old dad."

"Do they sneak up on me?"

"No, they'll probably play music for a bit and then stand in front of you"

"Wow. This is tough."

"So, if you they attacked you, what would you do?"

"I guess I would let them."

"You're hired."

This took too long. I still think the idea of a job interview for people who work security for WWE on-air segments is funny, but I would have preferred a quicker commentary on the subject rather than a lengthy dialogue. Then again, if you enjoyed it...yes, it was genius! I wouldn't change a thing!

April 20, 2009

'til death do us part

During the Chris Jericho match with John Cena, both men had plenty of chances to showcase a full compliment of moves, including an Electric Chair out of the corner. This is an interesting choice of moves for a match in London, considering that capital punishment has been banished in the United Kingdom.

The abolishment happened during a series of moves, including The Armed Forces Act in 1981 abolished the death penalty for espionage. A House of Lords amendment to the Crime and Disorder Act of 1998 took away the death penalty for treason and piracy. The 6th Protocol of the European Convention on Human Rights prohibited capital punishment except in time of war or imminent threat of war. In 2003, the UK agreed to the 13th Protocol which prohibits the death penalty under all circumstances.

One of the most famous names to be executed in the United Kingdom was William Wallace in 1305. The Scottish resistance fighter was hanged and drawn and quartered for treason. He was portrayed by Mel Gibson in the movie "Braveheart." He also played Detective Martin Riggs in "Lethal Weapon." In the first installment of that movie series, he was captured and faced the possibility of electrocution before narrowly escaping. "Lethal Weapon" ended up in four parts...just like William Wallace.

This is one of my favorite segments of the year. There have been funnier, there have been more historic, there have been portions with better wrestling analysis, but for me, this is what I love about doing "The Microscope." I went from one move during a match and referenced the capital punishment policy of a European country and then slipped into Mel Gibson movies and still found time for a nice line like "Lethal Weapon" ended up in four parts...just like William Wallace.

Put that one on my tombstone. I'm not sure if you enjoyed it as much as I did, but that randomness, which is actually quite reasonable when you take a closer look is quite entertaining to me.

April 27, 2009

The Miz jumped into the mix by calling out John Cena and distancing himself from the fans in the process. He insisted that you have Google'd his name, you would see more results for him than anyone else in the stands. Considering he's on TV, that makes sense. He also went on to ask what Lauren Conrad, Paris Hilton, Hilary Duff and Hayley Duff had in common. While many of you possibly went in a different direction with that question, he revealed that he had all of their phone numbers. I was curious about what would happen if you looked even closer. Sure, he had more results than Joe Wrestling Fan in Section 413, but what about the other names he mentioned?

-- Mike Mizanin produced 75,800 results
-- Lauren Conrad claims 8,180,000 stories
-- Paris Hilton has 54,900,000 and allegedly some of her entries have fun videos too
-- Hilary Duff gives us 1,960,000
-- Hayley comes in at 16,000

"Pointless research which delayed this week's Microscope" --surprisingly no results.

There are weeks when the column will be delayed for days because I can't quite get at the research I need. This was one of those weeks. As I was trying to figure out the totals for Lauren Conrad, I reminded myself that I have a Bachelor's Degree and I had to laugh.

The last line is still funny, I feel.

May 25, 2009

Sir, B. Brian Blair is on the phone. He sounds angry.

McMahon went on reveal Kroenke's full name as E. Stanley Kroenke and added that he "never trusted anyone with an initial for a first name."

Top 5 people Vince McMahon apparently does not trust
(5) F. Lee Bailey--criminal defense lawyer, who famously worked with Sam Sheppard, "The Boston Strangler," and O.J. Simpson
(4) M. Night Shyamalan--director of "The Sixth Sense" and Signs, famous for surprise twists
(3) T. Boone Pickens--philanthropist and businessman, avid proponent of alternative fuels
(2) G. Gordon Liddy--mastermind of the Watergate Hotel break-in, popular radio talk-show host
(1) C. Thomas Howell--actor, known for "The Outsiders" and "Red Dawn." Probably shouldn't be trusted because he pretended to be African American just to stay in college in "Soul Man."

I hate lists, simply because the odds are that I'll leave something out prompting an alert reader to remind me that I either missed an obvious one, or they'll remind me about a certain wrestler actually winning the NWA Mid-South Continental Television Title for two weeks back in 1982. However, I do like these lists when I take something that was said by someone, preferably in a very serious tone and come up with ridiculous entries. Why would Vince McMahon not trust C. Thomas Howell?

I think this is also an example of a good uses of the section heading. I don't know if you pay attention to them, but after I was finished with the list, I realized that I forgot an obvious choice in B. Brian Blair. I picture McMahon's assistant buzzing him (pun intended) with this information and I want to see his reaction.

June 8, 2009

If you want to buy something for me for Father's Day, I would like to see Randy Savage named General Manager just long enough to promote his DVD and then everyone realizes "what have we done?" and we move forward as if nothing had happened. I know it won't happen, let me have my moment.

My moment

(thank you)

I have often seen writers talk about "having a moment," so I actually wanted to have one. I didn't know what it would look like, but in hindsight, I thought it would be more exciting. We still haven't seen Savage.

June 15, 2009

Ewww

The insult of the night goes to John Cena who declared Randy Orton the "Grand Wizard of the baby oil boy's club." There's already been one Grand Wizard in the WWF/WWE and he's already in their Hall of Fame. "The Grand Wizard" managed Superstar Billy Graham, The Shiek, Stan Stasiak, and others throughout the 1970s. He not only managed Don Muraco, but was also Godfather to Muraco's son. He died in 1983 and was inducted into the Hall in 1995.

As for the baby oil boy's club, I have no knowledge of such a club and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. LYING! It was just once. At camp. That shouldn't count.

Yes, someone wrote to me and asked if I was serious.
No, I was not serious.

I actually did it more than once. At 4:20. (Just checking to see who is paying attention)

June 29, 2009

Speed Reader

Kudos to WWE for being a part of the Summer Slam Reading Jam. I know it's promoting the pay-per-view, but between supporting the troops, registering people to vote and this reading program, they often have good intentions adequately mixed in with the other bad decisions. On Monday, we saw MVP, Mark Henry, Matt Hardy, and C.M. Punk enjoying pieces of literature with several WWE fans.

It also gave Lawler a chance to guess "The Big Show's favorite book - Little Women." Written by Louisa May Alcott, the novel traces the lives of four sisters, Jo, Meg, Amy, and Beth. Remarkably, the book has been translated into a movie several times from the first version in 1918 to the most recent in 2001. In 1933, Katherine Hepburn played Jo and in the 1949 version, Elizabeth Taylor took on the role of Meg. A 1978 TV version had perhaps the best TV-related cast as Meredith Baxter, from Family Ties played Meg, Susan Dey, from the Partridge Family was Jo, Eve Plumb from The Brady Bunch portrayed Beth and William Shatner was thrown in for good measure even though he was not little, nor was he a woman.

In 2005, a musical version toured 30 cities in 49 weeks. It was a big show. It was a big bad show, as it received mixed reviews from critics.

Wrestling and literature. Wrestling and Broadway shows. Wrestling and anything. The more offbeat, the better, in my opinion. During the past year, I hope you've been entertained more than bored. I certainly appreciate comments and I feel I've done a credible job of responding to all of them, even the negative ones. For the next year, I will continue to watch closely, listen closely and try to not take everything so seriously.

My sincere thanks to Wade Keller for giving me the opportunity, to James Caldwell for weekly help and answering the same question 47 times without losing patience with me and finally, thank you. Thank you for you reading, commenting and calling me out when I forgot that Chris Jericho counted down his entire catalog of holds, including every single armbar.

Thank you.

Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." He misses the comments section. E-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

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